Loving Them
by knicnort3
Summary: Loving Bella was easy, but winning over Rosalie, Tanya, Alice, and Bree was a different story. The problem was, they all shared the same body. This is a story of DID, and Edward's journey to love Bella and all her multiple personalities. AH, E/B, HEA
1. Forgotten

**Loving Them**

Summary: Loving Bella was easy, but winning over Rosalie, Tanya, Alice, and Bree was a different story. The problem was, they all shared the same body. This is the story of DID, and Edward's journey to love Bella and all her multiple personalities.

****Warning**: DID (dissociative identity disorder) is usually caused by a series of traumatic events in childhood, such as severe abuse. The subject of suicide may also come up in later chapters. If either of these topics are triggering for you, please refrain from reading this story. Thank you.

*A/N: Although one of the main characters in this story has DID, I am no expert, and I have only done limited research. Please forgive any mistakes or falsities I may make regarding the disorder. As with all my other stories, this too has an HEA guarantee.

Disclaimer: Clearly, I don't own _Twilight_ or any recognizable characters

***A very special_ Thank You_ to **CoppertopJ** for her awesome editing, pre-reading, and collage making for FB! Couldn't do this without you!

…

**Chapter 1 – Forgotten**

I'll never forget the first time I saw Bella Swan…

The lights were flashing, the music was pounding, and the people were hot and sticky with sweat. It was pure hell, and I wasn't quite drunk enough to properly forget about the atrocity of it all. Still, it was just about the only distraction in this lackluster small town worthwhile, so I grudgingly spent my Saturday nights in the podunk shit excuse for a nightclub, just hoping to forget about my life for a few hours. I usually had a couple buddies by my side, but that night I was flying solo, trying to get wasted and get out before any of my long forgotten hookups could spot me.

With it being a small town, the club was mainly frequented by the same boring people, so unless I was looking to get laid, I rarely paid much attention to any of them, however that night was different. That night the dull morons making fools of themselves on the dancefloor, were graced with the presence of a spark.

I wasn't sure if it was the alcohol, or the thrill of a new face, but I let my buzz carry me into the horde of swaying bodies, where the sexy stranger and I found instant chemistry. Other than exchanging names, we didn't speak much, and the night ended far too soon. No one ever went to that club looking for a relationship, so I never expected anything more; I only wished my brain would forget her as easily as it forgot most of the other women I encountered. Her energy and spirit had been intoxicating, and when she failed to return to the club the following weekend, I found myself spending the next few weeks grudgingly and obsessively hoping to spot her around the small town.

Just when I was about to give up, I happened to walk into a local bookstore, and I was left tripping over my own feet when I saw her sitting behind the counter.

She peeked her head up from the pages of Jane Austen and watched me critically as I ducked behind the shelves; I needed a minute to compose myself before I figured out what to say to her. I had entered the establishment by pure accident, but in that moment, I knew deep inside my gut that my life would never be the same…

"Hi," I said awkwardly as I finally worked up the guts to approach her. "How are you?"

"Um… good. Is there something I can help you with?" she questioned, making it clear to me that she was keeping this meeting strictly professional.

"Uh," I looked around, expecting to see her manager hovering close by as a reason for her dry tone. I didn't see anyone else in the store besides the two of us, but I decided to keep it casual just in case. "Do you know if this is any good?" I asked, after grabbing the closest book I could reach off the side of the counter.

"_How To Win The Man of My Dreams_," she read the cover, and then looked up at me amused. "I'm sorry, I can't say that I've ever read this one."

I smirked. "I grabbed the wrong book. Um, I'm actually looking for a textbook that I need for one of my classes. The website says you have it in stock here?"

"If you tell me the name of the book, I can look it up for you," she offered.

"Great. Um, '_The Fundamentals of Pathology_', please," I said, somewhat bashful. For whatever reason, I was always embarrassed to tell people I was in medical school. It seemed so fucking pretentious, and I really wasn't that kind of guy. Hell, if being a doctor wasn't a family legacy, I probably would have never even considered it.

And, of course, Bella looked at me like everyone always did when I mentioned medicine – like I was a pretentious jackass. "Pathology, huh?" she muttered while typing away on her computer keyboard. "Yep, we definitely have it. Do you want me to run and get it for you, or just point you in the right direction?"

"I can get it," I said quickly, not wanting to seem like an even bigger jackass than she must have already taken me for.

"Okay, it's right over there. See the sign that says medical books? It'll be listed under the author's last name."

"Thank you," I said with a polite smile, before heading off to retrieve the book.

When I made it back to the counter, book in hand, and she began ringing it up, her utter indifference towards me became too much.

"I'm not stalking you, by the way," I told her, hoping to sound a little less moronic than I was feeling.

"Stalking me?" she asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Yeah. I really did come for this book. It's cheaper here than at my college bookstore. I promise."

She shook her head in confusion. "I'm sorry, have we met before?" she asked, seemingly sincere with her lack of familiarity towards me.

"Wow," I said, not intending to actually voice my shock, but I just couldn't seem to help it. And then, because it couldn't possibly get any worse, my embarrassment created an outpouring of verbal diarrhea. "I'm sorry, I'm just not used to being forgotten. I mean, usually I'm the one who has trouble remembering drunken one-night stands…. Wow, that sounded horrible. I think I'll shut up now. You really don't remember me?" I asked, still mystified.

"I'm sorry," she said, seeming to get slightly anxious. "Perhaps you have me confused with someone else," she added while practically throwing my book and receipt into a paper bag and shoving it towards me.

"Bella, right?" I questioned, though there wasn't even the smallest doubt in my mind. For talking to someone really for the first time, I already knew every inch of her perfect body. I had spent hours that one evening discovering all her lines and curves, and the amazing way she was put together. We hardly spoke, but instead I used my lips to kiss her over a hundred times within that marvelous three hour period that I had her between my sheets.

Bella wasn't my first tryst with a stranger, but despite being gone before daybreak the following morning, she was the first one I couldn't seem to let go of. Perhaps it was my pride, but the fact that I didn't seem to have left a lasting impression, only added to my intrigue with her. Perhaps she just was playing coy, or perhaps she needed a reminder.

"Listen, I'm actually really glad I found you. I've been thinking about you a lot, and I was hoping we could get together again."

My eyes fell to her perfect lower lip, which she caught between her front teeth, reminding of the way that same lip tasted between my own teeth. It was a flavor I had been craving ever since.

"Uh," she glanced at my credit card that was still sitting on the counter. "Edward, I'm sorry, but I just don't have time to date, or whatever. It was nice seeing you, _again_, but I need to get back to work."

I looked around at the still empty store, and then back at her as she blatantly reopened the book she was reading when I first walked in.

_She just blew me off._

Is it possible that she just hadn't enjoyed the night the way I did? She certainly fooled me because she sure as hell acted like she was enjoying herself.

I nodded to myself in accepted defeat, and then picked my pride off the floor, flung it over my shoulder, and sulked right out of the store. Of course, that was when I realized I forgot my new book, as well as my credit card.

"Shit," I huffed.

I reluctantly went back inside and was taken aback by the bookstore clerk beauty. She was no longer stiffly reading Jane Austen; in the minute or so it took for me to return to the store, her entire demeanor had drastically altered. Now, she was twisting bubble gum around her finger, while flipping through some teen magazine, and singing along to an old Spice Girls song blasting from her cellphone speaker.

"Um… hi," I said apologetically, hoping she wouldn't be embarrassed her by her oddly endearing antics.

Unfortunately, she was not only embarrassed, but also slightly startled by my reappearance.

"Oh, my gosh!" Her face reddened and she fumbled with her phone to turn off the sound.

"Sorry, I just…"

"No, I'm sorry. I'm not supposed to be messing around during work hours. Please don't tell my dad."

"Your dad?" I asked perplexed.

"He does own the store, so," she shrugged, and then took a deep breath. "How may I help you? Please don't ask me to find you any books in the adult section, I'm not allowed."

"Uh… I just forgot my book and card," I told her slowly, feeling like there was something very odd happening, but I couldn't quite grasp it.

"You left something?" she asked to clarify.

"Yeah, my book I just bought, and my credit card."

"Do you have the receipt?" she asked casually.

"Um…" I patted my pockets. "No, I think it's in the bag I left."

"You left a bag too? I thought you said you left a book and credit card? Was it like a handbag type of bag, or more like a backpack? I'm going to need you to show me some kind of proof that you own the things you left."

I raised my brows in utter perplexity. "No, by bag I mean the paper bag you just put the book I purchased in. And the credit card I just used to purchase the book."

She scrunched her brows. "How long ago was this purchase?"

I looked over my shoulder, convinced I was on some frustrating hidden camera show or something, but the store was still empty. "What's going on here?" I asked her. "I mean, I've known girls who play stupid, but are you messing with me right now?"

"I am not stupid!" she cried, becoming suddenly extremely emotional. "What a horrible thing to say. You need to just leave before I call in the cops!"

"The _cops_? Look, I just need my stuff. I was literally just in here. My credit card has my name on it: Edward Cullen. The book is about Pathology. Can you please just check wherever you keep stuff customers leave? Please? It has to be behind the counter there somewhere. I was literally just here a couple of minutes ago."

"Oh," she said, becoming very quiet, but then she smirked at me. "So, _you're_ the one they're arguing about."

"Huh?" I asked frustrated.

"Hold on," she said before ducking under the counter. Oddly, she seemed to be down there for an unusually long time. When she finally stood, she had my bag and card, and practically threw them at me. "Here. Take your shit and don't come back!" she said, becoming abruptly hostile.

I was so bewildered by the entire thing that I just stared at her blankly for a few moments, and only moved when she raised her eyebrows and gestured for me to leave.

I was already back in my car before my brain finally caught up with me.

_What the actual fuck!_

_..._

*****A/N:** Thank you so much for giving this fic a shot! As of right now I have no update schedule, but I'm hoping for once or twice a week. Please leave me any thoughts or predictions you may have, so I know there is interest in this story moving forward. Thanks again!

***Let's connect on Facebook. Send me a Friend Request at **KC Nicnort** for posting alerts and awesome visuals.


	2. Perplexed

*****A/N:** Thank you so much to everyone who read and reviewed chapter one! I have no idea how many chapters it will take before I mark it complete, but I sincerely hope everyone stays with me until then. This story will definitely be an emotional ride. There will be frustrations, annoyances, laughter, and possibly even some tears. All I ask is that you keep an open mind, and don't let any annoying or frustrating moments end your read prematurely. Thanks again, and I'll be eagerly awaiting your opinions and reviews ;-)

…

**Chapter 2 – Perplexed**

It had to be the strangest method to get rid of someone I had ever heard of, but I concluded that's exactly what Bella's odd behavior at the bookstore was. She just wanted me to leave her alone and decided to act crazy to achieve it. Message received. If I never stepped foot in that bookstore again, it would be too soon.

I tried to get her out of my mind after that, but occasionally she would seep back in like water through a poorly sealed window during a torrential downpour. There was just something about her that I couldn't get over. Her abnormal behavior overshadowed the amazing night we had spent together, but occasionally I found myself wondering what her deal actually was. What did she do with her time when she wasn't dancing in a nightclub and acting crazy to get rid of unwanted attention? Bella was an enigma, and as much as I wanted to forget her, it was harder than I could have imagined.

…

More weeks passed, and my life continued its normal monotonous path. There were times when I was so unbelievably bored that I couldn't help but think about Bella, so I'd score a date somewhere and hope to get her off my mind, even for a little while.

Really, there was nothing special or outstanding about the bookstore clerk anyway. She was pretty, but no bombshell. She was wild and spunky, but no more than any other drunken woman that I had crossed paths with. She was just an ordinary girl – except for her eyes. There was something about the depth of her irises that made me fearful I'd fall into them and get lost forever. They were lively and inquisitive, but also almost foreboding in a way that made zero sense, but there was no other way to describe them. There was nothing special about Bella, except for everything about her.

"Ugh, stop thinking about her!" I snapped at myself as I inadvertently drove past her bookstore. "Pull yourself together, Cullen. She is not interested. You are acting like a desperate idiot!"

Perhaps it was the fact that summer break was too fucking long. I shouldn't have come home; I should have stayed in Seattle with my friends until school restarted. _Stupid fucking internship at my father's hospital!_

An internship wouldn't even be that bad if it was actually shadowing the doctors; but no, I was only a first year med student, and Dear Ol' Dad thought it was best for me to pay my dues by spending my summer stuck behind the nurses counter, checking in patients without even getting paid for it. It was an utter waste of time, and I hated every minute of it… until the day when she walked in.

"O.M.G. it's you!" Bella said with unexpected excitement as she approached my station. "Wow, are you like, a doctor, or something?"

"Uh, no, volunteer actually," I said with more bitterness than I intended. "Are you here to see a patient?"

"Nope, I'm bringing these books to donate to the hospital library," she replied while plopping a heavy looking fabric bag on the counter. The books spilled out, which made her giggle. "Oops. Since you volunteer here, can you help me bring these to the library? I have like three more bags in my car."

"Uh, sure."

I called over one of the nurses to cover for me, before following Bella out to her car. She talked the entire time. Literally. Non-stop jabbering. I quickly got lost in the cadence of her voice, so I wasn't sure exactly what she was going on about, but it didn't really matter. Her tone was exuberant, and somehow lifted my spirits. I couldn't help smiling at her giggles, and everything else faded away.

After taking the books to the library, we ended up walking around the floor loop twice, and she was exactly the girl I remembered from the nightclub. She continued to talk about anything and everything, and I basically just listened; it was a nice change from the mundane I was used to.

When we made it back to my workstation for the second time, I decided to take advantage of our serendipitous encounter by trying my luck.

"Well, I'm glad we ran into each other. I should really get back to work, but do you maybe want to get together tonight?" I asked hesitantly, fully prepared for her rejection.

"Of course!" she said with unexpected excitement. "What time?"

"Really?" I said, having a hard time believing she wasn't messing with me. Despite her current apparent interest, I was on guard, given the way she acted during our last meeting.

"Why do you sound so surprised? Isn't it obvious that I'm into you? And I'm sure I'm not the only one who had fun last time we were _out_ together?" she said with a wink.

"Yeah, well I thought we did, but you couldn't get rid of me fast enough when I was at the bookstore."

She waved her hand at me dismissively. "I was PMS'ing. Besides, I was at work; you can't expect me to be all flirtatious at work. I don't have a cush job like the arrangement you have here. What if my boss saw me?"

"There didn't seem to be anyone else there," I argued lightly.

"There is _always_ someone else there," she disagreed.

"Okay, so do you want me to pick you up?" I asked, still not quite fully convinced she wouldn't back out.

"You have to, I don't drive after dark. We're talking about _tonight_, right?"

"Yeah, unless you're busy."

"No, tonight is perfect! Here is my address," she said while grabbing a notepad and pen off the counter and writing it down. "And my phone number. Oh, and I guess I should put my name on top… Oops," she said before quickly scribbling over something, so it wasn't legible. Next to the scribbling she wrote, '_Bella Swan'_, and finished it with a smiley face and a few '_XOXOXs'_.

"Great. Say five-ish?" I asked.

"Perfect! See you then," she replied with yet another wink, before practically skipping out of the building.

It may have been a dick thing to do, but my curiosity of the perplexing woman got the better of me, and I raised the paper up to the light to see if I could make out what she scribbled over.

"A …L … something… maybe a C." I squinted my eyes to try to make out the rest, but it was of no use, and I was seriously creeping myself out. If she wanted me reading it, she wouldn't have crossed it out.

I sighed and decided to just be happy she agreed to go out with me again.

…

Five o'clock couldn't have come fast enough. I was the most excited I could remember being for a date in a long time, and decided to go extra fancy, hoping to impress her. My nicest shirt, slacks, and a dress coat; I even used some hair gel, which was a rarity for me. I made reservations at one of the fanciest restaurants in Port Angeles, which was a double win for me since I would get extra time with her during the car ride there and back. Extra time to try to decipher the enigma that was Bella Swan.

I was a tad bit overzealous and arrived a few minutes early. When I knocked at the door of the older white house, I was slightly disheartened when she didn't immediately answer. I must have knocked five times and waited a good seven minutes with no sign of her. Just when I was starting to think she was blowing me off again, my chest fluttered when she finally opened the door.

"Wow, you look stunning," I told her sincerely. Her hair was pulled back so I could see all of her heavily made up face. I actually preferred her the way she was at the bookstore with no makeup, but either way she was a beautiful woman. Her small black dress hugged her every curve, and I wondered how I was going to make it through the night without touching her – hopefully I wouldn't have to. Images of her naked in my bed flashed before my eyes, so to keep from embarrassing myself, I forced my mind to recall the cadaver I dissected last semester.

"You don't look too bad yourself," Bella returned the compliment. "Though, I have to say, I like your hair better when it's soft so I can run my fingers through it. Maybe even pull it a little," she said with another wink.

_Holy fuck_.

It took everything I had in me to not forget about the reservations, and just throw her over my shoulder and take her back into her house. But all that could wait; I really wanted to spend the next few hours getting to know her first.

I opened the passenger door of the car for her, which she looked impressed by, and then I took my place in the driver's seat.

"I hope you don't mind going into Port Angeles. There just really isn't anywhere local that's date worthy," I told her as I headed towards the freeway.

"Oh… no, that's fine. Capar damon," she said excitedly, but with the slightest hint of apprehension underneath.

"Capar damon?" I repeated confused. "Oh, you mean _carpe diem_? Like seize the day?"

"Yeah, that's what I said," she confirmed. She then rolled down the window, and proceeded to stick her head, shoulders, and both arms outside, before screaming at the top of her lungs.

"Whoa!" I shouted, swerving the car due to being distracted by her unexpected behavior.

"Whoo-hoo!" she laughed, and then thankfully came back inside. "Hey, you know what we should do? Turn off the headlights and see how far we can get without anyone noticing us."

I scrunched my brows. "Or, we could _not_ do that."

As much as I was looking forward to spending the evening with Bella, I had to admit, she was getting to be a bit much. From her crazy antics, to her non-stop talking, she was seriously starting to make my head spin in a negative way. Unfortunately, she noticed my subtle lack of enthusiasm towards her.

"Why are you so quiet?" she asked, suddenly becoming anxious. "I'm being too much, aren't I? I'm sorry, but I locked the door, and I'm just trying to take advantage before they break out."

"Um, I'm not exactly sure what you're talking about," I said honestly.

"But isn't that the fun of it all?" she replied lightly. "If you knew what I was saying the entire time, that would be boring. Life is too short to be boring. Hey, there is a big rig coming up on the right. Watch this…"

As the truck passed us, Bella shocked the hell out of both me and the truck driver, by pulling down the top of her dress and flashing him.

"Whoa," I said as the other driver honked his horn, making Bella giggle.

"I have _always_ wanted to do that!" she said enthusiastically.

"What? Why?" I asked disturbed.

"Oh, come on! Those poor drivers are on the road so long; I bet they go weeks without seeing real tits. Speaking of tits, how are you at motor-boating? I'm really into that, but you never did it when we were together before. I spent almost the entire night with you, and no motorboats. That's just wrong. Then again, I guess some girls don't like that. I just need to work on being more vocal about my desires," she said, keeping her tone casual and rendering me completely speechless.

I honestly and truly had no idea what the hell to think or say to her. She was completely forward and wild, in an over-the-top kind of way, and I was honestly starting to be turned off. She was sexy, and beautiful, and there was nothing wrong with a woman being secure in her body, but she seemed to truly have no filter whatsoever. The more and more she talked, the more I was dreading the rest of the night.

By the time we finally made it to the Port Angeles, she had flashed a total of three truckers, made obscene gestures to two other drivers, offered me a blowjob as I drove, and tried to pull my dick out anyway when I declined, which made me swerve yet again.

It was a mistake taking her out of Forks. A big fucking mistake, and now I was left trying to come up with reasons to turn around and end the night early. The only positive thing about the situation that I could see was that my obsession with her was officially over, which was definitely a relief.

After three failed lame excuses to end the night early, we were walking into the restaurant, hand in hand – or perhaps I was trying to restrain her from acting out, and she was trying to keep me from running away. Hopefully it didn't look as awkward as it felt.

"Reservations for Cullen," I reluctantly told the host.

"Of course. It'll just be a couple minutes," he replied.

"Oh, my gosh. Babe! Look at the lobsters!" Bella shrieked, drawing the attention of the other patrons waiting to be seated.

The fact that she called me "_babe_" at that point in our non-existent relationship was bad enough, but when she pressed her face against the tank of live crustaceans, before having the audacity to reach her arm into the water to stroke one, I had enough.

"What are you doing?" I hissed at her. "You can't just come into a restaurant and behave like this."

She raised her brows at me. "Wow, I would have never taken you for a square."

"I'm not a square, I just don't want to embarrass myself in front of a bunch of strangers," I snapped bitterly.

"Why do you care what strangers think of you?" she retorted.

"I don't, but…"

"So, you just don't like to have fun?"

"No. I mean, I do, but not like that."

"Are you saying my version of fun is not good enough for you?" she challenged me.

"No, there is just a time and a place for fun, and…"

"If we aren't here to have fun, what the hell are we doing?"

"We can have fun without you acting like a lunatic!"

"Don't call me a lunatic!" she snapped, suddenly becoming angry.

I opened my mouth to try to spew out some type of response, but that was when the host called my name to say our table was ready. I had a strong urge to tell her straight-out that I wasn't interested in continuing the date, but for whatever reason, I kept my mouth shut.

There was heavy tension between us as we looked over the menu. When the waitress came to take our drink order, I wasn't at all shocked when Bella not only ordered a bottle of the priciest wine, but also four different appetizers, and the most expensive meal available. Now, I wasn't a cheap jackass or anything, and I would have gladly paid for all of it if I thought her orders were genuine, but I had a feeling she was just doing it out of spite. _Wonderful_.

"I hope you're hungry," I mumbled as the waiter walked away.

To further confirm my sour assumption of her, she replied, "Not really."

"So you ordered a bunch of expensive crap just for the hell of it?" I asked brazenly.

"No, I just couldn't decide what I wanted."

My frustration with her was escalating, and as much as I just wanted to get the night over with and then never have to deal with her again, I just couldn't contain my bitterness for a moment longer.

"You know, this is really not…"

"You're going to have to hold that thought; I need to pee… possibly poop too," she cut me off as she stood.

She rushed away, and nearly slammed into a waitress carrying a tray as she went.

I absently looked at my watch. Time couldn't have possibly moved any slower, and I was counting the minutes until we could leave. But as I continued to count, and the multiple appetizers arrived and began to cool, I realized Bella had been gone far too long.

I could only hope she ditched me, then again, we were out of town and I drove her, so unless she called an Uber, or had friends who lived in the area, she was probably just causing trouble somewhere.

I was just about to go look for her, when she finally reappeared. I took a deep breath and braced myself for whatever antics she would come up with next, but when she walked right past our table and seemed to be heading for the exit, I grudgingly called after her.

"Bella?"

She paused and looked back at me.

"Everything okay?" I questioned.

She looked surprisingly disheveled, which made me worry about what exactly she had been doing. However, the way she had her arms wrapped around herself, and the grave look on her face, sparked an emotion I wasn't expecting – protectiveness. "What happened?"

Several different possible scenarios ran through my mind. She was being crazy and jumping around somewhere. She decided to go streaking through the kitchen. She ran into a stranger for a casual quick hookup. She was in the restroom doing some kind of drug that she had in her bag and fell. But the thought that surprisingly stood-out amongst the rest was that perhaps she got into a confrontation with someone, and she was violated in some way. As much as I was beginning to seriously dislike her, I wouldn't hesitate to kick anyone's ass if they hurt her.

"Bella, what happened?" I asked again a little more strongly. She was definitely dazed and confused, which only added to my concern.

"Huh? Oh..." She raked through her messy hair with her fingertips. "No, I'm fine. I just…uh… _Edward_?" she said, but made it almost sound like a question.

"You need to tell me what happened while you were gone," I demanded.

"Nothing happened. Sorry, I just had a headache, so I splashed water on my face and took down my hair."

"Do you want me to take you home? I can get the check and we can head out right away," I offered, sincerely concerned about her.

She bit her bottom lip as she considered it and glanced at the table full of untouched appetizers behind me. Coincidentally, that was also when the waiter came with the main courses.

She sighed. "I'm fine. I had some Advil in my bag. I already feel better, and I'd hate to waste all of that."

"Are you sure?" I asked doubtfully.

She certainly didn't look sure. "Yeah. Totally," she lied, and then sat down at the table in the seat I had been sitting in.

There was something seriously wrong, but she was still a stranger, and I didn't feel like it was my business to press the matter. I just needed to get through the evening, and then I would never have to worry about her again.

"Wow, you sure ordered a lot," she commented as she looked wide-eyed at the large mass of food on the table before us.

"Sure," I grumbled, not feeling like engaging another argument.

"Is this pork?" she asked of my delicious looking pork chop sitting in front of her.

"Yeah, that's actually mine. I guess the waiter placed it wrong. But you can have it if you want," I told her, not really caring either way, and hoping she wouldn't have another embarrassing outburst.

"No, no, please take it. I don't eat pork, which is why I was asking."

She stood and passed the plate over to me, and I passed mine to her. I half expected her to throw the food at me, so I was more than a little relieved when she didn't.

"I ordered this?" she asked surprised when she saw her plate.

"Is it not what you were expecting?"

"Uh… no, it's fine, it's just… _extravagant_," she mumbled as she poked the lobster with her fork.

"Why don't you eat pork?" I questioned, hoping to keep her talking rather than some other crazy scheme she could come up with.

"Well," she paused, and then shrugged. "It's a little embarrassing, but my dad found a pig when I was little, and we kept it for a short time. It was probably smarter than any dog I had ever come across, so I figured, I wouldn't eat a dog, so why should I eat pigs."

"Huh," I responded, suddenly feeling slightly bad about the pork chop on my plate.

"No, please don't feel weird about eating your dinner," she tried assuring me. "I'd never expect other people to censor their diet for me. I still even cook pork chops for my dad occasionally."

I nodded with surprise. "Lucky dad."

She laughed once. "No, trust me, I'm the lucky one to have him. Occasionally cooking for him is the least I could do."

"So, you cook for him _and_ work for him?" I asked, trying to get a better understanding of the ongoing mystery that was Bella Swan.

She cocked her head, confused. "My dad is a cop. I don't work for him at all."

"Oh. I thought you said before that he owned the bookstore?" I replied, wondering if I was remembering it wrong or of it was just one more of her wacky untruths.

"No. Well, I guess he did co-sign for the business loan, but the store is mine. He literally has nothing to do with it."

I scrunched my brows. "I guess I have no idea what I'm talking about then. That's awesome that you own the store, though. Have you had it long?"

"No, and unfortunately, I'm afraid I might not have it much longer."

"Why not? From what I saw, it is a cool little store."

She sighed. "People just don't seem to want to go to a store to pick out books anymore. Everyone orders online now, which is just…"

"Lame," I finished for her.

"Exactly!" she agreed enthusiastically. "There is nothing I love more than browsing the shelves of a bookstore. Aisles and aisles of nothing but books. Anything you could ask for. I know the internet makes everything right at people's fingertips, but there is just something about holding a book – smelling the ink and feeling the pages between your fingertips."

"You're really passionate about this," I stated gently, finding myself momentarily slipping back into that baffling level of fascination with her.

"Of course. It's why I wanted to open a bookstore," she replied, as if it was the simplest thing in the universe. "And what about you? You're in medicine?" she asked, unsure.

"Yeah, my old man is the new Chief of Staff at the Forks hospital. Well, I guess he's been there for a year now."

"You don't sound too happy about that?" she questioned, probably judging by the tone of my words.

"I'm just not used to the whole small-town thing. I grew up in Chicago, and we moved to Seattle my senior year in high school."

"Oh, rough age to make such a move," she said sympathetically.

"Yeah, I went from being one of the most popular guys in my old school, to one of the lowest on the social totem pole in the new school I was forced into. All the other guys loved to hate on me all fucking year long. I couldn't even get a worthwhile date to the senior prom."

She smiled. "Poor guy. I can see how that greatly affected you."

I smiled back despite myself. "Yeah, it does seem pretty pathetic to still be griping about it over five years later."

She shrugged. "I'm still horrified by the one time I left my zipper down in ninth grade."

"I can see that," I said with a nod.

"So, you moved to Seattle your senior year of high school," she prompted, trying to direct me back on topic.

"Yes, and it sucked, but at least it was a big city like what I was used to back at home in Chicago. But when my dad got the job in Forks," I shook my head. "The people there are… _crazy_. I don't know how my parents stand living there. It's hard enough just spending my summer there."

"So, you live in Seattle still?" she questioned.

I considered it. "To be honest, I'm sort of homeless at the moment. I live in the dorms at school during the year, so I'm staying with my parents more out of necessity than the job at his hospital. Me working there was their stipulation staying with them. I guess if I was smart, I would have rented an apartment with my buddies in Seattle and found real summer employment."

"So, why didn't you?"

"I don't know. I guess I'm just afraid of growing up," I admitted, way too honestly. It was an admission I hadn't even really made to myself, and there I was, suddenly opening up to the absolute craziest woman I had ever encountered. It was definitely a '_what the fuck_' moment.

We spent the next hour or so discussing my issue with my parents, and before I knew it, we were scraping the bottom of our dessert saucers, and we couldn't put off leaving any longer.

I truly didn't understand it. One minute Bella was acting out and being ridiculously obnoxious, and the next she was so incredibly captivating and easy to talk to that I almost forgot the atrocities she committed in the beginning of the date. She certainly made my head spin, and I had no idea if it was a good or bad thing. All I knew for sure was that she had my attention, and in the land of the dull and monotonous, that was more than I could have hoped for…

…

…

*****A/N**: Was this alter a bit extreme or what? My idea behind writing her is that the alters are all extreme versions of specific personality traits that Bella has, except some lack inhibitions. More details will be explained in upcoming chapters and no, the alters will not always act so wildly. Still with me? Let me know. Thanks again!


	3. Personality Shift

**Chapter 3 – Personality Shift**

We walked out of the restaurant, still in deep discussion about nothing at all, when suddenly Bella stopped before entering the parking lot and an awkward heaviness fell over her.

She nervously bit her bottom lip. "Edward, I had a great time tonight. Of course, I wish you would have let me pay for my own dinner, but I appreciate the sentiment. It's actually been a while since I've had such a good evening, so thank you."

"I had a good time too," I replied, surprising myself with the honesty of that statement. "Well, it was good when we finally settled into dinner, but everything else was definitely _interesting_."

A look of confusion swept across her features, but she seemed to dismiss it. "Well, good luck with the remainder of your summer internship. I'm sure you'll do really well with the rest of your schooling."

"I'm not so sure about that, but hopefully. I doubt I'll ever be as successful as owning my own bookstore."

She smiled bashfully, tucked her hair behind her ear, and then said, "I'm sure you'll be a great doctor someday. Thanks again, and goodnight." Then she surprisingly walked out into the dark parking lot, in the complete opposite direction of my car.

I probably should have called her back right away, but something made me pause and watch her for a moment. The glow of the moon illuminated her face and hair in the most breathtaking way, but even from the across the parking lot I could see the sudden panic in her eyes as she looked lost while scanning the cars. She truly didn't seem to know where she was or remember how she got there. It was all extremely mystifying.

"Bella," I said gently as I finally got my head out of my ass in order to remind her we had come together. "Uh, we're parked over there."

Her eyes widened. "You drove me here?"

"Yeah, you said you don't drive after dark," I replied slowly.

"Right," she said, but still didn't move. "You know what, I'll just call my dad and have him come pick me up. I'd hate to inconvenience you by taking me all the way home."

"Uh, we're in Port Angeles," I reminded her.

"We are?" she questioned with a gasp.

"Yeah, it would be a lot more inconvenient for your dad to come all the way out here to get you. It's really not an issue. I brought you here, I'll bring you home."

Bella reluctantly agreed, but as she buckled herself into the passenger seat of my car, she was visibly nervous.

"Is everything ok?" I asked.

"Yeah, of course," she tried assuring me, despite the fact that her knuckles were turning white in her lap, due to the tight way she was clinging to the hem of her dress.

This was not the same girl who was flashing truck drivers and sticking her head out the window that I had brought to Port Angeles, and I couldn't bite my tongue for a moment longer.

"I'm sorry, I have to ask; what's with the vast personality shift? You were like…beyond crazy on the ride out to the restaurant, and now you seem like you're trying to disappear into the seat."

She wouldn't look at me, which was probably a good thing since I was driving and shouldn't be meeting her eye anyway, but I could still sense her discomfort increasing tenfold.

I wasn't sure she was going to tell me anything, and I figured I probably offended her with my comment, but then she sighed. "Listen, Edward, I think you're a nice guy and all, but this is the exact reason why I don't date."

"What reason is that exactly?" I asked when she let her sentence trail off.

She inhaled deeply. "The reason why I seemed to have a _vast personality shift_, as you called it, is because I had a personality shift."

I raised my brows and pried my eyes from the road to say, "What now?"

"I have DID," she said bluntly.

When my response got stuck in my throat, she decided to explain.

"I don't expect you to know what DID is, and I don't like talking about it with people I hardly know because it is embarrassing and hard for people to understand. It's a mental disorder that…"

"I know what DID is," I interrupted her. "Dissociative Identity Disorder, more commonly known as Multiple Personalities. I learned a little about it in a pre-med psychology course; I just never thought I'd meet someone with the condition."

"It's more common than you would think," she informed me. "I mean, it's no_t common_-common, but more than you would think."

I had so many thoughts running through my mind that it was hard to decipher through them. It made sense, given her behavior, but it was shocking.

When I failed to comment further, she misconstrued my silence for disturbance.

"I'm not dangerous," she said awkwardly. "Most people assume people with mental disorders are dangerous. I've never hurt anyone…as far as I know."

"I'm not scared of you," I assured her, finding the idea of a six-two man, such as myself, being scared of such a petite woman, slightly funny. "I'm just trying to process it," I explained. "So, you're saying the person who I took on this date…wasn't you? I mean, it was you, just not the same as the you that you are now?"

"Yeah. I don't date, so when I found myself in the restaurant bathroom, I was lost, and upset, and I really just wanted to get the hell out of there."

"Wait, so you don't remember anything that happens when you're not…_you_?" I questioned, finding it way more fascinating than I probably should have.

"Unfortunately, no, or maybe it's actually a blessing. I can't imagine how frustrating it would be to know what's going on but have zero control of my words or actions. It's bad enough just having to deal with the aftermath of whatever chaos my alters create in my life."

"They create problems for you?"

She laughed once humorlessly. "How could they not? None of them are anything like me, and they all want to live the way they want to live. Just when I think I have things under control, I wake up and it's days later, or even weeks sometimes, and everything is seriously fucked up. Other people I've met with this disorder have alters that try to protect them, mine seem to want nothing more than to screw up my life completely."

"How many other personalities do you have?" I asked quietly, but my voice almost seemed loud compared to the deathly silence she momentarily left us in. "Or are you actually one of the personalities right now?"

"No, I'm me, _Bella_, but I can only guess as to who you were with at the beginning of this date. I have four distinctive alters, not including myself. Four that I know of anyway, that my father has been able to identify."

"So, you're saying that the other times we spent together, I was actually with one of your alters?"

"Or more than one, for all I know. Look, I don't usually discuss any of this with strangers, but I also don't usually see strangers multiple times either. Not even my alters can keep up with any kind of relationship lasting more than a day. But I do remember you from when you came into my bookstore, and you seemed to know me from an occasion prior to that. Now here we are, so I feel like I owe you an explanation and also to ask you to please don't contact me again. As far as I can tell, you seem like a nice guy, but I don't date."

"You said that several times now," I mumbled. "But judging by whoever agreed to go on this _second_ date with me, I'd say not all of your alters agree with your _no dating _stance."

She let out a long hard breath. "That is weird. I've never known one of them to go out with anyone more than once. I'm guessing it was Alice, but she usually gets bored too quickly for follow up dates."

"Alice?" I questioned.

"All of my alters have their own names, and usually introduce themselves as such; which is why I was so surprised when you knew _my_ name when we were at the bookstore. I have no idea why she would say her name was Bella. Alice is my… I guess there is no other way to describe her other than _wild _alter. She likes to party, and drink, and take home random men," she said ashamedly.

"Oh," I said, realizing that's probably exactly what happened.

"_Oh,_ is right. I'm sure you can understand why dating doesn't work for me. Even if I found a great guy who was patient and understanding with my disorder, getting my alters to be faithful, and not total jackasses to him, is impossible."

"Yeah, I can see how that would be an issue for some guys."

"_Some_ guys?" she snorted. "More like _all_ guys. No man wants to potentially share his girlfriend."

"Yeah, unless he isn't looking for anything serious. I mean, you hear about people in open relationships all the time. It's just sex, right? Not really a big deal."

She shook her head incredulously. "Well, it's a big deal to me. I hate knowing I've had sex with people I don't even know. It literally makes my skin crawl." She paused, and then looked at me. "Wait, did we…"

"I think you're right about Alice," I partially admitted. "I definitely took you for a crazy chick. I mean, crazy in a wild way, not crazy as in having a mental disorder."

"So, we have had sex," she said, sounding embarrassed and horrified.

"Look, if I had known the truth about you, I wouldn't have…"

"No, it's not your fault," she cut me off. "I just really fucking hate my life sometimes."

She wrapped her arms around herself, making her body seem small, and I absolutely felt like shit. I didn't understand people being so uptight with their bodies and casual sex, but it clearly bothered her, which almost made me feel like I assaulted her in some way.

"Bella, I'm sorry," I tried saying, but she put her hand up to stop me.

"No, I'm sorry. I'm sure you must be freaked out by all of this, and I'm sure having a crazy – as in mentally insane – woman in your car can be a bit nerve-wracking. I wish you never crossed paths with one of my alters. Hell, I wish no one ever crossed paths with any of my alters." She paused again, squeezed her eyes shut like she was in pain, and then said, "I'm just really sorry."

I sighed. "No harm done. Really. I liked you, or-uh- _Alice_, I guess, which is why I asked you out again, but it's not like I was in love or anything. In fact, on our way to the restaurant tonight, I wasn't sure how I was going to make it through the entire meal."

"Do I even want to know what kind of uncontrollable antics she put you through?" Bella whined.

"Probably not," I replied. "But once you, or whatever, showed up, it was a really pleasant dinner."

"I'm so sorry," she repeated.

"You don't have to keep apologizing. This has definitely been entertaining."

"Well, I'm glad I could be your entertainment for the evening," she said, slightly bitter.

"I didn't mean it like that," I responded quickly.

"I know, and I'm not trying to be sensitive, it's just that I really did enjoy the time I had with you, and it makes me even more frustrated with myself. But I do appreciate your lack of a freak-out. That's rarer than the disorder itself."

I really didn't know where to take the conversation from there. She didn't have to tell me how shitty her situation was for me to see the pain on her face. I couldn't even imagine the day to day struggle of it, but I certainly could understand her frustration.

We didn't speak much more on the drive home, and when we got to her house, she apologized yet again, and thanked me for the evening. With no plans to ever meet up again, she wished me good luck in my future endeavors, and we said goodbye.

I drove away from her thinking that was that, but I found my recently dormant obsession with her not only reemerging but growing by the second. I wasn't sure if it was the budding doctor in me that was fascinated by her condition, or perhaps the guilt I felt over my casual fling with one of her alter-egos, but I couldn't get her out of my mind.

Bella didn't want to date, and I respected that, but making a new friend who was open and understanding couldn't hurt her, right? At least that was the excuse I was telling myself as I walked through the doors of her bookstore again. I would never admit it out loud, but I couldn't help but hope I got the chance to meet another of her alters….

…


	4. Friends

**Chapter 4 – Friends**

"You could always buy your reading material online," Bella said with a smirk after I walked up to her counter with a random book in my hand to purchase.

"Eh," I shrugged, "I like to support local businesses."

Bella looked down at the book I placed on the counter, and raised an amused brow. "_READ MY LIPS_…_If Vaginas Could Talk_."

"Yeah, well I'll be taking a course in gynecology this upcoming year, so I figured I should get a head-start with some light summer reading," I said, pulling that excuse straight from my ass. It was believable – at least it was in my mind.

Of course she wasn't convinced. "Sure. As weird as this sounds, I'm not surprised you showed up."

"Really? Why not?"

She shrugged. "I don't know, I just had a feeling. Judging by our conversation during the drive back from Port Angeles, I'd say you were more than a little interested in my condition – which I suppose is understandable, since you're in medical school."

"Are you implying that I'm only here because of your issue, as a way to aid my schooling?" I asked, slightly offended by her probable assumption.

"Why else would you be here? You admitted you were disturbed by whatever I did during the beginning of our date, and you claimed to understand why I don't want to date. No average person would be interested in spending time with a certifiably mentally insane woman, so please spare me whatever excuse you may try to give me for showing up here after I explicitly asked you not to."

"I just want to be your friend."

"Sure you do," she retorted, not believing me for a second. "I know how this works. Anyone who had ever learned the truth about me, and wasn't immediately scared off, thinks of me as some side show freak that they want to hang around hoping to be entertained by whatever antics my alters create."

The accuracy of her judgement made me feel like absolute shit, however instead of making me back off like I knew I should have, I found myself trying to find a way into her life that much more.

"People that did that to you suck, but that's not why I'm here. Honestly, I just really enjoyed our time together and I wanted to see you again… on a strictly _friendly_ basis, of course. I respect your desire to only keep platonic relationships."

"I never said I only wanted platonic relationships, what I said was that I didn't want _any_ relationships at all. Even friendships don't bode well for me. One of my alters always offends them, and I'm left getting their cold shoulder and wondering what the hell happened. I have my dad… and an old family friend, and that's all I need."

"Look, I'm not going to force my company on you, but I just wanted you to know that I'm not like all those other jackasses. I don't get offended, like, ever, and my medical knowledge only makes me more understanding about your condition. Besides, I do have a personal background with mental disorders. My grandma lived with us for a few years before she died; she was severely bipolar."

Bella nodded. "Bipolar? Yeah, that's totally similar to DID."

"Yeah, so… wait, no," I was forced to backtrack when I realized she was being facetious. "I know it's not similar, I just mean that I probably have a better grasp on what you're going through than most other people you come across."

The more I spoke, the stupider I was sounding. I didn't want to patronize her in any way, or to make her feel like I didn't take her seriously, but I suppose I just wasn't sure how to not be a jackass.

It was clear she was getting frustrated with me, but after taking a call in the back room, she reemerged with a different attitude.

"So, you really want to be friends?" she asked, almost sounding too sweet.

"Wait, who are you?" I asked tentatively, assuming one of her alters just showed up.

"Still me," Bella said through her teeth with a fake smile.

"How do I know it's really still you? Maybe that's the exact way one of your alters would respond."

She rolled her eyes, and then dropped her fake over-friendliness. "Okay, here's the deal – obviously, we still don't know each other very well, and while I think it's best to keep it that way, I'm sort of in a pinch and now desperate for help."

"Okay, what's up?" I asked, legitimately more concerned than I would have previously predicted.

"There are exactly four people in this town currently that know I have this disorder; my dad, my family friend, my doctor, and now you. Unfortunately for me, I have this big event planned for tonight, and my dad just called to say he absolutely cannot get off work for it like planned. My friend happens to be in the hospital recovering from a recent accident, and I would never ask my doctor for something like this, so that leaves you."

I found it hard to believe that so few people knew of her disorder, considering how outlandish Alice had behaved, but I wasn't about to question it at the moment. She was letting me in, and I hadn't been that thrilled about anything in a long time.

"What do you need me to do?" I asked, eager to help her in any way she would allow.

"Babysit," she replied, scrunching her face in a way to convey pain.

"You have kids?" I asked, surprised.

She pressed her lips and shook her head no. "I am the kid…_sometimes_. One of my alters, Bree, is between six and nine, depending on the day. She doesn't come out often, but when other kids are around, she tends to fight her way to the surface, and in that case, she needs to be watched and maybe even controlled."

"What exactly is this event?" I asked, feeling far more excited than I probably should have.

"This store needs help. Business isn't doing well, so I arranged for a relatively famous children's book author come and do a few readings of her latest best seller. It should make the local news, and hopefully generate some more customers. I've received dozens of RSVPs from families with kids saying they're coming. There's going to be a raffle and a door prize. I hired a few people to handle most of it, but I have to be here. If I start acting crazy, I really need someone to diffuse the situation. Maybe even cover for me with the guests and try to distract _Bree_ from being too conspicuous."

"I see," I said, thinking I understood her request. "But if Bree is a kid, won't she get a little freaked out, and possibly make an even bigger scene when I try to approach her? I mean, I've never met Bree, so to her I'm just some random stranger. Aren't kids afraid of that sort of thing?"

"Well, you're still some random stranger to me too," she reminded me.

"True, but you kind of know me. I mean, you at least know I'm not trying to kidnap, or assault you, or anything."

"Do I?" she deadpanned. "I'm still not convinced you don't have an ulterior motive for coming here today."

"Hopefully, after I help you with this event, you'll see that I really just want to be your friend," I tried convincing her, even if I wasn't completely sure myself. _What the hell was I doing there anyway?_

"I honestly can't believe I'm even asking you this, except to say that I'm desperate and I don't have anyone else to turn to. So, if you pull through for me tonight, I'd say I'm indebted to you."

"Or, you could just count me as a friend since that's the kind of thing a friend would do," I reiterated with a smirk.

"Are you really sure you're up for this? Watching a crazy woman you hardly know, in a crowd, and trying to get her to not make a complete ass of herself isn't going to be easy." She sighed. "My dad suggested that I reschedule the event to an evening he can get off work. Maybe I should just follow his advice."

"It seems like it would be extremely complicated to reschedule. Your dad really can't get off work for this? Most parents wouldn't want to miss this sort of thing."

"He doesn't want to miss it, believe me, but that's one of the pitfalls of small-town living. He has no one to cover for him at the station. The only other guy in the area qualified is out of state at a funeral."

"Oh, that sucks."

"Yeah, it's all just super shitty timing. So, either I reschedule with a high probability that my author can't make it and most of the people don't come, or I suck it up and get it done. I'm so tired of being ruled by my condition. It has fucked with my life for far too long, and this is too important to give up on. Without this store, I have nothing."

"Okay," I said, sincerely admiring her perseverance. "Do you have any pointers or tips for me in dealing with your alters? How sure are you one of them will come out?"

"Over the years I've come to somewhat predict when they'll emerge. For instance, I know when there is a party or loud music with people dancing, Alice usually likes to be involved. When there are a lot of kids or animals around, Bree pushes her way out. They chose it, and most of the time I'm incapable of stopping them."

"And when they're out, what do they do?" I questioned curiously. "I mean, I guess I've met Alice, but they all just do their own thing, or do some of them actually try to blend in?"

"I think it all depends on the situation. The longer the span of time it's been since they've been out last, the more intense they push their own wants and desires forward. As far as I know, Alice hadn't really been out since the night she met you, so when she came back for that date, she was more uncontrollable than usual. Plus, she probably felt that since she is the one who actually met you, she could act however she wants and be herself instead of trying to be me."

I nodded as I let myself process what she was saying. "So, for this particular event you're pretty confident Bree will show up because of all the kids coming?"

"Exactly."

"Okay, so what should I say to her so she knows to listen to me, or that I'm not some random stranger there to scare her?"

Bella raised her shoulders. "I honestly don't know much about them other than what my dad has told me that he's witnessed. Bree can be sweet, but she can also be a brat. As far as you being a stranger, that isn't necessarily true. Even though I don't remember anything they do, they often have some kind of knowledge of my life. I don't know how or why, but they seem to know the people I do, so hopefully she will recognize you and listen."

I laughed once. "You don't sound too confident."

"I'm sorry," she said sheepishly.

"You don't have to keep apologizing to me," I told her yet again.

"I know you said that already, but I really don't think you understand exactly what you're getting yourself into here. You certainly don't owe me anything, so I would totally understand if you just walked away right now. I wouldn't even blame you for ditching me at the event if it gets too much for you."

"How could it be too much?" I questioned, thinking about the wild way Alice had behaved on our date. It was embarrassing, but the more I considered it, the more I realized I wasn't really all that embarrassed. "What's the worst that could happen?" I told her. "So, she gets out of control and acts out in front of a bunch of strangers? I could see how that would upset you, but as for me, I really wouldn't be affected."

"Whatever Alice did to you before, might actually be tame compared to some of the things they're capable of," she tried convincing me. "Even my dad has a hard time with them sometimes."

"I think you're confusing me with someone who gives a shit about anyone around here. Your dad lives and works in this community, so I understand why he would want to save face, but I really could care less what these people think of me. So, in that sense, I'm probably the best person to help you with this."

Bella was still understandably apprehensive, but like she told me, she really didn't have anyone else to turn to. Her unwanted dependency on me gave me a sense purpose that I seemed to be lacking in my life recently, so as much as Bella was nervous for that evening's event, I personally couldn't wait.

…

It wasn't a particularly dressy event, since it was supposed to be mainly for children, but I put on my best pants and a nice button down, just to look my best.

I arrived early, but there were already a bunch of people moving about, getting everything set up.

"Excuse me," I said to the first person that walked past me. "Do you know where Bella is right now?"

"I don't know any Bellas," the woman with way too many facial piercings replied. "I was hired by a temp, so…" She shrugged before continuing on her way.

"Well, well, well, look what the cat dragged in," I heard a voice say from behind me. I turned to see Bella standing there, with her arms crossed and her brow raised as her eyes raked me over. "You look like a shlump."

"Shlump?" I questioned, unsure what that meant. "Am I overdressed?" I asked, guessing she was referring to my clothes.

"No, you just look stupid," she replied full of unexpected attitude. "Stupid like a square."

I scratched my head. "Alice?"

She scowled at me, but I knew it was her, and I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face as the result. It certainly wasn't my first meeting with that alter, but after learning about Bella's condition, I was absolutely fascinated by the idea of speaking to her knowing she wasn't real.

"Why are you here?" she asked me full of attitude.

"Bella invited me," I replied, perhaps a little too loudly.

"Bella doesn't date," she retorted, not believing me. "And I don't date either… By the way, when I say I don't date, what I mean is I don't date squares like _you_!"

"I'm not here to date anyone. Bella just said it would be cool if I came."

"Oh, that's right, you're the pretty boy plagued with perpetual boredom. Look, I tried to show you a good time, but you proved that the problem with the lack of excitement in your life, is _you_. I actually feel a bit sorry for you. You're basically a conch."

"A conch?" I asked bewildered.

"Yeah, a pretty shell, but completely hollow on the inside. Pathetic, really. Such a shame. And the worst part is you're actually good in bed. I wouldn't even mind going for round two if you weren't such a conch. I do have standards, you know."

"Um, Miss Swan, please excuse my interruption," a small woman wearing an apron said meekly. "Where do you want these?" she asked of the large vase of flowers she was holding.

"Why am I the only one with vision?" she said, exasperated. She grabbed the flowers from the worker, and then walked off with them, presumably to place them somewhere she deemed worthy. I was left just standing there, completely mystified in her aftermath. As much as I believed Bella when she explained her condition, it wasn't until speaking to Alice again that I truly understood it. She really was an entirely different person when an alter was in control. From the mannerism she used, to the cadence of her words; she even walked completely different. It had to be one of the most enthralling things I ever witnessed.

"Hey there, would you mind helping me with this?" I heard a voice say from behind me. I turned to see another of the workers holding a long banner out towards me in need of a little help pinning it to one of the shelves. The strikingly beautiful blond smiled and batted her eyes, almost as if she thought she needed to flirt in order to get the assistance she was requesting.

Her flirtation was unnecessary, but certainly not unwelcomed. I smiled back at her with my most irresistible smile that always won over the ladies, and I replied with, "Sure, of course."

As I was helping her, she accidentally dropped her end of the banner and giggled playfully as I picked it up for her.

"Thanks, I'm such a klutz. So, how long have you been working here?" she asked with more eye batting. "I'm Lauren, by the way."

"Edward," I introduced myself with a smile. "Uh, I don't actually work here. I'm just a friend of the owner's."

"Oh, I was wondering why I didn't see you when I was hired last week. I'm actually new in town, so I'd love to make a couple friends myself. Would you be up to hanging out sometime?"

I shrugged. "I'm not really interested in making anymore friends in this town, but if you want to just be _friendly_ for the night, I may have tomorrow open," I told her, though I was surprisingly unmotivated to put on my usual charm when it came to potential one-nighters.

Her smile widened. "Perfect."

"Oh, you don't want to fuck him, Lauren," Bella, _er Alice,_ said, suddenly appearing behind me. "Trust me, I've been there, and it wasn't worth my time," she told her while holding up her pinky finger as a grossly false reference to my penis size, before sauntering away. _What the actual fuck?_

"Oh, I see," Lauren replied with a disturbed and disappointed expression.

"What? No, trust me, I'm more than fine in that department," I said defensively.

"Uh, well either way, she's my boss and she clearly wants me staying away from you, so…" Lauren let her words trail off, before not-so-subtly busying herself with anything other than me.

Disgruntled – mainly due to the hit to my pride rather than the actual blown hookup – I caught up to Alice and threw my hands in the air. "What the hell was that?"

Initially, she looked confused, but then her confusion fell into satisfaction. "Hey, I just did you a favor. That girl has seven different types of STDs."

I scrunched my nose. "How the hell would you even know something like that? You probably just met her today!"

She rolled her eyes. "Oh relax, conch; there are plenty of bitches in the pound. I'm not personally interested in a round two with you, but I'm sure you won't have trouble finding someone a little less diseased."

As she turned and walked away, I took a moment to seriously consider what the hell I was even doing there. I told Bella I would babysit her, and I wasn't about to bail on that, but what confused me the most was just how much I wasn't even really bothered by her action. Lauren was fucking hot as hell, and under normal circumstances I would definitely be interested in a night with her, but at the moment, my fixation was set on the crazy woman that shared a body with several others.

People finally started arriving as the event was set to begin, and when it became crowded, I mistakenly lost sight of Alice. My chest actually tightened as I began to panic. I had one freaking job that night, and now I couldn't find her. Some friend I was.

The guest author sat down, and all the kids gathered around a rainbow-colored carpet to hear the reading. I damn near had a heart attack as I realized Bella was about to miss it, but then I finally spotted her. Just as Bella had predicted, she was sitting with the children, and eagerly awaiting the story. Even from where I was standing, I knew Alice was no longer in control. Everything about her had shifted. The way she was giggling with her hands covering her mouth, to the rocking of her body as she sat with her legs crossed in front of her. A new alter had arrived, and I found myself desperate to meet her…

…

*****A/N:** In this chapter, Edward refers to Alice as not being real, please understand that I am well aware that is a shallow and insensitive notion. Edward is ignorant on the matter, and he will come to understand the seriousness to Bella's condition. Thanks for your understanding!


	5. Threats

**Chapter 5 – Threats**

Her physicality never changed, but suddenly Bella truly looked like a child in an overgrown body. She was not extremely conspicuous, and to ignorant onlookers she may just look like a person who was really good with kids, but I watched her closely regardless; if she began acting out, I'd be ready to pull her away at a moment's notice. Thankfully, I never had to. Bree, seemed to be on her best behavior through the entire book reading.

When the guest author was finished signing everyone's books, and the crowd began to dissipate, I made my way over to Bree. She was still just sitting on the floor, with her back against a shelf; humming to herself quietly while flipping through the pages of the book in her lap.

I tentatively sat next to her and attempted to keep our conversation casual. "That's my favorite part of the story," I told her of the page she seemed to be repeatedly looking at.

She smiled at me in a childlike way. "Mine too! I like when the puppy gets the toy after all the time it took finding it."

"Yeah, that's really cool, but I actually like how he gets to share and play with a friend even better," I told her. I really had no idea what the hell I was talking about since I hadn't read the book, but judging by the picture of the two puppies, I made an assumption and hoped I was right.

However, she seemed to get a little upset by my words and I had a moment of concern thinking I said something wrong. "Is everything okay?"

She raised her shoulders and wiped her face as if she had a tear. "I'm fine, it's just that I never had a friend, so I don't know what it's like."

"Oh," I said, thinking I understood her issue. "Well, I can be your friend."

Her sad eyes immediately raised to meet mine, and she scowled. "You're a _boy_!"

I laughed once. "Yeah, a negative for sure, but I can't really help that, so it's kind of not nice to hold it against me, right?"

"It's not your fault you're a boy, but I still don't want to play with you," she whined. "Rosalie says boys stink, and you probably do too."

"Uh… who is Rosalie?" I asked curiously.

Bree's face suddenly went blank, and then she looked at me with a panicked guilty expression. "I have to go now," she said in a rush, before jumping to her feet and running off to get lost in the rows of bookshelves.

I tried to follow her, but by the time I got my ass off the floor, she had already disappeared.

"Bree!" I called to her softly while searching the aisles. "Oh Bree, where are you?" I added, thinking she was playing some sort of game.

When she finally emerged from wherever she was hiding, everything about her was different. Gone was the innocent curious expression that she had been wearing as Bree; now she was hardened and absolutely raging…

"Who the hell do you think you are stalking a child like some wacko pedophile!" she growled ferociously with her finger pointed in my face.

"Uh…" I looked around at the disturbed bookstore patrons within hearing range, which prompted the alter to do the same, thus forcing her to thankfully take it down a notch. "Bella asked me…"

"I don't give a rat's ass what Bella asked you to do!" she retorted but kept her bitterness to a low rumble. "Bella has no idea what's best for her, or for any of us. It's _my_ job to protect them, not hers. And don't ever say Bree's name again or I'll fucking kill you! Have I made myself clear?"

"Look, I just wanted to help," I said apologetically.

"Help? How the hell could you ever help anyone when you're an absolute mess yourself?"

I raised my brows. "Excuse me?"

"Oh, come on, I can read you like a book. Privileged upbringing. Stuck in Daddy's shadow. Every opportunity in the world but bored with your pathetic existence. Sound about right?"

I wasn't about to admit that. Not to her, not even to myself. "So, you're making assumptions based on what exactly? We've never even met before," I said defensively.

She smiled, almost sadistically. "Oh, I know you, _Mr. Cullen_. Three parking tickets in the same location, which tells me you feel entitled. Arrested two years ago for disorderly conduct and assault when you got in a fight at your college campus with another frat member, which means you have anger issues. A second arrest last year for public intoxication, which clearly represents a deeper issue with your own inner demons. Neither of your criminal offenses will put a mark on your permanent record, because dear old doctor dad shelled out the money for unbeatable lawyers. But you're right, I know _nothing_."

I scrunched my brows in confused shock, however as soon as that wore off, I was angry. "How the hell do you know all of that?"

"I have my ways," she replied evenly.

"How?" I pressed, unable to let it go. Those were all extremely private matters and there was no way she should have had access to any of it.

"Our dad is a cop, remember?" she admitted with a sneer. "I know I heard Bella telling you that. Your rich father had your record wiped clean, but I can still get the dirt through hacking the department computers."

"Why would you do that?" I asked disturbed. "You don't even know me?"

"I make it my business to know everything about everyone my alters fuck around with, and you, Mr. Cullen, are probably the worst we've come across."

"How am I the worst?" I spat.

"Do I need to bring up the incident with the under-aged girl?"

That did it.

Now I was pissed.

"Not that it's any of your business, but I was twenty-one years old at the time, at a bar, and that seventeen-year-old girl had a fake ID. She got caught in my car, but nothing more happened, which is why it's not on my record – not because of my father's lawyers!"

"Wow, sounds like I hit a nerve," she said smugly.

"You're damn right you hit a nerve!" I fumed. "That shit could have ruined my life, and it was a super shitty time for me that I had no intention of ever speaking about again. The way you found out about it is not only illegal, but really fucked up and a total invasion of my privacy!"

She stepped towards me and got as close to my face as her small stature would allow. "I don't give a flying fuck about your privacy. Mess with Bella again, and I'll make that shit go public to everyone in this god forsaken town, as well as your college campus. Do we have an understanding or not?"

I wanted nothing more than to tell her to go fuck herself. My blood was boiling, and it took everything I had inside of me to not explode at her. Surely no inappropriate fascination with a stranger's disorder was worth all this. However, my most recent conversation with Bella made me pause. She had zero friends because her alters always chased everyone away. That was exactly what this particular alter was attempting to do with me and I couldn't allow it. Bella was counting on me to see her through the evening, and I was going to make damn sure I followed through. Or perhaps my persistence was just me being a stubborn idiot. Either way, I wasn't going anywhere.

I shrugged my shoulders. "Actually, I've never _messed_ with Bella. It was more _Alice_," I told her as casually as possible.

She narrowed her eyes at me. "Yeah, well who hasn't fucking messed with Alice? I'd be more surprised if you weren't amongst her countless conquests. Trust me, you're nothing special."

"Never thought I was, but I'm certainly getting under your skin, aren't I?" I told her pompously.

"Oh honey trust me, I'd never let a criminal pedophile under my skin."

"I'm not a fucking pedophile!" I told her through gritted teeth. I could take a lot of shit, but accusing me of something like that was crossing a line. A line that this alter seemed well aware of and hell bent on leaping over with a jet pack.

Of course, she only smirked from my response to her like an evil demon that fed off of anger. "People like you are scum of the universe, and I wouldn't waste a single brain cell on thinking about you ever again. Once you walk out that door, I'll wash my hands of you completely, and make damn sure that neither Alice nor Bella ever contacts you again."

"So, you can control Bella and all of her alters?" I called her bluff.

"No, but I'm not sitting in the dark when they're out like the way Bella is. I see and hear everything they do. I even know how little your cock is. Trust me, you don't want to fuck with us again. My hacking skills are top of the line, and what I don't know, I can find someone who does. All it takes is for me to go visit our dad at work and get into the police computer's government access to make the rest of your life a living hell. The stuff wiped clean off your record could easily be reversed. Want to be registered as a sex offender permanently?"

"You can't do that," I said with my resolve beginning to falter. "Besides, even if you could, I was only _investigated_ for being with an underage girl. Like I already told you, I never actually touched her."

"Do you know how many innocent people are rotting away in jail right now? Trust me, the truth doesn't even matter; not when the computer system shows you as a pedophile. You'd basically be condemned for the rest of your days. You could kiss your prestigious medical career goodbye. How long have you been working towards becoming a doctor like dear old dad?"

"You're a piece of work, do you know that?" I asked bitterly.

She smiled evilly at me, before raising her hand up to the side of her face and twiddling her fingers. "Ba-bye. Don't let the door hit your ass on your way out."

As much as I wanted to follow through with my promise to Bella, doing so could risk my entire future. This alter's threat was serious, and seriously fucked up. It was no wonder she couldn't keep any friends.

I hated letting Bella down, but what I really fucking hated was to fail at anything, and I was beyond pissed. I let someone get the better of me, which made me feel small and pathetic. I suppose that was my personality flaw – the fear of failure and the self-loathing when I inevitably do fail.

But probably even greater than my fear of failure, was my obtuse sense of stubbornness. I left that damn store alright, but I sat in my car like some psycho stalker and waited.

It was another hour and half before the last of the employees departed the small parking lot, which left only one car besides mine. When Bella finally emerged from the building, and locked the door behind her, I semi-hid my face out of fear from another unpleasant altercation from the mega-bitch alter. Lucky for me, however, my fear was unfounded; the moment Bella spotted me, she smiled bashfully.

I took her friendly expression as a welcome to get out of my car to greet her.

"You're still here," she said, somewhere between surprised and impressed.

I smiled back at her. "Well, it was a close call, but we both seemed to have survived it."

Her face fall into shame. "Oh no, what did they do?"

I shrugged. "Only threatened to have me arrested and ruin my entire future by falsifying a criminal record," I said casually. "Nothing big."

She let her head drop into her hand. "Oh my god. Edward, I'm so sorry. I knew it was a bad idea to ask you to babysit."

"Bree was fine," I assured her. "She was actually well behaved. It was the other one that was a little tough to handle."

She grimaced. "Alice?"

I considered it a moment, and then shook my head. "This wasn't Alice. Well, Alice was here earlier, and she was a little bitter, but nothing like this. This alter was…mean."

"Rosalie," Bella assumed. "Ah man, I was really hoping she would stay dormant. It's actually been awhile since she's been out."

"Is that normal? For them to go dormant?" I asked curiously and slightly hopeful. If this Rosalie alter would fall back into the depths of hell she crawled out of, I wouldn't have to stay away from Bella and the world could be a brighter place.

"When my life is steady and calm, she doesn't push her way out as much," Bella explained. "I think all my recent stress over the store not doing well has allowed her to take over again. In fact, my emotions are what triggers all of them, which is why I try to keep everything in my life simple."

"Well, to be honest, Alice and Bree seem rather tame compared to this Rosalie. I haven't encountered the fourth alter yet that you've mentioned, but I could probably handle all of them ganging up on me at the same time as long as Rosalie wasn't involved. She is honestly terrifying. But the worst part that she knew things the others knew. Like she watches them somehow, even when she isn't in control."

"I don't really even understand how it all works since I'm never able to remember them whatsoever, but my dad once told me that Rosalie is somehow the ringleader of the others. She's the boss, and most of the time they all listen to her. I don't know if she can actually watch them or not, but they all definitely communicate with each other."

I inhaled deeply. "Well, that's not good for me. She really, really, hates me, and I honestly have no idea why."

"Because you're a man, and you've been around more than once," Bella explained, chagrined. "Rosalie has always hated men; even my dad. It's so frustrating! I've accepted that I'll always be alone, but she doesn't have to be extra bitchy just to push people away."

I nodded, and after a few awkward beats of silence, I let out a long deep breath. "So, are you hungry?" I asked casually, changing the subject. There was no use in dwelling on the mega bitch any longer than necessary. "I wasn't a good babysitter and forgot to feed you."

Her anger melted right off her features, and she smiled despite herself. "You're seriously going to ignore her threats? Trust me, Rosalie is like lightning. You never know when she is going to strike, but when she does, it definitely burns like hell."

I shrugged. "I really hate being threatened in any way, but it kind of just makes me want to do it even more."

She raised her brows. "So you're defiant…or just stubborn?"

"Probably both," I admitted.

Bella's expression shifted into one I couldn't quite decipher. If I had to guess, it was somewhere between shock and impressed. Either way, I liked it, and only further enforced my desire to spend more time with her.

Perhaps Bella was right – perhaps I was tempting lightning by ignoring Rosalie's very serious threats, but I couldn't help it. I had been raised to always follow the rules, but I was long over that shit, and I'd be damned if I let someone's alter ego order me around.

"Pizza or Chinese?" I asked Bella as I opened my passenger car door so she could get in.

She laughed once, shook her head, and then got into my car.

Bella's and my impromptu second date signified a new chapter for both of us, and I couldn't wait to see what exactly would come from it…

…

*****A/N**: So, Rosalie is a bitch. I promise, she isn't that way without reason. Her very existence is to be the tough one to protect Bella from anything she deems as a threat. Is Edward a threat to her? Only time will tell. Good, bad, or indifferent, please hit me with any thoughts you may have had while reading. Thanks!


	6. Casual

**Chapter 6 – Casual**

With the success of Bella's bookstore event, she was seeing a drastic increase in sales, therefore a gradual reduction in her stress. Things were certainly looking up for her, and after a request to her father to keep better tabs on her at the station, she managed to keep Rosalie at bay for the time being, so I had the pleasure of getting to know Bella herself.

"Are you trying to make me fat?" she asked with a smirk as I walked through the store doors with a big bag of fast-food in my hands.

"Eh, no harm in a few extra pounds," I replied while plopping the food on the counter.

"Aren't doctors supposed to encourage healthy eating?" she questioned with a laugh.

"Nah, you should see the shit my dad eats. Besides, I'm not a doctor yet. Who knows, I may flunk out and be forced to work for you for the rest of my life."

"Except I wouldn't hire you," she deadpanned.

"What? Why the hell not?" I asked in mock offense. "I'm capable of stocking shelves."

"You are far too distracting. I've hardly gotten anything done today," she pointed out.

"Hey, I behave anytime customers are in here. And, without me, you could be eating spit right now. Did you know that twenty five percent of delivery people admit to sampling or contaminating the food they bring people?"

"True, and I appreciate your food protection services, but I still couldn't handle you here fulltime. Saturdays and week-day lunches are just about the max of allotted Edward time I can allow myself during regular business hours."

"I hear ya'; I'm getting in between you and Jane Austen," I teased her. "My sincere regrets."

"Hey, Jane is the most loyal friend I've ever had," she retorted jokingly, but with a serious undertone.

"Maybe that was true until you met me," I countered.

She became quiet for a moment and looked a little uncomfortable. Rather than question her on whatever her issue was, like I probably should have, I decided to just skate over it. "But at least admit I'm a good distraction."

She tried to fight it off, but she smiled widely. "Yes, you're a good distraction."

…

For the past week I had been spending all my lunch breaks with Bella at her store, and we would get together after work as well. Since I had Saturdays off, but she still needed to work, I had hung at the store with her all day. I tried to help out around the store wherever I could, but mostly I just spent that time lost in my growing fascination with her, which I suppose I could see how it would be a bit distracting for her.

Bella was intelligent and engaging, and I found myself wanting to spend every free minute I had with her. We just clicked right from the beginning. Even when we weren't doing anything at all, my perpetual boredom had completely disappeared simply from being in her presence. I could do nothing but watch her work all day-every day and sincerely never see myself losing interest. The very fact that I was in such deep _like_ with a girl that I just met was absolutely shocking to me. I didn't even think it was possible to enjoy someone's company as much as I did Bella's.

When Sunday rolled around, it wasn't even a question that we would spend the day together. It was the only day of the week she closed her store, so we were going to make good use of our time.

We laughed our way through a hike and realized we both could probably use a regular exercise regimen, which of course, I suggested we should do together. I even accompanied her to the weekly grocery shopping trip she did to restock her father's house. It really was an amazing day, and after such an amazing week, I almost forgot she had anything wrong with her at all.

Occasionally, I'd catch Bella staring blankly ahead of her, but it never lasted long, and she would quickly snap out of it, assuring me she was still herself. If any of her alters ever gained control in my presence, I never noticed, and she didn't seem to lose track of any time or act off in any way. Things with Bella were just…normal – except far more amazing than my previous version of normal before meeting her.

…

Our second week had begun much like the first – lunch together daily, and usually dinner as well. But on that particular Wednesday, something seemed slightly off.

"What's wrong with you?" I asked, while nudging her playfully. She was hardly touching the big greasy burger I brought her, which I knew her well enough already to know that wasn't like her.

She sighed. "Nothing, but…" her words trailed off.

"Nothing, but what?" I pressed.

"Edward, how long until you go back to school?"

_School? _Until she mentioned it, I hadn't even given Seattle two thoughts since we started hanging out.

"Uh, a few more weeks, I guess. But my mom always nags me to come home more on weekends. So I'll still be around, bugging the crap out of you, I'm sure."

She bit her bottom lip as she appeared to be mulling over something.

"But you have a lot of friends at school, right?" she questioned strangely.

"Yeah, I have good group. They're all lazy punks though," I joked with a laugh.

"What do you guys do together?" she then asked seriously.

I thought it was an odd question, but answered her regardless. "I don't know, stupid shit. Why, what's up?"

"Hey, let's get out of here," she suggested, seemingly out of the blue.

I raised a brow at her suspiciously. Her alters hadn't made an appearance in a while, but I wasn't naïve enough to think they never would again.

"Uh, who are you?" I asked carefully knowing it wasn't like Bella to want to close the store early, especially mid-week.

She sighed. "Still me, but business is slow today, and we are running out of summer. Let's take the rest of the day off and go somewhere. Can you get someone to cover for you at the hospital for the afternoon?"

"I doubt that will be a problem," I replied, all too eager to ditch my unpaid parental-forced internship for the day.

Bella wanted to see the newest blockbuster at the movie theaters, so after we did that, we headed out to the beach to make use of the remaining daylight hours. I just happened to look up at the cliff adjacent to where we were sitting and saw a group of teens goofing around and jumping off the edge into the freezing ocean.

"Holy shit that's crazy!" I said, pointing them out to Bella.

"Kids do that all the time there," she replied, unimpressed. "I have no idea how they do it without breaking their necks."

"I'm sure my father has seen a few unsuccessful jumpers in his hospital since he started there," I figured.

"No doubt," she agreed.

As the sun was beginning to set, and the blueness of the sky exploded into array of oranges and pinks, we decided to stroll along the shore and just enjoy the twilight. I had a strong urge to grab her hand as we walked, but I knew that would be a line we both needed to stay behind. Bella didn't date, and I was leaving soon. Even still, the romance of that evening was hard to ignore, and I certainly wasn't the only one who noticed it.

"It's moments like this that I really wish I was normal," Bella murmured into the ocean breeze as it washed over her face and blew through her hair.

We had made our way back to where I had parked the car, but neither of us were quite ready to leave the serenity we had stumbled upon. The waves crashing beneath the sunset was breathtaking, but paled in comparison to the beauty that was Bella. She just radiated brilliance in every sense of the word, and the sudden tightness in my chest told me that everything in my life was about to shift.

With every logical cell in my brain, I knew that Bella didn't want to be kissed… _but what if she did? _

The feeling was so strong that it clouded my senses, and who the hell needed logic anyway. Before I could recall the reasons why I should refrain, my mouth was on hers, and the feeling of it was actually shocking. Literally. It truly felt like one of those cliché jolts of electricity between lovers that I always assumed only existed in cheesy chick flicks.

I had kissed her lips before, but never had I kissed _Bella_, and for those brief few moments, I wondered how would ever kiss anyone else again. It was the closest feeling I had encountered to the definition of "_coming home"_, and I didn't want it to end. It just felt right, like there was something so much bigger in the works that had brought us to that exact time and place in the universe.

I didn't want it to end, but of course, everything had to end…

"Uh, wow," I said awkwardly after she pulled away.

All my senses abruptly returned to me like wrecking ball to the wall of cheese I had just built up in my mind. What the fuck was wrong with me? There was no such thing as electric kisses and abstract homey feelings – it was absolutely absurd, and I was in no way looking for deep emotions of any kind. Bella was a friend; a summer buddy to pass the time. Nothing more, and I knew she felt the same way, except…

"Do you want to go somewhere?" she asked me unexpectedly.

"Somewhere?" I questioned, knowing how I would usually take a request like that from a pretty girl, but unsure exactly of her meaning behind it.

"Yeah," she replied with her cheeks turning a soft red. When I continued to stare at her blankly, she became slightly frustrated. "You know what I'm talking about. Are you going to make me spell it out for you?"

And then I was the one feeling the heat to my face, which was odd, since I couldn't remember the last time I blushed over anything.

"You sure?" I asked her, thinking it was out of character, which given her condition, neither of us were surprised that I had my suspicions.

"I'm still me, and I'm sure I want to do this. It's been a long time since anything's felt this good and I'm tired of always feeling shitty. You're leaving soon; you have an entire life away from here, so I don't have to worry about one of my alters hurting you. It can just be… what it is, which is nothing more than friends doing something that feels good. No strings attached, no broken hearts when it's over."

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't attracted to Bella so it was definitely an enticing proposition, however I knew I should turn her down. I liked Bella, more than in a casual fling sort of way, and I wasn't sure how cleanly I'd be able to severe that feeling when it inevitably came to an end, but despite my trepidation, I couldn't seem to turn her down.

Without even consciously deciding to do so, my head bobbled subtly, thus giving Bella my still undecided answer before I was really prepared to.

"Where can we go?" she asked with more enthusiasm than I was expecting. "I live with my dad, so my place isn't an option. You're staying with your parents too, so where do you usually go for this sort of thing? Where did you take Alice?"

"Uh…" I scratched the back of my head as I considered it. Of course I knew exactly where I had spent the night with Alice, but I was still grappling with the idea of actually sleeping with Bella. They shared a body, but they were nothing alike. Alice was wild and crazy, and even though I was initially entranced by her, now I wouldn't even think twice about forgetting her outside of the bedroom. Bella was different. Bella was…_Bella_. In a very short amount of time she had become one of the closest friends I have ever had, and I honestly didn't want to fuck that up. Sure I was leaving soon, but I fully planned on visiting her when I was in town.

Would sex ruin it?

I didn't have an answer for that, but when she started kissing me again, and moved her lips to my neck, I gave up worrying about all the _what ifs_. I wanted her more than I ever wanted anyone before, and we could figure out the rest later.

I drove us to my parents' house, and for the first time, I was truly grateful for my parents' wealth. Their home was so big that they would never notice me escorting a hookup through the premises, but lucky for me, I didn't even have to. I was currently staying in the little apartment above the garage, which had outside access and complete privacy. Admittedly, I had it pretty good, even despite all the added pressure to measure up to my father's prestigious career.

My daddy issues aside, I was on cloud-nine as I led Bella up to my room. We kept stopping to make-out along the way, but I couldn't get her there fast enough. We had only known each other for a couple weeks, but it felt like a long time coming – as if that intense desire had been building up inside us for a long time.

When we finally made it to my room, I asked her again if she was sure, and her desire never faltered. Our clothes puddled on the floor, and as I kissed her body, I was struck by just how new the experience was. Same skin, same curves, but an entirely new experience. Even the sweet noises she made were so dissimilar than Alice's had been. It was almost disorienting to think I knew what to expect but having it be so drastically different.

I pushed into her slowly, watching her face for any cue she wanted me to stop, but she never gave one. Her face only expressed desire, and as she began to move with me, her body urged mine to go stronger.

When the feeling escalated, I let my thoughts go and just enjoyed the sensation. There was no Alice, no Rosalie, no any of them. There was no before, and no worries of what would come after. It was just Bella and me as we figured out how to make the most of the moment.

I climaxed quickly – a little too quickly, but thankfully I could feel her body tremble around me, so I knew she came too. We were both left panting for air, but neither of us were fully satisfied.

"Are you okay?" I asked her as I tried to catch my breath.

"Oh yeah, that was nice," she said with an obvious smile in her words.

"Nice, huh? We can do better than _nice_."

She giggled. "I was hoping you would say that."

We made love until our bodies failed us, and then she fell asleep in my arms and I couldn't help but just watch her for a while. My _friend_ Bella was so much more important to me than any friend should be, but I couldn't admit it – not to her, not even to myself. Neither of us were in a place in our lives where we needed nor wanted a romantic relationship. For now, and perhaps for always, we needed to keep it casual, even if I felt anything but.

She spent the entire night with me, but when I woke up alone the next morning, I wish I could say I was surprised. Bella had to work, and I knew that, I just hoped that was her _only_ reason for disappearing…


	7. Altered

**Chapter 7 – Altered**

Like any other day, I sat at my work-station with virtually nothing to do, except on this particular day, I was also plagued with obsessive worry.

Five unanswered texts.

I knew it was a bad idea to cross that line with Bella. I fucked everything up, and now there were five unanswered texts that I was compulsively checking every two minutes with the hope of some sort of reply.

I must have texted her a hundred more times, but each made me feel stupid, so I deleted them without sending. Seriously though, what the fuck was wrong with me? It was bad enough that my physicality with Bella probably drove her to the point of releasing her alters, but now I couldn't even leave the girl alone. It was pathetic, and I knew that, but I still couldn't stop checking my phone, hoping for some kind of indication she was okay.

The minutes dragged into hours, but when my lunch break approached, I became even more worried. Should I go to her like I normally did? What if she truly didn't want to see me, or even worse, the mega-bitch alter was in control? Showing up with Rosalie out could create problems for the rest of my life. Her threats were real, and absolutely terrifying. I had to take her seriously, but then again, if I didn't show up for lunch, that may look horrible too. What if everything was fine and I upset her by not coming?

My head was spinning from all the possibilities, but after picking up a couple deli sandwiches, I sucked up my concerns and walked through the bookstore doors.

"Please tell me you didn't bring a greasy burger," she jokingly whined when she saw me.

I froze mid-step and tried to decipher her comment. It was casual and completely normal sounding, but what did that mean? Was she an alter pretending to be Bella, or perhaps was she Bella now and I mistook an alter for her the night before? I couldn't decide which was worse.

"A burger is fine, I just meant I'm a little greased out at the moment," she added, sounding somewhat apologetic.

"I brought sandwiches," I mumbled as if the words were on autopilot.

"Really?" she asked, pleasantly surprised. "Have I ever told you how awesome you are? Thank you!"

I brought the food to her counter, and after plopping it down, I sat and just stared at her blankly for a moment.

She tore the wrapper off her food, but before she was about to take a bite, she looked up at me and sighed. "Please don't get weird on me."

"I'm not. Wait, what?" I asked, trying to focus and make sense of the words she was saying.

"I was worried things might get weird after last night, but I really thought you did that kind of thing all the time. When we spoke before about Alice being so promiscuous, you made it seem like it wasn't a big deal."

"It's not a big deal to me, but you also told me how much you hated Alice's promiscuity."

"I do, but that's not what this is. It's not like you're a random stranger, and I'm certainly not messing around with multiple people in any given week. I like you, and after a very short time of knowing you, I don't know, I guess I just feel safe with you. But the last thing I wanted to do was make it weird between us."

"Things aren't weird – at least, I'm not trying to make it weird. I'm just… are you still _you_? I mean, you left my place without saying anything…."

"I had to come open the store, and you were pretty out so I called an Uber to take me home. I barely had time for a shower before I needed to rush over here," she explained.

"I've been texting you," I added.

"Oh, crap! Yeah…" she said while holding up her shattered phone for me to see just how unreachable she actually was.

"What the hell did you do?" I asked, feeling relieved and concerned at the same time.

"Apparently, leaving your phone on the roof of the car while backing up isn't such a good idea. When I braked to put the car into drive, it crashed onto my windshield and down to the ground. So stupid! I swear I'd lose my head if it wasn't attached to my body."

I immediately let go of all that tension I had been feeling since waking up that morning. "Yeah, that really sucks."

"Super sucks," she agreed. "Now I'm going to have to get one of those cheap crappy phones because I didn't buy the insurance and the new phones are way too expensive."

"You know what, I actually have a spare. I'll just bring it over here after work and you can get it hooked up to your account," I offered.

"You have a spare cellphone? Why?"

"When I got my last one, they were having one of those buy one get the second free promotions. I never turn down free shit, so I made them give it to me despite not needing it. It's just been sitting in my room, still in the box."

"Well, that's awesome, but you should keep it in case your phone suffers a catastrophic accident the way mine just did."

"In that case, I'll just go buy a new one," I said, not understanding her issue.

"Edward," she huffed. "I know I asked you for help with my event before, but I don't want you saving me all the time."

"It's a phone," I disagreed. "It's not like I'm offering to pay your mortgage."

"Even still. I don't take handouts," she said stubbornly.

"It's not a handout," I told her, getting slightly frustrated. "I'm not buying you a phone. I have an extra. An extra that was completely free to me. That's not a handout, that's just giving a friend something I don't need."

"But you may need it in the future," she argued.

"I have never broken or misplaced a phone before," I retorted. "Besides, I'm almost due for an upgrade anyway. That model is obsolete. I kind of feel bad for giving it to you. Plus, unlike you, I actually bought the insurance, therefore I would never need or want that spare phone. It'll eventually just be tossed-out, never used and still in the box. If you don't take it, it's just a complete waste."

She was out of reasons not to accept the phone, and we both knew it.

"Edward, I just don't want to start things like this."

"Things like what?" I questioned, still not understanding her issue.

"We're friends, right?" she asked, trying to explain.

"Yeah, and like I said, friends help each other like this," I pointed out.

"Yes, but you also bring me lunch every day, and we spend all our free time together, then we had sex, and now you want to give me a cell phone. It's… it doesn't exactly feel like we are just _friends_."

"You're the one who said you wanted to have sex," I said slowly, driving myself crazy with wonder if it actually went down the way I was remembering it.

"I did," she confirmed. "And I don't regret it. It felt really good, it's just… I don't want to hurt you."

"I'm not scared of Rosalie," I reminded her. The topic of Rosalie's threats had only come up briefly a couple times before, but they were still like a dark ominous cloud in the distance. At some point, it was going to rain, and when it did, it was going to storm something fierce. It wasn't a matter of _if_ the mega-bitch would strike, it was _when,_ and how I would handle her when she tried to fry me.

"I'm not just talking about Rosalie," Bella clarified. "Alice is actually the one who has caused the most issues when it came to past romantic relationships. She doesn't want to be tied down. She gets bored easily. She doesn't believe in monogamy."

"Yeah, you already explained all that, and I get it. We're friends. I honestly don't see what the problem is. Besides, none of your alters have been out in a while, right? Maybe they'll stay gone for the rest of summer."

"Maybe," she said, making no attempt to sound convinced. "Just promise me you're not going to fall in love with me," she added, no louder than a whisper.

I laughed once. Perhaps it was out of surprise from her words, or perhaps it was for a whole other reason that I wasn't prepared to even remotely comprehend.

"Trust me, I'm not looking to fall in love with anyone anytime soon," I tried assuring her – hell, maybe I was trying to assure myself too. "Med-school is stressful enough without having to worry about someone else's feelings all the time."

"Just promise me, Edward!" she demanded.

"Yeah, alright. I promise," I said, attempting to keep my tone casual.

She sighed. "Okay, I will take you up on your spare phone offer…but I'm going to pay you for it."

"I'm not going to let you pay me for something I got for free," I argued.

"I'm at least giving you what I was going to pay for the crappy one. That's the only way I'll take it," she insisted.

"You're so stubborn," I mumbled, but was far too amused by the endearingly irritating trait.

"I'm sorry, I just can't accept handouts, even from a friend."

I wanted to argue, yet again, that it wasn't a handout, but I decided to let it go. We had wasted far too much of our quality lunch time already.

It didn't take long for us to fall back into our normal routine of joking our way through eating, and by the time we met up for dinner after work, I almost forgot anything had changed between us at all… _almost_.

After a mediocre meal at the local diner, our friendly-non-romantic evening suddenly morphed into more when we started making-out in my car. I couldn't recall who actually initiated it, but it wasn't long until we were parking in front of my parents' place and rushing up to my apartment room again.

It was just casual sex. Casual sex between friends that refused to let it get any deeper than that. At least, if we kept telling ourselves that we could pretend to believe it.

…

The next week continued on that way. Just friends during the day, and friendly sex at night. Of course, the longer it went on for, the less we kept our friendly romance limited to our nightly rendezvous. It began with a sweet kiss goodbye after lunch, that stretched out into a full make-out session that almost made me late for work. Hand holding through dinner, and even a little necking in the car.

We tried to keep our more than friendly affections between us, but of course people noticed, and the more people that noticed, the more Bella seemed to worry.

Something was happening between us; changing. It was subtle at first, but without even realizing it, deep emotions had invaded our friendship and it altered my entire way of thinking. Perhaps I could commute to school when it started up in a couple weeks. Perhaps I could transfer to somewhere closer. Perhaps medical school could wait and I could really just stay and help Bella with her store. Perhaps….

I wanted to discuss my thoughts and feelings with her – even if only to just help me sort them out in my own mind – but every time I tried, something always seemed to get in the way. A customer coming into the store, an urgent call she had to make, somewhere important she had to be. I wasn't sure if it was all just shitty timing, or if she was purposely avoiding the conversation we both knew we needed to have.

She avoided the _talk_, and I let her because I was a coward.

Even still, we continued on the way we had been, until one morning I woke up alone. Waking up alone wasn't the strange part, I had gotten use to that over the course of our non-relationship, but when I saw her car still in my driveway, I became wary.

She wasn't in my apartment, so where the hell was she?

Her car didn't look like it had moved since the evening before when she arrived, so I was left with my head spinning. It was like she just disappeared.

I ran back up to my apartment to double check that she wasn't hiding in my bathroom or closet – _why I thought she would hide?_ I had no idea. Sure enough, the place was empty, and my concern grew tenfold. I checked my phone, but there were no messages and no indication that she was picked up by anyone or called an Uber.

There had to be a logical explanation for her whereabouts, but the more I considered the possibilities, the more worried I became.

Something made me look towards the main house, and there on the porch steps I spotted a small shiny object reflecting the sun like a beacon.

"What the hell?" I mumbled to myself. I walked closer to get a better look, and was shocked to see Bella's keys lying there conspicuously, almost as if they were intentionally placed there to be discovered.

It was a Saturday, so I knew my mom would be home, but who the hell knew my dad's schedule, so I didn't even bother to worry about him.

"Mom?" I called out as I hesitantly walked through the door.

For a brief moment I feared the worst. What if, after all this time, Rosalie had emerged and took her sinister revenge out on my mother?

"Mom?" I called again.

The house was always a bit cold and drafty, but oddly enough it was warm that morning, which only confused me that much more.

And then I heard the voices.

Instead of following the sound to the kitchen like I probably should have, I stopped and listened. It was more than voices, it was… _giggling_.

When I finally managed to get my stunned legs moving again, I walked the rest of the way to the kitchen and was absolutely flummoxed.

"Well, good-morning, son," my flour-clad mother greeted me.

Next to her stood an even messier Bella, but as I quickly realized, Bella was already long gone.

She smiled and waved at me, and there was a distinctive look in her eye. It was shy and scared, but also full of wonder and playfulness. There wasn't a doubt in my mind – Bree had come out for a visit…


	8. The Theater

**Chapter 8 – The Theater**

"Uh…" I was aghast, flummoxed, discombobulated, flabbergasted, and about a dozen other weird words that you usually only find in dictionaries, but all the definitions were so painfully true for this scenario. What the hell was I supposed to say to _that_? It wasn't every day that you walked into your parent's house to find your lover's altered child-like personality making fucking pancakes with your mother. It honestly gave me the willies.

"I hope you're hungry," my mother said sweetly, but with a sour aftertaste, and I knew by her tone that I was in deep shit. _Just fucking perfect_.

"I-um… I'm on a low carb diet," I lied like the idiot I was.

"We aren't making carbs, we're making pancakes, silly," Bree responded with a huge smile on her face. Then she looked at my mother. "I told you boys were weird."

"Yes, you did," my mother replied. "Several times, actually." She raised a brow to emphasize that '_what the fuck'_ look she was so good at, and a small immature part of me wanted to smirk defiantly, knowing just how disapproving she actually was. I suppose my long history of purposely disturbing my parents for attention wasn't quite over just yet.

Of course, even without the smirk, I knew I'd still have her ever-so-thrilling lecture to look forward to – and she certainly didn't disappoint.

"Bree, sweetheart, why don't you go into the bathroom and get washed up for breakfast," Mother said in a gentle voice, but she kept her icy glare on me as she spoke.

"Okay, but what if I get lost?" Bree asked innocently.

"You won't, dear, it's just at the end of the hall there," she replied encouragingly.

"What about monsters? This is a really big place."

My mom finally broke her glare on me to turn to the adult-child next to her. "Don't worry about anything like that. Dr. Cullen always sprays the house for monsters."

"He can do that?" she asked with wide eyes.

"Of course. Dr. Cullen can do anything," my mom assured her, so Bree smiled and then skipped off to find the bathroom.

Since kids usually only took two point five seconds to wash their hands, my mom didn't waste any time laying into me.

"What the hell are you doing with Bella Swan? Do you have any idea the kind of issues that girl has?"

"Uh…do you?" I asked, slightly confused. She almost seemed to know her, but how the hell could that be?

"Officer Swan brought Bella into the hospital when your father first started there," she explained. "He wanted him to understand his daughter's condition just in case she were to ever be brought in for whatever reason when he wasn't around. I just happened to be there at the time and got to meet them as well."

"Bella said no one knows about her disorder except a couple people," I said, feeling a little stupid. It made complete sense that my Chief of Staff overachiever father would know about Bella, and if he knew, of course my mom would know. Even if she wasn't there at the time to meet her herself, my father didn't seem to understand patient-doctor confidentiality. He blabbed his mouth to my mom about most of his patients.

"Bella may not be aware that we've met," my mom told me. "She was Bree at the time, which I suppose is a blessing since Bree is the one who I found wandering around the property a bit ago. What the hell were you thinking messing around with a mentally ill woman? I'm assuming you knew she was unstable prior to last night."

I considered my answer and tried to come up with a good spin, but I figured – _fuck it! _

"I don't know, mom, all her personalities keep it interesting. I kind of like the thrill of it all. There is one that honestly wants to destroy me. It's like playing Russian Roulette."

She stared at me for a moment in disbelief, and when she finally spoke, she kept her voice even and steady. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

I shrugged. "I wish I knew."

She opened her mouth to make some sort of reply, but that was when we heard the front door open and then slam shut.

_Crap_.

No one else was home, so I knew it was Bella. Without even giving my mother a second thought, I ran after her, but it was too late. By the time I got there, she was already backing out of the driveway.

_Damn it!_

I rushed to grab my keys from the apartment, but by the time I got to my car she was long gone. I knew for a fact that Bree couldn't and wouldn't drive, and had it been Bella, she likely would have spoken to me before she left – that is, unless she was upset about the situation or pissed from possibly overhearing the conversation I had with my mom.

I was concerned that Rosalie may have reemerged since she was the one who came out immediately following Bree the last time, but I drove to her house anyway, needing to make sure she was okay.

Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, her car wasn't there, so I drove to the bookstore. When I realized she wasn't there either, I didn't know what to do, so I just drove around aimlessly for a while. Without even realizing it, I had made a big loop around town and ended up back at the bookstore again. This time, however, Bella's car was in the lot, so I hesitantly parked my car and headed into the building.

I figured the chances of Bella being in control was only one in five, but even with the threat of Rosalie, I had to check in on her. It had been awhile since an alter was out, so I needed to try to figure out what caused it.

Like any other day, she was sitting at the counter, reading something. As I timidly approached, I noticed it was a teen fashion magazine. She didn't look up at me initially; she was fully engrossed in her magazine and whatever she was listening to through her earbuds. I must have crept into her peripheral vision, because suddenly she looked up at me and became momentarily startled.

"Sorry… it's just me," I said, trying to calm her.

She seemed to relax and tense up at the same time. "You shouldn't sneak up on people. What if you were an axe murderer?"

"Perhaps you should keep the doors locked during off hours then," I suggested.

I grabbed my usual chair, and then sat in front of her and attempted to analyze her for clues on her identity. She almost seemed to sense my scrutiny, and she lowered her eyes while visibly bracing herself for my inevitable questioning.

"What's your name?" I asked her, knowing without a doubt that she wasn't Bella.

"Alice," she replied automatically.

"Bullshit," I retorted assuredly.

Her face scrunched into bitter offense. "That's harsh! I'm Alice. Why would you think…"

"I know Alice," I cut her off. "I've met Alice, Bree, and Rosalie, and I'm pretty sure you're none of them. So, who are you?"

There was something in her eyes – a look that was completely unique and new to me. I didn't know any of her alters well enough to be certain, but I was fairly confident in my assessment.

She fixed her features and stubbornly crossed her arms making me think she wasn't going to be honest, but when I mimicked her actions and stood my ground, she sighed and finally confessed…

"My name is Tanya, but we actually have met before; here at the bookstore, when you left your things on the counter. I may have threatened to call the cops on you," she said sheepishly.

At first, I had no idea what she was talking about, but then it occurred to me. "You were listening to the Spice Girls on your speaker."

"Yes!" she practically shouted with much more excitement than I was anticipating. "I love that band. Why did they stop making music?"

"They broke up," I replied absently as I recalled our previous interaction. "I actually thought you were Bree when we met before."

"As if! Bree is a child," she snapped.

"As if?" I questioned. "Let me guess, Clueless? You even kind of sound like Cher."

"I have no idea who Cher is, but calling someone clueless is just mean…and stupid. I'm not solving a crime, so why would I need clues anyway?"

I laughed once. I couldn't help it.

"Don't laugh at me!" she screeched. "They are always laughing at me and I hate that."

"Okay, okay, I apologize. I'm just trying to get to know you a little. Why don't you tell me how old you are?"

"I… I'm actually not supposed to be talking to you," she replied unexpectedly.

I scrunched my brows. "Says who?"

"Rosalie. You should be grateful it was me and Bree that got through the door, and not her. She wants to demolish you."

"Don't I know it," I said with a sigh. "Wait, you got through a door? What does that mean?"

"Well…" She looked up at the ceiling as she considered how to explain, and then she began playing with her gum by wrapping it around her finger. "It's like we are all in a movie theater, and on the screen is Bella's life. If she gets in trouble, the door to the theater opens and one of us can get out and take control."

"Where does Bella go when one of you are in control?" I asked concerned.

"I don't know. She stays somewhere else. In another room, I think. She is kept in the dark because we don't want her to see what is happening when we are out."

"I see," I responded, thinking I understood, but knowing there was so much I probably would never fully comprehend. "So, how is it Bree came out before, and now you're here? Doesn't Rosalie have to allow you guys out? She's the boss, right?"

"She thinks she is, but she can't keep us all locked up all the time. Bella is the one who kept us locked up for a while this time. She had that door in the theater shut tight, and we couldn't get through no matter how loud Rosalie and Alice were screaming."

"So, what happened?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. We were watching you guys being all cuddly…and we haven't been able to see everything because Rosalie kept getting pissed and shutting off the screen. But then suddenly the door cracked. Not sure exactly what caused it, but we were all so stir-crazy that we ran for the door like a herd of wild cats. Of course, Alice and Rose started bickering on who got to go out first, so Bree used their distraction to slip out. I followed her, but then I had to wait until she was done baking, or whatever. Children are so exhausting. You have to give them some playtime otherwise they get destructive."

She had said so much that I would need a little time to digest it all, but there was one thing in the forefront of my mind.

"How old are you?"

"Not a kid," she replied vaguely.

"But before you said you weren't allowed in the adult section," I remembered from our first meeting.

"Because those books are vile, and Rosalie says the only people who read them are perverts and psychopaths, but I'm pretty sure Rose is a hippo-crate."

"Hippo – what?"

"Hippo-crate. She does things she tells others not to do."

"Oh, you mean a hypocrite."

"That's what I said."

"Okay, I apologize again. How is Rosalie a hypocrite?"

"Well, she tells me only bad people read those books, but she's read them. She said she has to because in order to protect the rest of us, she needs to know what's out there in the world, but I think that's just a lie. She likes them. And she also doesn't want Bella making friends because she said people suck and they keep hurting us, but she has a girlfriend that she thinks we don't know about, but we all do. That's a hippo-crate."

"Rosalie has a girlfriend?" I asked in shock. "Like a real one, or just one in the theater thing?"

"Her name is Emma, and she is as real as you are. That's why Rose hates being locked inside so much. Not because she goes stir-crazy like the rest of us, but because she is in love…with another girl. She makes us turn off the screen, but we've seen glimpses. They have S.E.X. Alice thinks it's gross, but I say love is love. I wish someone would love me like that. Someday I'll even find someone to have sex with. Hey, will _you_ have sex with me? Alice says I'm too young, but I'm seventeen. That's like, practically an adult already, so how is that too young? Hey, is your house a mall? Bree said it was a mall. I think she may have taken something from the bathroom, but she says she left money."

"Um…okay. How did Bree leave my parents' house?" I asked, choosing to focus on the only part of her long information-filled babble that I could grasp at the moment. I couldn't even begin to consider Rosalie's sex life right then, and even if I could, I certainly wouldn't be discussing it with a seventeen year old. "She doesn't drive, does she?"

"No, and I'm not supposed to either, since I never passed the driver's test. But I do have a permit, and the law states that I can drive if a licensed driver over twenty-one is in the car."

"Who was in the car with you?" I asked, not really comprehending most of what she was saying, but desperately trying my best.

"Well, Alice, Rosalie, and Bella are all over twenty-one, and technically they were in the car."

"Right."

I highly doubted she had a legit permit since she didn't have a legal identity apart from Bella, but I decided it wasn't worth the further questioning. My head was spinning with all the information she threw at me in a very short amount of time, and I wasn't sure what to think of any of it.

The "_theater". _The dark room Bella was kept in when she wasn't in control. Rosalie's brewing wrath and impending strike against me. Her girlfriend. It was overwhelming, and I honestly wasn't sure what the hell I was doing anymore. I needed to pack my shit and go back to Seattle. School was just around the corner and the last thing I should've been doing was getting distracted by a severely mentally ill woman. It was all too much – too much risk, too much _everything_.

"I should get going," I told Tanya quietly. "I'm supposed to be training a new temp at the hospital before I leave."

"Where are you leaving to?" she asked curiously.

"Med-school in Seattle. The Fall semester is starting so I need to get back in the swing of things," I explained.

"Oh, that's going to make Bella sad," she said, taking me aback. Then she leaned in like she had a secret. "I think she is in love with you."

My stomach twisted from her words, and my chest tightened, making it genuinely hard to breathe. _Was Bella in love with me?_ We surely hadn't even known each other long enough for that sort of thing, right? Neither of us wanted anything close to love, so I refused to believe it. I refused to believe that love was some magical force that people couldn't control. You had to choose to fall in love – that is, if love even existed in the first place. No, Bella wasn't in love with me, and I was nowhere close to being in love with her… _at least, that's what I had to keep telling myself._

"Bella is the one who insisted that we couldn't fall in love," I told Tanya, still trying to convince myself as much as her. "She is fine with me leaving. In fact, she will probably be grateful to be rid of me."

Tanya shook her head disapprovingly, and suddenly I couldn't look at her. Regardless of what alter was in control, I couldn't bring myself to look into Bella's face and tell her goodbye. Then again, being a coward was nothing new for me.

"Uh, it was nice meeting you, Tanya," I said as graciously as possible, and then I left the store with my tail between my legs.

I never felt worse about myself than I did as I drove away from the bookstore that day. I honestly felt sick. Tanya's words kept replaying in my head over and over and over again. The theater, Bella in the darkness, Rosalie's hatred, Rosalie's girlfriend, Bella in love… these thoughts repeated themselves relentlessly. It just wouldn't stop.

I thought about her for the rest of the day and got virtually no work done whatsoever. I didn't want to go home because I knew my mother would be waiting to lecture me the moment I crossed her path, so I did the stupid thing and went to the local bar.

I just wanted to drink my thoughts away until I was blissfully numb, but it seemed the universe wasn't done fucking with me just yet.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't the square conch?" a familiar voice said, disrupting the sweet buzz I had going.

I turned to see Bella's perfect features twisted in a very Alice-like way.

"I see you finally broke out of the theater," I said, slightly slurred before taking another swig of my beer. "I kind of thought Rosalie would be fucking around with her girlfriend by now…or fucking up my life. Whichever came first."

"I'm sure she would be if we let her. The only way to control Rose is for the rest of us to gang up on her," Alice replied casually. "I held her back while Bree and Tanya had their turns in the light; it was only fair for them to return the favor."

"I have an idea, how about all four of you go back to the theater and just stay there indefinitely so Bella can have her own fucking life!" I said with way more hostility than I was intending.

"I know this may be hard for you to understand, but if we weren't here, Bella would completely fall apart," she rebutted, but made it clear that she wouldn't elaborate.

"Whatever. So, why are you wasting your precious time out talking to _me_? Shouldn't you be flashing people, or giving blowjobs to random strangers?"

"How do you know I haven't already?" she replied playfully with wiggling brows.

I shook my head. "Figures. Can you just leave me alone, please?"

"I could, but I thought I should probably offer you a sympathy fuck," she said unexpectedly.

"What?" I asked, trying to fight through the drunken muck in my head to hear her clearly.

"You are obviously sloshed, and I wouldn't feel right about letting you get behind the wheel, _but_ if I leave to take you home, I would definitely be wasting my time, therefore possibly losing my chance to get laid. So I figured, might as well kill two birds with one stone. You are way more fun when you're drunk anyway."

"Didn't you say you don't drive after dark…or something?"

She giggled. "That's just a ploy I sometimes use to ensure I get guys to come home with me. I can drive. Why would the darkness change anything?"

"I have no idea," I replied, unable to even think long enough to try to fully understand what the hell we were talking about.

Without further discussion, she climbed onto my lap, and immediately began sucking on my neck while grinding her pelvis into mine.

_Holy fuck!_

I didn't remember much else from the evening, but as the sun crept through my bedroom blinds the following morning, I had brief flashes of some crazy shit we did. Sexual positions I never even dreamed of, hot wax, and something may or may not have gone into a place I never explored before.

_What. The. Actual. Fuck._

I tried to move my body, but every muscle hurt. Somehow, someway, I managed to roll over, and that's when I realized I wasn't alone. Bella's chocolate tresses tickled my nose, and for a moment I wished I could just stay in that bed with her forever.

Even though I refused to admit my true feelings for the troubled girl lying next to me, I couldn't deny the fact that I enjoyed waking up to her way more than I ever enjoyed waking up to anyone else before. Wondering _who_ she would be when she finally awoke, however, was absolutely terrifying…


	9. Realization

**Chapter 9 – Realization**

I didn't want to wake her. I didn't want her to wake up and possibly want to destroy me, but mostly, I didn't want her eyes to open and for me to _not_ see _Bella_ looking back at me.

It wasn't until she began to stir that I was struck by that realization, which was then immediately followed by an onslaught of guilt.

I fucked up. I fucking went to bed with someone who wasn't Bella, and now I felt like absolute shit. The hangover notwithstanding, it had to be one of the lowest feelings of my life. The longer I dwelled on it, the worse I felt. Cheating on Bella was the last thing I ever wanted to do…_but did I cheat?_ It was her body, but certainly not her mind. Then again, all of her alters existed within her mind, so in a way, wasn't it still Bella's mind too? It was all so fucking confusing, but I knew in my gut that I shouldn't have done it.

"Mmm," she hummed as consciousness disturbed her slumber. When her eyes peeked open and she looked into mine, butterflies threatened to break free from my chest, and it had nothing to do with fear or nervousness. I knew, without a doubt, she was my _Bella_, and I didn't care how or why she was back; I just wanted to hold her. She had really only been gone a day, but it had been the longest we had been apart since we first started seeing each other, and I could honestly say I missed her.

"Why are you staring at me?" she mumbled, almost incoherently.

I leaned in and kissed her forehead, before snuggling back into her.

"I'm not staring, I just want to lie with you for a bit longer," I murmured.

"Is it Sunday yet? We should just stay in bed all day," she said softly.

I considered lying about the day of the week, just to stretch out the moment, but for the first time in my life, I didn't want to lie – not to Bella.

"Unfortunately, it's only Friday," I informed her regretfully.

"Friday?" she asked confused while abruptly pulling away and sitting up. "No, I was only joking about thinking it was Sunday. I know it's _Thursday_. Yesterday was Wednesday, because I had a meeting with a distributor over the phone, so today is Thursday."

I opened my mouth to explain what happened, but then she noticed something and practically jumped out of bed, pulling off the sheets as she went so she had something to cover herself with.

"What's this?" she asked, holding up the leather red mini skirt Alice had been wearing the night before. It was the type of thing that Bella would never wear, and I couldn't help but vaguely wonder where Alice kept her clothes when she was locked in the theater.

"Uh…"

She was staring at me with so many mixed emotions, and I didn't know how to answer her. I refused to lie, but the truth sucked, and I was trying to consider a way to somehow soften the blow.

"You were, uh… You woke up yesterday morning, and you were…"

"I split," she understood, looking utterly devastated. "You know, for a short time I was actually starting to think I was controlling them. How long was I gone for? Just since yesterday?"

I nodded sympathetically.

"What did I do? Was it Rosalie? Was I rude to you?" she questioned in a rush, but then something occurred to her. "Wait…" She looked between us at our mutually undressed state, then back at the skirt in her hand, and then she met my eye questionably. She didn't have to voice it. I knew she knew I had slept with one of her alters, and now I needed to apologize profusely.

"Bella, I'm sorry," I said with the utmost of sincerity. "It's no excuse, but I was really drunk, and she was there, and I don't remember much."

She looked down at her sheet covered body. "What is this?" she asked while pointing to red drips of something she just noticed on her arms.

"Uh, I think it's candle wax… Bella, I am really…truly… sorry," I repeated. "I don't even know how to make it right, but if I could take it back, I swear to you, I would."

"Was she that bad?" Bella asked unexpectedly. "I mean, judging from the mess, I'd think you rather enjoyed yourself."

"I… I'm not lying when I tell you that I don't remember much. I was…upset, I guess, and I went to the bar, and she happened to show up, and it was… I don't know."

"Edward, I'm sorry," she said, taking me aback. I just admitted to sleeping with her alter, and there she was, apologizing to me? It really was fucked up.

"Why are you apologizing?" I asked perplexed. "You did nothing wrong. I'm just… I'm just a fucking idiot who put myself in a shitty situation, and I betrayed you…"

"How did you betray me?" she interrupted. "Even if we were exclusive, which we both vehemently agreed not to be, you were still with me… well, my body anyway. I'm just grateful that I woke up in your bed and not in some random stranger's that I would have to discreetly find my way out of and worry about STDs for the next six months. Thankfully, at least Alice has always used protection…_as far as I could tell anyway,_" she said ashamedly.

She visibly trembled as she considered Alice's countless lovers. I knew how much she hated her alter-ego's encounters, but she was letting me off too easy, especially after I just realized something horrible…

"Bella, even if you didn't care that I was with someone else because we're not exclusive, or whatever, I still had sex with you while you were basically sleeping. Tanya mentioned that you're kept in a dark room when you're not in control? That's horrible, and I understand now that in being with Alice, I basically assaulted you," I told her, appalled and disgusted with myself, and so incredibly regretful. _What kind of monster was I?_

"Edward, please stop beating yourself up over this. It's fine. I'm fine. I promise. This entire situation is fucked up, which is why I don't date," she said before reaching for her clothes so she could dress herself.

Once she was fully clothed, and she collected all of hers and Alice's things, she looked at me and sighed. "We had fun, right? It was a good summer. I really appreciate all the time we've had together." She then crawled back on the bed to where I was still swimming through my guilt-ridden self-loathing, and she kissed my cheek. "You're going to be a great doctor someday. I don't have a doubt."

I said nothing as I watched her get off my bed and walk over to the door.

"I wish you well, Edward. I really do," she added sincerely.

Her parting smile tore my heart to pieces. We both knew I was leaving that weekend to go back to Seattle, and with it being Friday, she probably figured now was a good time for goodbye. It wasn't a good time. It was a fucking terrible time and it hurt like hell.

But I didn't stop her, and the only response I offered was, "Goodbye."

I was a fucking coward, and I knew that, but everything about Bella terrified me, and it had nothing to do with her disorder. I didn't want her to leave. I didn't want to leave her. Bella was certainly right when she said it was all just really fucked up.

I sat there like an idiot as she disappeared out of my room, and I didn't move until long after I heard her car rumble away. I had told her before that I would come visit her on the weekends after I moved back to Seattle, but she never seemed convinced, and she always spoke about our non-relationship relationship as being only temporary. When she walked out of my apartment that day, she was clearly intending to walk out of my life for good, and it hurt like hell. Emotions that we were never supposed to feel, that didn't ask permission before they crept in, did. I would have to deal with the acrid aftermath.

When I finally managed to drag my ass out of bed, I dressed and went about the day's pre-set schedule. It was my last day working at my father's hospital, but I usually got through the monotonous hours by knowing I would get to see Bella at lunch. I would count down the minutes and leave the second I was able to. That day, however, I had nothing to look forward to, so I worked through my lunch break.

Several times my father walked over to my station and told me that we needed to discuss Bella, but I just nodded and then shook my head as soon as he was gone. I wasn't discussing anything with him, and we both knew it.

My mother wanted me to spend my last evening in Forks having dinner with them, but I blew them off and decided to leave for Seattle that night. There was no sense in waiting when I sure as hell wasn't going to answer any of their questions, and I already knew how fucking disappointed they were with me. I hated myself enough for messing around with Bella, I really didn't need to hear them say it as well.

…

Despite our official goodbye, I did text Bella several times over the next week to see how she was doing, but she rarely responded, and when she did, they were one-word answers. She didn't want any further communication with me, and I had to respect that, despite how bad it fucking hurt. Then again, I felt like I truly deserved the pain after what I did to her, so I suppose it was justice, or karma, or just my bad fucking luck that I finally found a girl I couldn't get enough of and she didn't want me anymore. She was too good for me anyway, and I knew that, so I tried my best to let her go.

Being back in Seattle was exactly what I needed. I got right into my old routines and fell back in with my friends like no time had passed at all…except it all felt entirely different and I loathed every minute of it. School sucked, like always, but I soon realized hanging with my friends during my downtime was somehow actually worse…

I was out with a few of my buddies one evening, and like we had always done previously, they were shooting the shit and scoping out girls. There would have been a time that I would have more than participated, I would have led them all into successful one-night stands. Now, after Bella, I couldn't find any interest in any of it whatsoever.

When I didn't behave like they were expecting, they pushed harder, and eventually I had to tell them to "Fuck off!"

"Okay, okay, jeeze!" my buddy, Eric, finally relented. "What's up with you?"

"Nothing. This shit is just boring. I'm over it," I told them bitterly.

"You sure have changed since summer," Tyler commented. "I mean, not that that's a bad thing."

"Hell yes that's a bad thing!" Mike interjected. "He was always the one who caught all the ladies and had them bring their friends. What the hell are we supposed to do now?"

"Ah, he's just in a slump; he will perk back up soon enough. Right, buddy?" Eric said while draping his arm over my shoulder.

"I'm not so sure about that," I replied evenly while pushing off his arm. "I think I'm going to turn in," I told them before standing.

"No, you can't leave yet, I gotta tell my story first!" Mike insisted. He pulled me back down to my seat, and I grudgingly sat there to hear whatever pathetic tale he had to tell. "So, it was my second day interning at the psyche-ward, and this guy, we'll call him Harry, he just started talking to himself."

"Schizophrenia?" Tyler assumed.

Mike shrugged. "I don't know, some shit like that. Anyway, I was bored so I decided to sit with him and start talking to his mental voices like I could actually hear them too," he laughed. "I even started moving all his shit around the room when he wasn't looking and blamed it on one of his voices. He was tripping so bad," he added through his hysterics.

"That's really fucked up," I said, disgusted.

"What? Fuck off. Are you being serious right now?" Mike asked me unsure.

"Yeah, I'm being fucking serious," I told him. "That's fucked up. Where the hell do you get off messing with people like that?"

"Excuse me if I was trying to make my day a little less boring," he replied full of attitude. "If I didn't mess around, I'd likely go insane and become a patient there myself."

"Maybe if you actually tried to understand mental disorders you would realize it's wrong to mess around with them like that," I retorted. "They're real people, not brainless nothings there to entertain you! But you don't give a shit, do you? You're only in medicine because your dad made you."

"And why are you here again, Cullen?" he countered. "You and me are exactly the same, so get off your fucking high horse and shut the hell up!"

His words were like a swift punch to my gut and a douse of ice-cold water to my face. He was absolutely right – we were the same. Both hated med-school and only got in because our parents bought our way. We were both spoiled jackasses that didn't appreciate the opportunities given to us. And we both engaged with mentally unstable people for no other reason than boredom. It was pathetic and ridiculous, and neither of us should ever be doctors.

As much as I had always hated med-school, I never even considered the possibility of a different path for myself. It was all I was ever allowed to dream of for as long as I could remember. When I'd fuck up, my parents would dig me out and put me right back on that road to medicine. Perhaps that was why I fucked up so often – deep down I was always hoping to reach that ever-furthering point where my parents would give up and leave me the hell alone. It hadn't happened yet, and I was starting to realize it never would, but after listening to Mike's story, I knew I was finally ready to chart a new course.

I refused to be like Mike for a moment longer; it was time to stand up on my own two feet and own up to my feelings. What had started out as a shitty means to ease boredom, spending time with Bella had turned into so much more and changed me irrevocably. I missed her something fierce, and even though I knew I didn't deserve her, I needed to go back and tell her how I felt.

That was my last day in med-school, and my last night in Seattle…


	10. Something Different

**Chapter 10 – Something Different**

After formally dropping out of medical school, I packed up my things and headed straight to Forks. As I was driving, I was suddenly struck by my new reality – for the first time in my life, I had absolutely nothing planned. No school, no future career, no long-term goals, no direction whatsoever. I didn't even think I would have a place to stay after my parents learned what I did. It was a level of liberation that I never knew I needed until that moment.

It was fucking incredible.

Even if Bella never accepted my apology and maintained that she didn't have deeper feelings for me, I had such a strong urge to tell her how amazing it felt to finally be free. She was the best friend I ever had, and I wanted her to know that it was her strength and perseverance that inspired me to take that leap, and I would be forever grateful… homeless, but still grateful.

By the time I finally made it to Forks, it was after the bookstore closing time, but I took a chance and went straight there regardless. I _needed_ to see Bella. It was like I had put all my emotions on the backburner, but now that I was allowing myself to feel, _perhaps for the first time ever,_ I was about to boil over and I couldn't wait any longer.

Luckily, Bella's car was still in the lot, so I parked and raced for the building. I didn't take a moment to stop and consider the fact that Bella may be currently someone else, but when I went inside and practically rammed right into her as she was on her way out, I could think of nothing except for how grateful I was to be _home_.

I didn't need her verbal confirmation to know Bella was Bella; there was a look in her eye that was distinctively her and I was able to recognize it immediately. However, that look – that unique _Bella_ look – was also currently unreadable.

"I… uh…" I was at a loss for words under her intense stare, which felt like it was penetrating straight through me.

Why was I so freaking horrible at expressing myself? I suppose the idea of feelings and emotions were still foreign to me, but I needed to rectify that if I even had a shadow of a chance with Bella.

With my mind clouded with insecurities, I grabbed the closest book I could reach from where I was standing, and I held it out for her.

"Sorry, I-uh, just needed to buy this really quick," I mumbled like the idiot I was trying hard not to be. Then again, that ice-breaking tactic had worked twice before with her, so it might just work once more.

She hesitantly took the book from my hand and looked at it. "_Sex Yourself; The Woman's Guide to Mastering and Achieving Powerful Orgasms._" Her amused brow lifted towards me challengingly, and I knew that she was at least receptive of my presence.

I shrugged but couldn't keep the smile off my lips. "The best way to learn how to please a woman is by a woman's firsthand account," I said, just furthering my plunge into dipshit-ness.

She smiled, but she quickly fought it off. "I'm sorry, but we're closed. You'll have to come back during regular business hours," she said as seriously as possible while placing the book back where I got it.

"Fair enough," I agreed. "That's a bit heavier reading than I had planned for tonight anyway."

"What are you doing here, Edward?" she then asked, becoming alarmingly serious. She wasn't happy to see me, which I had prepared for, but being faced with that reality was so much more difficult than I predicted. Still, I cared enough about her to respect her feelings. I wouldn't push myself on her if she truly didn't want me there, but I couldn't leave until I was completely honest.

"I love you," I blurted out, surprising both of us. "That's-uh, only part of the reason why I came. I needed you to know that I dropped out of med-school because you made me want more, and I don't know what I'm going to do because I'm sure my parents will kill me and not let me stay with them when they find out, but I honestly don't care," I said in a rush.

The moment the words were out, I honestly felt so much lighter. Voicing my thoughts and feelings was not something I ever really did before, but it was amazing, and regardless of the outcome, I knew I'd never regret it.

Bella considered what I just told her, but only for a moment. "You quit school and are possibly homeless, and you're saying you made that huge rash decision because of me?" she questioned slowly.

"Yes… Wait, no, that's not what I mean. I didn't do it _because_ of you, but you did inspire me. You inspired me to want to look deeper within myself and know that what I was doing wasn't right. I didn't like who I was as a person before I met you, and after…all I did was miss you and want to come back. I hate medicine, and I hate being away from you too because I love you more than I've ever loved anyone or anything before."

Her featured never shifted from my confession, but her eyes showed her emotions – her _sadness_.

"Edward, you promised not to fall in love with me," she murmured.

I sighed. "I know, and I know from your lack of response to all my texts that you might not feel the same way, and I never want you to feel any guilt about that. I just… I had to tell you."

"I didn't respond to your texts because I thought you would get over it and move on once you settled in with your friends and everything in Seattle. A clean break is always best for me, but… _you came back_," she said quietly. "Nobody has ever come back before," she added with her stoic mask breaking just enough to let a tear escape down her cheek.

Her pain was devastating, and I wanted nothing more than to hold her, but when I moved closer, she put up her hand to stop me. She took a moment to compose herself, and then she steeled her features once again. "But people don't come back for a reason, Edward."

"I know," I told her gently, knowing exactly where she was going with it. "I know it can't possibly be easy, but that's okay. Being with you is worth all the issues that come along with your disorder."

She inhaled deeply, before asking, "Will you come with me somewhere?"

"Of course," I replied automatically.

She insisted that I follow behind her in my own car, but she wouldn't say to where. We drove across town, and then finally pulled into one of the shittiest apartment complexes in the area, and parked.

"Are you showing me a potential place for me to rent?" I asked, slightly amused and overly confused as we stepped out of our respective cars. "I mean, this place looks affordable on a fast food salary and all, but I'm not so sure I could live here."

"No, this isn't for you. Will you please just come with me; there is something I need you to see in order for you to truly understand why we could never be together."

Her words were like a sharp dagger to my chest, but I followed her regardless; if anything, I wanted the chance to explain to her why she was wrong. I said I wouldn't push myself on her, but if she had some obscure reason for us staying apart besides her lack of feelings for me, then I'd have to counter. I honestly felt like of we both truly cared for each other, there wasn't anything we couldn't overcome.

We didn't speak as we walked through the halls of doors, until she finally stopped in front of one in particular.

"I woke up in this apartment last week," she said unexpectedly. "I didn't know where I was, but that wasn't unusual for me. It wasn't until I realized I was alone that I started looking around and discovered something…"

She took a key from her keyring and unlocked the door. Inside was a regular small crappy apartment; nothing peculiar or out of the ordinary, except…

"Is that?" I asked as I noticed a small framed picture on the coffee table. "Wow."

"Yep, wow," Bella agreed, but seemed to assume I was referring to the entire apartment, rather than the photo of what looked like her romantically embracing another woman. I was going to clarify, but I realized the apartment itself was the bigger issue.

"So… this is…" I was, once again, at a loss. Even though it was clear that the place belonged to Rosalie, I couldn't quite grasp how she was able to pull it off.

"Edward, I knew nothing about this," Bella told me while gesturing to our surroundings. "But it appears as though my alters have had it for a while now."

"Alters? As in _all_ of them share this place; not just Rosalie?" I asked surprised.

"I guess…well, I'm not sure if the kids come here since they don't drive and can't take care of themselves."

"How did they accomplish this?" I asked her, still in shock by the entire thing.

"I found the payments for the rent when I was going through all my business expenses," she explained. "I had a hunch that they'd been taking money directly from the store, and I was right. They were disguising the automatic payments as some type of insurance. After that I contacted the management and asked for a copy of the rental agreement. The guy didn't even ask me for ID before handing it over to me. The contract says there are _two_ occupants: Alice and Rosalie Hale."

"Your alters have last names?" I asked.

"Apparently, made up ones. The worst part is the date on the contract; they've had this place for over two years."

"_Shit_," I said dumbfounded. "How did they get away with this for so long?"

"I don't know. I found their fake IDs in one of the drawers, and when I was walking down the hall after that first morning here, one of the neighbors asked me which of the twins I was and how funny it was that she never saw '_us'_ together. So, I guess they've been posing as twins, which I suppose helps them get away with being so different with different names and having different hookups come and go. It's all so…" She shook her head as her words trailed off.

"Do they know you know?" I asked quietly. She was radiating so much tension and stress that even my soft voice sounded like I was screaming in my own head.

"I don't know. I don't know what they know, but over the last week, I've been spending some time here myself. I was diagnosed with this disorder when I was a teenager, so I've never lived on my own. I didn't trust myself to be away from my dad, but it seems my alters had other ideas. In all honesty, since experiencing a little taste of actually living like an adult away from my dad, I can't say I blame them."

"Yeah, even when parents are cool, it's still sucks to be an adult living with them for an extended period of time," I agreed.

"I love my dad, but I think it's time for me to become a little more independent… of course, stumbling onto this place like this isn't exactly reassuring. How could I have not known about this for so long? What else about them don't I know?"

"So, your dad never told you that you just wouldn't come home sometimes?" I questioned, trying to get a better understanding of the situation.

"He works a lot of night shifts, and even when he's home, we both know Alice's…_habits_. He also knows Rosalie doesn't want anything to do with him, so when she's out, he figures she finds other places to be. He used to question her on it, but she refused to talk to him. I'm an adult now, so short of deeming me incompetent, there isn't anything he can do about it."

"But why hasn't he deemed you incompetent?" I asked carefully. "I mean, I'm not saying you should be, but I'm just curious as to his reasons for not attempting that. I think if I were in his position that might be something I'd have to consider."

"We have discussed it in the past. When I turned eighteen, we spoke to a few doctors about what would be best, but it was my dad who was the most against it. If I was never allowed legal control over myself, I would lose a chance at my half-life that I do have," she pointed out. "I'd lose my business, and any hint of self-sustainment that is so important to me. For the most part my alters cooperate with me, in the sense that they haven't ruined my store, and right now, that store is all I have… it's probably all I'll ever have."

"You can have _me_," I reaffirmed gently but with conviction. Nothing about the situation had detoured me; I knew it wouldn't be easy, but Bella was certainly worth fighting for.

"Edward," she murmured while shaking her head no.

"Tell me you don't love me, and I'll walk away," I challenged her.

She stared me down, and the weight of the moment was palpable. I could see her intent to lie, but just as I couldn't lie to her, I knew she couldn't lie to me, regardless of how much she thought she needed to. When she accepted the fact that she wasn't going to be able to force out a fabrication, she looked away and tried to further convince me of her point.

"It would never work," she said, steadfast. "I can't live my life knowing I'm hurting you."

I wanted to tell her again that it was worth it to me for the chance to be with her, but then something made me refocus on that framed picture and I thought of something.

"If one of your alters can maintain a romantic relationship, an alter who is in control far less often than you are, why can't you have the same benefit?"

She scrunched her face in confusion. "What are you talking about?"

I picked up the picture to emphasize my meaning – the picture of her, _who was assumingly Rosalie at the time_, romantically embracing a dark-haired woman.

"If your alter can figure out how to have a real relationship, so can you," I told her doubtlessly.

"No, this…" She took the picture from me and analyzed it as if she was looking at it with new eyes. "This is just someone Rosalie met…somewhere, right?"

Did she really not know? How could Rosalie keep such a huge secret from Bella? Then again, we were standing in a secret apartment, so I suppose I shouldn't put anything past her.

"Seems pretty important to have the picture framed," I pointed out. "It's even the only picture in this entire apartment as far as I can see."

"Yeah, but why would you say this is a romantic relationship? That's an odd assumption. Just because she is embracing someone, a woman none the less… I mean, I'm not a lesbian, and Alice certainly isn't, so…"

"Tanya told me that Rosalie has a girlfriend," I tried convincing her gently.

"A _friend_ that's a _girl_, I'm sure. Hell, I'm surprised she has any friends at all, my dad said she is horrible."

"Tanya told me they have been _intimate_," I said hesitantly.

Bella squeezed her eyes shut as she let my words sink in. When she opened them again, her resolve was even more firm. "I don't know how that could be possible, but it just further proves my point. I have no idea what any of them are doing at any given time. They have secret apartments, and apparently secret…_relationships_. I don't know Rosalie's arrangement with this woman; all I know is that I could never ask you to be with me knowing I can't be faithful to you."

"But they aren't _you_," I told her. "What they do has nothing to do with us. I love _you_, not them."

"But they _are_ me," she argued emotionally. "We share a body. Say we do try to make a real go at a relationship; what if we eventually want something more? Are you going to marry me knowing my body will never fully be yours? What about kids? I certainly can't fathom being pregnant knowing my body wasn't always being cared for the way I'd want it to be, and you would never be sure it was your child either because of Alice's promiscuity. I'm on birth control now, but if I were to go off…. I know I'm getting ahead of myself, but that's the reality of my situation. You say you love me, and I want you to know how much that means to me because I never even had the audacity to dream of anyone ever loving me. I love you too, which is why we need to let this be over now while it's still this beautiful thing, otherwise I'm going to ruin it, and I don't want to look back on this and have to carry that guilt with me for the rest of my life."

"How is regret any better than guilt?" I countered. "Relationships crumble all the time for all different reasons. Maybe you're right, maybe we become stagnant and want more. We deal with that then. If it's not something we can work out, then it is what it is, and we go our separate ways. But what we won't do is regret the good times we were able to have together."

She sighed as she considered what I was saying. "Better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all."

"Exactly!" I confirmed, hopeful she was finally understanding where I was coming from.

She shook head. "If that's true, then we've already done that. I've already had more with you this past summer than I ever thought I'd get. Hell, even Alice must really like you to have slept with you twice; I don't think she has ever done that with anyone else before. But summer is over, and emotions are becoming more intense, and…"

"What?" I asked when her words trailed off.

She bit her bottom lip and appeared to be contemplating something in her mind.

"What is it?" I pressed, knowing she wasn't sure if she wanted to voice her idea or not. "Bella, whatever it is…"

"Alice likes you," she said quietly, almost sheepishly.

"I'm not so sure about that," I disagreed. "She only likes me drunk, so it would seem."

"No, she likes you, otherwise she would have never slept with you for a second time," she reiterated.

"But we didn't really get along while sober," I said ashamedly. I still felt like shit for sleeping with Alice at all – but it seemed Bella just may feel the exact opposite.

"It doesn't matter that you didn't get along with her, all that Alice seems to care about is sex. If she would be willing to… If you could perhaps keep her interested in you… maybe I wouldn't have to worry about waking up in strangers' beds anymore."

"You want me to… like… _seduce_ Alice?" I questioned, unsure if I was understanding her correctly.

"Is that wrong of me to ask?" she wondered out-loud. "It is, isn't it? God, I'm such an idiot!"

"You're not an idiot," I assured her. "I just… I mean, I think I get where you're coming from, but I just… I think I'd feel like I was cheating on you. That's the way it felt last time."

"Because you keep thinking of us as two different people, and we are, in a sense, but we are also the same. I know it's all fucked up, but I'd honestly rather have you sleeping with her when I'm not in control, than her using my body to sleep with anyone else. I can't control Alice's urges, but… maybe _you_ can. If she was happy enough with you, it could allow us to be together too."

I was quiet as I tried to imagine it. The feeling I had after sleeping with Alice really sucked, but what if Bella was right? What if finding a way to win over Alice was the only way to be with Bella?

"What about Rosalie?" I asked, still not sure about anything.

Bella raised her shoulder hopelessly. "I don't know; I can only hope she will eventually realize you're not her enemy and give up on hating you. At least if she is into women, I don't have to worry about getting pregnant from one of her trysts the way I do with Alice."

"That's true," I agreed gently. I did have a buddy whose girlfriend was bisexual. He didn't mind her sleeping with women, as long as she didn't sleep with other men. I guess our situation was at least better than that – that is, if I did as Bella was asking and won over Alice into an exclusive relationship with me.

"Edward, this is all just crazy," Bella said, second guessing herself. "How can I say I love you if I ask you to do any of this? It's too much. It would be too much for anyone."

"I'm not just _anyone_, and it's not too much. Look, I can't promise my feelings won't ever change, just as you can't, but we can certainly give it a try and see how it works. Do you really want to have to wonder what it would have been like of we just tried? Because it could fizzle and burn, but it could also be amazing. _We_ could be amazing. You and me. We just need to try."

Bella stepped forward and reached up to caress my face. "I'm scared," she admitted. "I'm terrified, actually. I don't want to allow myself to hope and then lose it. It's too big of a risk."

I placed my hand over hers on my cheek. "Everything worth doing in life is risky," I said, no louder than a whisper. "But love is worth taking that risk – it's worth risking everything for. I never believed that before, but I do now. I've never wanted anything more and I'm willing to fight through whatever inevitable hardships lie ahead of us."

"It's not fair to you," she maintained, but the resolve in her voice was definitely faltering.

I smiled. "Do you honestly think your issues are going to be our _only_ issues in this relationship? I'm currently homeless and unemployed."

She smiled back. "I see, it all makes sense now. I should have known the only way anyone would want to be with an insane woman like me was if he was desperate for a suga-mama."

I chuckled. "I doubt you're old enough to qualify as a sugar-mama. Besides, I fully plan to work as soon as possible, and until then, my car is fairly comfortable."

"You really think your parents wouldn't let you stay with them?" she asked curiously.

I shook my head no. "You don't know my dad. But it's fine; this complex isn't as crappy as it looks from the outside. I'm sure I can afford an apartment here fairly quickly."

"Or we can just stay here together," Bella suggested, probably before really thinking it through. She hadn't even agreed to be with me just yet, but her offer certainly gave me hope.

My smile stretched across my face. "I don't know, your roommates…or _body_-mates in your case, would probably rather set this place on fire before letting me stay here with you."

"Unless you can convince them otherwise," she requested one more time.

As unsure as I was about perusing Alice, suddenly I knew that was exactly what I had to do – but it wasn't just Alice. If I truly wanted to be with Bella, I'd have to earn the approval of _all_ of them. Loving Bella was easy, but winning over Rosalie, Tanya, Bree, and Alice would be the challenge of my life.

Having a relationship with someone with DID could never be "normal". Bella and I both had to let go of the idea of a conventional relationship and learn to pave a new course to something different –something we didn't yet know or understand, but something beautiful in it's own way. I wasn't sure how that journey would look, but I knew I was going to put everything I had into it, and that was all anyone could ever do…


	11. Confrontation

**Chapter 11 – Confrontation**

Making love to Bella, knowing I loved her and she loved me, had to be the most incredible feeling I ever experienced. It all became clear to me that that was the way it was supposed to be – a physical manifestation of intense emotions.

Lying awake and watching her sleep peacefully in my arms, didn't even feel creepy the way I always assumed it would when people did so in movies. Of course, after I finally succumbed to my own slumber, the nightmares set in…

"_Oh, you're in trouble now," a little girl said, making me sit up in that crappy apartment's crappy bed, only to find Bella gone. _

_It was a dream, and I knew it was a dream, so I didn't question the girl as to why she was there or even who she was. I knew who she was, regardless of never seeing that version of her before. _

_I rubbed my face, hoping to clear enough of the dream haze to see her better. _

"_Hey Bree, whatcha doing?" I asked groggily, not thinking it was odd whatsoever that she was there, in her little girl form, just sitting on the bed besides me. Her legs were crossed like a pretzel, and her chin was in her hands with her elbows resting on her knees, making her look even smaller than she would otherwise. _

"_You snore in your sleep," she grumbled._

"_I do?" I asked surprised, having never been told that by anyone before._

"_Yep," she said before leaning back so her hands were now behind her. "And that's just one reason why you're in trouble. Rosalie hates snoring, and now she is coming. If I were you, I'd hide… Of course, hiding under the bed never worked for me before. You should try the closet."_

"_Who have you hidden from?" I asked her concerned._

"_The bad guys. Rosalie isn't really bad, but she sure is mad. You better hurry, she's coming."_

…

I woke up with a start, and the scene before me made me think my dream wasn't strictly a dream. In the exact same position Bree had been sitting, Bella now sat, except she was far from Bella…

"Good morning, sweetheart. Sleep well?" she asked with such over-pleasantness that I physically trembled. "Aww, are you cold?"

"No," I replied quickly while sitting up and immediately checking myself to make sure I was dressed. "No, not cold, just…"

"Terrified?" she asked with a sinister smile.

I wasn't sure if it was her insultingly fake tone, or her pompousness, but suddenly all my nerves melted away. Rosalie had been a worry for long enough; I was done letting her threats affect me.

"No, actually; I've never been afraid of monsters. I think your icy persona just got to me for a moment, but I'm fine now. Thanks for your concern," I told her, echoing her same falsified friendly tone.

Like the flip of a switch, she dropped the pretenses and her mood darkened. "You really do have a death wish, don't you?"

I pretended to consider it. "I don't think so. I'm actually pretty fond of living right now."

"Do you think I was bluffing with my threats before?" she asked aggressively.

"No, I'm sure you have every intention of ruining me right now, but the truth is, there isn't much more you can do that I haven't already done to myself. I dropped out of med-school, and my parents are thoroughly disappointed… or, at least, they will be as soon as they find out. I have zero plans for my future, so the way I see it, I just saved you a lot of work," I said casually.

She laughed once humorlessly. "You really are a moron, aren't you? I mean, I already knew you were, but you're doing your damndest to prove me right. You're a fucking drop-out, unemployed, and probably homeless. Bella sure knows how to pick them, doesn't she?"

"Oh, I'm not homeless," I informed her, unaffected by a single thing she had to say. "I'm staying here with you. We are going to have so much fun. Right, roomie? Maybe later we can talk about hot chicks and braid each other's hair."

"There is no way in hell you're staying here with me. But you are right about one thing – you're _not_ homeless. I'm sure the state penitentiary will have your room ready in no time."

I feigned concern. "Shit, I forgot about your threats to falsify criminal charges against me. Well, Bella did tell Charlie to make sure you're never alone at the station, and I do have my own threats to fall back on. I think I'm fine."

"What threats?" she asked with disgust.

"Oh, the ones I haven't made yet but am certainly about to. See, I actually have a friend who _is_ a hacker. He doesn't have access to police files or anything, but…"

I put my index finger up as I text my buddy Liam for help. With a quick pic of the framed picture of Rosalie's girlfriend, I sent it over to him with the name _Emma_, and within two minutes he had a whole slew of information for me.

"Emma McCarty. Previously competed in the Women's MMA. Currently works as a personal trainer at the Twenty-Four–Seven Fitness in Port Angeles."

Rosalie was clearly fuming. "How the fuck do you know all of that?"

"A quick image match online and my buddy was able to find all of that super easily. Obviously, anyone can do that, but he has other skills too. Skills that could ruin this lovely lady."

"What kind of sick fuck would go after someone he doesn't even know?" she seethed.

"Well, in the past when someone came after me for whatever reason, I would just return the fire twice as hot, however I can't really hurt you without hurting Bella… except when it comes to your girlfriend, who Bella knew nothing about. Besides, even if I could hurt you personally in a way that wouldn't affect Bella, I know you wouldn't really care. You strike me as one of those types of personalities that can take a lot of shit. Of course, go after someone you love and that's where I find your cracks. Right?"

"Or I just destroy you before you have a chance to do anything," she threatened.

"Except I already have done something. My buddy has all her info now, so if I end up in jail for any reason, I use my one phone call to contact him and have him ruin sweet Emma's reputation, credit score, career, and everything else he can access online."

"You are the devil incarnate, and I will do everything in my power to make you wish you never met Bella," she said evenly.

"We'll see about that. In the meantime, I'm going to take a shower," I told her casually, which just pissed her off even more. I definitely made sure to lock myself inside the bathroom out of a slight fear that she would dump some poisonous chemical on me while I showered or something. Thankfully, my time in the bathroom was uneventful, and when I reemerged into the main living space of the apartment, Rosalie was gone. Unfortunately for me, she took Bella's body with her wherever the hell she went.

It was entirely possible she was out there somewhere hashing up a new move to destroy what little I had left in life, but I honestly didn't think so. She probably just wanted to get away from me.

As I sat on the little lumpy couch and replayed our confrontation in my mind, I honestly felt like shit for threatening her the way that I did. I didn't want to stoop to Rosalie's level, and I certainly had no intention of actually doing anything to harm her girlfriend, but even with the guilt I was feeling, I couldn't think of anything else I could have done to get her to back down. It really sucked, but hopefully she wouldn't call my bluff and we could eventually figure out a way to peacefully coexist.

After I continued to sit on my ass for another hour or so, I decided it was long enough and I had to get moving. As long as I continued to move forward and never get stuck, I knew I would dig myself out of the hole I created in my own life. First-off was checking the local classifieds for any job openings. A pizza joint, fast food chains, and Walmart were all hiring, so I applied for all of them online. They certainly weren't career material, but I figured one of them might just hold me over until I figure out something more long-term. Next-up was talking to my parents….

"What the hell were you thinking?" my father immediately screamed at me the moment I walked through the door. I wasn't surprised that they already knew what I did, he was close friends with the dean. "Do you know how humiliating it is to be blindsided by such idiocy from my only son? Now I have to go jump through hoops to try to get your spot back…"

"I was thinking that I didn't want to be a doctor," I told him assuredly, rendering him speechless. "And don't waste your time jumping through any hoops, because I'm not going back."

"Edward, when you change your mind in a few weeks…" my mom offered, but I needed to make myself completely clear, so they had the best chance of understanding.

"I _hate_ medicine," I said gently yet firmly. "I have always hated medicine, but I bit my tongue and went along with the path you guys only allowed because I never knew how to get away from it. I don't like upsetting you… I know some of my previous actions may have convinced you otherwise, but I really don't, but I need to find something that I'll be content doing for the rest of my life. Medicine just isn't it. I'm sorry for disappointing you, but I'm not sorry I dropped out and I know I never will be."

"Well, then what the hell are you going to do with your life?" my dad asked, still angry but surprisingly calming.

"I don't know, but I'm not going to rush figuring it out. Until then, I'll get whatever crappy job I can to support myself."

"Crappy job? Edward, you may have dropped out of med-school, but you're still a college graduate. Apply for a real job," my mother suggested.

"But I don't know what I want to do yet," I argued.

"You don't have to," she countered. "Having a real job doesn't mean you can't switch professions later on."

"I have a job for you in the hospital billing department," my dad informed me. "You're plenty qualified and it pays decently."

"I don't want you to get me a job, dad," I said, getting frustrated.

"Nonsense. You'll work there until you find adequate work elsewhere. I won't have my son working in a fast food establishment."

"There is nothing wrong with working at a fast food place," I retorted, but after more bitching on both of my parent's parts, I relented. The truth was that I could be stubborn about it and continue to refuse, but the job at the hospital did pay well, and with my current situation, a good income could only be beneficial. I would make sure my next job was one that I got a hundred percent on my own, and I vowed that this would be the last time that I used my father's position of power to my advantage.

When I was finished at my parents' house, I took my chances and went to Bella's bookstore. As expected, her car was in the parking lot, so I hesitantly went inside.

"Wow, you're still alive, huh?" Bella's voice spoke before I even saw her. "I thought Rosalie was going to gut you for sure."

I spun around myself to look in the direction of her voice, and then I spotted her towards the back of the store. Judging by her playful snarky tone, I was fairly certain she was currently Alice, so sauntered over to her and decided it wasn't too soon to woo her with my Cullen charm.

"Hey, long time no see," I said with my most irresistible crooked grin that always drove the ladies wild.

She surprisingly rolled her eyes and threw her palm out in my direction like she couldn't be bothered. "Don't even try it, Conch. I know you want me to be all exclusive with you, but I hate to break it to you, I've already fucked you one too many times. I'm not into thirds; hell, I'm not even into seconds. You should count yourself lucky that you got that far."

"Can I ask you something?" I requested, not all that surprised by her comment.

She looked amused and curious, so she smiled and replied, "Of course you can."

"What is it about having so many partners in bed that interests you so much. I mean, don't get me wrong, I've had my fair share of one-nighters that I had no interest in revisiting, but what's wrong with sleeping with someone on a regular basis if you actually like them?"

"There is nothing wrong with it if you're into that sort of thing, but I learned early on that I'm definitely not a person who is," she explained vaguely.

"Why?" I pressed.

She shrugged. "I've seen it go wrong too many times. Bella, her parents, her mom, hell, even Rosalie has had far too many heartaches over stupid people who weren't worth her time."

"Who _would_ be worth her time?" I questioned.

"No one. The only people we can count on are ourselves… and I can't stand Rosalie, so what does that tell you?"

"I'm not sure," I said honestly.

She huffed. "It tells you that I'm better off alone. If I could lock Rosalie away permanently, I would."

"What about Bella and the others?"

She considered it. "It's Bella's life and we are all here to protect her, so I'd never want to deny her access to the light, unless I thought it was in her best interest. And I don't mind letting Bree out occasionally; she's a brat, but sometimes it's fun to watch her get into shit. Tanya is an idiot that I've tried to get laid, but she just screamed and hid, but I don't hate her. I mean, I enjoy being alone, but I guess I'm good with sharing my body with all of them. I just hate Rose. Well, it's a love-hate thing. I could never truly hate her when we are both parts of the same person."

I had to take a moment to digest everything she said, but one thing stood out. "What was that you were saying about trying to get Tanya laid?" I asked perplexed.

Alice didn't look like she wanted to elaborate, but for whatever reason, she decided to anyway. "Once, when I was with some random guy, I decided to let Tanya out to experience sex like she swears she wants to, but then she freaked, which tells me she isn't close to being ready."

"Or, she just doesn't want to fuck some stranger," I suggested.

"Whatever. Strangers are the only way to go. Once you're done with them, you can toss them aside and move on. No need to listen to any of their crap."

"Crap?"

She huffed again as if she was annoyed she had to explain. "You know, the fake '_I love yous'_, only to disappear just because Bree tries to burn down their house. _Crap_ like that."

"Bree did what?"

"She was trying to help the guy. He had ants coming out of his wall… That, or she just didn't like him," she said unconcerned.

I furrowed my brows, but rather than press the matter, I decided to dismiss it. "Well, I guess I can see why you don't like relationships… _kind of_. But you don't have to worry about me trying to pursue you; I just told Bella I'd attempt it so she would feel better," I lied. "I'm not interested in sleeping with you again either."

Her right hand popped up to her hip, and she cocked her head to the side. "And why the hell not?" she asked, falling for my reverse psychology tactic far too easily.

"Well, I get to sleep with Bella enough; I'm sort of over you."

She laughed once humorlessly. "Excuse me? Bella and I are nothing alike in bed."

I pretended to think about it. "I guess that's true. Bella is a little more adventurous."

Her offense doubled. "Bella is more adventurous than me?"

"Yeah. I mean, I had fun with you and all, but the candle wax, and the biting you like… it's just a little… vanilla."

"Vanilla!" she spat.

"There's nothing wrong with vanilla," I tried to smooth it over without smoothing it over. "I like vanilla, but sometimes I feel like mint chip, or even cherries jubilee."

She narrowed her eyes. "You're messing with me, aren't you?"

Maybe I wasn't as sly as I thought I was. _Crap._

"No, I'm not messing with you, I'm just…"

I attempted to backtrack, but she cut me off.

"Yes, you are. You're messing with me, but lucky for you, it worked. Come on."

"Where are we going?" I asked, slightly concerned.

"To go fuck between the aisles. I'll show you how very un-vanilla I can be…"

With it being in the middle of business hours, and her clearly having no intention to close the store, even temporarily, I wasn't sure if the tryst was exciting or terrifying. However, once she pulled her top over her head and immediately attacked me, I forgot where we were completely. Picking her up and shoving her against a book-self as her legs wrapped around my waist seemed only natural, and as much as I was reluctant about wooing Alice beforehand, I couldn't deny just how fucking hot she actually was.

Alice was _Bella's_ wild side, and that's how I chose to see it. Like with anyone's playful crazy mood, it wasn't something I'd enjoy fulltime, but it was definitely fun while it lasted…. Until, that is, the bell sounded in the front of the store, signifying someone was walking through the door.

"Shit!" I hissed as I quickly put her down and pulled up my pants.

"See? Not vanilla," she gloated with a giggle as she put her shirt back on far slower than my nerves could take.

"Hurry, someone is here!"

"Oh relax, Conch. The thrill of potentially getting caught is half the fun."

"Is it now?" I disagreed.

"Bella?" a deep voice called towards us.

My concern increased tenfold.

"Relax, it's just Charlie," Alice said casually.

"Charlie? As in Chief Swan? As in your _dad_?" I asked in a panic.

"Bella's dad," she corrected me.

"Which is your dad since you are Bella," I pointed out.

"Only biologically," she disagreed. "He certainly didn't raise me."

"Bella?" Chief Swan called again.

Alice straightened out her skirt, and then she walked away from me towards the sound of her "bio" dad calling towards her.

I wanted to somehow sink into the floor and disappear completely, rather than speak to the Chief right then. I fully planned to introduce myself when the time was right; that time, however, was definitely not the right time. I was absolutely unprepared, looked like an idiot, and had just had semi-public sex with his daughter. I was horrified to meet him at the moment, and that feeling only escalated when I forced myself to emerge from the aisle to see the man glaring at me.

"What's going on here?" he grumbled with his moustache twitching in time with the thudding of my cowardly heart.

Then Alice said the words that would certainly end my life… or, at the very least, make me piss myself.

"Not much. Eddie and I were just over there fucking. Don't worry, we didn't knock any shelves over."

My eyes helplessly locked to severely intimidating man in a cop uniform, and I honestly would have preferred death than the deadly daggers his eyes were shooting back at me.

_God, help me._


	12. Challenge

**Chapter 12 – Challenge**

I had been in a lot of sticky and somewhat scary situations in the past, but nothing compared to standing in front of the Chief of Police, after his mentally unstable daughter told him we just fucked between the aisles of her bookstore.

Just kill me now.

"Mr. Cullen, is it?" Chief Swan asked. His voice was void of any friendliness whatsoever, which was understandable given our current situation, but still sent chills up my spine.

"Uh… yes, Sir," I mumbled, almost incoherently like the stumbling coward I was. We had never met before, so I wasn't exactly sure how he knew who I was, thus leaving me even more nervous, if that were possible.

His glare never left me, but his next comment was directed towards Alice. "Bella, honey, I'm going to have to take a rain check on our lunch date. Mr. Cullen and I need to have a little discussion."

"I'm _not_ Bella," Alice said defensively and full of irritation. "And if you're planning to tell him what a fucking lunatic I am, you can save it. He already knows, and he rather enjoys it if you ask me."

"I don't give a flying hoot what he thinks he knows," he retorted. "We are going for a little ride in my car to have a friendly conversation."

"Are you going to make him sit in the back like a criminal?" Alice asked, suddenly becoming far too excited.

"Perhaps," her father deadpanned.

She giggled, and then winked at me before offering a parting wave of her fingers.

_Great_.

I timidly followed Chief Swan out of the bookstore and got into the back of his cruiser. He shut me in, and of course, I heard the doors lock, which made me jump.

After walking around the car and getting into the driver's seat, he drove us out of the lot without saying a word. It wasn't until he pulled up to the police station that he acknowledged that I was even there.

His eyes locked with mine through the rearview mirror, but he still didn't speak. He just stared, making my anxiety skyrocket even higher than it already was.

After several long beats, I cleared the wad of scared shitless-ness in the back of my throat. "Um, Sir? Am I in some kind of trouble?" I questioned, wondering if Rosalie was able to manipulate some kind of criminal charge on me after all.

He didn't answer verbally, but he finally broke his glare and got out of the car, before opening my door from the outside.

I apprehensively exited, but when he held open the front passenger door for me, my confusion overtook my fear, but only slightly. "Sir?"

"Just get in. We need to talk," he finally answered. "I only put you in back to humor my daughter."

"Oh." I forced out a nervous laugh, but his expression made me think better of it, so I immediately shut the hell up and got back into the car.

He drove us around the big outer loop of town, and finally parked just outside the city limit at a trucker rest-stop.

Thankfully, his deadly silence was over. "Edward, is it?"

"Yes. I'm sorry, I don't remember meeting you before," I said as courteously as possible.

"We haven't met, but I know your parents and your mother did mention that you have been spending time with Bella recently," he replied, making no attempt to disguise the bitterness in his tone.

Just fucking perfect.

"Knowing Bella has spent any amount of extended time with anyone," he continued, "leaves me to believe that she already has feelings for you. I need you to understand…"

"Look, Sir, with all due respect," I cut him off, knowing he was going to try to detour me from wanting to continue my relationship with her. "Bella deserves a chance at having some form of a connection with people other than you."

"You're right, she does deserve that, but it's just not possible. You may think you understand her disorder, but there's even many in the medical field that don't properly comprehend what she endures daily and how she came about developing it. Has she told you the cause of her DID? Did you even think to ask?"

"Uh… no," I admitted, taken aback by his question. "I just assumed it was something that can happen like any other mental illness. I do know depression and bipolar disorders can occur without determinable cause. A chemical imbalance possibly," I rambled, realizing I probably knew even less than I never even thought to consider.

"Some depressions, and other forms of mental illness, can have no cause or can be created due to a chemical imbalance in the person. _However,_ most cases of DID are derived from severe trauma in childhood; usually an ongoing abuse of some-sort."

My stomach immediately dropped. "You said _most_ cases," I mumbled, suddenly feeling like my throat was closing in. Surely if Bella had been the victim of abuse I would have known. Then again, how the hell would I have known? The very idea of it was utterly gut-wrenching, and honestly made me feel nauseous.

"Bella _is_ one of those cases," he said, confirming the worst.

My eyes reflexively squeezed shut as a way to brace myself from the pain of learning of her pain. It was not something I would have ever guessed in my darkest thoughts, but I suppose it made sense. Surviving abuse in childhood would certainly be enough to make someone's personality split, but now I was left wondering if I even wanted to know the exact circumstances.

Initially, I couldn't help but think the Chief was possibly the culprit behind her suffering? Logically, however, I quickly concluded that he probably wasn't. An abuser wouldn't care enough to give that information, and he seemed to be Bella's only family member that she had spoken of. I didn't want to know what happened to her, but in a way, I felt like I had to in order to be the supportive partner she needed.

"How… Who hurt her?"

Chief Swan sighed. "Bella is an adult and it's not my place to tell her story, so I won't go into detail of the actual incidents, but there are some things I think you should know in order to have a better understanding of what you're getting yourself into." He took a deep breath. "It happened when she was young, while living with her mother. As far as I'm aware, Bella doesn't even know the whole truth. Her alters bear that burden; as troublesome as they may be, I'm grateful for them."

"So… Bella doesn't have any idea what happened to her?" I asked, trying to get a better understanding.

"She knows _something_ happened. She knows her mother is currently in jail for that something, but she has never discussed the details – not even with her psychologist, which is why I think she doesn't know. Plus, Rosalie has made certain comments that imply Bella's ignorance. From my understanding, Rosalie, in particular, holds those memories. I know she seems… _harsh_, but over the years I have learned to just give her space. She has a purpose – an important one at that. Bella is able to function as much as she does _because_ Rosalie exists."

"So, whatever happened to Bella, Rosalie is the only one who knows?" I questioned.

"Well, I know what the police report states and what has been said by her doctors, but like I said, it's not my place to tell Bella. What happened to her is un-erasable. It happened, and all we can do is deal with the aftermath and be thankful she is able to cope at all. DID is how she copes. Her pediatric psychologist had once explained her condition to me in a matter that I could understand. Each alter was created during a specific time in her life when something severely traumatic happened to her."

I nodded, thinking I understood what he meant. "So, Rosalie was created when Bella was hurt?"

"Look, I'm no expert, but the way her doc explained it was this – the first time Bella was abused, she split, creating two alters, other than herself. The first was Rosalie, and the second was Bree. Now, Rosalie carried the memories, and when the abuse repeated, Rosalie would emerge and be the one to endure it. Bree, on the other-hand, maintained complete innocence from the ordeal, but was never able to mature past that point in time."

"Bree is Bella's lost innocence," I said, mostly to myself. But then something occurred to me. "Wait, Bree mentioned the bad men. She said that hiding under the bed never worked for her. If she doesn't remember what happened, why would she say that to me?"

"In their therapy sessions, which I was a part of early on, they all maintained that Bree knew nothing. If she spoke of bad men, it was probably just something the others warned her about. Perhaps as something to do if she ever met someone bad, until one of them could come out and take control of the situation."

I suppose that made sense. The knot in my stomach kept twisting tighter, but I had to hear anything and everything he was willing to tell me.

"What about Alice and Tanya?" I asked hesitantly.

"Tanya and Alice were both created when Bella was a teenager. The abuse she endured as a child went on for a while, but Rosalie kept it all wrapped up tight. When something different happened to her, Rosalie must have been caught off guard and Tanya and Alice were both created. Like with Bree, Tanya was unable to mature past the age she was during the incident, but she remains innocent and completely unaware of what happened, whereas Alice is aware, and she continued to mentally age along with Bella. Now, thankfully, not long after that particular incident, Bella came to live with me so the trauma that created Alice and Tanya was no longer a threat, which is why Alice wasn't as affected by all of it as Rosalie was. Rosalie is difficult… but only because she had to be in order to survive so much for so long. Alice is… well, _Alice_, for issues of her own experiences."

I sighed. "I guess I didn't realize there were real reasons behind their behavior," I admitted, feeling like absolute shit for all of my hostile interactions with Rosalie.

"So, you understand why your contact with Bella needs to end?" he asked, once again taking me aback.

"Um… no, Sir. I mean, knowing she was traumatized as a child is horrible, but I'm sorry, I don't see what any of that has to do with my current relationship with her," I replied honestly.

He huffed. "Bella is broken beyond repair. Now, don't get me wrong, I'd love nothing more than for my daughter to have a normal life, but that's just not possible for her. Rosalie will never allow a man to get anywhere close enough to form a lasting relationship with Bella. And even if she did, one man can't possibly understand or cater to all Bella's needs, which includes all of her alter's needs. Now, you even trying is admirable – really, it is – but it can't continue. All you're going to do is give her false hope, and when you ultimately decide you can't handle it, you're going to leave what's left of Bella in even more pieces. Do you understand?"

I took a moment to consider it. "Yeah, I understand," I said gently.

"Well, good. It's best to cut ties now before…"

"But I don't agree," I added, interrupting him mid-sentence once again. "I love Bella. I know that's hard to believe because we haven't known each other long, but my feelings are real. And I think she loves me too, so whatever damage you fear from the potential end of our relationship is already inevitable… unless it's not."

"What the hell is that suppose to mean?"

"Relationships end, it's true, and when they do it sucks for anyone going through it… But some relationships don't end. My parents have been married for thirty years and they're still going strong."

"Neither of your parents have a severe mental disorder," he countered.

I shrugged. "Maybe not severe, but they definitely have their issues. I think all couples have their ups and downs, but if they work through it, it's truly possible to find lasting love."

My love speech was almost ironic considering that I never believed any of that shit before Bella. Sure, my parents were together for a long time, but I never even considered them as some type of love story – they were just my parents. Now, having felt what it's like to want to fight for a person, I was only beginning to understand why anyone would want to do so. Bella was worth fighting for, even if her father couldn't see it.

"But it's not just Bella you're having to push through those ups and downs with," Chief Swan argued. "Her alters are very real, and they need to be considered. It's not possible for you to meet all of their needs in a relationship."

"Maybe not, but I'm certainly going to do my best," I said assuredly.

"Listen, Rosalie is…"

"A lesbian, I know."

"And Bree is…"

"A child. Sir, I know all of them. I don't have it all planned out just yet – I don't even think it's possible to pre-plan any of this. All I know is that I'm going to try. That's all anyone can do about anything. Bella deserves at least that."

"But Alice is a bit… _wild_. She would never be faithful to anyone. As her father, that makes me cringe, but as a man, I understand how that would be an impasse and a complete deal-breaker in a relationship."

"It could be, but she is only in control for a very limited amount of time, and in that time, since I first started seeing Bella, I have managed to keep Alice interested. I'm just going to need to keep finding ways to keep her engaged with me, and as I told Bella, I'm up for the challenge. I'm up for any challenge that any of her alters throw at me. I'm up for the challenge of _loving_ Bella, in every sense of the word. I can only hope she is up for the same challenge because loving me is definitely not an easy feat either."

He considered my words for several long and heavy moments, and then he sighed. "As a parent… you just want to protect your child. I wasn't able to protect Bella when she was a kid… That wears on me with every beat of my heart. I pray you never know what that feels like. You seem like a good man, Edward. The kind of man I'd be honored to see my daughter with… but I just can't see it ending well."

"Who says it has to end at all?" I retorted with slight frustration.

He put up his finger to stop me. "I can't see it ending well, but that's not my decision to make. Bella and I agreed, a long time ago, to allow her to try to build some kind of life for herself. So far, she has managed to navigate through her muddled adulthood better than I could have ever imagined, so I'm sure as hell not going to tell her what to do when it comes to you. The main reason I wanted to speak to you in this way was to make sure you were sincere with your intentions with her, and I think you are. I won't ever ask you to walk away from her again, and I won't get any further involved. All I can do now is what I have been doing since she came back to Forks – be there for her if she breaks as she attempts to piece herself back together."

"I have no intention of breaking her," I said with conviction.

"I believe that. I really do. But we can't predict the future, and I can't protect her from everything. Truly understanding that will be my life's challenge that I don't see ever succeeding at. I know I'm going to still carry the guilt of not protecting her to my deathbed, and that's fine. That's my burden that I willingly carry because it's my duty and privilege to do so as her father. But…after speaking to you, you have my reluctant support moving forward."

I raised my brows in surprise. "Thank you."

"I just want Bella to be happy," he continued, "and if you can give her that, I'll be your biggest fan. All I ask is that, given this special circumstance, if your feelings begin to change and you're thinking about ending the relationship…please come talk to me first. I know that's a lot to ask, but I just want to be prepared and ready to help her in the fallout."

I nodded understandingly. "That's something I can certainly do."

Our talk went in a direction I wasn't expecting when I first got into his car, but I was grateful. He just loved his daughter and was concerned about her, which I appreciated. I was sure he would always carry a healthy level of distrust for me as the guy seeing his daughter, but he wanted to be our ally, and I couldn't ask for anything more from him.

We ended our conversation with a handshake and him asking me to call him _Charlie_. Chief Swan was terrifying, but Charlie, I liked.

When we finally made it back to the bookstore, Charlie and I were both surprised to see that Bella – _or one of them_ – had closed early.

"That's strange," I mumbled.

"More like worrisome," Charlie corrected me. "The only other time she closed early was when Bree decided she was going to run away from home. She boarded a Greyhound bus to Los Angeles hoping to live in Disneyland, and she was missing for two days. It wasn't until Rosalie finally managed to talk her down and let her regain control that they came home. I don't even want to think about what could have happened to her out there."

"When we left, Alice was in control. Maybe she was just bored and wanted to go out?" I suggested. The idea of Alice "going out" left a pit in my stomach, knowing she had probably found another guy by then, but quite honestly, Charlie's concerns for her whereabouts were far more terrifying. What if one of them got lost, or was scared somewhere? I hated even the very thought of it.

"I'm going to go check the apartment," I told Charlie as I got out of his car and into mine.

"Please text me if you find her," Charlie requested.

We quickly exchanged info, and then we parted ways to search for her. A part of me wanted to go to all of Alice's local haunts in an attempt to thwart her intention of finding a date, but something told me to go straight to the apartment, and thankfully my hunch was right.

_Her car is here –_ I text Charlie.

_Thank god! Please have her call as soon as she can_ – Charlie replied.

_Will do_ – I sent back, and then I put my phone in my pocket and headed inside.

I considered using the key Bella gave me to let myself in, but instead I paused at the door and knocked quietly.

"I'm not dead. I'm fine. Please leave me the hell alone!" Bella's angry voice reverberated through the hollow wood. The tone, of which, could only belong to one of them…

"Rosalie?" I called back to her.

"Ugh, fuckface, just leave me the hell alone! I'm packing my shit, and you and Bella can have this place. Ok?"

"Uh, so does that mean you aren't going to try to have me arrested?" I questioned carefully.

"How the fuck do you want me to respond to that?" she screeched back. "I'd happily take you down tomorrow if I could. But your threats against Emma have me against a fucking brick wall and I haven't figured out how to best you yet. _YET_! Just wait, yours is coming, you piece of shit."

Her words were like acid in my throat, and honestly made me feel like the piece of shit she saw me as. After learning what I did about Rosalie, and how and why she was created, I felt nothing but pity for the alter that wanted to ruin me, as well as regret for all my previous desires of retaliation. Even more important than finding a way to keep Alice's affections, I knew I needed to figure out how to make peace with Rose.

"Rosalie… hey, look, I do have a key that Bella gave me, but I want you to have it back," I told her, before sliding the small silver key under the door.

"What the hell are you playing at?" she questioned warily.

"I'm not playing at anything, but I want you to know, I will not stay in that apartment again without your consent. It was wrong of me to even think I could stay there at all knowing how uncomfortable it would make you. I apologize, and I also apologize for threatening Emma. That won't happen again."

I heard the deadbolt squeak unlocked, and then she opened the door just enough to look through it.

"I'll ask you again, what they hell are you playing at?" she said, just as angrily but perhaps with a tad more gentler undertone.

"I promise, I'm not playing anything. I just realized what a jerk I was, and I don't want to be like that anymore. I get you don't like me, but the truth is you don't even know me. If I really want to be with Bella, I finally understand that means I need you, and Alice, and Tanya, and Bree to be okay with it. You five are a package deal, right? I guess I just didn't fully get that until today."

"Yeah, well if you think I'm ever going to give you my blessing to date Bella, you have another thing coming," she said bitterly.

"I'm not asking for your blessing, I'm just asking for you to give me a chance – not even as Bella's boyfriend, but just as a person. You decided you hated me before we even met, and that's just not fair. I know I may never earn your friendship, or even just your respect, but I am asking you for one chance. One chance to prove to you that I'm not going to hurt Bella… or any of you. I love Bella, and I just want a shot at building something real with her."

"You'll destroy her," she said steadfast.

I sighed. "How could I ever destroy her when she has you to always protect her?"

"I am protecting her. _This_ is how I protect her. By keeping scum like you far away."

"How do you know I'm scum? Not every man you cross paths with is bad."

"Even if you don't hurt her physically, you could do so much more damage to her heart," she retorted.

"You're right, I can," I admitted. "I can break her heart, but that's the risk everyone takes when they enter a relationship. That's the risk you took when you started dating Emma, right? Why is it okay for you to take that risk, but not Bella? You think you're protecting her, but all you're doing is keeping her from truly living."

"She doesn't need a _man_ to live," she spat.

"No, no she doesn't, but she does need love. Everyone needs love."

"I allow Charlie to stay in her life for that very reason," she countered.

I nodded. "Yeah, and Charlie clearly loves her a lot, but what if Bella needs more."

"She doesn't _need_ any such thing," she disagreed.

"Fine, forget _needing_ romance, what if it's something she just really _wants_? Why is it okay for you and not her?"

"I'm stronger than she is."

"How do you know how much strength she is capable of if you don't give her a chance to use that strength?" I questioned.

She crossed her arms in a physical means of disagreement, but then she dropped them. "Fine."

"Fine?" I asked, unsure what that meant.

"I'll admit, you're persistent…which is more than I can say about anyone else that ever tried to date Bella in the past. You're right about one thing, I don't know you, and perhaps it's wrong to pre-judge. I'll tell you what, if you disappear and leave me the hell alone when I'm in control – let me live _my_ life how I want to live it, and you don't fuck up and hurt Bella, I will back down too. I won't get in the way of you two, but that doesn't mean I accept you in any way shape or form. And if you do hurt Bella, I will furthermore keep her so wrapped up tight that no one will even get a chance to pursue her again. Plus, I'll have your dick cut off. I do know people. That goes for Emma too. If you even think to go after her again, it will be the last thing you ever do. You got me?"

I pressed my lips, and then nodded. "Yeah, I got it. Like I said before, I'm sorry for even threatening you with Emma. That's not me… or at least, it's not the me I ever want to be again. No matter what you do to me, or where this thing goes next, I will never go after Emma. You have my word."

"Good. Then we have an understanding."

"I think we do," I agreed.

"I'm still moving out. It's bad enough I have to sleep in a bed knowing Alice has messed around with random strangers in; the last thing I want is to actually know the face that goes along with the cum in the condom on the floor."

"Uh… okay," I said, having no idea how else to respond to that.

I fully planned to get my own apartment as soon as possible, but I wasn't going to argue with Rosalie anymore on the topic. The truth was, I had just had two very intense back to back conversations that I was initially terrified of, but they had both gone better than I could have anticipated, and I didn't want to continue arguing needlessly. Both Charlie and Rosalie understandably had their concerns about me, and for the time-being, I put their concerns to rest. I considered that a step forward on Bella's and my journey together. Whatever obstacles came next, I was confident we could handle them just as well…


	13. Next Step

**Chapter 13 – The Next Step**

Three days. It had been three days since Rosalie and I called a truce, and then she walked out the door in Bella's body, and I hadn't seen her since.

Three fucking miserable days.

Since my new job at the hospital didn't start until the following week, I spent those three days of torture just staring at the walls of the apartment, driving myself insane.

I considered going to the bookstore, but I promised Rosalie that I'd give her some space and I figured if Bella was in control, or even Alice, they would come home to the apartment. Three damn days of nothing.

Then, finally, on the evening of day four, I heard a key in the lock…

"Hey," Bella said casually with a big smile on her face the moment she spotted me.

I couldn't help but smile back at her. God, she was breathtaking. Not just her looks, but her entire being. Her heart and soul radiated out of her like a prism shooting rainbows all over the room. In that moment, I didn't even care that she had been gone for so long, and I completely forgot about my anguish over her absence – I just wanted to hold her.

"Hey," I replied as she automatically dropped her purse and crawled into bed with me. When she cuddled against my chest, I reflexively kissed her head and breathed in her sweet scent.

"I missed you today," she murmured, having no idea just how muted her missing was compared to mine.

"Aw babe, I missed you like hell," I told her sincerely.

"What were you doing all day?" she questioned. "I kinda thought you would bring lunch like you always did before."

When I didn't answer right away – _mostly because my brain and heart were trying to catch up with her sudden reappearance_ – she looked up at me curiously as she waited for my response.

"Uh… I wasn't sure if you were busy or not. Didn't you mention something about lunch with your dad?"

She tried remembering. "Oh… right. I guess I forgot about that. He must have forgotten too since he never showed."

"Actually…" I hesitated, not wanting to ruin our beautiful moment, but lying, or even misleading her, was unacceptable. "He did show, but that was a while ago. You were the one who didn't show."

She stared at me blankly for a moment, clearly not grasping what I was telling her. But I watched her eyes as realization slowly sunk in, and the sadness and defeat there were like the weight of the world crashing down on her.

"How long was I gone for this time?" she asked, using her unbelievable strength to hold back her emotions that would certainly drown her if she allowed them to.

"Just a few days," I told her gently.

She huffed before pulling away, and the space between us somehow grew even heavier.

"Hey," I said, reaching for her before she could get too far. "We knew this would happen, right? I mean, neither of us should be surprised you were gone for a few days. You have a disorder, and this is what happens. We just have to keep pushing through it."

"I know…" she sighed deeply. "I guess I was just hoping I'd stay longer. We just decided to be together and then I disappear on you? It's not fair to you.."

"You're right – it's not fair to me, and it's certainly not fair to you, but it's the cards we've been dealt, and we will find a way to navigate through it," I tried assuring her.

"Yeah, but I have to deal with it, you don't," she argued.

"Yes, I do," I disagreed. "I do, because I love you, and being with you makes it worth it. We just have to give it time; I'm sure we will settle into a routine of navigating through it soon enough."

Her doubts were screaming at me through her rigid hesitations, but I just pulled her back into me and kissed her hair again. "We'll figure it out," I murmured.

"I wish I had your confidence," she mumbled back.

"You'll get there," I told her doubtlessly.

Seeing her pain over something that was out of her control was heartbreaking. I had such an intense desire to somehow fix it for her, but I knew it was out of my control as well. However, I couldn't help but wonder if there was any other way of coping that none of us had yet to consider.

That evening, after Bella fell asleep for the night, I pulled out my laptop and decided to do some overdue research on DID. The internet was pretty much a cluster-fuck of useful information and bullshit, but I did come across an online school for psychology, which surprisingly had a course on Dissociative Identity Disorder. I didn't even think twice before enrolling. With no desire to become a psychologist myself, I simply wanted a better understanding of that aspect of Bella, and to learn if there was anything I could do to help her better cope.

Never had I been more eager to study anything in my life, and I truly couldn't wait to begin.

…

For the next couple of days, Bella and I settled in to a comfortable, yet cautious routine of cohabitation. We were excited for that next step together, but definitely still on edge from not knowing how long it would be until she split again. I still planned on getting a place of my own, but for the time being, I stayed with her, which was basically a crash course in learning about each-other's daily quirks.

"Oh, that is disgusting," I heard her say to herself from in the bathroom. When she emerged, she had her arms crossed and the most adorable pout on her face. "Do we have a cat?"

"No, why?" I asked with a chuckle. I couldn't help it – she really was cute with that scowl.

"I don't know," she continued bitterly. "The sink looks like it's covered in fur."

"Maybe a stray got in," I played dumb.

"No, I think you just forgot to clean your scruff trimmings. Oh, and you used the last of the toilet paper again without replacing the roll," she said, trying like hell to maintain her serious tone but failing miserably when her lips cracked into a smirk. "Stop that!" she hissed while throwing a washcloth at me.

"Stop what?" I feigned innocent.

"Stop giving me that look. You know what you're doing."

I laughed. "I have no idea what look you're referring to here. This is just how I look."

"Ugh. You're lucky that's how you look," she grumbled before crawling over me and kissing me hungrily on the lips.

I wanted to take that kiss all the way to where she was leading, but I felt the need to apologize first. "Look, I'm sorry for leaving my fur everywhere, but… I will probably never refill the toilet paper. It's just not in my nature."

Thankfully Bella never held on to grudges or dwelled on the little things too long. "Well, at least you're honest about it," she told me before returning to our kiss.

Admittedly, I had some annoying habits, but I certainly wasn't the only one between us with quirks. From leaving her bras on the doorknobs, to downright refusing to kill any creepy crawlers that found their way into the apartment; Bella had her moments of being irritating. Of course, all of our differences, and even the superficial battles, only seemed to strengthen our bond as a couple.

With every argument and subsequent makeup, I was falling more and more in love with her and quickly jetting straight to irrevocability. We just fit, and at times, I honestly couldn't remember what my life was like before her. _Like seriously, what the hell had I been doing all that time?_ Bella made me eager to go to bed at night, and even more excited to wake up in the morning, just to experience another day with her.

Because I had yet to start my new job, I spent those days hanging with her at the bookstore. I offered to help where I could, but mostly she had everything handled. So, while she worked, I usually studied for my online course, but when I needed a break from that, I made my way through a few surprisingly interesting novels and found myself engrossed. I was never much of a reader before; in fact, I couldn't remember a single book I had read that didn't involve medicine. I never knew typed words on white pages could be so entertaining, and I was finally beginning to understand Bella's passion for books.

…

All too soon, it was time to put my adult pants on and get to work. The job at the hospital was simple and boring, but I got through it by returning to my old routine of lunching with Bella daily. Most of the time the store would be fairly empty during that hour, and we were able to take that much needed break together. On one particular afternoon, however, Bella had another lunch-time date…

"Oh, hey Charlie," I said casually as I walked through the bookstore doors, only to find Bella chatting with her father.

"Hey Edward. How's the new job going?" he asked with a friendly pep to his tone.

"It's a job," I replied with a shrug.

"Hold on, back up," Bella said while waving her hands between us. "_Charlie_? Hey _Edward_? When did you two meet and become all chummy?"

"Edward and I have a healthy respect for each other," Charlie explained vaguely, and then looked to me for confirmation.

"Yep, very healthy," I agreed.

"Uh oh, what did he threaten you with?" she asked me. When I didn't answer right away, she looked at Charlie. "Dad?"

"No threats, we just had a friendly conversation last week, and I think we are both more comfortable because of it."

"Definitely," I confirmed sincerely. "Hey, if you two want to go grab lunch somewhere, I can cover around here until you get back," I offered.

"Uh, no," Bella said quickly. "It's your lunch break too; there is no way I'm allowing you to give it up to babysit the store."

"I really don't mind," I tried assuring her.

"That's nice of you, kid, but I took my lunch break already earlier today," Charlie informed me. "I just dropped by to check in on Bells to see how everything is going."

I nodded. "Cool."

"There hasn't been any more skipping since last week?" he then asked her.

She shook her head no. "Not that I'm aware of." She turned to me. "Have you noticed anything?"

"No, not since those three days you were gone for. It's been pretty great since then."

She smiled widely at me. "It has been, hasn't it?"

Charlie covered his ears theatrically. "Nah nah nah, I don't want to hear about all that."

"All of what? I just said things have been _great_," I told him, finding it mildly amusing how he twisted my words in his mind.

"I know what you meant," he spat while walking towards the exit. "Just keep in touch," he added as he went.

"Will do," I affirmed.

"Love you, dad!" Bella called after him.

"Love you, too," he grumbled, before disappearing out of the store.

"Sorry about that. I didn't know he was stopping by," Bella apologized as soon as we were alone.

"Don't be sorry. I think it's awesome he checks in on you. He just worries."

"I know… I'm a little surprised that _you_ know though… So, how much would it suck if we had dinner with him tonight? He asked and I didn't exactly say no."

"It wouldn't suck at all. I think it's a good idea," I told her sincerely.

"Really?" she asked.

"Really. Why wouldn't we have dinner with him occasionally? I mean, he is sort of your father, so…"

"Well, I know you don't enjoy dinners with your own parents," she pointed out.

"Yeah, well my parents just like to lecture me like I'm a child. I don't think Charlie does that."

"Even so, I would think most guys would be annoyed if their girlfriend's dad was hanging around."

"It's not like he is in our business all the time. He just stopped by your store and we are going to have dinner with him. No biggie. Besides, I kind of like the guy."

Her brows lifted. "You like my dad?"

I smiled. "Why is that so strange to you?"

"I don't know. I guess maybe because he's a cop – most guys seem to be intimidated by that sort of thing. Plus, I'm an adult, and he is usually pretty involved in my life. These past few weeks, since I've been staying in the apartment, have been the least I've seen him since I first moved home as a teenager."

"Well, you two have been through a lot together with your disorder, and it's clear he only wants what's best for you. I'm just glad he's agreed to tolerate me. It would suck if he was constantly spewing hate and trying to convince you to break up with me."

"No, he wouldn't do that. The only time he treated any guy like that was a couple years ago when my then boyfriend was clearly only dating me for the wrong reasons."

"The wrong reasons?" I questioned, wondering what those reasons could possibly be.

"He was secretly filming me and my alters, then posting them online hoping to become internet famous," she explained. "I didn't want to believe my dad when he told me about the videos he found. The guy was always pretty much a jerk, but he accepted me… or so I thought. I pretty much haven't dated since."

"I don't blame you; that's horrible. Guys can be pricks for sure," I told her, feeling angry on her behalf and guilty at the same time. I had been friends with jackasses like that, and there was a time, not that long ago, that I probably would have laughed too.

"It's not just guys," she mumbled. "I've actually been ridiculed by girls even more."

"_People_ can be pricks," I corrected my previous statement. "I guess I understand why you were so hesitant to date me before."

"Yeah, but I'm glad I gave you a chance," she said while wrapping her arms around my neck and kissing my cheek. I turned towards her so she could add another kiss to my lips.

…

The next few weeks moved quickly. For the most part, Bella remained in control, but every once in a while, she just wouldn't come home after work. I was terrified the first couple of times, but when she eventually showed back up looking confused and distraught, I always found a way to force myself to relax and be the rock I knew she needed me to be. We both hated her disappearances, but I knew it had to be so much harder on her than it was for me.

We continued on through it all, and every day I loved her more. Between both our jobs, and me doing my online course after she went to bed every night, life was settling into a busy, but somehow monotonous existence. I had always hated monotony before, but now I craved it. Monotony with Bella was the best times of my life thus far, and I couldn't help but dread the alternative – the havoc that was her alters. Even when they were dormant, we were always on edge knowing they could pop out and create chaos at any time – and it wasn't long until that was exactly what happened…


	14. Colorful Change

**Chapter 14 – Colorful Change**

"Is that really your paycheck?" Bella asked me as she innocently glanced at the paper in my hands. "Like, for _one_ month's pay?"

"Actually, it's only for two weeks. I get paid twice a month."

"Oh," she said in surprise. "Wow."

"Crazy huh? Who knew working for the business side of a hospital could make so much?"

"Well, it's great… You could do a lot with that money," she said, trying to sound positive, but I could hear the heaviness behind her words.

Thinking I had an idea what her issue was about, I sighed. "I could definitely afford my own place with this."

She nodded, and the sadness in her eyes doubled.

"But me moving out kind of feels like a step backwards for us, doesn't it?" I asked, hoping we were on the same page.

She smiled, ever so slightly, and nodded again. "It really does."

"You know, we could always move into a better place together," I suggested. "Or we could just bank everything extra and eventually save up enough for a house."

"A house?" she asked hesitantly, before biting her lower lip as she considered the possibility.

"Yeah, I mean, who wants to live in a crappy apartment forever?" I added, but when she turned away from me, I realized my mistake. "Bella…"

"No, you're right. This apartment sucks," she said as confidently as possible. "I can't even remember the last time we had hot water."

"But?" I prompted, knowing she was clearly conflicted.

"But… a house is just…"

"Too cookie cutter," I finished for her. I knew she feared the conventional, but the truth was, besides her occasional disappearances, our relationship was fairly conventional – in the best possible way.

"It just worries me," she admitted. "A house first, and then what? The logical next step would be wanting to fill that house, and that's something I'm never going to do."

"Maybe not with kids, but we could do other stuff in the rooms. Air hockey table? An entire room dedicated to coffee. A place to store our Star Wars memorabilia collection," I offered.

She giggled despite herself. "What Star Wars collection?"

"The one we need to start. I think I have a few old action figures in my parent's attic," I said as seriously as possible, given the topic.

"Maybe we could just start with a better apartment and see about a house later down the road… much later," she suggested.

"I think that's a good idea," I agreed wholeheartedly.

We decided to move to a new apartment, but I think neither of us considered it happening so quickly. After only a couple of days of calling around, I found us the perfect place and it was available immediately. Our rent was just about due to our current shithole, so the timing couldn't have been more perfect… or, at least, I thought it couldn't have been more perfect.

"What's wrong?" I asked Bella as we toured our potential new apartment. "Do you not like it?"

"No, it's beautiful, really," she said with forced enthusiasm. "It's bigger than I was expecting."

"Well, we do need a room for our air hockey table," I reminded her playfully.

We signed the papers right away and planned to move in the following weekend. When the time came, however, I only wished I knew where Bella went…

"You're not upset by this?" Charlie questioned as he helped me carry our bed down the flight of stairs of the old apartment complex.

"Moving is never fun," I replied curtly.

"Yeah, but Bella should be here helping," he pressed, which kind of just pissed me off. We both knew her absence meant she had split, so what the hell was I supposed to say about it? It fucking sucked that she was gone, but all I could do was focus on the task at hand and try not to think about where those bitches were and what they were doing with my girlfriend's body.

Thankfully, she was only MIA for a little over two days. Unfortunately, when she returned, she was still gone.

"Wow, this place is way cooler than the flea-trap we were renting before," she said as she walked in unapologetically.

"Uh… hi. What are you doing here?" I asked her, momentarily unsure who she was exactly.

"Wow, Conch, and here I thought you actually wanted a round four… or are we on five now?" she asked, trying to remember, and making her identity painfully obvious. "Perhaps I should go to the club after all."

"Go to the club then. I really don't give a shit," I retorted bitterly, and at that moment, I actually meant it.

I honestly loved Bella, and I did my best to tolerate her alters and the waves they created in our lives, but on that particular evening, I just couldn't shake the inconspicuously growing resentment that I just discovered that I had. I'd never allow Bella to see that side of me, but I couldn't find the will to bury it with Alice.

"Wow, what's wrong with you?" she asked, far too amused by my sour tone, which only made me that much more irritated.

"Nothing is wrong with me, except for the fact that you're here and Bella isn't," I said harshly.

I would have never predicted Alice being hurt by my words, but when her expression morphed into offense, I immediately regretted lashing out at her.

"Alice, I'm sorry," I murmured gently. "I didn't mean that."

"Yes, you did," she disagreed. "And it's fine. Bella is your girlfriend, not me…_thank god_. I don't even like you anyway. The only reason I'm here, is because I thought this place was cool when I saw it in the theater, and I wanted to see it for myself. Rose and I would have loved to rent a place like this, but we didn't think we could take enough money from the bookstore without Bella noticing."

"You know, she probably would have just let you guys have the money if you would have just asked," I told her.

She huffed. "How the hell are we supposed to ask her anything? It's not like she talks to us. She isn't in the theater with the rest of us when she's not in control, so we have zero ways to communicate with her."

"Zero, huh?" I said with an eye roll. I got up and grabbed a notebook off the counter. "Here. Try writing to her, and I'll be sure she gets it when she comes back."

Alice raised her brows in shock. "Wow… I can honestly say I never considered something so…_primitive_."

"Ugh," I groaned. "Fine, do it less primitive," I said while pulling her purse off her shoulder and digging inside for her cell phone – her phone that they all carried and had access to. I flipped on the camera and turned it towards her. "Record your message."

"But how will Bella know to watch it?" she asked, clearly trying to come up with excuses not to do it.

"I'll tell her to watch it. Seriously, you guys really should have considered messaging each other like this sooner," I said exasperated.

"It does make me feel slightly stupid for not considering it before. I guess you really are good for something."

I locked my jaw. "Yep, that's me. Good for simple ideas."

"You do have a pretty cock too," she said casually. "But don't let that compliment get to your head. I'm not letting you use it in me again. I don't even care how much you beg."

My head dropped to my hands as I tried like hell to fight off the massive migraine that was currently crushing my skull.

"Are you sick?" she asked, and if I didn't know any better, I might have even thought she sounded legitimately concerned.

"No, just…frustrated," I admitted. "I can't keep doing this."

"Doing what?" she asked, suddenly becoming leery.

"This!" I snapped, gesturing to my pathetic behavior. "Every time Bella disappears, I sit here and freak myself out and worry until she comes back, and then I spend the rest of our time together freaking myself out and worrying about when she is going to leave again."

"So, what are you saying?" she prodded. "You giving up?"

"What?" I asked, wondering how she came to that erroneous conclusion. "No, I just need to do something."

"What kind of _something_?" she questioned curiously with far more interest than I would have predicted.

"I don't know. Anything! Anything to pass the time and get my mind off of it until she gets back."

"How sincerely do you mean '_anything'_?" she challenged me.

"Dead serious," I replied.

"I may have a few ideas," she said with a sinister smile and wiggling brows…

I should have known that any activity planned by Alice would be crazy, but this was more than crazy – this was downright insane.

"I don't think we should do this," I told Alice as we looked down at the water hell of far below our feet.

She squealed excitedly. "I have always wanted to do it. All the times Bella sat down there and looked up at the kids who'd jump from here, I ached to be with them. I would have done it sooner, but I always kind of worried I'd drown, and no one would know what happened to me. At least if we die, we die together."

"I'd rather not die at all actually," I disagreed.

"Everyone dies, Eddie, but the people who actually live to the fullest, are the only ones who die with no regrets."

"Or, we could die in that freezing ocean today and completely _regret_ our decision to cut our lives short by jumping from this height," I countered.

"Oh, you're such a trip, Conch. What if I dared you? I bet you're the type that can never pass on a dare, huh? I triple dog dare you to jump with me."

I pressed my lips and mentally cursed my stubborn competitive nature. "Fine. Let's get this over with," I grumbled through gritted teeth.

Her smile widened. "You're not going to wuss out on me at the last second, are you?"

"Unfortunately, no. You're right about me, I can't pass on a fucking dare."

"If you back down now, I will never forgive you," she warned.

"I'm not backing down. Let's get it over with," I said anxiously.

"Okay, on three. One…Take my hand…Two…_Three!_" and with that, we both jumped. For the few seconds it took for us to hit the water, I honestly thought we were about to die. I'd say my life flashed before my eyes, but really, all I saw was _Bella_. Her face, her hands, her hair. Bella was my safe place, and my mind was clearly reverting back to her for protection.

When the icy waves engulfed me, the rush I felt was incomparable to anything else I had ever experienced before. My adrenaline was pumping something fierce, and once I knew Alice was safe too, I was left thinking I was invincible… at least, until I had to climb up the cliff, soaking wet, to get back to where we were parked.

"Holy crap this sucks," I complained, almost the entire way.

"Oh, but it's so worth it. Want to jump again?" she asked eagerly.

"Uh…" I honestly considered it, "not today. It'll be dark soon and it's only going to get colder."

She smiled seductively. "I can warm you up."

As appealing as her offer was, I had other ideas…

"Okay, I don't know if this is better than sex, but it is damn near close," she mumbled while scarfing down the hot and fresh Krispy Kreme donut we just purchased.

Luckily, since I was raised by a paranoid mother and physician father, I always carried a blanket in the trunk of my car for emergencies. So, after buying the donuts and some hot coffee, we drove back to the cliff we had jumped from, parked, climbed onto the hood, and wrapped ourselves up together. There wasn't much that was more serene than watching the sky's colorful change, as the sun dropped below the horizon of the ocean.

"This is actually kind of nice," Alice said while pointing her donut out towards the scene before us. "I can't say I ever sat long enough to see an entire sunset."

"Sometimes it's good to slow down a bit," I agreed.

"I have to admit, I never, ever, ever, thought you were going to jump," she said with a smile in her voice.

I chuckled. "What do you mean? You said I had to. With a double and triple dare; how could I not?"

"You could have just left me there," she said quietly, suddenly becoming more serious than I had ever seen from her before. "I was fully expecting you to ditch me… or, at least for you to just to watch me jump alone and then wait for me to come back up."

"And let you have all the fun without me?" I questioned facetiously.

She smiled, but kept her serious tone. "You know, maybe you're not such a _conch_ after all. I really thought you were just a pretty face, void of any substance."

"Actually, a conch is not just an empty shell," I informed her. "It's an animal in the mollusk family. When it dies, it leaves behind the shell that you're referring to. You only think of it as being empty because they're empty when people use them for horns and decorations."

"Wow, I didn't take you for a nerd too," she teased me.

I laughed. "Well, I was in med school. Can't get much nerdier than that."

"True. It is kind of interesting actually. I don't know why I never realized the shells once housed a real animal. I guess I just figured crabs used them sometimes, and then moved on when they wanted a bigger shell."

"Yeah, no. Some crabs move to new shells, but that's not what conches are really for. Speaking of crabs, did you know blue crabs mate for life?"

"For life?" she asked in disbelief.

"They're monogamous. If one dies, the other will spend the rest of its life, wandering the ocean floor alone, mourning it's lost mate."

"Sounds depressing," she interrupted.

I ignored her. "But most will stay together for their entire lives, and their bond is unparalleled to any other ocean creature in existence," I said, hoping to subtly show her some value in monogamy.

She stared at me for a moment. "Did you just make that up?"

I tried to hold it in, but my lips cracked. "Okay, yeah, I don't know anything about crabs. Sounded good though, right?"

"No, it sounded horrible! If it were true, I'd feel guilty about every crab I have ever consumed before… but, I guess it was a little romantic too."

"Romantic huh. Well, I do have my moments."

"You actually do. I never thought I'd be into that sort of thing, but it's really fucking sexy," she purred. "There's no one around, want to fuck?"

I laughed once. "No."

"Why not?" she whined.

"Because I'm still half frozen. I don't even think my dick would work right now."

"I'll have it warmed up in no time," she said confidently.

"Babe, really, it's like… hibernating in my pelvis right now. Let's just sit here and enjoy the sunset for a bit. Hopefully we won't get hypothermia."

"You just called me 'babe'," she said, a little stunned.

"Yeah… well, you're definitely a babe," I said awkwardly as I tried to cover for my blunder. Even though she was part of Bella, I knew she didn't consider herself that way, and she certainly didn't want anyone thinking they had a right to call her _babe_… unless, perhaps she did…

"You can call me babe if you want," she said softly. "It's not as cringy as I figured it would be."

"I can call you that, but I don't want you to think that I think that I'm your boyfriend, or anything. I know you like your singleness."

She shrugged. "I can't even remember the last guy I fucked… other than you. It's actually not so bad."

"You don't go out with other guys during the times when you're in control anymore?" I questioned, surprised, but too cautious to be hopeful.

"I haven't been in control very much lately. Bella has been pushing on that theater door pretty strongly for the past several weeks. When we do manage to pry it open just a crack, Rosalie pushes her way through before the rest of us get a chance to."

"Oh," I said, unsure if that made me feel better or worse. "Where does she go?" I then asked, hoping for just a little more insight into Rosalie's life away from me.

"I'm not sure," Alice admitted. "Somehow she has been managing to tune us out. The theater screen has been mostly black when she's in control. I was only able to escape this time because the door didn't latch on her way out. I really did just come straight to where I saw Bella's new apartment with you was. It's really nice, by the way."

"Yeah, we like it. Or, at least, I thought we liked it. Bella has been acting a little off since we signed the papers."

"She likes it, she's just scared," Alice explained gently.

I knew Bella was scared, she had told me that before we started dating, but I was hoping to get a better understanding of it from Alice's "_inside_" point of view, however we were abruptly interrupted.

"Oh no!" I groaned as a brazen seagull grabbed Alice's donut right out of her hands – and he wasn't alone. "Holy shit. Get back in the car!" I shouted as the entire flock seemed to appear and position themselves for an attack of epic proportions.

"They're so pretty," Alice said unconcerned. Of course when they began dive bombing and shitting all over the place, she understood my urgency and followed me back into my car. "I think that's the most terrifying thing that's ever happened to me in my adult life," she said with a mix of fear and excitement.

"I hate seagulls," I grumbled. "Fucking rats with wings."

She giggled. "You should have seen your face when the first one took my donut."

I visibly trembled, which only made her laugh harder.

"Oh no, I think one pooped in your hair," she said, having a hard time speaking through her full-on belly laugh.

"Are you kidding?" I moaned. I attempted to look at it through the visor mirror, but I didn't see anything, so Alice climbed over the center console to help.

"Oh, I think it's just donut glaze," she said while brushing whatever it was out of my hair. "You must have had some on your hand and then ran it through your hair."

"At least it's not bird shit," I said, relieved.

Alice was practically in my lap at that point, and her warm breath was rolling over my face in gently waves. She was so close that it was hard to think of anything else, and as her hand in my hair morphed from cleaning to massaging, the intimate moment was impossible to deny.

She leaned in and kissed me tenderly, which was almost a shock to my system. Nothing about Alice was tender, and as the kiss depended into a sweet and passionate make-out, my brain was left reeling with confusion. I knew she was Alice, but she felt so much like Bella that I momentarily forgot that they weren't the same.

With Alice, everything was usually about sex, but this kiss was different. This kiss ended with a sweet smile and her pulling back to return to her seat so I could drive us home.

We held hands all the way, and when we finally arrived, she was already half asleep. I lead her to our apartment and straight to the bedroom, where we peeled off our damp clothes and climbed into bed. Despite our nude state, neither of us initiated sex; instead, I just held her as we both drifted off to sleep. It had actually been a surprisingly amazing day, and it ended absolutely perfectly. I only wished we woke up in that same state of peace…

"Why are you naked?" she asked the moment my eyes opened. She was fully dressed and sitting on the bed beside me. She had her legs crossed under her, in a deja-vu that I almost remembered from a dream.

"Huh?" I asked groggily as I waited for my sleepy brain to catch up with my current reality.

"Rosalie says that if a man ever tries to get naked in front of me, I should kick him in the balls and run away," she said casually.

"Bree?" I asked, still slightly confused, but almost reaching comprehension. "Hey, what are you doing?"

"Sitting here, wondering why you're naked," she replied curtly.

"Uh… I guess my clothes were wet last night and I never got re-dressed. Why don't you go out into the living room and I'll put something on."

"Okay, but you better hurry. I've been awake for over an hour, and I'm hungry, and I think something might be burning."

"What?" I spat.

She smiled, almost sadistically, and thankfully left the room. So I hurried to dress myself, and then raced out to the kitchen. Sure enough, there was smoke… and the biggest mess I had ever seen in my entire life….


	15. Damage

**Chapter 15 – Damage**

"Bree? What the hell did you do?" I raged as I ran to try to find the source of the smoke. Sure enough, that was the moment the smoke detector started screeching, which only made the situation that much worse.

I didn't even have time to consider what exactly could have caused it, because the entire kitchen suddenly seemed to erupt into flames.

"Holy shit!"

I went to grab the fire extinguisher, but I guess I wasn't quick enough because the next thing I knew, I was being rained on. The apartment's sprinkler system was triggered, but it wasn't just in the kitchen – the conjoined living room was also getting drenched, and apparently so was our neighbor's place next door.

We only had the apartment less than a week, and we were already fucking everything up_. Just perfect._

After an unpleasant visit from the fire department and the complex management, we were left with a warning and told if we had any more issues, we would be kicked out. I guess they weren't very forgiving or tolerant in such an uppity place like that. But even worse than that strike against us, was the destruction. What wasn't burned in the kitchen, was water-damaged, as was our entire living room. We would not only have to suffer through an inconvenient kitchen remodel, but we also needed to buy an entire new living room set. New couches, new rug, and a new TV and entertainment center. It was utterly ridiculous.

In the chaos of it all the people surveying the scene that day, I managed to keep track of Bree the entire time. I was beyond pissed at her, but I had to admit, I was a little proud of myself for handling it all as well as I did.

Or, at least I thought I handled it all.

"Bree. You want to tell me what happened now?" I asked her the moment things finally settled.

"Oh, Bree is long gone, Ass-wipe, and if you ever yell at her like that again, I'll make sure Bella is long gone as well…for good."

I huffed. "Rosalie. Nice of you to drop in."

"Is it though?" she countered.

"No, not really," I admitted. "I mean, don't get me wrong, I appreciate our truce and all, but you are sort of my least favorite alter. Hold on, let me rephrase that – you are my least favorite _person_…probably in the entire world."

"Really? I'm flattered. Who knew you had a sweet side?"

"Everyone, actually. I'm pretty well known for my sweetness," I retorted like a smartass.

She rolled her eyes, and then walked into the kitchen to see the damage herself. "You gotta give the kid some credit, she knows how to start a mean fire. Our little pyromaniac."

"So, if you're in charge of the others, and you can watch everything they do, why the hell did you allow Bree to do all of this?" I asked flabbergasted.

She shrugged. "I'm not one to judge other's mistakes."

"Yeah, but she could have gotten seriously hurt, and then you would all be suffering."

"I allowed Alice to jump off that mother fucking cliff as well, but I don't hear you complaining about that," she countered.

"Okay, why did you allow Alice to jump?" I questioned. "If she would have died, so would you."

"Oh, we weren't going to die; don't be so melodramatic. Besides, if I don't let them have a little fun, they are far less tolerable in the theater."

I let out a long, hard breath. "Rosalie, why are you here?"

"I already told you, I came to protect Bree. She doesn't take yelling very well, and if you ever do it again…"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, you'll make sure I never see any of you again. I'm not scared of your threats, Rose. Bella would never give up on us because of you."

"Try me," she deadpanned.

"Why are you here!" I whined in frustration.

"Do you have a comprehension issue? I just told you why…"

"I mean, why are you _still_ here?" I clarified. "Shouldn't you be off with your girlfriend somewhere, or wherever the hell you go when you're in control?"

She hesitated, but then reluctantly admitted – "We can't exactly afford our own place. The way I see it, Bella pays half the rent here, and a good portion of her income is rightfully mine since I run that bookstore better than she does. So… here I am. We really have to do something about these couches. They're soaking wet."

I laughed once. "Hold up… You are going to stay here…with me?" I asked in shock. "Where the hell do you usually go when you're in control?"

"_That,_ is none of your fucking business. Let's get one thing straight – me being here isn't some handout from you. I have as much right to be here as Bella does, and even as much as you. As far as I'm concerned, you are my unfavorable roommate. I'll just use that spare bedroom as my own."

"Fine. There is a nice comfy tile floor for you to sleep on in there."

She smiled, but her eyes were somehow condescending. "I don't think so. I will buy myself a bed and deduct the cost from my portion of rent."

"Oh, you will, will you?" I snorted.

"I will. You're sleeping on the bed from the old apartment, are you not? The bed Alice and I bought."

"With Bella's bookstore money," I pointed out.

"With _my_ money," she disagreed. "As I stated before, I have worked there far more than enough to justify me taking some money for myself."

"Whatever. But since you bought that bed, I'll tell you what, I'll move it into your new room, and I'll get Bella and me a brand-new bed. A bed that you and Alice haven't fucked other people on. Sound fair?"

I didn't wait for her to agree before I went straight to the master bedroom and started taking the bed apart. I could see that Rosalie wasn't happy about it, but she stood there watching, with her hands on her hips, and didn't say another word.

After I set up the crappy, cheap, somewhat lumpy, queen sized bed in the guest room, I immediately left the apartment to go purchase a new bed along with a new sofa. I was hoping Rosalie would be gone by the time I returned, but when I realized she was still there, I did get a little satisfaction from seeing her jealous expression as the store delivery guys followed me in and set up my new bed in the master bedroom. My brand-new California King sized bed, with the latest dual action incline capable technology, and memory foam topper. Yeah, I probably spent way too much for the damn thing, but it was well worth it, if only to piss off Rose.

"Problem solved," I told Rosalie with a wink.

"Whatever. I wouldn't sleep in that atrocity if you paid me."

"Aw, Rose, you're jealousy is showing," I teased her.

"Not really. Those things were recently recalled for malfunctioning and electrocuting people. The store you bought it from swindled you. But have fun with that."

"Well, since Bella will be in the bed with me ninety percent of the time, I suppose we will all die together," I said unconcerned.

Rosalie huffed bitterly, but otherwise didn't respond. Instead, she stormed off to her new bedroom and locked the door.

As unpleasant as Rosalie was, I couldn't help but be grateful she was there. The amount of relief I felt, knowing where _Bella_ was, was immeasurable. I'd happily cohabitate with Rosalie for the rest of my life if she'd allow… but I'd probably always bicker with her – she made it impossible not to. Then again, I think we both secretly enjoyed the banter.

"Wow, could you possibly make a more disgusting looking breakfast?" Rosalie asked me the following morning when she woke up and emerged from her room. The stove was burned to hell, but I was making good use of the one burner that was still functional. My food looked amazing, therefore Rosalie's bitterness just amused me, and I wasn't about to give her the satisfaction of knowing her prolonged presence was getting to me.

"Hungry sweetheart?" I asked as sickly sweet as possible.

"I'd rather eat dog shit," she replied in the same fake overly sweet tone.

"I can go get you some," I offered. "The people next door have a little barking rat that craps all over the place that they never clean."

"Well, they probably leave the shit there because they saw your face and thought this is where all the shit is kept," she retorted. "By the way, you clogged the toilet. You're going to need to go take care of that."

"I didn't clog it, I just left it there for you. I wanted you to feel right at home and figured that was the best way to do it."

"You are repulsive!" she spat. "How anyone would find you attractive enough to fuck you is lost on me."

"You should ask your alter-egos," I retorted smugly.

"I wouldn't boast about them too much. Alice would fuck anything with a cock, and Bella was desperate for someone to accept her. You're basically a warm body to both of them."

"A highly _desired_ body," I corrected her. "So, I'm just curious, when you wake up naked in my bed, does your body betray you and crave more?"

I tried to hold it in – really I did – but my pompous rhetoric got to me, and I broke down in the biggest belly laugh I could remember having in a long time.

"You really are a bumbling fool," I vaguely heard her say over the sound of my laughter.

I knew I was acting stupid and immature, but I couldn't stop. Her disgust only added to my hysterics, and I ended up falling over and rolling on the floor as I tried to calm down and catch my breath.

By the time I recovered, Rosalie had disappeared, and I wasn't sure if I was relieved or worried. When I realized what time it was, I decided it was best to just assume she had gone to the bookstore, because I too was about to be late for work if I waited any longer.

Throughout the day, I would teeter between worrying about Rose and regretting my behavior, to laughing to myself as I remembered my jokes. I really was pathetic, but hey, it got me through the day.

That evening Rosalie was a no show. I waited until well after midnight, but I ended up succumbing to exhaustion soon after. A few hours later, I was awoken by the front door being unlocked from the outside, and then it opened, before slamming shut.

"Oh, I'm sorry, did I wake you?" she asked full of attitude, making it irritatingly clear she was still Rosalie. She then proceeded to make as much noise as possible as she fumbled about the apartment. I'd assume she was drunk, but she wasn't hiding the fact that she was doing it on purpose, just to be a bitch.

I pretty much decided it was war after that.

I finally went to bed just before dawn, but since I didn't really have enough time to sleep at that point, I spent the next couple hours scheming up ways to make Rosalie's life miserable.

From poor self-hygiene and bad housekeeping, to just being a straight up dick all the time, I was definitely amusing myself with all my ridiculous ideas. Thankfully, however, with the rising sun, my love had mercy on me and finally returned…

"Oh, thank god," Bella said full of relief the moment she saw me. She was trembling and looked so bewildered that all I could do was hold her until she calmed down.

"Everything is okay," I cooed as I slowly rocked her back and forth.

"I didn't know where I was when I woke up," she murmured into my chest. Then she pulled back to look behind her. "Where was I?"

"Oh, uh… the guest room. Rosalie moved in," I explained carefully.

Her face morphed from confusion, to curiousness, and then settled on more confusion except with far less fear. "Rosalie moved in? Like, in here with _you_? How did that happen?"

I shrugged. "I don't know exactly. She just came here a couple days ago and said she wanted her own room. She decorated it… I guess, and basically told me not to bother her."

"Oh… Well, that's good.. I guess. But maybe it's not so good," she said unsure.

"Why not?" I questioned gently. "At least if she is here I know you're safe."

"Yeah, but as my dad has told me several times in the past, living with Rosalie is very… _difficult_. She can be really harsh and vulgar. I just don't want her words and actions to affect us."

"Well," I sighed. "To be honest, she has been pretty bitchy, but… I'm not exactly proud to say that I have, maybe sort of, enjoyed stooping to her level just a tad."

Bella raised her brows in surprise. "You've been giving it back to her?"

"It's probably not the best thing I've ever done, but it has been entertaining. When Rosalie is here, I feel like I'm back on the football field, battling out our biggest rival for the championship… Wow, and I can't believe I just admitted that out loud. That's pretty terrible of me, isn't it," I asked, once again feeling guilty as shit for letting Rosalie get a rise out of me. The poor alter had endured far more in her time than I could possibly imagine, and I treated her like crap.

"Fuck, I need to apologize again," I mumbled to myself.

"Don't," Bella said quickly. "I think that it's incredible that you're willing to do that."

"Huh? Why? I was pretty mean."

"I bet she was worse," Bella said confidently.

"I'm not so sure about that," I disagreed.

"The thing I've come to realize about Rosalie is – she pushes, and pushes, and pushes until she scares everyone away," Bella told me. "Even my dad steers clear of her when she is in control. But having you push back is something she isn't used to and probably doesn't know how to respond. If anything, maybe you'll finally put her in her place. It's like she's a wild animal constantly fighting for dominance. She won't ever back down unless she is challenged. Thanks to you, she finally will be."

"I don't know," I said, not sure what to think about that one. The truth was, I didn't want to think about it at all. When Bella was there, all I wanted to do was forget the others and focus completely on her.

"Uh… is this a different couch?" she noticed abruptly.

"Yeah, we had a little issue while you were gone," I said carefully, not wanting to upset her anymore. I delicately explained what happened, and assured her it was all fine. She felt horrible, but like with all of her other alter-induced debacles, it was out of her control so I convinced her not to dwell on it.

Bella and I enjoyed a week straight of no alter interruptions, but I'd often catch her rubbing her temples as if she was suffering from a terrible migraine, except I was fairly certain that her particular migraines were caused by the others' insufferable attempts to break free from the theater.

Bella was strong. The strongest person I had ever met, but when they all ganged up on her, there was only so much she could take…

"Why is there no candy in this place?" she asked me the moment I arrived home from work one day. She was sitting in the middle of the kitchen floor, with just about every item we had in the pantry surrounding her. It had been a long shitty day of issues at work, and now it looked like I was in for a long shitty night of fucking babysitting a devil child in my girlfriend's body.

"Hey, Bree," I greeted her with as much enthusiasm as I could currently muster. "Whatcha doing?"

"Looking for candy. Why don't you have any?" she asked again, sounding like a rotten spoiled brat.

"Uh, Bella and I don't usually eat much candy. Neither of us really care for it," I explained to her with forced patience.

"Well, I like it," she pouted. "Hey, what's in here?" she asked, immediately jumping to her feet and looking in the wine fridge.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, not for kids!" I said as quickly as possible but kept my tone soft as to not scare her again. Last thing I wanted was to bring the beast back out. "If you're thirsty, I can get you some water."

"I hate water," she snapped, stomping her foot. "Can we make s'mores?"

"Uh, no. Nothing with fire for you. We still haven't fixed all the damage you caused last time."

"I was _trying_ to cook," she said defensively.

"Well, hey, why don't we cook something together?" I suggested. When her sour expression melted into a smile, I was able to relax a bit.

Together, we made my dad's recipe for pizza from scratch. We had flour all over the kitchen and all over ourselves, but I had her giggling a few times, so I considered it a success.

"This is so yummy. Better than Pizza Hut even!" she said, sounding nothing like my health-conscious girlfriend and exactly like the child she considered herself to be. It still boggled my mind just how different they all were.

"I'm glad you like it," I told her. "I think we may even have some ice cream in there for dessert."

"Really?" she squealed.

"Totally. We won't tell Bella you ate all this. She wasn't happy when I bought the stuff at the store in the first place."

"Alice is going to know, and she is going to be so pissed. She says she wants to try Keto. This is definitely _not_ Keto," she snickered.

I laughed. "How do you know what Keto is?" I asked, thinking it was odd that she would even be aware of the latest fad diet.

"Alice keeps talking about it. She said everyone is doing it on TV. All the movie stars and singers and everyone. I don't really care about any of them."

"No, you just care about fire, it seems," I joked.

"I don't like fire, but it likes me. I'm just hungry all the time."

"Makes sense," I relented. "Well, besides eating, what else do you like to do? We have a little time before bed."

"Bed? I can't sleep here with you. When is my dad coming?"

"Um… I think he is on duty tonight. But you can stay here with me; I promise, you'll be safe. You can sleep in Rosalie's bed."

"Rosalie has her own bed here?" she asked surprised.

"Yeah. Her room is right back there."

A sneaky expression immediately consumed her features. "She is going to be so mad," she said before darting towards the room.

I followed her as quickly as I could, but by the time I got there, she had already thrown things from the closet and dresser. It was fairly shocking; I wasn't even aware Rosalie had that much stuff there.

"Maybe we should leave her stuff alone," I suggested as she continued to destroy the room.

"Why? She is mean to everyone. She deserves it," she said unconvinced.

"Maybe she does deserve it, but you still have to sleep in here tonight, so it's best to just stop now."

When she continued as if I hadn't even spoken, I got in front of her, and gently, yet firmly, told her "_Enough_."

Surprisingly, she stopped and nodded, and then waited for further instructions from me.

"Now, pick all this up. When you're done, you can come back to the kitchen and help me clean up out there. Got it?"

Again, she nodded… but she didn't look happy about it.

She did what she was told, but she was stomping around and huffing the entire time. When she came back out to help me clean the kitchen, she was even more angry and refused to speak to me. That was fine. She could be angry; I was only glad she wasn't scared.

When everything was put back in their places, we settled on watching some kids movie from the Disney Channel. I fell asleep halfway in, and when I awoke sometime in the middle of the night, she was gone. I wasn't sure why I was surprised at that point. It seemed all of them used my unconsciousness as an opportunity to escape my presence. But because of the hour, and the fact that she was Bree the last time I saw her, I was definitely worried for her safety, so I called Charlie. He was on duty that night; I knew he would be up and around and the only person in the world who would understand my concern.

"Bree wouldn't have left the apartment alone," he told me after I explained the situation.

"Didn't you say she hopped on a bus to L.A. alone before?" I pointed out.

"Yeah, but she learned her lesson then," he replied. "Considering the time, I honestly think Rosalie or Alice took back over while you were sleeping, and they decided to go out. Bree tends to sleep all night whenever she is able to stay."

"What about Tanya? She rarely comes out it seems, but when she has, it was usually after Bree. If Tanya is in control, where would she have gone?"

"I highly doubt it's Tanya. She probably would have stayed home if it was her. She doesn't really understand Uber or even bus routes. She is pretty clueless about stuff, so she doesn't usually fight her way out of Bella's mind very often. Just keep your cool, and I'm sure Rosalie or Alice will bring them home soon… or Bella will return on her own."

"Alright. Thanks, Charlie. I'll text you when she turns back up," I told him before hanging up the phone.

I knew he was probably right about Rosalie or Alice being in control, but I couldn't help but still be anxious about her absence.

I tried to get my mind off of her by watching some late-night true crime story – of course, that only made me that much more worried.

I waited for another hour, and then, at three A.M, I heard her key in the lock.

"Finally," I said relieved. I only wished that relief lasted. The moment she opened the door, my heart just about dropped onto the floor.

"Oh, you're awake," she said as she stumbled through the door…with her arm wrapped around a seemingly very drunk blonde woman. The two giggled as they shut the door behind them, and then Rosalie smiled sadistically at me, before grabbing the chicks face and shoving her tongue down her throat.

I seriously felt like vomiting.

Their make-out session went on far longer than I could stomach, so I got up and went straight to my room.

It was probably the worst thing I had ever experienced. I thought I would be okay knowing Bella's alters were seeing other people. As long as Bella was just with me, I could overlook the others. But the truth was, that hurt like hell. It didn't even matter if she was with another man or a woman, seeing my girlfriend's body with someone else was excruciating, and I wasn't sure how much more I could take…

…

…***~*…**

*****A/N: **Okay, before you throw your tomatoes at me for Rosalie's stunt at the end there, you have to remember what her ultimate goal is – to protect Bella. Is she acting this way to protect her? Even if it's not something we can see yet, and even if her method is seriously fucked up, she has her reasons.

Now, I know I broke my number one rule of no cheating, but this story, and this instance, is definitely a grey area. Bella didn't cheat… but she kind of did, except it was totally against her will and knows nothing about it. Anyway, if you're still with me, we have some major growing to do when it comes to the saga of Rose and Edward. We will get there. It's coming. They had to hit rock bottom before they could go up, and I think they finally did here. Edward is on his last straw. It's time to figure out a way for them to coexist peacefully.

Thank you so much for reading and for letting me know all your thoughts and opinions. I appreciate it more than you know ;)


	16. Climbing

**Chapter 16 – Climbing**

What the fuck was I doing?

How the fuck did I find myself, sitting alone in my room, like an idiot, as my girlfriend fucked someone else in the next room over?

It was seriously one of the lowest feelings I could ever remember having.

I tried convincing myself that it wasn't Bella. That my love was locked in the depths of her mind and had no idea what the hell was being done to her body. Just the thought of her helpless like that was excruciating, but at the same time, so was thinking about sharing her physically with other people.

I was fully aware that Bella and her body were not my possessions, and I understood that monogamy wasn't what it used to be, so I was trying like hell to excuse it in my own mind. In this modern day and age, there were more and more people who were polyamorous, and people in throuples, and open relationships; sex was just _sex_. It had never meant much to me before, so why should it start now? At least she wasn't with another man. What was the big deal anyway?

However, as my brain incessantly replayed the image of Bella's lips on someone else's in that way, all the things I tried to convince myself of – all the things I thought I believed before – turned out to be big fat lies. Lies, that I told myself because I knew believing those lies was the only way to make a relationship with Bella work. Lies, that were ruining everything because it wasn't fucking working, and it was absolutely killing me inside.

The last thing I wanted to do was let Bella down. I truly loved her, and I was so intent on proving her wrong when she said she was incapable of being in a lasting relationship. Thinking about the despair in her eyes, even now, made me want to keep fighting. But who was I kidding, really? How long could we go on for when Rosalie was hell bent on destroying us? It was an uphill battle, and I wasn't sure if I was strong enough for the infinite climb.

There was so much I needed to consider for my future, for _our_ future, but I certainly couldn't do it in that apartment knowing what was happening just on the other side of that wall.

I decided that I needed to go somewhere; anywhere that wasn't _there_. So I grabbed my laptop, intending to go smash out as much of my online psych course as I could possibly do that evening. We had yet to get to the subject of DID as a class, but that didn't mean the information wasn't there. I even considered emailing my professor to ask her personally about her knowledge of DID.

At that hour, not many places were open for me to retreat to, but I didn't care. I'd sit in my car with my laptop for the rest of the night if I had to.

I pulled on my shoes and headed out of my room to leave, but then I abruptly stopped dead in my tracks. The scene in the living room was mindboggling, so I just stood there gawking while my brain tried to catch up to what my eyes were seeing.

"Well, shit. I thought you'd be asleep by now," Rosalie grumbled the moment she noticed me.

"What the hell are you doing?" I growled, having no idea how else to respond to her current position.

"What the fuck does it look like?" she snapped back.

"I don't know. I guess it looks like you're wearing my boxers and T-shirt while eating all my pork rinds," I said, still completely baffled as to what the hell was happening. "Are you watching _Cops_?"

"Hey, they show the uncensored episodes in the middle of the night," she said defensively. "And I didn't know these were your boxers; they were just the first thing I grabbed out of the dryer."

"Who's boxers did you think they were?" I questioned, lost somewhere in the cracks between frustration, bewilderment, and very slight amusement. "They're _men's_ underwear. I'm the only man who lives here."

"Alice has been known to steal her one-night conquest's boxers from time to time," Rosalie replied nonchalantly. "Why are you up right now, anyway?"

"Why are you?" I retorted. "Shouldn't you be in your room with your date?"

She waved her hand dismissively in the direction of her bedroom. "Oh, she passed out the moment her head hit the bed. Unlike you, I'm not into fucking unconscious women."

"What the hell's that supposed to mean?" I spat.

She shrugged. "You fuck Alice while your supposed love, Bella, is mentally unconscious. Same difference."

"No, it's not the same at all!" I disagreed.

Still somewhat in shock from seeing Rosalie in that manner, I absently plopped down next to her on the couch and grabbed a couple pork rinds.

We sat next to each other in near silence for a while; the low hum of TV was completely drowned out by the crunching between our teeth. When I swallowed my mouth-full, I took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"Rose, this has to stop," I told her, in a final, last-ditch effort to come up with an agreement that we could both live with. "You can't bring dates here. It's just… really… really fucked up."

"Why? You know me and Alice see other people. What the fuck do you care if it's here or somewhere else? This is where we live. We shouldn't have to go anywhere else."

"Yeah, well this is where I live too, and you are in my girlfriend's body, so it's fucked up, and we both know it is. You're just doing this shit to get a rise out of me."

She shrugged. "So? It's working obviously."

I squeezed my eyes shut and mentally counted backwards to keep myself from lashing out at her. When I was calm enough to speak rationally again, I reopened my eyes and looked at her.

"Rosalie, please. I'm asking you… no, I'm _begging_ you, for just a little shred of respect."

"Respect _you_? Pfft!"

"Respect _Bella_," I corrected her. "The very reason you exist is to protect her, right? This is _not_ protecting her, and it's certainly not respecting her. Bella loves me. She would be horrified with what you just did."

"So, you're saying I don't deserve a life?" she asked bitterly.

"No, that's not what I'm saying. It fucking kills me to think about it, but I would never ask you to refrain from doing what you want… _away_ from here. I promised Bella I would be okay with it, so I have to be, but that doesn't mean I can sit here and watch you do it. So, I'm asking you to please don't bring people here. I know you don't believe me, but I really do love Bella, and it hurts like hell to witness you using her body like that."

"How do you think I feel having to wake up next to you, or still feel you and smell you on my skin? That shit lingers. I can't shower fast enough; not that a shower can help cleanse my insides. The very thought of your cum in me makes me want to vomit."

I gritted my teeth. "Well, that's something you don't have to be concerned with since I've always used a condom."

"Even still. Knowing you stick your dick in me when I'm not looking is repulsive. Everything about you nauseates me. I can't even stand the way you breathe."

"Do you want me to breathe out of my mouth? Take more shallow breaths?" I offered condescendingly.

"I just want you to stop breathing altogether," she retorted.

"So, apart from dying, there is nothing I can do to get you to back down?" I assumed. "You know, I really thought when you agreed to stop attacking me with your threats of falsified criminal charges, that we would be able to coexist, but that was just you buying yourself time until you could figure out more ways to hurt me."

"My dating life has nothing to do with you," she denied. "This is where I'm living. This is where I'm going to bring my dates. Simple as that."

"Give me a break. We both know you stuck your tongue down that chick's throat while looking at me just to fuck with me. Why do you have to do that? Why do you have to be such a bitch? We agreed not to attack each other anymore. What changed?"

"Uh, excuse me, I'm fairly certain your bathroom habits are a direct attack against me. I doubt you pull that shit with Bella."

I rolled my eyes. "Stop with that crap about how I disgust you. It's all just bullshit excuses! Harmless pranks and banter, and mutual irritation is nowhere near the same thing as what you pulled tonight. I promised not to go after Emma, and you promised to stop attempting to force me out of Bella's life. So, what changed?" I demanded again, refusing to let her dismiss the question.

"Look, we made that agreement before…"

"Before what?" I pressed when she let her words trail off.

"Before this place, and…"

"You moved in here all on your own," I argued defensively. "Nobody even invited you. If you didn't want to be around me, you could have stayed away."

"And pass up on living in an apartment like this when I have just as much of a right to be here as Bella? I'm not going back to that shithole I had before."

"Fine. I will talk to Bella about letting you have enough money for a better place of your own."

"She would never go for it," she said while crossing her arms in front of her.

"I'll convince her."

"Just like that?" she said doubtfully.

"Yep. Just like that. This is my and Bella's _home_; neither of us should have to worry about who you bring here, and what you're doing with them when you do."

"And my feelings don't matter? So, I invade your home; you invade my _body_. I think I have it far worse," she reiterated, making me feel like we were just going in circles and getting absolutely nowhere.

"It's Bella's body, actually," I mumbled, even though that argument was fairly redundant at that point. We were never going to see eye to eye, and the conversation was just frustrating me. "Look, like I said, I can't control what you do when you're not here, so go and get your own place again. But until then, if you want to stay in this apartment, you can't bring hookups here. It's that simple."

"Oh, so what you say goes, huh?"

"Yes, since my name is on the rental contract, and yours isn't."

"Bella's is. And I have a license that says I'm her," she challenged me. "Besides, I like this apartment. It's one of the nicest in town. Why should I move?"

"Oh, for fucks sake!" I huffed, realizing there was nothing else I could say. "Fine. You win. You can have this apartment all to yourself. How about that? I'll leave."

"What? You will?" she asked, clearly not expecting me to say that.

"Yeah, I'm done. You will never accept me, and you clearly don't want to leave, so I'll be the one to go."

I got off the couch and headed to my room to pack some of my shit. I would have thought Rosalie would have been celebrating, but instead she quietly followed me and was watching me from my doorway looking quite conflicted.

"What?" I spat.

"When you say you're _leaving_, do you mean like, you're just leaving when I'm here but coming back when Bella is in control, or are you leaving permanently? And like, are you just leaving the apartment, or Bella altogether?"

I locked my jaw and decided not to respond.

"I kind of need to know," she pressed. "Because I can't exactly afford the rent without you," she mumbled regretfully. "I mean, even if you convince Bella to give me money every month, I don't think she could even afford this place on her own. We kind of need your income."

Without me consciously deciding to do so, I slowly turned my head towards her and just glared. I could feel the heat coming out of my eyes as the anger rolled off of me in burning waves.

"What the fuck do you want from me?" I seethed. She was pushing me away as hard as she could, and when I finally gave her what she wanted, she backtracked and claimed she wanted me to stay…or, at least, she wanted my salary to stay.

"I... I don't know!" she shouted, seemingly even more exasperated and confused than I was. "I really fucking hate you – more than I've ever hated anyone else before."

"Why?" I asked, feeling like it was taking all my self-control not to explode on her. "You've had a hard life, Rosalie, I know you have, so why, with all the shitty, despicable, and diabolical human beings you've crossed paths with, why do you hate me more than anyone else? Because I didn't clean the bathroom good enough? I don't fucking buy it!"

She shook her head. "You're a man. I expect nothing less than disgusting hygiene."

"So, this is simply because I'm a man and you hate all men? I'm sorry for your past and the people who hurt you but being a man doesn't automatically make me evil. You might hate men, but it's not fair to the rest of them who don't."

"It's because of the rest of them that I'm trying to get rid of you now," she said unexpectedly.

"Why?" I repeated. "I've never hurt them, and I would never."

"You don't know that," she retorted. "You might think that now, but when push comes to shove…"

"We are still talking about the possibility of a break-up? So, to prevent me from possibly hurting Bella someday, you want to hurt her by pushing me away now?" I asked, frustrated that we were stuck on that same incessant issue. "How does that make sense?"

"Because it's not just about Bella anymore," she said, finally admitting something that I didn't quite grasp just yet. Thankfully, she was ready to explain. "Being with you was Bella's decision, and I chose to let her make it and see how it played out, but then you got all the others involved, and now it's snowballing out of control."

"What are you talking about?"

"Alice is falling in love with you too," she said, taking me aback. "You're all she talks about anymore. She keeps trying to push past me to get out here just to spend more time with you. I don't understand what the fuck you're doing to them! Not only do I have to worry about Bella's fragile heart, but now Alice's too. Hell, even Bree was excited about the time she spent with you and keeps asking me when she can play with you again. And Tanya! Fucking Tanya hasn't even been out in a while, but she has some pathetic crush on you, just based on what she has seen in the theater of you with the others. It's like a stupid infatuation on a movie star, or something. I just don't get any of it. There is nothing special about you at all. Nothing!"

We both became momentarily lost in our thoughts as we let her admission sink in. She was losing her control over the others, and that was what it all came down to.

"Rosalie, I'm not trying to screw everything up for you," I told her as gently as possible, given the irritation I had. "I'm sorry you are feeling this way, but I'm not going to stop being nice to them. Bella asked me to try to… win them over, or whatever, but I had no way of knowing how to do that. I just… I've only ever just tried to be their friend."

"So, what now?" she asked after another heavy minute. "Are you going to break Alice's heart and tell her you're only in love with Bella?"

"No," I said, not needing even a moment to consider it. "Alice, and Tanya, and Bree, and even you, Rose, you're all part of Bella. I'm not loving Bella less when I'm with any of you. Even when I'm with Alice, I'm with _Bella_. I can love Alice too, because I love Bella."

"Well, none of us see it that way. Alice is going to be hurt if you don't love her for her."

"Then I'll make sure she feels like I love her for her," I said, thinking it was far less complicated than Rose was assuming.

"But you'll still only love her as part of Bella?" she asked to clarify.

"I don't know why you need to make it so black and white," I told her. "It's impossible to describe us when there has never been an us like us before. It is what it is. We are what we are. Or, I should say, we are what we are as long as you stop making it impossible."

"I guess I just don't understand why you are here. I mean, you love Bella, but with everything and everyone Bella is, it just doesn't make sense to me that anyone would be willing to put up with it all. I'm sorry, it just makes me suspicious and uneasy."

"Well, how I can I help you trust that I only have honest intentions?"

"I don't know, I guess you can't – just as I can't promise that I'm not going to keep making it hard for you."

"I never thought it would be easy, but you sure as hell don't have to make it impossible. You don't have to purposely shove your dates in my face like that. That shit was wrong, and you know it."

She sighed. "Eh, I suppose you're right. Fine. No more bringing chicks home."

"Thank you!" I said full of relief.

She turned to go back to the living room, and because I wasn't going anywhere at the moment, I followed her. We both sat on the crumb-filled couch and started eating more pork-rinds.

"You know, this Keto shit is easy as hell," she said casually as she brushed more crumbs off of her lap onto the floor.

"Why are you doing Keto?" I asked her perplexed. "You have like, zero body fat."

"I have a gut," she disagreed while pinching the slightly loose skin on her abdomen that consisted mostly of the fabric of her shirt. "Besides, it's not just about fat; it's about the overall ketosis state of your body."

I shook my head incredulously. "Well, you certainly can't do it by yourself when the others eat like crap."

"Alice is doing Keto with me, and Bella is always health conscious," she argued.

"Health conscious is not the same thing as Keto," I pointed out. "Bella loves bread and she eats a ton of fruit, which isn't allowed on that diet. And when Bree was here, she ate more junk food than you probably care to know."

"Whatever. We can only do our best," she said while grabbing another handful of the fried pig skins and shoving them in her mouth.

I couldn't help but watch her eat with a sense of wonderment. Never before had a woman, unrelated to me by blood, ever eaten so unflatteringly in my presence. She had no self-awareness, no bashfulness, no sense of trying to impress me in any way, not that I would ever expect her to. It was just odd, and perhaps slightly refreshing.

Suddenly we heard snoring coming from her bedroom, which reminded me that we had another issue.

"You need to see that she gets home safely, and make sure she is gone before Bella comes back," I insisted.

"Why? Because you're worried Bella will think she is _your_ hookup?" she joked. When I just glared at her, she sighed with a nod. "Okay, okay, I'll make sure I stay in control until she is gone."

"Hey, what happened to Emma?" I asked curiously, knowing damn well that the blonde drunken Barbie in the bedroom was not the fierce brunette from her picture.

Rosalie shot her hand up between us. "Don't go there."

"Just please tell me you're not cheating on her, because that's not cool, even if you were just using that chick to get to me."

"I'm not cheating!" she snapped at me, but she immediately calmed herself. "We broke up, ok? And that's all I'm going to say about it."

"Ok. Fair enough," I relented.

I knew our problems were far from over, but for the time being, Rosalie and I were in another uncomfortable truce. I still wasn't sure how we got back there, but as long as we kept figuring out how to deal with each other, I knew Bella and I had a chance. We just had to keep taking it one day at a time and keep pushing forward. However, the drama of that evening didn't dissipate without leaving its mark on me. I was more determined than ever before to figure out how to make Bella's life a little more tolerable for the both of us.

After reminding Rose to get rid of the girl by morning, and then excusing myself to my room for the night, I pulled up my online psych professor's email and sent her a message. I needed help, and I wasn't sure where else to turn…


	17. Moral Compass

**Chapter 17 – Moral Compass**

After sending the email to my professor, I planned to just go right to bed and attempt to at least get a few hours of sleep, but I was surprised when I quickly received a reply.

At that hour, I certainly wasn't expecting anything until the morning at the soonest, or even more likely, later that week, but my professor's returned email was more than a little comforting. She basically expressed her interest to assist us in any way she could and asked if I was willing to meet with her in person. With it being an online course, the students were located all over the country, but coincidentally, my professor was based in Seattle. Her close proximity, and willingness to help, gave me a sense of relief I didn't even realize I needed. I thanked her for her prompt response and told her I'd get back to her about meeting.

Just having that comfort and glimmer of hope knowing a professional might be able to help us, was amazing, and I was able to finally go to bed and sleep soundly for the rest of the night.

When I woke up the next morning, I was surprised that it was already almost eleven. It was a good thing I had the day off of work, or I would have been seriously fucked.

But despite the new day and feeling refreshed and eager to set up plans with my professor, a few old concerns were still left over from the night before and took precedence.

"She seriously better have that chick gone by now," I mumbled to myself as I got dressed and hurried out of my room, only to find the apartment empty.

"Great. Just fucking great," I said irritated. I wanted Rosalie to get rid of the woman, not disappear with my girlfriend's body again.

And then, like the idiot I often was, I realized it was Saturday. I may have had the day off of work, but Bella always opened the store on Saturdays, and Rose was a dutiful alter in that sense.

I finished getting ready for the day, and then headed to the bookstore. Thankfully, her car was right where it belonged in the parking lot.

I really didn't feel like conversing with Rosalie at the moment, but on the off chance that she finally allowed someone else to have a turn being in control, I hesitantly went inside.

She looked up as I walked in the door, but she was with a customer, so I hung back and busied myself with browsing the novels closest to me. Occasionally, I would look up at her and catch her eye. She would smile at me, but quickly refocus on the person in front of her. Even at that distance, I could tell she was absolutely stunningly put-together. Perfect makeup, and not a hair out of place. Very un-Rosalie-like, so I couldn't have been happier in that moment. Hell, her coy smiles towards me were enough to know she wasn't currently the mega-bitch, so I was sure my day wasn't going to be anywhere close to how shitty my night had been.

When the customer finally left, I approached her with a smile of my own, and her entire demeanor immediately changed.

"Hi," she murmured bashfully as she twisted her hair between her fingers and swayed her body back and forth anxiously.

My smile widened once I realized who she was. Of course, as always, I would have preferred for Bella to be there, but if she couldn't be, it was about damn time they let Tanya have a turn in the light.

"Hey, it's good to see you again," I told her gently.

"It's good to see you _anytime_," she replied flirtatiously. "I mean, you're so nice to look at… I mean, you're a nice person. Wait…" she paused as she tried to unravel what she wanted to say in her own mind.

"How's your day going so far?" I asked her, trying to save her from straining her thoughts too much. The poor girl was so awkward, but very sweet, and I was excited to talk to her again after so long.

"Good. Rosalie said I could be out for a while since Saturdays are usually slow," she told me with restrained excitement. "I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not. Hey, am I really going to stay at your apartment tonight? Usually they make me go back to Charlie's house, but Rose didn't say I had to this time."

"Uh, yeah, you can come home. It's your home as much as any of the others," I assured her.

She momentarily seemed to become lost in my words as her eyes went blank and she just stared at me. I thought perhaps she was being pulled back into the theater, but then she mumbled, "God, you are so beautiful."

"Uh," I laughed uncomfortably.

"Holy shit, did I just say that out-loud?" she asked herself, slightly mortified.

"Yeah, so…uh, what do you want to do tonight after work?" I asked, hoping to ease her embarrassment.

"What do you mean? Like sex?"

Her unexpected question nearly made me choke on my own spit. "No, uh… like, for fun," I clarified. "I know you don't usually have much time out, so I figured it would be a good opportunity to go do something."

"Like what?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "I don't know. Anything. We could go see a movie, go to the beach, eat at a restaurant. Whatever you like to do."

"I'm not exactly sure what I like to do. I've never had much of an opportunity to do much at all. All of those things sound fun to me, so I'm up for anything you want to do."

"Um, ok. I'll think about it for a bit and plan some stuff for us to do. Are you okay here alone for a while? I have some errands to run this afternoon, and then I'll meet you back at the apartment. Do you know how to get there?"

Her smile lit up her entire face, and she nodded. "I know where it is. I'm so excited," she said eagerly.

I smiled at her again. "Me too. Now, don't let any of the others push you out before then. You deserve a little fun too."

"I won't. I'll be there," she assured me.

"Okay, see you in a bit." I leaned in and kissed her on the cheek, and she damn near exploded with giddiness.

"Can't wait!" she squealed.

I gave her another parting smile, and then headed out. I really wasn't sure what to plan to do with her, so I decided to pay Charlie a visit at the station.

"Wow, they have you doing desk work, huh?" I teased as I walked into his office. "What'd you do to deserve this kind of punishment."

"Just the perils of the job, I'm afraid," he replied with a grin. "How's everything going?" he asked, but then fell serious. "Wait. Are you here to tell me you've had enough?"

"No, no, nothing like that," I said quickly. "It's actually kind of the opposite. Things with Bella are going well… as well as can be expected given the situation. Even Rosalie has agreed to a truce. Then again, she agreed to a truce once before and it didn't last, so I'm not expecting much."

"Rosalie is just…a tough cookie. They all have to gang up on her to keep her under some type of control."

"Yeah, I'm gathering that," I agreed. "Listen, so I'm taking Tanya out tonight. Any ideas of what she may like to do?"

He considered it for a moment. "Well gosh, I don't know. What do teens like to do anymore? In my day we went bowling, or drank behind the old drive in."

"Yeah, I'm not sure either. I guess I'll just have to think about it for a bit."

I was going to say goodbye and leave, but then my mind flashed to my email to the professor and something suddenly occurred to me.

"Hey-uh, Charlie, I was wondering about Bella's therapy."

"Her therapy?" he asked, clearly taken aback by the topic.

"Yeah. I mean, she mentioned psychologists in the past, and I always assumed she was under the close watch of a team of doctors, except… I recently realized that I never see her going to any appointments."

"Did you ask her about it?" he questioned, but the tone of his voice suddenly became stiff and hesitant.

"Not exactly. We haven't been living together very long, and in that time she has been split a good portion of it. When Bella is in control and doing well, I just… I don't know, I guess I don't really think about it because I'm just grateful to have her there."

"I guess I can understand that. Look, you really should talk to Bella about this, but you're right, she has been splitting a lot lately and I think a stressful conversation would likely only make it worse."

"Why would it be a stressful conversation?" I asked slightly confused.

"Bella hasn't had the best of luck with psychologists in the past. Until she was eighteen, I had her under a strict, twice a week, psyche care regimen. There aren't great doctors around here, so she would connect with them by phone, and then twice a month I'd actually drive her to the city to meet with them in person."

"Okay," I said slowly, wondering where he was going with it. "So, what changed?"

"Every doctor she saw either wanted to just drown her out with drugs, or they wanted her to be the subject of their next book. They didn't look at her like a patient that needed help, they looked at her like an anomaly that they wanted to use to boost their careers. Doctor after doctor just wanted to exploit her. And the ones who wanted to drug her were worse. We tried every type of medication to see if they could make the splitting into alters happen less frequently. Nothing worked. In fact, when Bella was drugged, she would get too loopy to function normally, or she would lose herself in the depths of her mind and Rosalie would end up remaining in control all the time. She was the only one strong enough to fight through the haze of the drugs."

"It sounds like they just never found the right medication," I said, trying to think with my doctor hat on.

"That's because there is no medication for DID. There's no cure. They tried using the same stuff they give people with schizophrenia. That didn't work. They tried antidepressants. Nope. They tried to give her whatever they give people with bipolar. Made her worse. They even tried CBD thinking it could help with her stress which they realized is one of the main triggers for her splits. Didn't work. None of it worked, and she was spending the majority of her time suffering the side effects of the drugs, and then the rest of her time suffering the issues that go along with having to wean herself off of the drugs."

"So, she gave up," I said in understanding. "But why isn't she at least seeing a therapist?"

"What's a therapist going to do? Listen to her issues? The truth is, when Bella is in control, she is fairly happy. Since she doesn't remember what happens when the alters are out, she really doesn't have much to discuss with a therapist."

"She could discuss whatever causes her stress, which is what you just said is one of her biggest triggers."

"Oh, come on, everyone has stress. It's impossible to eliminate all stress in her life, and she wouldn't want to anyway. She told me once that it's the struggles in life that make her feel alive."

"How alive can she feel while being locked away in a dark room in the depths of her mind?" I countered. "What about integration?" I then asked. Even without studying DID yet in my psyche course, I knew integration was the only real cure for DID… or at least, I thought I knew.

"Integration is like a fairytale," he said with a huff of frustration. "In all the cases of DID ever reported, very few have achieved it, and even the ones that have, said they still hear voices in their head. Voices that aren't quite their own. DID is an extremely complex disorder, because the brain is the most complex organ in our bodies. Doctors and scientists just don't know enough about it. So, rather than fight it without much hope of ever seeing a difference, Bella has decided to just live with it the best she can. This will be a lifelong struggle for her, and she has more important things to do than to waste her time being constantly drugged and going to therapy that does jack-shit."

I sighed. "I see."

My mind drifted to the eagerness of my professor's email, and I couldn't help but think perhaps there was new treatments out there that Charlie and Bella didn't know about since it had been a while since she sought help.

"Charlie, how do you think Bella would feel about me seeing someone?" I asked hesitantly.

"Ugh, I don't know what kind of arrangement you two have, but I guess if Alice and Rose have other dates, then…"

"No, I'm not talking about dating. I mean, how do you think she would feel about me meeting with a psychologist? If only to help me get a better understanding on her disorder and how to best cope."

"Oh, well… I'm not sure. It may stress her out given all the crap she's been through."

"That's what I'm worried about," I agreed.

"But son, you have to do what's best for you. Whatever you need to help you make the best out of this situation is the right thing to do. If you feel the need to talk to someone about DID, then you should do it. Just maybe wait until Bella is in a really calm, relaxed state before you mention it to her, and you should be ok."

"Is it really going to upset her?" I asked concerned. "I don't want to go behind her back or do anything that will have a negative effect of her."

"Nah, she will understand…._hopefully_."

His lack of confidence definitely made me pause, so I decided to put off speaking to my professor in person until after I cleared it with Bella first.

Of course, that evening's date night with Tanya had me second guessing my decision to wait…

"I'm so glad you were able to stay long enough for us to go out tonight," I told her as I drove us towards our destination.

"Me too! It's going to be so amazing and a dream come true," she replied eagerly.

She was noticeably nervous, but she was also super excited. Even without taking my eyes off the road, I could see her staring at me like a lovesick puppy. Anytime I spoke, she giggled flirtatiously, and every time I actually turned to make eye contact, she smiled and batted her eyes in an almost cartoonish way. With the mentality of a seventeen-yea-old, her maturity level could range from childlike to young adult, but she was so ignorant and inexperienced with most things that she usually swayed to the childlike side of the spectrum.

"Have you ever done mini golf before?" I asked her, trying to push along the conversation so she wasn't just ogling me awkwardly the entire time.

"I don't know what mini golf is, but if you like it then I'm sure to love it!" she said without a doubt. "Do you want to hold my hand?"

"Um…_sure_," I agreed, before reaching over the center console to intertwine my fingers with hers. Her smile somehow grew even wider.

I had decided to take her mini golfing and then to a pizza joint for dinner. With Tanya being a teenager, I figured it was probably the best choice out of our very limited choices in that area. However, the fact that she had no idea what mini golf was, was quickly made painfully apparent.

"Oops!" she shouted as her ball went hurling into the sky despite the hole only being a few feet in front of her. "That was bad, right?"

"Uh…" I tried to watch where her ball went, but it got lost in the lights. At least we didn't hear anyone screaming. "No, it's fine."

"No, it's not. I'm so stupid!" she pouted. "I never do anything right. This is why they don't let me out very much."

"Tanya, it's fine," I tried calming her. "You just hit it too hard. Here, let me help you."

I dropped my ball in front of her, then got behind her and guided her hands into the right direction. Very gently, I swung her club for the both of us, and just like that, the ball went right into the hole.

"See?" I said while stepping back so I could see her face.

"I did it!" she exclaimed, before practically jumping into me and clinging to my chest.

I wrapped my arms around her and held her tight while kissing the top of her hair. _God, I missed Bella_. It had been far too long and holding her body without her there only made me miss her more.

After that, Tanya's giddiness returned tenfold. She was so excited about every little thing we did. The go-karts, the pizza; even the drive home at the end of the date had her bouncing in her seat.

When we got back to our apartment, however, the fun stopped abruptly.

"Are we going to have sex now?" she asked; her tone was somewhere between nervous and eager.

Before I had a chance to even fully comprehend the situation, she was all over me. Her lips attached to mine, and her hands automatically went to my pants.

"Wait," I tried saying against her lips as I pushed her hands away, but she refused to back down. Her mouth traveled to my neck and she moved her hands to her own shirt where she began unbuttoning.

"Please stop trying to take your clothes off," I almost begged.

She finally pulled away, but when she did, the look of pure hurt plagued her features.

"Honey, I'm sorry, I just…"

"No, it's okay. You don't want me. I get it," she mumbled before running off to the guest bedroom and locking herself inside.

"Fuck," I said under my breath.

She was seventeen for fuck's sake, what the hell was I supposed to do?

I went to bed that night feeling like shit, and of course, then I started obsessing…

_Did I do the right thing?_

_She was mentally a seventeen-year-old virgin, but her body wasn't, and that body certainly wasn't a virgin. _

_Then again, many seventeen-year-olds had sex._

_Would it be wrong of me to sleep with her?_

_Alice did say she tried getting her laid a few times; at least I wasn't a stranger that scared her…_

My brain was going crazy with unanswerable questions and thoughts. I honestly didn't know what was right or wrong, and my moral compass was spinning in all different directions. I didn't know what to do, and I was terrified of doing the wrong thing. So, I decided to hop back onto my laptop and try to do a little research on the subject.

After scouring the internet for more than two hours and pretty much coming up with nothing, I made the decision to email my professor back. The last thing I wanted to do was upset Bella, but I didn't see this as me contacting a doctor on her behalf the way it sort of seemed. I needed the help for myself, and I only hoped she would understand.

I eventually managed to fall asleep, but it wasn't long before I was awoken to a very horny woman who wasn't about to let me tell her no.

I was half undressed before I was even alert enough to realize what was happening. I may have freaked just a tiny bit, but she was quick to put my concerns to rest.

"Relax Conch, it's just me," she said confidently. "You made poor little Tanya go running back to the theater crying," she added before clicking her tongue in a disapproving way. "I told her, sometimes men need a little more experience to get their needs met."

Her hand grabbed ahold of me and immediately got to work. She refused to let my current drowsy lack of desire stop her. Needless to say, it didn't take long for my body to catch up with hers. The moment I was ready, she climbed on top of me and fucked me like there was no fucking tomorrow, and I suppose for her, there wasn't.

Afterwards, she fell asleep in my arms, and when her eyes opened again, I was pleasantly surprised, relieved, and overjoyed to see Bella looking back at me.

_Finally!_


	18. Ambush

**Chapter 18 – Ambush**

"Hey babe," I murmured as I stared into the eyes of the most amazing soul I had ever encountered. "God, I missed you," I added – speaking completely from my heart and not so much from my head.

"I… I wish I could say I missed you too, but I don't remember ever being away from you. How long was I gone this time?" she asked despondently.

"A while," I admitted with hesitation. It would have been so much easier to just lie. Lie for a while; at least long enough for me to fully embrace her return, but that was something I just couldn't do.

She squeezed her eyes shut as she processed that unfortunate but vague information. It didn't really matter how long she was gone for. Any amount of time was too long, and we both knew it.

"Edward, you deserve…"

"Please don't tell me again that I deserve better, because I vehemently disagree," I assured her. "I love you, and after all the shit I've done in my life, getting to love anyone and be loved in return is far more than I deserve. And you are far more incredible than you will ever give yourself credit for. If anything, you're the one who doesn't deserve an idiot like me."

"But how much more can you possibly take?" she questioned. "You can't tell me this isn't wearing on you."

"Of course it can be wearing," I admitted. "But all relationships are hard. _Life_ is hard."

"Right. It's hard for normal people. Add on my disorder and it's impossible."

"Nothing is impossible," I disagreed. "I'm never going to give up. I've told you before, and I'll keep telling you until you believe me – I can handle it. I _am_ handling it. Except maybe…"

"Except maybe what?" she prompted when I found myself hesitating.

"Except maybe I would benefit from talking to someone," I said carefully. "Someone that has seen others with this disorder in the past. I know you haven't seen anyone yourself in a long time, and I understand why, but perhaps it would help me get a better understanding of some things if I were able to get a little advice sometimes."

"Advice?" she asked, getting noticeably uncomfortable. The emotional atmosphere in the room abruptly dropped, and I knew she was putting up shield of self-preservation.

"Babe, don't get upset," I tried calming her. "If you're against it, I won't go any further."

"How far have you gone already?" she asked in a near panic.

"Just a couple exchanged emails."

"With a psychiatrist? On my behalf?" she asked anxiously.

"A professor of psychology," I clarified. "I just thought maybe… maybe if I had any questions, or even perhaps if there is some kind of new treatment you haven't heard of yet. I just thought it would be a good idea for me to touch base with a professional."

"Edward," she sighed. "I'm assuming you've spoken to my dad about this?"

I nodded in confirmation.

"So, you know why I don't see any specialists anymore?"

I nodded again. "But, like I said, maybe there is a new treatment out there that we don't know of. Or maybe I just might need someone to talk to myself, just to run things by and make sure I'm not fucking you up even worse," I said in a rush, thinking about Tanya's unexpected desire to have sex. _Would I hurt her if I did? Did I hurt her even more by my refusal?_ Tanya was a part of Bella, so if I harmed her in any way, if I harmed any of the alters, I was only hurting Bella, and that was the last thing I wanted to do. It was all so difficult to understand and I was becoming increasingly desperate for some answers.

"I don't know, Edward…" Bella said as she chewed on her lower lip pensively. "I just… I have nothing but bad experiences in the past."

Suddenly she paused, mid-sentence, and looked at me as if she had an epiphany.

"You know what? Do it. Contact the professor. Do whatever you feel you need to."

I scrunched my brows in confusion. "Is this one of those chick things where the woman says one thing, but means another, and gets pissed if the man doesn't know the right thing to do? Because my mom constantly does that to my dad, and even after over three decades together, he still misses it every time."

Her serious expression broke, and she giggled, but only softly. "No, not at all. I'm just tired of being scared of everything all the time. Scared of doctors, scared of relationships, just scared of the unknown all around. I'm done with it! You put up with so much shit because of me, and if you need help, then I should only be grateful you're willing to get the help and keep trying with me. My only real concern is that this professor will give you some false sense of hope that I'll someday outgrow this or something, because I've come to long accept that this is just who I am, and I'll be dealing with it for the rest of my life."

"I promise I'm not going to get false hope of any make-believe fairytale cure for your disorder," I assured her. "All I want is to learn some useful tools on how to deal with certain things and have someone to run issues by that I may come across along the way."

She nodded once in understanding. "Rosalie has been giving you hell again, hasn't she?"

"Yes, but that's not what I'm talking about. Rosalie is a headache, but so far we have managed a few truces and hopefully eventually one will stick."

"Oh… Well, good. So, it's Alice then?" she assumed.

"No, Alice hardly came out this time."

"Bree tried to burn the place down again?" she then questioned concerned.

"No, thank god. It's not one thing in particular, but Tanya did have an issue, and it's just reaffirmed my need to have someone to talk to… someone who isn't your dad."

"What did Tanya do?" she asked surprised. "That alter is usually pretty docile."

"She is, and she didn't do anything wrong, but…"

_Fuck, it was not something I was even comfortable talking to Bella about, but what else could I do? _

I took a deep breath, and then told her everything. The sweet, naïve, virginal teenager who was bound and determined to have sex, was seriously one of the most problematic issues we had faced thus far.

Bella, on the other hand, found it amusing.

"Aww, she has a crush on you!" she cooed teasingly.

I smiled at her tone and expression, but quickly fought it off. "This is a serious problem. She was absolutely devastated when I turned her down. It made me feel like shit."

"You know she's not actually a virgin, right?" Bella asked, taking me aback.

"She lied?" I asked confused.

"No, she didn't lie, but virginity is a physical thing. She uses my body, and I'm not a virgin, so…"

"She is seventeen," I argued. "Physicality aside, she has the mind and maturity level of a seventeen-year-old."

"And how old were you when you lost your virginity?"

I huffed. "Younger than seventeen. But her "age" isn't even the real issue. She has been so sheltered that she barely has the life experiences of a child. Hell, I think Bree has had more time on the outside than Tanya has. She's not ready for something like that."

"Says you?" Bella challenged me. "Nobody can tell somebody else if they're ready for something like sex. It's a very personal decision. But suppose you're right; maybe she isn't ready, but maybe eventually she will be. I mean, they aren't frozen in time. She could mature with more experiences."

"I thought Bree and Tanya were both sort of frozen at their age?" I asked confused.

She shrugged. "Just because they haven't aged up until now, doesn't mean they won't. I mean, who the hell really knows how it all works anyway? I certainly don't… so, I guess I can see why it would be beneficial for you to have another person to talk to."

"You're sure you don't mind?" I asked, just to double check.

"I'm sure. I can't promise I'll ever go and see someone again myself, but if you think it will help you, I'm happy you're doing it."

"I love you," I told her sincerely.

She smiled widely. "I love you too."

Bella's return that morning couldn't have possibly been more perfect. Not only had I been missing her like hell, but it was also a Sunday, and neither of us had anything to do but lounge around together all day and make up for lost time, and that's exactly what we did.

After that amazing day full of love, laughter, and sweet togetherness, we shared an entire amazing week. Every day that Bella stayed, reaffirmed my already certain mind of just how perfect we were for each other. We just fit. Everything about her complimented me, and vise versa. If there was only one person on the planet for everyone, Bella was definitely my person.

When the following week also came and went without any splitting from Bella, we started to get a little uneasy. The alters were being quiet – a little too quiet.

"It's just so weird," Bella commented one afternoon as we were walking into our apartment after a half hour of grocery shopping. "I mean, they've stayed inside for longer than this in the past, but usually I can feel them itching to get out. It's almost like an anxious feeling deep inside my head. A feeling that's not quite my own. You know what I mean?"

"Not really. I mean, I can't relate, but I think I get what you're saying. You usually can feel them, but you can't right now?"

"I can't feel them like a tangible thing, but it's almost like a whisper in the wind, or an uneasy feeling when danger is around. I don't know how else to explain it. A sense, maybe? I don't know, but whatever it is hasn't been there in two weeks now. It's just weird."

"That is definitely weird, but a good weird."

"Definitely a good weird," she agreed wholeheartedly.

That _weirdness_ went on for another week, however as it continued, we were met with an unexpected obstacle.

"There's no way we're going to that," I insisted.

"It's like a formal invitation," Bella said as she reread the words printed on the card. "Are your parents always so formal?"

"No, only when they're being dicks. My mom knows I've been dodging them lately, and this is just her way of sticking it to me."

"Edward, we can't avoid them forever. They're your parents. We have dinner with my dad like once a week. We should go to this. It's for your dad's birthday."

"Yeah, and if we go to a party, Alice is going to want to come out," I reminded her. Not that I minded Alice anymore, but I wasn't ready to risk letting Bella go just yet… or ever for that matter. There were moments during the past few weeks when I almost forgot Bella had anything wrong with her at all. I just wanted to hold on to her as long as possible.

"But it says it's just lunch, not a party," Bella argued. "Edward, I don't want my disorder to stop us from living our lives. Family functions are a part of life, and I want to experience it with you. I want to experience _everything_ with you, and the more we do this kind of stuff, the more confidence we'll have the next time something comes up. I feel strong. I can keep it together for this. I know I can."

I considered it, and even though I certainly didn't think it was worth the risk, I eventually agreed. Bella didn't want to be a burden or feel like she was keeping me from anything, and regardless of me telling her repeatedly that she wasn't, I knew I had to prove my words with actions. I had to trust her when she told me she could handle something, so that's what I did.

…

Bella proved, yet again, just how strong she was when we pulled up to my parents' house and saw all the cars parked in front. It wasn't a "party", but it was, and my fucking mother knew it. Hell, I knew it, but like an idiot, I didn't listen to my gut.

"We can just leave," I offered – _well, hoped_.

"It's your dad's birthday. We should be here," Bella insisted.

"Well, we can celebrate with him at a different time. You haven't even met them yet, and a crowded luncheon isn't the best place to do it."

"Who's fault is it that I haven't met them yet?" she said with a smile and a raised brow.

"Mine, completely, but with good reason. My parents aren't exactly supportive of our relationship the way your dad is."

"Why? Isn't a mentally insane woman what all parents dream of for their son?" she joked.

"I think they're more worried about me than you. I haven't always been serious when it comes to women….well, I guess I've _never_ been serious about a woman. I'm sure they're worried I'm just going to fuck you up – which is basically the same thing I'm worried about."

"The only one in danger of fucking things up is me," she argued. "But I feel good. Still no anxious feelings in my head. I'm good. We're good. Let's get this over with."

"If you say so," I said, lacking an ounce of her confidence.

Bella and I held hands as we walked into my parents' mini mansion filled with non-party partygoers. It was utterly ridiculous. At least Bella insisted that we dressed nicely so we didn't look like complete idiots. Well, I hopefully didn't look like an idiot – Bella always looked amazing.

"Oh, I'm so glad you guys made it," my mother squealed with that artificial motherly devotion she was famous for. Not that she wasn't a loving mother, but she sure as hell liked to play it up for the crowd. "Bella, darling, I'm so glad to finally meet you officially. _It is Bella, isn't it?_" she asked unsure… or maybe she was just being a bitch.

"Yes, I'm Bella," Bella assured her while shaking her hand. "I'm so glad to meet you too. Edward has always spoken very highly of you."

"Liar," she replied playfully with a knowing grin. "I haven't always been Edward's favorite person, but I promise you, I have always had his best intentions at heart. How are you, honey?" she asked while pulling me in for an awkward hug.

"I would have been better if this was really just the small luncheon you said it was going to be," I grumbled.

"I said it was going to be a few close friends, and that's what this is," she said dismissively. "Please, come in and meet everyone."

She led us to the back garden where an extra-long table was set up, and over two dozen people were already sitting or taking their seats. Of course, they all turned to look at us when my mother announced our presence. Thankfully, my father hurried to our rescue by pulling us aside so he could greet us personally.

"Sorry about all of this. You know your mother," he mumbled, low enough so only we could hear. "Anyway, I'm glad you could come. Haven't seen you in a while. You always seem to slip away when I try to visit you at the hospital."

"Well, they like to keep me busy over there. So much paperwork and important things to do," I said, attempting to sound positive but failing miserably. I hated my fucking job and it was hard not to show it.

"Still on the lookout for something a little more fulfilling?" he questioned.

"Always," I confirmed. "Anyway, this is Bella," I introduced her.

"Aww, finally, the woman who captured my son's heart. Thank you for that, by the way. I think you must be some kind of miracle worker. I was starting to think he'd never settle down and have any sort of real relationship."

"My dad would say the same thing about me," Bella said graciously. "Happy Birthday, by the way."

"Thank you very much. Please try to enjoy yourselves. I know these stiff faces can be intimidating, but they are all very good people."

"I'm sure they are," Bella said before I finally managed to pull her away from my oddly overly friendly father.

"You okay?" I asked her as we found our seats.

"Of course," she said with a smile that was meant to be reassuring, but I could see something behind her eyes. She was squinting, ever so slightly, almost like she was fighting off a headache.

Before I had a chance to question her on it, my mother stood to make more announcements.

"I just want to thank everyone for coming this afternoon. It's not every day we get to celebrate this special man. Carlisle, happy birthday, darling."

Everyone raised their glasses of fancy wine and cocktails and toasted to my father. As I looked around the table, I couldn't help bitterly thinking about how I recognized several of them from the hospital. Sure, it made sense they were mostly doctors since my father was the Chief of Staff, but they were such great friends of his that I literally never met any of them on a social level before. I couldn't help but think they weren't actually friends, and more like my mother's way of forced intervention for my choice of girlfriend. I really didn't want to think that my mother would do something like that, but her next words pretty much solidified it in my mind...

"Edward, do you know Doctor Amun?" she asked me. "He is the head of the Psychiatry and Mental Health division of the hospital. Doctor Amun, you must know my son's girlfriend, Bella Swan?"

"Um, I can't say I've had the pleasure," Dr. Amun replied.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I just assumed you knew all the more serious psyche patients in the area," my mother feigned innocence, and I could feel my blood begin to boil as rage filled all my senses.

_That fucking bitch!_

I had hardly spoken to either of my parents since I moved out of their above garage guest apartment. The incident with Bree showing up in their house had upset them, and understandably caused concern, but as I kept telling them during our few brief exchanges since then, it was none of their business. Undoubtedly, my mother must have overstepped even further by asking my father's colleagues about Bella and her disorder. With it being such a small town, the department head of psychiatry certainly would know her, except for the fact Bella hasn't been to a doctor in quite some time. All points my conniving meddlesome mother could have easily concluded to.

"Psyche patient?" Dr. Amun questioned, echoing my mother's words while looking towards Bella for an answer.

"Um…" Bella eyes met mine and I knew she was panicking, so I grabbed her hand.

"We didn't come here to discuss our private medical issues," I said while glaring at my mother. "I'm sorry, but I just remembered we have somewhere else to be. Happy Birthday," I added towards my father while standing to leave.

I attempted to pull Bella up with me, but she refused to budge. Instead, she looked up at me and spoke volumes without saying a word. She was rightfully upset, but the look in her eyes was also fiercely stubborn.

"Actually, our day is wide open," she told me loud enough for everyone to hear. Then she turned back to Dr. Amun. "I have Dissociative Identity Disorder," she told him bluntly, which caused a few low gasps from others around the table.

"Well, that is certainly an interesting condition," Dr. Amun replied with sudden attentiveness.

"Interesting indeed," Bella agreed evenly. "If I'm not careful, I may end up letting out one of my alter personalities and begin dancing all over the table."

"If it's not something you can control, we certainly wouldn't hold it against you. Tell me, who is your doctor?" Amun questioned.

"I don't have one anymore. I actually feel it's best to just wing it," she said flippantly.

"That is certainly an interesting take on your treatment," Dr. Amun mumbled, seemingly aghast. "If you ever change your mind about that, please don't hesitate to come into my office. We have an excellent mental health staff, and I'm sure we could find the right practitioner for you."

"Well, I appreciate the offer," Bella said, refusing to agree or disagree.

There were a few moments of heavy awkward silence before people finally broke off and began chatting quietly amongst themselves.

"Can we go now?" I leaned in and asked Bella, hoping she was finally ready.

"Lunch hasn't even been served yet," she mumbled back, but wouldn't turn to meet my eye.

"Babe," I murmured, but she pulled away and began chatting with the person on her opposite side.

The meal was soon served by a hired staff, and all the while, Bella amazingly held herself together. There were a few points where I couldn't help but wonder if she split and Rosalie or Alice took over to finish the event, but when she'd finally look at me, even briefly, I knew she was still there. Bella was so strong, and she wasn't about to let my mother's despicable stunt get the better of her. But in addition to recognizing Bella's maintained control, I also could see the subtle pain she was in. The continued slight squinting of her eyes told me all I needed to know. She was on the brink, and I needed to force our departure whether she wanted to or not.

"You know what, I think I'm starting to come down with the flu. And here I didn't get my annual shot because I thought it was all bogus," I said while faking several coughs, making all the doctors at the table squirm. "Babe, I'm sorry, I just really need to get home."

"You can always go rest in your apartment here," my mother so dotingly suggested.

"No thanks. I'd rather just get to my own bed."

"Why don't you let me grab my stethoscope so I can make sure it hasn't gone to your lungs," my dad requested.

"No, dad, I'm fine. I just want to go," I said frankly. "I'm sorry. Happy birthday," I added before pulling at Bella's hand again. This time, thankfully, she relented and stood.

"Thank you for lunch, and it was nice meeting you all. Happy birthday," she said before I practically dragged her out of the house.

She didn't say a word to me when we got into the car and kept her silence halfway home. When she did speak, it became painfully clear that she finally lost her grip.

"Wow, what a bunch of squares!"

I glanced at her, and just knew.

"Hey Alice. Did you see all that?" I asked, trying like hell not to let her sense my disappointment with her presence.

"Hell yeah I saw that! It was like some bad soap opera. Your mom is a manipulative socialite from hell. She'd give Erica Kane a run for her money, that's for sure."

"Who is Erica Kane?" I asked, clueless.

"A manipulative socialite from a soap opera," she explained. "_'All My Children'_ – the best soap to ever be canceled. Bella's mom used to watch that show religiously. One of the few fond memories we have with her."

"Oh," I said, not sure how else to respond. None of them ever really mentioned their mother before, so it was a topic I definitely wanted to hear more on if she was willing to speak about it, but I wasn't going to push; especially not right then when I was so pissed at my own mother.

"Alice, is Bella okay?" I asked carefully.

"Oh, she'll be fine," she said, unconcerned. "Trust me, she's faced worse."

I shook my head in anger. "That shouldn't have happened. I should have fucking knew better. _Damn it!_" I shouted while reflexively punching the steering wheel.

"Relax. Jeesh!" Alice demanded. "It was her decision to go to that party, and she wanted to stay. She wouldn't even let me out for it. I _always_ get to go to the parties," she pouted.

"Where have you guys been lately?" I asked, letting my curiosity momentarily overcome my anger. "None of you have been out in weeks."

"Bella has been pretty determined to keep us locked up. And I think Rosalie felt bad about your guys' last tiff and she was trying to make amends by giving you more time with Bella. Don't count on it continuing though. We have all been cooped up for far too long." She paused to yawn. "Let's go on an adventure."

I squeezed my eyes shut; thankfully we were stopped at a red light at the time, so I didn't crash the car from my moment of internal struggle. I was angry, and disappointed, and I already missed Bella, but I decided to bury all that so I could give Alice the proper time and attention she needed.

I reopened my eyes and turned to her with the most genuine smile I could conjure at the moment. "What do you want to do?"

"What are you willing to do?" she asked with an eager and scheming grin.

My stomach fluttered, but I pushed it away. "For you? Anything."

With a blush warming her cheeks, she giggled and clapped her hands eagerly. "Oh, you shouldn't have said that," she squealed, and judging from her excitement, I was sure she was right. _What the hell was I thinking?_

Without allowing myself to take back my words, I pulled over and let her drive us to wherever she wanted.

Based on Alice's previous adventure of choice, I wasn't completely confident we would survive the day. However, I ultimately decided to just sit back and attempt to enjoy the ride. If Bella was right and a cure for DID would never come, I needed to fully embrace each and every one of her alters, and that was what I was determined to do…


	19. Rotation

**Chapter 19 – Rotation**

Thankfully, Alice's adventure this time was nothing more than going on a super long hike that lasted well past dark. Because we were unprepared, we only had our cell phones to light our way, however Alice insisted we did as much of it without them as possible. That was the adventure. Pitch black hiking – something I remembered doing at sixth grade camp as a child, but I never had a desire to do since. But, of course, halfway back down the trail, Alice stopped us for an activity that was nothing like any previous hike I had ever been on.

"Here?" I asked shocked. "Now? I can hardly see you."

"That's what makes it so fun," she said as she giggled against the skin on my neck. Her hands had already found their way down my pants, and despite the dark, unconventional, and awkward location, I forced myself to relax enough to catch up to her desires. I wanted to be anything and everything Bella and her alters needed me to be, and right then, Alice's _needs_ for me couldn't have been clearer.

She leaned against a boulder, and must have been so wound up that she completely ignored the physical discomfort of the position. I worried about hurting her skin against the granite, but she'd only just yell at me to go harder and faster. It wasn't long before her boisterous demands morphed into crying out in pleasure.

And, because nothing with Alice could ever go simply or smoothly, of course we were heard by some straggling hikers.

"Fuck!" I huffed as the concerned voices rushed towards us. "They probably think I'm assaulting you," I grumbled.

We managed to quickly re-dress before they got to us, and Alice was able to convince the strangers that our noisy tryst was consensual.

"Never a dull moment," I grumbled after they finally left us alone.

Alice only giggled.

"Oh, you think all this is funny, do you?" I said, trying to sound cross, but chuckling at the end due to the adorable and sexy way her moonlit features couldn't stop smiling.

"Well, it was pretty funny. Do you think if I start screaming again, they'll come back?" she teased.

"Yes!" I laughed as I pulled her back into me and kissed her tenderly on her neck. "You know, someday you're going to get me arrested."

"You think?" she asked with faux innocence as she wrapped her arms around my waist so she could get two hands full of my ass cheeks. "But if you were in jail, I would lose my access to that pretty cock of yours."

"I guess you better start behaving then," I warned her playfully.

"Maybe you're right. We can't have you in jail. You may just get a little too close to your cellmate and find out you actually like dicks more than vaginas, and then I'd be really sorry. I can't grow a dick."

"Um… I don't see that happening, but even still, a little more self-control at certain times could only be a good thing."

"Alright, alright, you're right. I'll try to be good… at least for the rest of this hike. I can't promise anything beyond tonight."

"I'd never expect you to," I said honestly.

With Alice on her best behavior, we managed to find our way through the dark; although, I was fairly certain we were stalked by a mountain lion at one point along the way.

We spent the rest of the evening at home, joking and playing and making love until we were too exhausted to stay awake any longer. And just like that, with the rising sun came a new alter…

"What are we doing today?" I was questioned the moment my eyes peeked open. My head was bobbling up and down, and it wasn't until I actually looked up that I realized she was jumping on the bed next to me. Sure, I wouldn't put it past Alice to do such a thing, but I was fairly certain it was now time to babysit.

"Uh, good morning, Bree. We actually both have work today," I said, realizing it was now Monday, and despite the childlike alter still bouncing next to me, we both had adult responsibilities.

"Ahh man!" she whined. "But Alice got to go on an adventure. I want to have fun too. I hate going to the bookstore!"

"I'm sorry," I told her sincerely. "I know it sucks having to do grownup stuff, but if you're still around tonight, we can do something fun."

"Like what?" she asked with an adorable curious pout.

"I don't know. Maybe order pizza and watch a movie or something."

"Do I get to pick the movie?"

"Of course."

She huffed. "Fine. I'll go get dressed."

Bree went into Rosalie's room, and came out wearing a skintight, super short cocktail dress, so I had to send her back in to get re-dressed. Her next ensemble was a little more age approved, but the hoodie and ripped jeans were far from what Bella would qualify as work attire.

"What am I supposed to wear then?" she screeched while stomping her foot.

"Can I help you pick something out?" I asked carefully, hoping to not upset her.

"Fine!"

I led her back to my room and into the master closet where Bella kept her clothes. I didn't know much about women's fashion, but I figured a knee length skirt and button down blouse would be acceptable professional wear. After finding her bra and underwear, I placed it all on the bed and then excused myself so she could get dressed. When she emerged, however, she was also wearing Bella's slipper socks and her hiking boots.

"Uh.."

"Did I do it wrong again?" she whined. It wasn't until then that I noticed her skirt was also on sideways.

"No, you're fine. Let me just…." I slowly reached for her waistband and tried to tug it to the side so her skirt was on straight. Thankfully, my action didn't seem to freak her out in the slightest.

"Am I good now?" she questioned, full of attitude.

I considered asking her to change her footwear, but figured it wasn't worth it. "You look great. Does your dad usually help you get ready for work?" I questioned, unsure how she did it before living with me. That was my first work morning with Bree, but I assumed it wouldn't be my last, so any kind of hint on how to make it go smoother for the next time would have been helpful.

"My dad knows even less about big girl clothes than I do," she replied. "I usually just go however I want, and when one of them pulls me back in, they go and change."

"Oh, okay then," I said before leading her into the kitchen to feed her breakfast. "Cereal?"

She wrinkled her nose and shook her head.

"Um, okay. Want me to make you eggs?" I offered.

"I want pancakes!"

"I don't have time to make pancakes this morning. We are running a little behind. How about Eggo waffles?"

"I want _pancakes_!" she shouted stubbornly.

"I don't have time!" I practically shouted back. I went to the fridge and grabbed Bella's usual choice breakfast. "Here is a yogurt and some granola. Eat."

"I don't like this stuff!" she cried.

"Yes, you do. You eat it all the time, you just don't remember," I argued.

"No, I don't. The big girls eat it. I hate this stuff. I want pancakes!"

When she threw herself on the floor and started an entire meltdown, I could do nothing but stare at her for a few moments. Stare, at my girlfriend throwing an absolute tantrum.

_What. The. Actual. Fuck._

It was jarring and surreal, but it was my currently reality and I needed get my shit together and figure out how to deal with it.

"Fine!" I yelled over the sound of her fit.

I hurried and grabbed all the crap for pancakes and made a super quick little batch. It didn't take long, but it certainly wasn't clean. At least it stopped her screaming, so at the moment, I really didn't care about leaving dirty dishes for the day.

She scarfed down her food just in time for her to leave, so I handed her the keys and her purse. Of course, it couldn't be that easy. "You do know how to get to the bookstore, right?" I questioned hesitantly.

She smiled and shook her head no. "I don't even know how to drive. My daddy usually drops me off places."

I let out a long hard breath. "Right."

_Fuck_.

Bella usually left before me in the mornings, but since I had to drop her off, I'd need to rush to get ready myself so neither of us were late. I threw on the first thing I could reach, slathered on my deodorant, and then shoved my feet into my shoes without untying them.

It wasn't until we were rushing out to the car that I realized we forgot one more detail. "Crap, your hair!" I shouted. Not only was her face somewhat dirty, but her hair was in a matted mess. "You don't do your own hair either?" I questioned.

She shrugged. "Never have before. It's ok, I can comb it like this," she said while running her fingers through her knots, only to get them stuck. "Ouch!"

"You know what, I have a comb in glovebox; I'll help you when we get to the store," I told her before reaching across her to grab her seatbelt. "We're running late," I reminded her in a rush.

When we finally made it to the bookstore, I attempted to detangle her knots, but I quickly broke the flimsy plastic comb. It was of no use, so I found a brown rubber band off the newspaper sitting on her desk, and I pulled her hair into a messy low ponytail. I reflexively kissed her cheek to say goodbye, but, of course, then I remembered her dirty face.

"How did you do this?" I asked her as I attempted to wipe it clean with my sleeve. It wasn't working, so I did the unthinkable… I fucking licked my finger and used my spit to clean her face. It was fucking ridiculous, but I didn't realize just how ridiculous the entire thing was until I was driving away from the bookstore towards my own job.

_What the fuck kind of morning was that?_

The rest of my morning was thankfully mundane, but by the afternoon my cell phone started dinging relentlessly. Twelve unread texts, seven voicemails, five missed phones calls, and two unanswered video chats – all within a thirty-minute span of time when I left my phone on the charger as I ran an errand at the opposite end of the hospital.

"Angela, I need to go. Can you cover for me?" I asked my co-worker in a rush.

"Of course."

I darted out to my car as I attempted to read my phone and run at the same time. A quick glance was all it took for me to get the drift. There was an issue with a customer, and Bree had another meltdown. The police were called, and now Rosalie was back and absolutely pissed as if it was somehow my fault. All the messages were from her. _Just fucking great. _

By the time I got there, I was grateful to see Charlie on the scene, but it looked as though he and Rose were still in a heated debate.

"It's bullshit! Who would leave a child in charge of the store like that?" I heard her shouting.

"Calm down before someone overhears you," Charlie tried hushing her.

Then Rose spotted me as I approached. "Oh, here is the so-called responsible adult now. What kind of fucking moron…"

"Rosalie, that is enough!" Charlie chided her. "Edward is not responsible for Bree in that way."

"He dropped her off at this fucking place _alone_!" she argued.

When I was finally given a moment to speak, I had to take a deep, calming breath since my heart was about to race out of my chest. "What happened?" I asked as calmly as possible.

"Well, _Einstein_, you dropped Bree off here _alone_, and surprise, surprise, she had issues," Rosalie hissed. "You're just lucky Bella's dad is a cop, otherwise we'd be in jail right now."

"She struck a customer," Charlie explained.

"Holy shit!" I spat. "What the fuck led to that?"

"The rancid woman grabbed her because she said she was acting crazy, so Bree retaliated," Rose explained. "I'm proud of her, frankly. The kid _should_ protect herself. But, it should have never happened. You should have stayed with her."

"Stayed with her?" I asked incredulously. "I have to work too, Rosalie. I can't just not show up. I need my job. _We_ need my job. Remember that fancy apartment you invaded? Yeah, it's expensive. Besides, I know Bree has worked here alone before. I was under the impression she knew what to do. Why the hell didn't you come out sooner if she wasn't supposed to be here alone?"

"She was having a tantrum," she replied as if the answer was obvious. "I know you don't have much experience with children, but they are hard to reach when they're raging like that. I tried to get out sooner. I couldn't."

"Okay, but Edward is right," Charlie interjected. "Bree has worked here alone before without issue. Being upset with him is senseless."

"We have only let her work here when we already got ourselves ready, and everything set up here for the day, and things are going slow. We never let her open the store herself without knowing how busy it's going to be."

"I'm sorry, I didn't know that," I apologized.

"Well, how could you know that?" Charlie sympathized. "This was just an unfortunate incident of miscommunication. It's bound to happen. It will all get easier with time and experience."

Rosalie huffed. "I guess you're right. I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have assumed you magically knew how to take care of Bree. The truth is, she shouldn't have even been out today. It was Tanya's turn. She hesitated, and then Bree pushed her way in front. She will be reprimanded."

"What do you mean, it was Tanya's _turn_?" I asked confused. "I never knew you guys took turns."

"It's a new arrangement," she explained. "We never have been on any type of schedule, but I've gotten tired of all the internal bickering that's been going on in the theater lately."

"Why are you all fighting more now than before?" I questioned.

"Oh, I don't know, probably because of _you_!" she said bitterly. "Now that Alice is in love with you, and Tanya has some silly crush, and even Bree wants to hang with you, they've all become so pushy. The only solution I could think of is for us to be on a rotation – unless, that is, I need to step in and protect them like I had to do today. We've also all agreed to try to accommodate each other."

"Meaning?"

"_I have no idea why I'm even wasting time explaining all this to you,"_ she mumbled under her breath. "But whatever. So, if there is a party that Bella can't handle, Alice gets to go, regardless of who's turn it actually is. Stuff like that will make us detour from our regular rotation."

"Wow, that sounds like a good plan," Charlie commented. "I wish y'all would have come up with it sooner. Would have saved a lot of stress over the years."

"You're telling me," she agreed.

"So, you said Tanya _hesitated_ when it was her turn to come out this morning?" I asked, looking for a little clarification.

"Oh, you know her. She has such a big crush on you, but then she starts freaking herself out and worrying that you don't like her back. She said you wouldn't fuck her, or something."

"Uh…"

"Well, that's my cue to go," Charlie said awkwardly. "Is there anything else you need before I leave?" he asked Rose.

She scowled at him. "I never need anything from anyone. It was Bree who needed you. It seems I'm the only one of us who actually knows how to take care of myself."

"Alright then. I'll see you later," he said before making a quick exit.

"So, I'm assuming the woman Bree assaulted left already?" I asked, since I didn't see anyone else hanging around.

"Oh, Bree didn't hurt her. It was more like a shove because that woman put her hands on her first. Charlie argued with her that they were both at fault, so the bitch left."

"Well, good. So, um, you have everything handled around here now?"

"I always do," she said full of annoyance.

"And, are you planning to stay for a while, or will you be letting Tanya take her turn now?" I asked, hoping to mentally prepare myself for what to expect that evening.

"She lost her turn when she froze like a deer in the headlights. Sorry to disappoint you, but I'll be the one coming home tonight."

"Well, I'm sorry to disappoint _you_, but you don't bother me anymore, Rosalie."

"Sure, I don't."

"You don't. I mean, the others are more pleasant to be around, but I have nothing against you. When it's your turn to be out, I'm not going to complain one bit. Just curious though, how does Bella fit in to your tentative rotation schedule?"

Rosalie rolled her eyes. "Bella likes to pretend she hates when we come out, but the truth is, there is only so much of the world she can handle at a time until her stress and anxiety force her to take a break. Whenever that happens, we will be there, ready to take our turn."

"So, you don't know when she will be back?"

"She regains her strength while she is inside. She will come back whenever she is ready. Your mommy dearest really did a number on her. It may be a while before she recovers. Could be a week or so. Maybe less, but probably more."

I nodded. "Okay, but I do have to warn you, she is getting stronger," I told her gently. "She held on through that entire lunch like a champ. If she can put up with an ambush like that, I'm guessing she is already much stronger than you think she is. She could be back sooner rather than later, and then it might be a long while before she needs any of you again. There may even come a time when she doesn't really need to escape the world at all anymore."

"She will _always_ need us," Rosalie disagreed.

"Well, in case you're right about that, we do need to come up with some other plan for Bree," I suggested. "I can't always take off work, and clearly Charlie has to work too, so what else can we do to make sure this incident doesn't happen again?"

"What do you suggest?" she asked annoyed.

"I don't know, what about hiring someone."

"Like, a nanny?" she asked condescendingly.

"No, I mean an employee to help out around here. Bella is overwhelmed with this store. She shouldn't have to work six days a week anyway. Hell, if there were multiple employees, you guys could keep the store open seven days a week with them working on rotation…. kind of like how you and the other alters are doing it now. If other people could be trained to run this store, or even just one person, you guys wouldn't have to be here all the time. That way, when Bree is out, we don't have to worry because someone else will be here to run everything."

"Bella doesn't like people knowing the truth about us," Rosalie disagreed. "And they'd have to know if they were working so closely with us here."

"You really don't think there is anyone out there you can trust? None of you know anyone at all…. Wait, I think I might know someone."

"You just happen to know someone looking for part-time work that you trust enough with our store and our mental health?" she asked, doubtful.

"Yeah, I think I do. My buddy, Garrett, who works as an orderly at the hospital. His wife is a stay-at-home mom, but now their kid is in school, so she is bored out of her mind. She seems really cool, from what he's said about her; she even once worked at an elementary school library. She actually has been looking for a job, but nowhere in this small ass town is hiring right now."

"That's all well and good, but how is she going to be with our disorder?" Rose asked.

"I've never actually met her before, but I do know Garrett occasionally works on the psyche floor, and he has always spoken very respectfully about the patients there. I think they're good people. I'd trust them with this, for sure."

"Fine. I guess it doesn't hurt to talk to her…but you better let me do the interview."

"Why's that? If anything, it should wait for Bella."

"Bella will never agree to this, but if she is already hired, Bella will feel too guilty about letting her go and have to accept the help. I think you're right about needing an employee and going over Bella's head is the only way to accomplish that."

"Fuck, I think you're right," I said with a huff.

I hated not consulting Bella on something so major, but she was certainly going to wear herself out with that store, or Bree was going to get themselves into trouble. She absolutely needed someone to be there when she couldn't be; I could only hope she actually accepted the help and didn't hate me for my part in it.

I immediately contacted Garrett and asked him to meet me for lunch. After explaining everything to him, he was shocked, but certainly not turned off. He very much thought his wife, Kate, would be interested, so we arranged the interview.

In order for it to work, it all needed to move rather quickly before Bella returned, and thankfully, it did. That evening at home, Rose and I actually had another long civil conversation about that day's events. We just reaffirmed that we were making the right decision, and the following day, Kate went to the store to interview…

"Well?" I asked Rose when we met at home after work.

"Well what?" she played dumb.

"Come on, you know what. How was Kate?"

She rolled her eyes. "Why are you so eager about this? If I didn't know any better, I'd say you had a thing for this broad."

"I never even met her before. What I have a thing for, is the idea of having a little help down at the store. So, how did it go?"

She stared at me expressionlessly for a moment, and then she broke. "Okay fine! You were right, Kate is awesome. She starts tomorrow."

"Really?" I nearly shouted. I was far more excited about it than either of us would have predicted. "That's so awesome! I'm really proud of you, Rosalie. Hopefully this will be the start of a little less stress on all of you."

"And you'll just get all the credit, won't you?" she said bitterly. "Edward swoops in and saves the day again. Woo fucking hoo. You know, at some point, you're going to realize that we don't need a man to always fix everything for us."

"I didn't fix it, Rose, _you_ did. And it's not a gender thing, it's an _awesome_ thing," I told her enthusiastically, refusing to allow her sour attitude dampen the good news.

"Well, since you're so fucking excited about it, Perfect Barbie Kate, and her husband, Hospital Orderly Ken Doll, want us to meet them for dinner tonight to celebrate. Apparently, he doesn't have jackasses for parents the way you do, and they offered to babysit their kid for the evening."

"Really? That sounds fun. But, are you ok with that?" I asked unsure.

"I have to be, right? Bella isn't ready to come back yet, and we both know Alice will just make a fool of us with her crazy antics. So, I guess I'm putting my fake friendly face on and doing my best Bella impression tonight."

"Please don't be mean to them, Rose. Having Kate at the store could be really good for all of us."

"I know, I know."

I wasn't too worried about Rosalie for that outing. She wasn't a child, and she knew how to play nice when she wanted to. However, me being unconcerned about her, left me fully unprepared for the unexpected way she did behave, which had me questioning everything…


	20. Soulmate

**Chapter 20 – Soulmate**

"What the fuck was that?" I spat the moment we were seated in the car and both of our doors were shut. We had just said goodbye to Kate and Garrett, but Rosalie's behavior during dinner had my head absolutely spinning and I needed answers. "Why did you act like that?" I demanded.

She rolled her eyes and shook her head dismissively. "I don't know what you're talking about. I didn't act like anything."

"Don't give me that bullshit, you know exactly what you were doing; I just want to know why, and what the hell is your angle."

…

_*~__Three Hours Earlier__~*_

…

"Whatever you do, please just don't be mean," I practically begged Rosalie. "This could be really good for us, but if you're mean, then…"

"Edward, I know," she huffed, cutting me off. "Look, I get you don't trust me, and I'm more than fine with that because I certainly don't trust you, but taking care of Bella has been my job for a long time, and I'm not going to fuck this up. I know she needs help at the store. I will be fine. I promise."

I wanted to not believe her and continue to reiterate the importance of being friendly with Kate, but Rose's words were underlined with the conviction in her tone. I had never heard her speak in that manner, so I had no choice but to believe every word of it. She even managed to put me at ease for the entire drive to the restaurant.

It was almost disorienting being that calm while sitting next to Rose. Quite frankly, that was the least concerned I had ever been sitting next to any of them – Bella included. With Bella, I was always slightly on edge with worry that something might happen to upset her, or cause her to split again. With Alice, Bree, and Tanya, I was always a little tense knowing they may pull some crazy stunt at any given time. But being out with a calm and collected Rosalie was almost a breath of fresh air. She was the strongest of all of them, so I knew she wouldn't relinquish her control until she was ready, and with the shared goal of wanting to get along with Kate, I was confident we would get through that evening without any issues.

And I was right. There were no issues at all that night. Everything went absolutely smoothly, and it wasn't long before Rosalie had both Kate and Garrett laughing like we were all a bunch of old friends.

It was fucking shocking.

As the three of them laughed and joked around together, I often found myself just staring at Rose completely dumbfounded. There was nothing mean or bitter about her. No outlandish remarks or immature jabs. There weren't even any bitter words whispered under her breath. I had asked her to be nice, and I believed she would be, however she was going above and far beyond _nice_. She was eloquent, and funny, and engaging; just an all around pleasure to be with.

Nothing, however, could prepare me for the moment she placed her hand on my thigh under the table. I almost jerked away from her touch, and I couldn't help but look down to make sure she wasn't holding a steak knife to my crotch.

Since we were in Port Angeles, after dinner the four of us decided to walk a little ways to the docks. It was such a beautiful night, and we were all enjoying the company, so we weren't ready for it to end just yet. But when Rose took my hand as we walked, I nearly lost it and questioned her right then and there. Had Kate and Garrett not been with us, I probably would have combusted.

The longer we walked, however, the more comfortable I became with her hand in mine. I chose to let go of my resentment towards her and just try to enjoy the evening. The truth was, I was walking along the moon lit water, holding my girlfriend's hand, and there was nothing wrong with that.

When Garrett and Kate stopped for a romantic kiss, Rose tucked herself under my arm, and if I didn't know any better, I'd even think she wanted a kiss of her own. It was all fucking madness.

I didn't understand it, and it was seriously creeping me out. What was her ulterior motive? Because I knew she had to have one. Perhaps she was just trying to make me comfortable and trusting so she could turn around and slit my throat the moment we were alone. That was truly the most believable theory I could come up with.

When we finally decided to part ways for the evening, Rose gave Kate and Garrett friendly hugs goodbye, and said - "We need to do this again sometime."

"Definitely," Kate agreed. "Tonight was a lot of fun. I'm really looking forward to working with you at the store."

"Me too. Can't wait," Rose agreed.

It was too fucking much, and I knew I wouldn't be able to not say anything to her once we were alone.

…

_~*__Present__*~_

…

"I honestly don't know why you're freaking out so much," she said bitterly. "I didn't do anything Bella wouldn't have."

"Yeah, but Bella is my _girlfriend_. You're like, her evil twin sister that I'm forced to deal with."

"Do you think I liked holding your hand?" she snapped back. "Trust me, I'd rather eat dog shit then ever have to touch you in any way."

"So why did you do it?" I questioned, legitimately baffled. "If I wasn't so fucking taken aback by it, I would have thought…."

"What? That I actually was Bella?" she assumed. "Trust me, I've had plenty of experience being her. In fact, I'm better at being Bella than she is at this point."

"Wait…have you ever…?" I couldn't even say the words. The very idea of Rosalie pretending to be Bella while with me intimately was beyond nauseating.

Thankfully, she caught on to what I couldn't say, and quickly shot it down. "Ew, don't be disgusting! Why would I torture myself like that? You repulse me in every way. Trust me, if I was pretending to be Bella at all around you, it wouldn't be while you had your dick out. I can think of little in this world more traumatizing and less appealing than that."

"Okay, okay, I'm revolting, I get it. So, you never pretended to be her while we were doing _things_, but what about in general? I just want to know what conversations I've had with you that I thought I was having with her."

"As much as I hate to admit it, I've only ever pretended to be her with you _once_, and the only reason why I did that was so I could break up with your sorry ass. Unfortunately for me, you somehow recognized me right away. I don't know how you know the difference between all of us, but it pisses me off."

"Because you all have a different look in your eyes… I can't really explain it. But what I really want to know now, is why the hell were you pretending to be Bella _tonight_? You even had them calling you _Bella_. Why didn't you just introduce yourself as Rosalie? They know about your disorder. The whole point of tonight was for them to get to know _you_, and for the four of us to see if we can all get along well enough to make this thing work. Now, when Bella gets back, Kate is just going to be confused and have to get to know the real her all over again."

"Bella will be fine with her. One of Bella's worst flaws is that she is perpetually nice to people. If she would have let me out during your mom's little party, I would have cussed her out and probably punched her in the face."

"Which is exactly why she didn't let you out," I told her.

"So, you agree with what that bitch did to her?" she challenged me.

"No, of course not, and I told her as much."

"What, with a strongly worded text message?" she scoffed. "You're pathetic. You should have said more to her when it happened."

"I'm sorry if I didn't handle my mother to your liking," I told her condescendingly. "Next time I'll be sure to scream and throw a hissy fit, because that wouldn't have embarrassed Bella even more or anything. We left. In that situation, I don't think anything else was appropriate. Since then, I have told my mother how despicable her little stunt was and how I wouldn't tolerate such behavior again. She tried to reach out a few times after that, but I've refused her calls and have not answered any messages."

"That's not good enough," she pouted.

"I'm sorry. That's all I'm willing to do."

Rose just glared at me and shook her head subtly in bitter disapproval.

…

Rosalie hung out for the next couple of days and got Kate all set up at the store. We didn't speak much during our downtime, but we didn't bicker either, so that was a plus.

When Rose finally relinquished control, I was hoping Bella would come back, but it was Alice. I quickly buried my disappointment and chose to just be grateful for her presence. Her exuberance was so refreshing after the extended period of despondency with Rose, that I could do nothing but enjoy her like a breath of fresh air.

Alice was more than excited to make a new friend in Kate. She came home from working with her for the first time, full of excitement and eagerness to go back to work the following day.

That was the day, however, I came back home to a very different Alice than I had ever seen from her before.

"Hey, you're early," she said awkwardly. She had a very strange tone to her voice, and her body was rigid and tense, which only worried me.

"Alice, what's wrong?" I asked full of concern. Not only was I home a tad bit early that afternoon, but she was there long before she should have been. She was scheduled to close the store that day, which wasn't for a few more hours. "Did something happen?" I pressed strongly.

That was when I noticed all the bags on the table. The bags that contained what looked like clothes and a pillow. "Are you going somewhere?" I questioned as my heart began to race.

"We need to talk," she said, and the nerves radiating off of her were palpable. Alice was rarely ever nervous about anything. In fact, I couldn't remember ever seeing her nervous like that before.

Now I was beginning to freak.

"Just tell me what's going on?"

"I'm trying to. It's not an easy thing to say," she told me anxiously. She took a deep breath, and then bluntly said – "I met someone."

"What?" I spat, feeling like my heart was about to implode. "What do you mean? You _met_ someone?"

She bit her lower lip as she contemplated how to explain. "I'm sorry. The last thing I want to do is upset you, because I care about you so much. I never cared about anyone as much as you before, but this connection I feel to him was instantaneous. I couldn't fight it, no matter how hard I tried. It was like being hit by lightning."

There was a crashing sound in Rosalie's room, which made Alice look behind her anxiously.

"Wait… is he _here_?" I questioned, feeling like I was suddenly sucked into some kind of surrealistic _Twilight Zone_ or something. By some miracle, I had gotten Alice to love me, thus letting Bella feel comfortable with our relationship. If Alice was now infatuated with someone else, what would that mean for Bella and me? I was suddenly terrified. And it really did fucking hurt. Not just because of Bella's body being with someone else, but I was really beginning to have deep feelings for Alice too. Now I didn't know what to think or do…

Another crashing sound knocked me out of my inner-turmoil.

"How could you bring him here?" I asked, offended.

She put up her hands to stop me. "I'm sorry, I didn't know where else to take him. His name is Jasper, and he is the sweetest, most beautiful person I have ever seen. Don't you believe in love at first sight? Haven't you ever felt an instant connection to someone?"

"Yeah, I guess I felt that way about you," I admitted, thinking back to when we first met and how quickly I became completely enamored with her. She was all I thought about for weeks, but that only made this situation all that much harder.

She smiled at me. "Aww, I liked you right away too. But this is different. This was an all-consuming, cosmic, beyond the universe, soulmate type of thing. Jasper is absolutely perfect."

"You just met him at work today?" I asked, feeling confused and numb. How that hell did I lose her so quickly? I never believed in soulmates before, but after falling so hard for Bella, and even learning to love Alice and Bree, I was honestly starting to believe Bella was, in fact, my soulmate. All of her. The good and the bad – even fucking Rosalie to an extent, but now Alice was throwing a wrench in that and making me question everything.

"He came into the store," she explained, before we heard another crash.

"What is he doing back there?"

"He's nervous to meet you. I'm going to go get him," she said, and then she hurried towards the room. When she reemerged, I was shocked, slightly irritated, but mostly relieved to see her so-called _soulmate_.

"It's a cat," I said evenly.

"Isn't he perfect?" she cooed adoringly.

"You said he was a person?"

"He _is_ a person. Look at this face," she said while grabbing the poor animal's face and kissing all over him.

I grimaced. "Oh, don't do that. It could have some kind of disease or something."

"Jasper does _not_ have a disease. He is the epitome of health. He is the sweetest, most perfect being on the planet."

"What are all those clothes for?" I questioned, pointing at the stuff in the bags on the table.

"He needs outfits to wear too. Did you know that cats can sense emotions? He will be the perfect addition to our family. He will help Bree when she is sad, and help Tanya with her confidence. Oh, but Rosalie is allergic, so you'll have to keep him away from her. Please don't let her get rid of him. I _need_ him."

"Alice, how can Rosalie be allergic? You all share a body. If she was allergic, you all would be."

She thought about it for a minute. "Oh yeah... She _lied_ to me! All those times I asked for a pet, and Bree cried for a puppy, and Tanya wanted a bird. She lied and said she was allergic to all of them. That bitch!"

"In her defense, it would be difficult for you to care for animals when Bella is in control most of the time. If you wanted a pet before moving here, you should have asked Charlie. I'm sure he would have gotten it for you."

"We did ask. He said no since the yard wasn't fenced and he worked long hours and double shifts. He said the animal would be lonely and destructive when we were away. But now we have _you_," she said with a smile before approaching me with the cat and gesturing me to pet it.

I scowled, but patted it on its head anyway. "Jasper, huh? Where did you come up with a name like that?"

"Doesn't it suit him? He just looks like a Jasper with his golden eyes and long sandy fur. _Eeeee_! I'm so excited we're keeping him!" she squealed before leaning in and kissing me on the lips.

I assumed it was just a celebratory quick kiss, but she surprised me by wrapping her free arm around my neck and pinning my face to hers.

"God, you're so fucking hot," she mumbled against my lips. Then she pulled away, just long enough to toss the cat to the couch and tell him – "Jasper, go play. This isn't for kitty eyes."

She immediately dropped to her knees and unbuttoned my pants. I wanted to tell her a blowjob to show her gratitude wasn't necessary, but she was so damn persistent and eager that it was hard not to get sucked in – literally and figuratively.

Alice was always so sexual. She wanted it anytime and anywhere and was always up for anything. I never thought I'd meet a girl with a stronger sex drive than my own, but she definitely outpaced me, and that night was no different. After setting Jasper up in Rosalie's room, she had all kinds of new positions she wanted to try, and she even surprised me with a whole new bag of "toys" for us to experiment with together.

"Aren't those for the cat?" I asked warily.

She shot me her most playful scheming smile. "Nope. After going to the pet store, I stopped in at the adult toy shop," she explained, and then she spent the next several hours _showing_ me exactly what to do with them.

It was a long fucking night of fucking, and she was conveniently able to ignore the incessant cries of her "soulmate" in the next room.

"I don't think he is going to stop," I mumbled after our latest experimental toy had me huffing for air and absolutely exhausted. My hope was that she would finally hear the cat and have mercy on the both of us by going to attend to its needs.

Thankfully, it worked. "Aww, he is probably lonely. Should I bring him in here? We would have to go to sleep; I wouldn't want to fuck with him in our bed."

As much as I didn't want to sleep with a fucking animal, I eagerly agreed to bring him in. I honestly loved every minute of Alice's escapades, but I didn't think I had anything left inside of me to give to her that night, so I was more than happy for her distraction.

…

Alice was with me for another day, and then during dinner, without any kind of warning whatsoever, her eyes just went blank and when they refocused, her entire demeanor shifted.

"Eww! I hate green beans!" she screamed, and then threw her fork across the kitchen.

"Hey!" I shouted reflexively. When she looked at me with shock and slight fear, I immediately softened my voice. "I'm sorry, but throwing forks is not okay. Please go pick it up."

"Fine!" she snapped at me, and then stomped her feet as she did it. "I'm not eating those."

"You don't have to," I told her as gently as possible. "The others eat enough vegetables that I really don't care if you do or not."

"Good, because I'm not. I want ice cream!"

I shook my head. "You don't have to eat your veggies, but you certainly don't get dessert without them."

She was clearly about to argue, but I raised my brows and did my best impression of "the look" that my dad used to give me as a kid, and it actually fucking worked. She crossed her arms and pouted, but didn't say another word on the subject.

When Jasper sauntered into the kitchen, I expected Bree to drop her sullen attitude and go play with him, but she hardly gave the cat a second glance.

"Don't you want to meet Jasper?" I asked her curiously.

"I don't like cats. Rosalie says they scratch and bite. Why did you get it if I don't like them?"

"Alice got it. She thought you would like him."

"I wanted a puppy. It's not fair Alice got to pick the pet," she pouted.

"Ah, he's not so bad. You should go pet him. Maybe you can be friends."

"I don't want to pet him. I want a puppy!"

"Bree, we live in an apartment. We can't have a puppy here. Puppies need grass and room to run and play."

"So, when we move to a big house I can get a puppy?" she asked hopefully.

I sighed. The very idea of a house had freaked Bella out, but I couldn't help but hope one day she would be ready for that move. "Someday, if we move into a house, I'll get you a puppy."

"You promise?"

I nodded. "I promise."

That evening, Bree and I watched the latest Disney princess movie on TV, and then I went to tuck her into Rosalie's bed for the night.

"Hey Edward?" she asked in her sweetest voice that made her sound just as little and innocent as she believed she was.

"Yes?"

"Can we paint this room purple?"

I laughed once. "I bet Rosalie would love that."

"She would hate it, but I've always wanted a purple room. Maybe, when we have a house, I can have a room of my very own, and I can have toys, and a princess bed with a canopy," she said excitedly.

"And a little bed in the corner for your puppy," I added.

"Yes!" she squealed. "That would be perfect."

"It would be," I agreed. "But for now, you need to sleep in here," I murmured while tapping her nose gently, and then leaning down to kiss her forehead. "Goodnight, sweetheart."

"Goodnight, Edward. I love you."

I smiled at her. "I love you too."

The next morning, Bree was still there so I called Kate. She wasn't scheduled to work that day since her daughter had the day off school, but she was more than happy to go in anyway, and even had the brilliant idea to bring her daughter to work with her. "Maybe Bree and her will get along," she told me.

"Are you sure you don't mind? You can tell me no. I completely understand you wanting to spend the day with your daughter."

"I was actually trying to think of something to entertain her with today. She loves reading. A day at the bookstore would be more than fine by her."

"Awesome! Thank you so much. We will see you soon."

When Bree first met Irina, she was a bit shy. Irina was seven years old, but very precocious and somehow seemed to understand Bella's disorder. Kate had explained to her that sometimes Bella thinks and acts like a little girl and liked to be called Bree, and Irina was actually excited about it. With just a few helpful nudges from Kate, the two were reading together and giggling like best buddies. As odd as it may have looked from an outsider's point of view, I was more than a little grateful that my girlfriend's childlike alter-ego was able to make a friend. She sure needed it.

Bree and Irina hit it off so well that they wanted a sleepover, but that would have to wait for the next time Bree was in control. The following day, Rosalie returned, and with her arrival, I couldn't help but voice the question that had been growing in my mind for the past few days.

"How much longer until Bella comes back?" I asked her, getting frustrated by her usual vague answers and evasiveness on the topic.

"I told you before, I don't know. She isn't strong enough," Rosalie replied with irritation.

"But you must have some kind of idea. Can't you feel her, or something? And what about Tanya? You said you were taking turns, but you've all come out twice now since she has been out last."

"She was given the opportunity to take her turn, but she keeps getting nervous and backs out."

"Well, is she watching now? Can she see and hear me right at this moment? If so, Tanya, it's okay to come back. I'd like to talk to you about some things, but I can't do that if you don't come back."

"Stop talking to me like I'm just some kind of video recorder for someone else," Rose chided me. "That's fucking rude as hell!"

"Then tell her. When you see her again and it's her turn to come out, don't be a greedy bitch help convince her to come see me. I just want to explain to her what happened last time, and maybe spend a little time with her so we can both get more comfortable. It's not fair to her to always be cooped up inside all the time."

"Fine. Whatever. Stop taking up all of my time by talking about all the others' time," she said before making her way towards her bedroom. "What the fuck is that on my bed?"

I followed her towards her room and chuckled. "That's your new roommate, Jasper. Didn't you know about him already? What the hell have you been doing in the theater all this time? Knitting?"

"Certainly not paying attention to the shit you and Alice do together. I generally turn off the screen when she is in here with you. It's better for everyone that way."

"Well, she got the cat while she was at the store, so…" I raised my brows, still unsure why she didn't know about the cat prior to regaining control.

She stared me down, clearly at a loss as to how the hell she had missed it. "It… it doesn't matter," she said after a few moments. "I don't want that fleabag in my room. Keep it out of here, or I'll toss it out on the balcony and let it run away."

"No, you won't. I told Alice she could keep it, so she is keeping it," I said firmly. "And don't give me any bull about being allergic."

"Keep it out of my room," she repeated through gritted teeth, before clapping at the cat so it would scare off her bed. Once it jumped down, she shooed it out her door so she could slam it shut.

Jasper somehow almost looked confused by her actions. His whiskers twitched and his nose crinkled, but he quickly lost interest and busied himself with one of the little catnip toy mice Alice had bought him.

I figured I was in for another long stint with Rosalie, but to my overwhelmingly joyous surprise, Bella finally returned the very next morning. I was thrilled to have her back, but it was time for some tough conversations…


	21. Branching Out

**Chapter 21 – Branching Out**

Bella emerged from Rosalie's bedroom that morning looking frazzled and bewildered. I hated that look on her – the few moments of panic and worry that plagued her features every time she came back from an extended period of mental isolation. Panic and worry that her world may have drastically changed while she was helplessly unconscious. That look absolutely killed me, but then, as if by some miracle, her eyes connected with mine and the relief and love radiating out of them, just from seeing my ugly mug, made me feel like everything in the entire universe was right again. I'd never understand what I did to deserve such an amazing look from her like that, but I knew I'd never take it for granted.

"Hey baby," I cooed at her.

She was happy to see me, but that happiness was marred by her overwhelming guilt. When she walked into my waiting arms, she did it with so much heaviness that I couldn't help but be concerned that the emotional toll of it all was wearing on her too much.

"Everything is okay," I murmured against her hair as I rubbed her back tenderly.

"No, it's really not," she mumbled back. "This can't keep happening. Maybe…"

"Maybe what?" I prompted when she let her words trail off.

"Maybe we should just end this now. It's inevitable anyway."

"Don't say that," I disagreed wholeheartedly. "It's not inevitable at all."

"I hate putting you through this, and it's only getting worse. One of these days I know I'm going to wake up, and you'll tell me that one of them has gone too far and you've had enough. And I wouldn't blame you for leaving. This isn't fair to you. How can I claim to love you, but be so stupidly selfish to ask you to keep putting up with it all?"

"Babe, stop. Nothing has changed… at least nothing has changed between us. I'm still here, just like I'll always be. Everything with your alters was fine. Rosalie was pretty good actually, Bree didn't start anymore fires, and Alice is still being happily monogamous. And now you're back; just like all the times before," I tried reassuring her.

"What do mean, _at least_ nothing has changed with _us_? Has something else changed?" she questioned.

"There is–uh, something I need to discuss with you. But first and most importantly, I have to apologize again, for the way my mother treated you," I told her with the utmost of sincerity. That horrible lunch seemed like so long ago to me, but I knew it was fresh in Bella's mind since she hadn't been in control since then, so I needed to reaffirm just how sorry I was. "Had I known she was going to do that, I would have never brought you there."

"But maybe she's wasn't wrong," Bella said unexpectedly. "I probably should try to see a doctor again. Hell, I should be locked up in a psych-ward instead of roaming free and dating her son."

"She most certainly _was_ wrong," I argued. "She doesn't know you. She had absolutely no right to do that. Even if she was possibly right about you needing a doctor again, there couldn't have been a more wrong way of going about it. I just can't tell you how sorry I am for that."

She nodded her acceptance. "Okay, so now tell me what's changed," she said anxiously.

"Rosalie and I hired someone to help out at the store," I said bluntly.

She raised her brows in shock. "Um… I love you and appreciate it, but if I wanted to hire someone, I would have done it a long time ago myself."

"I know, and I get why you never did, but this is different. She knows all about your disorder, and she is more than okay with it. She has a flexible schedule and can work as much or as little as you need her to."

"How does this person know about me? I really don't like people to know. This is a small town, and if word spreads about my issues, it could be damaging for business. No one will want to come into the insane lady's bookstore."

"Kate is not like that. She isn't a gossiper and isn't from around here anyway."

"How do you know her?"

"Her husband, Garrett, works at the hospital. They're both really cool people. Rosalie and I went out with them the other night. They're a lot of fun and kind, genuine people. They have a little girl named Irina; her and Bree hit it off right away."

"Their daughter hit it off with Bree?" she asked horrified. "That's… Oh god, how embarrassing."

"It's not embarrassing. They understand. Irina and Bree were cute together," I tried convincing her.

"_Cute_? You're saying an adult woman thinking she is a child was cute as she acted wacko with a little girl? Edward, nothing about that is cute. How would you feel knowing strangers witnessed you making a fool of yourself in that way? Would you then feel comfortable working closely with them at your business that means the world to you?"

"I guess I could see your point," I admitted after considering it from her perspective. "But really, there is no reason for you to feel uncomfortable around them. Kate is not judgmental whatsoever. They really are good people, and I know if you just give them a chance, you'll feel that way too."

"So, we have new friends, and I have a new employee at work. Anything else change since I've been gone?" she questioned warily.

As if on cue, Jasper emerged from wherever he had been lounging to rub against Bella's leg.

"We got a cat," I stated the obvious.

"Great," Bella responded evenly.

Bella was struggling with the very idea of Kate, but as Rose predicted, she was too nice to fire her without giving her a chance. I honestly thought she would take to her just as quickly as Rose, Bree, and Alice did, however Bella's unease about the arrangement continued long after their initial meeting.

"How was work today?" I asked her after her third day back.

"Fine," she replied vaguely.

Every time I tried asking her about Kate, she'd just say it was _fine_, and she was _nice_, but nothing more. When I suggested for us to go out socially with Kate and Garrett the way Rose and I had, Bella agreed, but she obviously wasn't thrilled about it. Even still, I decided to push her just a little, hoping it would help break the ice.

The four of us decided to hang out at a local bar where they had pool tables and dart boards. It was a dive, but in such a small town there weren't many options.

"I'm glad you guys could come out with us tonight," Garrett said as he and I brought the girls their drinks. "I know this place isn't much, but we enjoy our time here."

"You guys come here often?" I asked him curiously.

"Anytime we can find a sitter for a couple hours," Kate answered. "Going all the way to Port Angeles takes too long, so we reserve those trips for when his parents can watch Irina overnight."

"Makes sense," I told them. "I can't wait for you to meet their daughter," I then said to Bella. "Smartest seven-year-old I've ever met."

"She is definitely a pistol," Kate agreed. "It's rather difficult having a child that's more intelligent than you. She is always keeping me on my toes."

"Oh… that's good though," Bella said awkwardly, and then she returned her attention to the buffalo wing in front of her.

The entire time we were there, Bella seemed uncomfortable; she was just distant and unenthusiastic about everything. When she excused herself to the bathroom, I used her momentary absence to ask Kate if there was anything going on at the bookstore that was perhaps drawing all of Bella's thoughts and energy. Unfortunately, she wasn't aware of anything out of the ordinary and stated that was basically how Bella had been acting around her all week. She just figured Bella had a shy and quiet personality.

While Bella wasn't as outgoing and bubbly as Alice, she had certainly been acting strange lately, and it was starting to really worry me. I planned to question her about it that evening at home, however when she returned from the bathroom, she returned as Alice.

"Good thing I'm here because this has been a snooze-fest," she announced as she grabbed a cue.

Kate immediately took to Alice, and the two of them began jabbering like old friends. It was definitely bittersweet. The last thing I wanted to do was drive Bella away, but she had been so despondent for the entire week she had been back, that it wasn't a shock that she was already gone. In fact, I half expected it and was ashamedly relieved to have Alice there. Whatever was going on with Bella, she must have needed time to come to terms with it, because she clearly wasn't ready to talk just yet.

Alice was excited to be reunited with Jasper that evening after we parted ways with Kate and Garrett, and of course, she _showed_ me just how happy she was to be back with me as well.

The sex was amazing, as always, but that was the first time I felt legitimately ashamed for enjoying Alice in that way. I should have been more upset about Bella slipping away again so soon. I should have never felt even a twinge of relief from having her gone… but I did, and it fucking sucked.

"Alice, do you know what's been going on with Bella this past week?" I asked her when she finally let us get redressed so she could spend some time with Jasper. "Is it really about Kate? If so, I'll just talk to her and let her know it's not working. Kate is super understanding, I'm sure she will be okay with it."

"No, it's not Kate. Well, it is, but it isn't," Alice replied distractedly as she continued to play with the cat. "Oh come on, Jazz, you can do better than that," she told him when he couldn't reach the ribbon she was dangling in front of him.

"Alice, can you talk to me please?" I asked, getting frustrated by her diverted attention. "I just want to figure out how to make it easier on Bella when she comes back."

"Bella will be fine. She just doesn't handle change very well, but it's good for her. She will probably be back to her usual self by the time she returns."

"God, I hope so," I mumbled to myself.

As guilty as I felt for being happy about Alice's takeover, I decided to push that feeling aside and just enjoy my time with her because I knew it wouldn't last long. Alice was with me for two days, and then I was beyond surprised by who emerged next.

"Tanya?" I said gently. The trepidation in her eyes gave her away, but she was still a virtual stranger to me. I really wanted to get to know her better, and to make both of us as comfortable as possible so she would always feel free to come out and enjoy her limited allotted time.

"Rosalie said I needed to come take my turn," she said timidly.

"Well, I'm glad you did. Look, if you're uncomfortable at all, or just need some time to yourself, you can always go into Rose's room. She has a TV in there and a ton of books. Whatever you'd like."

"Rosalie also said I should probably apologize to you for my behavior last time," she said quietly.

"She did?"

"Yeah, she said I acted like a lustful hormonal teenage boy with my first girlfriend… I'm not exactly sure what she meant by that since we're a girl and you're the boy," she told me, only confusing herself.

"Uh, I'm not sure either, but I would like to talk to you about it. When I pushed you away, it wasn't because I didn't like you."

"It wasn't?"

"No, not at all. I know you know a lot about me by watching my interactions with the others, but I still feel like we don't know each other very well. I just think it would be best if we take all the physical stuff a little slower."

"But you had sex with Alice on the day you met her," she countered curiously.

"Yeah," I admitted. "Um, that was probably not the best thing for us to do, but adults sometimes make that choice."

"I'm an adult too. I'm the same age as Alice," she argued.

"Right, but you have a different maturity age. Tanya, regardless of how old your body is, you're only seventeen mentally, and because of that, I think it would be best to take things slowly. It's actually best to take things a little slower at any age. I regret sleeping with Alice that first time. Shallow one-night stands are fine for some people, but I've since realized they're not for me."

She nodded in apparent understanding. "So, if we aren't going to have sex right now, what do we do?"

"I don't know. It's been a while since you've been out last; anything you've been wanting to do?"

"Well, there is one thing. When you and Bella went to the beach a while back… I thought that was really cool. I've never actually been to the beach before. It's something I've always wanted to experience for myself."

"Okay, let's go to the beach," I agreed with a smile.

"But I don't want to jump off a cliff like you did with Alice," she added quickly.

"Certainly not. How about I pack a picnic and we can just go hang out for a bit. It's pretty cold out though, so dress in layers."

Her lips spread wide. "Okay. We're really going?"

"Of course. Go get changed."

After packing some food, I drove Tanya out to the closest beach, and I was immediately taken aback by her reaction.

She was absolutely awestruck.

"I've seen the ocean through the others' eyes, and on TV and stuff, but this…"

"Yeah, I guess it is pretty incredible," I told her, but "_incredible_" didn't even begin to cover it. Seeing the ocean through her eyes, one who was really seeing it for the first time, was mind-blowing. The ocean was always beautiful, but I suppose I had taken it for granted or never really understood the true majestic magnitude of it before.

"It makes me feel small and big at the same time," Tanya told me.

"Yeah, it really does."

We stayed on that beach for hours. Sometimes we would dig in the sand, and we ate a bit, but mostly Tanya just kept staring into the waves and up to the horizon. We didn't speak much, but that day I felt like I was truly beginning to understand who she was. She wasn't just some dumb shallow teenager; she was certainly ignorant and naïve, but not dumb, and much deeper than any of the others gave her credit for. The depth of Tanya's identity went beyond the ocean and stretched up to the darkening sky. Her curiosity and thirst for knowledge was strong as she began asking me questions about life itself and the universe beyond the heavens.

When the colors of twilight faded to black, we were blessed with an uncommonly clear sky for Washington, and Tanya just drank in every moment of it.

"The sky is even bigger than the ocean," she said in awe as I pointed out various constellations. "Just think, every star could have it's own system of planets orbiting it."

"Oh look, there is a shooting star!" I said excitedly.

"That's not a star. It's actually just a meteor burning up in Earth's atmosphere," she said, amazing me even more.

"Wow, I'm really impressed that you know so much, Tanya," I said sincerely.

"Why? Because I'm usually so stupid?" she said, offended by my comment.

"You're not stupid. I never thought you were; you're just…"

"Sheltered."

"I was going to say inexperienced, but sheltered works too. It's not your fault. It just is what it is. Maybe now that you're getting more comfortable being in control, you can begin to branch out a little more."

"Well, usually I spend what little time I have out just reading in the bookstore. I've always loved the nature and space books the most…. But I would like to _branch out _and learn more about the real world. Will you help me?"

"Of course," I said wholeheartedly.

She smiled, and then leaned into me to rest against my chest. "Is this okay?" she asked me bashfully.

I hugged her closer and rubbed her back tenderly. "It's perfect."

When we finally decided to head home, Tanya asked if she could hold my hand, and of course I agreed. When we made it back to the apartment, she surprised me by saying – "I won't be here tomorrow."

"How do you know?" I questioned. None of them had announced their impending departure before, and I wasn't even sure if they ever quite knew when their time was up, but Tanya certainly did that night.

"I just know. I can feel my time slipping away, which is why I wanted to make sure you knew just how much I appreciated tonight. I was really nervous to see you again, so thank you. You really made me feel good and special."

"Well, you are special," I told her honestly. "Don't ever let anyone convince you otherwise. And Tanya, if I ever make you uncomfortable or hurt your feelings again, please don't run away. Just talk to me and I'm sure we can work it out."

She smiled and nodded. "I will. Goodbye, Edward."

"Goodbye sounds so final. Let's just say _see you later_."

"I like that. See you later, Edward."

"See you later, Tanya," I replied, and then she leaned in and kissed my cheek, before racing off to Rosalie's bedroom.

It had been a really good time with Tanya, and I was legitimately sad it had come to an end so quickly.

When Bree emerged from the room the following morning, the first thing she did was beg for Irina to come over. How could I say no to that face?

Popcorn and candy was everywhere, and if I never had to listen to another Disney song it would be too soon, but the girls had an awesome time and I was glad I could make that that happen for Bree.

I knew Rosalie would come out next, and I wasn't wrong. She mostly kept her distance, but she got a ton of shit done at the bookstore, and even managed to do all of the laundry that Bree and Alice had left lying around.

We ate dinner together, and occasionally watched TV beside one another in the living room after work, but we kept conversations to a minimum, which seemed to work best for us.

When Bella returned a few days later, she seemed refreshed and happy again; I even caught her giggling at her phone.

"What's so funny?" I asked her.

"Kate. We had a colorful customer today and we were just joking about it," she explained.

"Colorful?"

"Quite literally," she told me. "This woman had rainbow hair and every single article of her clothing was in different colors."

"Oh. Well that's unique for this area."

"I'm not one to judge, but when she opened her mouth to speak, and all of her teeth were different colors too, my mouth disconnected from my brain and I asked if she had been eating Skittles. Kate busted out laughing and we have both been laughing ever since. Now she keeps sending me rainbow and Skittles memes," Bella explained with a laugh that had her tearing up.

I couldn't help but laugh with her; it was such a nice change to see Bella relaxed enough to even smile at all.

Things got back to normal after that, or at least, as normal as it could be when loving someone with DID. Bella started talking more again, and she even let her playful side out at times. But despite putting on a good show of everything being okay, I could see in her eyes that she still carried a heavy burden that didn't used to be there before my mother's despicable ambush. She had always been a little hesitant when it came to most things, which was understandable given her condition, but this was something else, something much deeper that honestly worried me.

"Are you sure everything is okay?" I kept asking her, knowing she'd lie and say "Yes," but I had to keep asking anyway.

A part of me couldn't help but wonder if her heart just wasn't into our relationship anymore. Like, perhaps she was only with me because she feared no one else would ever accept her and she didn't want to be alone. Or maybe she even felt too guilty about all the stuff I had to deal with for her to ever just let me go, despite wishing she could. Those thoughts often crept in my mind late at night when she would turn her back to me in bed and cling to a pillow, the same way she used to cling to me.

However, other times, Bella seemed so genuinely happy and in love with me that I forgot all about my paranoid concerns. It seemed like a never ending cycle. Not only was Bella entering into a steady and constant rotation with her alters, but her own moods often fluctuated so much that I wondered if she was creating a new alter for herself, which only made me feel even more like shit by thinking I was the cause of her turbulent emotions. It was enough to drive anyone insane, and I often felt like that was exactly the direction I was heading.

But I refused to give up. My parents would have called my devotion to Bella an obsession, and perhaps they were right. I did have an arguably unhealthy constant mental focus on Bella; one that started before I even met her after my first hookup with Alice, who was just a stranger at the time. She had consumed my thoughts since the moment I first touched her, and it continued to this day. It was an obsession, but I was convinced that obsession was derived from knowing exactly where I belonged and loving someone more deeply than I had ever loved anyone before.

I was determined to make it work. Bella and I would figure out how to make our lives together last and stay strong and happy. We could do it, as long as Bella didn't give up on us.

...

As crazy as it sounded, the constant rotation of Bella with her alters made everything so much easier. It had become a routine of sorts, and I could begin to predict when Bella would leave and who would show up in her place. It gave us a strange sense of normalcy, and a schedule we could make plans for.

In a way, being with someone who had DID, gave me multiple personalities as well. With Alice, I discovered a wild and adventurous side of myself that I never even knew was there before. With Bree, I was a babysitter and almost like a parent or a big brother, which gave me a greater sense of responsibility. Being with Rosalie made me sort of bitter and argumentative, and I found myself drinking more beer than I did any other time. Tanya brought me back to my teen years, and when I was with her, I truly felt like I did when I was seventeen. It was sweet and innocent, but also exciting like the world was brand new again. We held hands everywhere we went, and it wasn't long before we entered that stage of teen dating when all we wanted to do was shove our tongues down each other's throats. We hadn't moved past making out, and we wouldn't until we both felt she was ready. Bella was the only one of them that I truly felt like myself completely with, but again, that was the version of me that was a realist and constantly worried about the harsh realities of life.

Five unique personalities of mine to fit the five different personas of her. Of course, my multiple personalities didn't come with different names and lapses in memory, but when I was with each of them, I gave them my all and chose to enjoy every minute of it – every minute with each of them, except for Rose that is. Rose and I still had our issues, and I didn't see that changing anytime soon. Everyone fell into bad moods from time to time, and Rosalie was mine. If I was a woman, I'd say Rosalie was my PMS. Like clockwork, she'd come out and my whole demeanor would darken.

I assumed Rosalie would never get over her hostile resentment towards me, and that was okay, it was just something I'd always have to deal with. But then, like the switch of a light, suddenly Rosalie was different….


	22. Deeper

**Chapter 22 – Deeper**

"Damn it, stupid piece of shit!" I shouted at my laptop that was freezing yet again.

The fucking thing had crashed the week before, and I had already spent my allotted savings on having it supposedly fixed. Now, thanks to the inadequate piece of junk, I was behind in my online course. It was absolutely maddening.

I had yet to actually meet my professor in person, but we had been exchanging occasional emails about DID. Despite Bella telling me it was okay to be in contact with a professional regarding her condition, I was still slightly hesitant about the entire thing because I knew she really wasn't comfortable with it just yet. So, for the most part, we mainly kept our emails vague and I made sure to never let my questions sound too personal. Instead of using Bella's name, or speaking about something I witnessed or experienced personally, I would switch all of my comments and questions to hypothetically speaking.

Professor Charlotte Randall had been nothing but open minded and compassionate with all of our exchanges thus far, but I was two assignments behind in her online course. As understanding as she was being, I knew she needed those done asap or she wouldn't have a choice but dropping me from the program.

"Fuck!"

"Wow, good thing Bree's not here to witness that little outburst," Rosalie said bitterly as she came out of her room to pester me.

"Please don't mess with me right now," I whimpered. I was already on edge and I certainly didn't want to explode on Rose only to give her more ammunition to be the bitch she so often was.

"Relax; I can tell you're stressed, so I won't make it worse for you."

"Really?" I asked shocked. "Why not?"

"Oh, shut up! What the hell is wrong with that thing anyway?" she questioned, pointing at my computer.

"If I knew, it would be fixed already," I said as nicely as possible given the mood I was in.

"Do you want me to look at it?" she offered.

"No offense or anything, but I actually took a tech class in college. If I can't figure it out, I doubt you can."

"I may surprise you," she said while extending her arms towards me, asking for the laptop.

I banged on the keyboard one more time, and then said – "What the hell. Have at it."

She took it from me and made herself comfortable on the couch. I figured it was hopeless, so I grabbed the TV remote and began channel surfing. Not even five minutes later, I was shocked when Rosalie put the fixed computer back on my lap.

"How they hell did you do that?"

"Emma was not only a beast in the ring, she was also a geek at heart. She taught me some cool tricks."

"You said she '_was'_?" I questioned, confused by her past tense usage.

Rose rolled her eyes. "Sorry, she _is_ a great MMA fighter and a geek in her spare time. I just said _was_ because… I guess because I haven't seen her in a long time, so…" She let her words trail off.

"Why did you guys break up?" I questioned carefully, knowing she would probably just snap at me in return, but I couldn't help but ask regardless.

"This thing," she said while gesturing at her head. "It's not something people can usually wrap their minds around," she told me, unexpectedly opening up. "Everything was great at first, but when she found out the truth about me… how I'm not even a real person, she just… couldn't handle it."

"But you are a real person," I told her gently.

She huffed. "You know what I mean. I'm just a protection mechanism for someone else. I'm sure if I was just _Bella_, without DID, we'd still be together. Maybe even married by now."

"You really did love her," I murmured, seeing the hurt in her eyes that she was so desperately trying to hide.

"She was the first person… well, the _only_ person, that ever truly saw me. She liked me for me – except, I guess she didn't know the real me."

"She knew the real you, otherwise you wouldn't have been so in love with her; she just probably couldn't understand the _technicality_ of you," I told her supportively.

"I suppose you're right. Which is a major reason why I've had such a hard time with you," she said, taking me aback.

"Why?"

"This is far from normal. A relationship with one of us, even Bella, just isn't possible… and yet, you're still here. I don't think I'll ever understand it. A part of me will always be slightly suspicious that you have some kind of ulterior motive."

I laughed once. "What kind of motive could I possibly have?"

"I don't know, but everyone who has ever tried to get close to any of us who knew the truth, had something to gain by it. Except Charlie, that is."

"And yet, you still don't like the guy," I pointed out.

"He tries too hard to be something he's not."

"Which is?"

"My father," she replied bluntly.

"He _is_ your father," I argued.

"No, he is _Bella's_ father, but he's lucky she even allows him that. Genetics and all that scientific shit aside, the man doesn't deserve the title of anyone's father. Where the hell was he when…."

"When?" I prompted, hoping she'd continue, but instead she redirected.

"It doesn't matter. I get he tries to make up for everything, but it's too late for me. I'll never forgive him, and I'll never fully trust you. It's just the way it is."

"Rosalie… I promise you, I'm only here because I love Bella. I don't have an ulterior motive. Besides, what on earth would it be if I did? What could I possibly get out of our relationship other than just love and companionship? It's not like Bella is rich or I have any interest in her bookstore. I mean, seriously?"

"No one has only pure intentions. There is always something, and if I knew what it was with you, I would have exposed it a long time ago."

"I'm sorry," I told her gently.

"Oh, so there is something!" she nearly shouted, misconstruing my words.

"No. What I'm sorry for, is that you were so hurt before that you've become this cynical. But I will promise you this – if I do nothing else for you, Rosalie, someday I will prove your lack of faith in me isn't irrevocable. I swear, someday I'll earn your unyielding trust."

I thought she was going to respond with some witty snide comeback, but she surprised me by nodding. "For Bella's sake, I sure as hell hope so."

Something strange happened after that conversation; somehow, someway, by some miracle, Rosalie started being cordial. At times when she was out, it almost seemed like we were becoming more than just roommates who pretended the other person wasn't there. We actually started talking more, and if I didn't know any better, I'd actually think we were beginning to become friends.

"What are you watching?" she asked one evening after work.

"Nothing. Want to look for something?" I asked, offering her the remote.

She began flicking through the channels, but because neither of us could find anything, we settled on the annual Miss America contest. The final round was between Miss California and Miss Tennessee; both, of which, were very blonde and very well endowed.

"Damn, watching these chicks makes me feel bad about myself," Rose commented.

"Why? They have nothing on you," I said honestly.

"Pfft! I get you're all in love with my alter-ego and all, but you can't even compare our physical body to theirs. Those ladies are gorgeous," Rose disagreed.

"Good looks are only a matter of opinion. I happen to prefer brunettes," I told her sincerely.

"And small breasts? Please. All men like big boobs, and wide hips, and full lips, and everything else those chicks have that I don't."

"Not all men, because I certainly don't prefer anything about them over you… looks wise, of course."

"You're telling me that if one of those women were standing naked in front of you, and asking you to fuck them, you wouldn't do it?"

"No."

She rolled her eyes. "You don't have to give me that faithful boyfriend shit; I'm talking about if you were single."

"Nope. Not my type," I reiterated. "I mean, don't get me wrong, if we got to know each other and she had a great personality, I think attraction can grow, but I wouldn't go for a girl like that for just casual emotionless sex."

"You're nuts. Most guys just looking for a hookup would fuck anything with a vagina, and they'd thank their lucky stars if they got anywhere near a chick like one of them."

"Maybe desperate guys. Most of the single guys I know have certain types they prefer."

"Having breasts and a vagina _is_ a type," she argued.

"So, as a lesbian, that's all _you_ care about when it comes to women you want to fuck?" I countered. "Breasts and a vagina?"

"No. For the most part, female sexuality is different."

"How so?"

"We aren't lust driven."

I laughed. "That's funny, I thought you knew Alice."

She shook her head in disgust. "Okay, well I should say _most_ women aren't lust driven. At least not as much as men."

"I'll have you know, back in my single days, there were more horny women in those clubs looking for hookups than men. And who are the ones that come into your store to buy erotica novels? I'll give you a hint, it's not typically men."

"Whatever. The women I've known… other than Alice, weren't like that."

"So, you wouldn't fuck a chick like that if she was standing in front of you, begging for it?" I turned her prior question on her.

"No."

"No, because that's not your type?" I asked with a smile and wiggling eyebrows, proud of myself for proving my point.

"I don't have a type, but more importantly, I don't fuck random strangers. I think that's gross and tacky."

"One-night-stands aren't for everyone, but there are people who aren't exactly looking for a relationship. Casual hookups can certainly help with satiating those desires that don't go away just because someone is choosing to be single. I mean, surely you can understand that."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"Hey, I'm not trying to offend you; I just mean that you're single, right? It's been a while since you were with Emma, so don't you have those desires?"

"No," she scowled at me, but she quickly let it fade into a serious expression. "To be honest, I've never actually had unprovoked sexual desires before," she admitted unexpectedly.

"I'm not sure what you mean by that," I said honestly.

She shrugged. "I've never really been attracted to a stranger at all before. I mean, I can tell when a woman is beautiful, but I have zero lustful thoughts for myself."

"Like, at all?"

She shook her head no. "Never. I'm an _alter_, Edward. My very reason for existing is to _protect_ Bella, not to have sex. Let's just say that if I was a robot, sex wouldn't be in my programing."

"But Alice is all about sex," I countered.

"That's Alice. That was never me. Alice's job was always taking over for Bella in those types of situations. She has the "programming", so to speak, for socializing and sex. Whenever Bella couldn't handle certain things like that but still had the physical desire for it, Alice would fulfill that need."

"So what's Tanya's deal then? She's been trying to sleep with me since practically our first conversation."

"I guess comparing us to robots isn't right; we're more like AI," she explained.

"Artificial intelligence?" I asked confused.

"Yeah. We are invented and programmed for a certain purpose, but that doesn't mean we can't adapt and grow. Tanya is the teenager Bella didn't get to be. And part of being a teenager, is exploring your sexuality. She may not have been quite ready for sex before, but that doesn't mean she won't be eventually."

"And you," I said, bringing it back to her. "You were the protector, and yet, you adapted into something else when you fell in love with Emma."

"It should have never happened. I went to that MMA studio to just… blow off some steam," she said quietly. "I was always so angry all the time, so I figured if I could actually get into a ring and punch someone, it would help me deal with all my pent up aggression."

"That's actually good thinking," I told her.

"One of the few useful tools one our early therapists taught me," she agreed. "Anyway, with Forks being what it is, it didn't have a decent martial arts studio in town, so I went to Port Angeles. When I first met Emma, I really didn't think much of her. Like I said, I never had an attraction to anyone before, so it wasn't an instant thing. But she became my trainer, and the more we worked-out together, the more I felt like I was becoming… a real person almost. It was like she truly saw me, and when she kissed me the first time, I was shocked, but it felt good. To feel that feeling for myself. To have someone kiss me. Not someone kissing Bella or Alice, but _me_. It was stupid. I should have known I couldn't have anything like that for myself, but I soon became almost addicted to the feeling."

"Sex addition is a real thing," I said supportively.

"No," she shoed away my words like they smelled bad. "I wasn't addicted to _sex_. It was an addiction to… human contact maybe. That feeling of not being alone. Of being truly wanted. I suppose even a fraction of a person like me needed that."

"Everyone deserves that," I agreed with her.

"Yeah, well it wasn't meant to be for me. That's not my purpose anyway, so..."

We were both quiet as we let it all sink in. Then a thought occurred to me, and instead of dismissing it or keeping it to myself like I probably should have, I opened my big fat stupid mouth. "So, you're not actually a lesbian?"

The moment I said it, I regretted it. She was opening up to me, and the last thing I wanted to do was make her wish she hadn't. Strangely enough, however, Rosalie didn't seem offended.

"I'm not anything," she said emotionlessly. "I fell in love. I shouldn't have. It was a big fucking mistake, and I hope for all of our sakes Bella isn't making the same mistake with you."

"She's not," I said confidently, but we both knew it didn't matter how many times I said those words, she wouldn't believe me. At least not now. I had to keep proving myself over and over again; and that was okay. I wasn't lying before when I told her I would figure out a way to convince her. Someday Rose would believe me; I didn't have a doubt. I was just glad she wasn't so hateful towards me anymore.

…

After those tough conversations, Rosalie and I didn't just resemble something close to friends, we were friends, and I found myself actually looking forward to hanging with her. Of course, she wasn't free of her frequent bad moods, but I figured out how to just roll with them and not take anything she said or did personally. We just worked better that way. She'd cuss me out about something, and I'd just smile and tell her she looked beautiful. After subsequently flipping me off, she would usually smile back at me despite herself, and call me an idiot, but just with less hostility.

Bella's alters were all so different, but as more and more time passed, they all gained one big thing in common – _me_. Not only was I Bella's boyfriend, but both Alice and Tanya considered me their boyfriend as well. Bree told me I was her best friend and she liked me even more than Irina, and now that Rosalie and I were chummy, everything was definitely looking up. It was more than Bella and I ever thought we could accomplish together, and I was grateful for every minute of all of them.

As the weeks turned into months, and the icy winter began to melt into spring, I definitely noticed an evolution in all of them. Bella was more content, Alice was becoming calmer, Bree more disciplined, Rose less moody, and Tanya was maturing to the point where she let me know she was more than ready to take our relationship to the next step.

I wasn't sure what the alters would think about the idea of Tanya and I becoming intimate, but they all responded positively, and Alice even helped me plan the perfect night to make it extra special for her…

"I can't believe this is actually happening," Tanya said as she looked around the limo.

"Well, you deserve it," I assured her. "Have I told you yet how beautiful you look?"

She smiled and blushed the most adorable shade of pink. "Only three or four times."

"Then I'm seriously slacking. You look beautiful, and I love you, and you look beautiful, and I love you…" I repeated over and over as I kissed my way down her neck. She squirmed with delight and giggled, until she finally caught my lips and we were in full make-out mode.

We kissed like that until the limo finally reached its destination. Before the driver could let us out, Tanya got out her little mirror to check her makeup and reapply her lipstick. I exited the vehicle first, and took her hand to help her out. Her extra poofy gown was huge, so I had to be careful not to step on it as she steadied herself on her heels.

"You ready?"

"I couldn't possibly be more ready," she affirmed excitedly.

As we entered the hotel ballroom, Tanya was practically flying. Her enthusiasm was palpable, and when we danced on the crowded floor, she was absolutely glowing.

Every year the Hilton in Port Angeles put on a "Second Chance Prom" for adults who missed their prom or just wanted to relive it. The tickets cost an arm and a leg, but seeing the look on her face was absolutely priceless.

We danced and dined, and when she felt fulfilled by the ultimate high school celebratory experience, we checked into a room and she finally got her wish. It was sweet and tender, and everything that a teenager's first experience with sex should be. I was so incredibly glad that we waited until that special moment.

…

Despite feeling like we were all in some weird polyamory relationship, everyone seemed genuinely happy with their allotted time. It was almost going too smoothly, and because of that, Bella was becoming increasingly anxious.

"You don't understand; my life isn't calm and easy. Something is going to go wrong," Bella said on one particularly beautiful early summer day. We were strolling along the beach and watching the seabirds diving into the breakers. It was absolutely serene, and I saw no reason for her concerns, especially at that moment.

"Babe, you need to relax. Let yourself be happy. I know it's a foreign feeling for you, but if you keep looking for trouble, you're bound to create some where there wasn't any otherwise," I told her.

She laughed once. "Is that something the psyche professor told you?"

"No, I think I read that on one of those inspirational posts on Facebook," I admitted sheepishly.

"Nice," she deadpanned.

"I thought so," I said while giving her my most adorable smirk.

She smiled back at me – because how could she not? And then she thankfully chose to let go whatever superstition she was clinging to and just enjoy the walk.

However, like some ominous storm cloud looming in the distance, Bella's fears of darkness approaching continued to plague our otherwise blue skies. She tried to ignore the feeling, but it wasn't long before we found out just how right she actually was. All too soon the rain began to fall once again, and when it rained, it fucking poured so hard that we were in serious danger of drowning….


	23. The Storm

**Chapter 23 – The Storm**

The storm came, but it all started with a light drizzle. A drizzle by the name of _Bree_.

"Hey, did you do this?" I questioned her, pointing at the black scribbles of permanent ink all over the screen of my freshly refurbished laptop.

Bree smiled at me with faux innocence. "Maybe. Don't you think it looks better that way?"

"No, I don't, and I have no idea how I'm going to get this off," I said, trying like hell to contain my anger. "Bree, this wasn't a nice thing for you to do. I'm already behind on my assignments and I really needed to work on them tonight."

"Oh well. I guess you're just going to have to play with me instead," she said carelessly.

"I can't," I retorted evenly. "Now I need to figure out how to fix this. I told you earlier that I really needed to focus tonight. Why did you do this?"

"Because you said I couldn't have Irina over," Bree said with crossed arms and a heavy pout.

"Well, you're certainly not having her over after doing this." I told her sternly. I hated to have to be the disciplinarian, but Bree needed to know her actions had consequences. "Now you can't have your sleepover the next time you're out either," I added.

"That's not fair!" she shouted while stomping her foot. "You're not my best friend anymore. I hate you!" she screamed, before running off into Rosalie's room and locking herself inside.

"Just fucking perfect," I mumbled to myself.

I pulled out my cellphone and tried googling how to get permanent marker off of an electronic screen, but it was hard to focus when I kept hearing banging and crashing noises coming from the room. Whatever Bree was doing was becoming ridiculous. I could feel my temper getting away from me, so I just squeezed my eyes shut and attempted to force myself to remain calm.

Not even five minutes later, I heard the door squeak open, and then I was attacked.

"Looks like I've been sprung early," Tanya whispered as she began nibbling my ear and nipping at my neck.

"Babe, hold on," I tried stopping her, but she just wouldn't listen as she began grinding herself against my crotch.

Sometimes it was really fucking difficult to switch moods so quickly when alters abruptly shifted control. I was in my big brother/caregiver mode with Bree, so when Tanya suddenly popped out immediately wanting to have sex, I needed a little extra time. Time, that Tanya took the wrong way, which only made Bree's drizzle increase to a full rain shower…

"Why don't you want to have sex?" she asked, clearly hurt by my request to postpone intimacy. "You never tell Alice no. Is it because you like her better?"

Tanya's sudden bout of jealousy wasn't all that surprising given her mental maturity age. Teens were notorious for getting overly jealous and insecure. I just needed to keep reassuring her.

"Baby, no, I'm just tired. I have a lot on my mind right now."

"You fuck Alice over and over – even all night sometimes, but after one time with me you always want to go sleep. You like fucking her more, don't you?"

"No, she is just more experienced than you, so…"

"So you like her better," she cut me off. "It's fine. You can't help who you want and what you like. But you won't even give me a chance to do the things she does. You're always turning me down."

"That's not true," I said, getting frustrated. "All of you are different. Not better than the others, just different. Tanya, I love you for you."

"But you think I'm boring in bed!" she snapped at me.

"No, not at all. Baby please, I promise you, I don't prefer Alice. I'm just having a rough day. I have these assignments overdue, and now I have to deal with marker all over my screen. I'm just a little stressed right now. It has nothing to do with you, I swear."

"Well, I'm sorry if I'm bothering you," she said bitterly, before storming back into Rosalie's bedroom.

She gave me the cold shoulder for the rest of the day and wouldn't come to bed with me that night. By the time I finally fell asleep, after giving up on cleaning my computer, it wasn't long before I was being awoken by a very persistent Alice – which probably only infuriated Tanya even more when I ended up giving in to her.

The truth was, I probably did have the most sex with Alice, but because it seemed she needed it the most, not because I preferred her over Tanya, and certainly not over Bella. Alice was the only one of the three that had zero inhibitions and was never satisfied with just one time. If anything, keeping Alice content had almost turned into a chore. I loved being with her, but it did, at times, get tiresome.

When Alice's needs were met for the night, I managed to get a few hours of sleep before she woke me back up for morning sex. With it being Sunday, I knew Alice would demand an adventure, so I made sure to put my stress aside to give her all my attention. It did make me feel like shit that I wasn't able to do the same for the brief few hours Tanya was out for, but it was just the way the timing of it went that week. I would have to make it up to her next time she was out.

Alice and I spent the day at her favorite beach. It was a warm day, so it was a bit crowded, but we tried to make the best of it. Alice liked to run from the waves and frolic around, so that was exactly what we did. It was a nice relaxing afternoon; exactly what I needed after my stressful past couple of days. But by the time the sun was beginning to lower in the sky, Alice began getting antsy, and I began to feel like the metaphorical storm I was in was picking up strength….

"Let's go climb to the backside of those rocks and have a quickie," she said playfully.

I sighed. "The tide is coming in. We'll get soaked if we go over there right now. Not to mention all the people still hanging around," I pointed out.

"Who cares about getting a little wet," she disagreed. "And the risk of getting caught is half the fun."

"Alice, even though it's a little warm today, that water is still fucking freezing. There's no way I can preform with ice water constantly hitting me. Come on, let's just go find somewhere else to have sex," I encouraged her.

"I don't want to go somewhere else. I'm all geared up for sex on the rock," she said stubbornly. "It's like it's all building inside me and I need to release it _now_."

"Maybe we can find a dryer, more obscure rock then," I suggested, getting frustrated. Sometimes, having to be the _only_ realist in a situation really sucked.

She grimaced. "What the hell happened to the spontaneous, up for anything, adventurous guy I fell for, huh?" she said unexpectedly harsh. "Don't go all conch-y on me again, or I may start having some doubts."

"Are you fucking serious right now?" I asked evenly. "I'm not saying we can't do something fun and adventurous; I just don't want to do that one specific thing. Are you really that fucking shallow that you're going to have _doubts_ because I said no to one thing?"

_Shit! Why the hell did I just say that? _At times, I even managed to surprise myself with my stupidity.

"How dare you call me shallow!" she unsurprisingly snapped at me. "You were so worried about your balls being cold in that water; well, just wait and see how cold they'll be now," she said before getting up and storming off.

"Alice!" I called after her. "Damn it, Alice come back."

I hurried to collect our things and then ran after her, but she fucking disappeared.

_Great._

_Just fucking great._

I waited by the car for over two hours, but she never showed. I was terrified for her, but I honestly didn't know what to do. It had been my third fight with my third alter in a row, and I was really beginning to worry about what this fucking storm would bring next.

I eventually went home, but not before driving around for a while looking for her with no prevail. Thankfully, when I arrived back at the apartment, I saw her purse and keys on the counter.

"Alice?" I called out, but when the door to Rosalie's room opened, it wasn't Alice who emerged.

"Wow, you are just driving them all away, aren't you?" Rose teased me.

For probably the first time, I took a sigh of relief from seeing Rose. She had certainly always been a thunder cloud for me, but since we became friends, she had downgraded to just a foggy mist.

"My god, what the fuck is happening lately?" I asked her exasperated as I dropped onto the couch.

"Keeping multiple personalities happy and satisfied is proving a little difficult, huh?" she asked as she sat besides me and offered me some of the chips she was eating.

"You're telling me," I mumbled, but then I thought better of it. "No, we're just going through a slight rough patch. Everyone argues and disagrees sometimes. It's perfectly normal and everything is fine."

"Nothing about this situation is normal," Rose said with a chuckle.

"You know what I mean. Relationships have their ups and downs. Are you PMSing or something?" I asked brazenly, knowing my rude question wouldn't be offensive to my buddy Rose.

She smirked at me. "You wish you could blame all your shit on our menstrual cycle."

"No, I know that's not it. I'm just fucking…"

"Tired," she finished for me. "Bit off more than you could chew?"

"Yeah… No, that's not what I'm saying. I've just been stressed, and I'm trying to keep everyone happy, but it seems to be backfiring lately."

"Mmm-hmm."

"It's fine. It's all fine," I tried convincing both of us. "I'm sure I can make it all up to them when they return."

"Keep telling yourself that," she said doubtfully.

"How did Alice get back here anyway?" I asked curiously.

"Uber. She contemplated getting the locks changed while you were gone," Rosalie chuckled. "Then she decided she liked your cock too much and changed her mind."

"If she changed her mind, why did you come out?" I asked without a hint of sarcasm. I was legitimately curious as to why Alice retreated if she was planning to forgive me so easily.

"Eh, I pulled her back," Rose explained casually. "You seemed like you could use a break."

"Thank you," I said with more relief than I cared to admit. "I'm going to bed," I added before flicking a wave at her and then turning in for the night.

But, of course, it couldn't be that simple. The storm was only simmering, but deep down I knew it wouldn't dissipate until it fully consumed everything in its fucking path.

I was absolutely exhausted, but the moment I could feel my body begin to succumb to sleep, my bedroom door flew open, and there stood Rosalie, who had morphed from her annoying fog into a stage five enraged hurricane.

"What now?" I whined.

"What the fuck is this?" she growled at me ferociously. It took me a moment to let my eyes adjust to the flood of light engulfing her from the living room, but I was soon able to focus on my computer in her hands.

"Oh, Bree wrote all over the screen with permanent marker," I mumbled, unsure why that upset her so much.

"I know, dipshit! I cleaned it off for you, but that was when I noticed your email that you were still logged into.

"You read my email?" I asked confused, but still unsure why she was so upset.

"Yes, I read your fucking emails to the same bitch of a wannabe psychologist who tried exploiting us four years ago!" she screeched.

"What? Who did what?" I asked flummoxed.

"Don't play stupid with me, you piece of shit!" she snapped. "You know exactly what I'm talking about. You were in cahoots with her this entire time. Fucking admit it! It all finally makes sense. No wonder you were so persistent with Bella and Alice and even fucking Tanya. They are all so stupid for falling for it. You almost had me convinced you were an honorable human being, but I was right about you all along."

"Rosalie, what the hell are you talking about?" I shouted the moment she took a breath between her insults.

"Doctor Charlotte Peters!" she screamed at me. "She was the bitch who tried writing a book about us four years ago. Don't tell me you didn't know that. She thought we were going to make her millions. She even had a fucking Lifetime movie deal in the works. We were her fucking ticket to the big leagues in psychology and she was going to get there by exploiting us and making us look like we were fit for a straight jacket."

"Rose, I swear, I had no idea you knew her," I said in shock. "She is my psyche professor. I'm taking an online course hoping to get some more insight on DID. I thought you knew that? Bella knows…"

"We knew you were doing something with psychology online, but this is crossing the line. It's all bullshit anyway! You've been working with her this whole time. Trying like hell to get them all to fall in love with you so you can help that bitch exploit us. How much money is she paying you to be her little mole? You know you're nothing better than a fucking sex worker, right? Getting paid to fuck someone you would have no interest in otherwise."

"Rosalie, you're way off base. I didn't know Dr. Peters before I met Bella, and I had no idea you knew her until right this minute."

"I don't believe a word your lying bitch ass mouth says. It all makes sense. Why else would a seemingly normal, decent looking man pursue a mentally unstable woman as much as you have? In fact, when you supposedly found out Bella had DID, you even became more persistent. Admit it. Admit you only went after Bella because of her condition. If I remember correctly, you thought she was insane on that first date that you actually spent with Alice. A guy like you could date anyone, and yet, you went back for more after that horrible dinner. Why? Well, we both know why – because you were working for that bitch. It's the only thing that makes sense. Admit it, you lousy piece of shit!"

As she stared me down with hatred spewing from her eyes, I legitimately considered her question. A lie at that point would only be counterproductive. I owed her the god's honest truth.

"Okay… maybe I did want to continue dating Bella because I was interested in her condition," I admitted hesitantly. "But that was in the beginning. You're right, I was bored with the usual girls I was dating; hell, I was bored with my life in general. Bella intrigued me. You all did. But Rosalie, I swear to you, I really did fall in love with Bella. It was unexpected, and it hit me so much faster and harder than I ever thought possible."

"You're such a liar, it's disgusting."

"I'm not lying! I was a dick, it's true. I began dating Bella for the wrong reasons, but everything about me changed when I realized how amazing she is and how stupid I had always been. I was a fucking idiot before, and you can be pissed at me for that, but I swear to you, I was never working with Dr. Peters"

She laughed once humorlessly. "Either way, you're a fucking douche bag, just like I always knew you were."

"Where are you going?" I asked as she swiftly left my room with an obviously spiteful plan in her head. I followed her to her room where she was throwing her clothes into a duffle bag. "What are you doing?"

"What does it look like, _genius_. Packing. I'm getting us as far away from you as possible. And don't even think about trying to contact any of them again or I'll make my original threats against you look like child's play."

"Rosalie, you can leave, but you can't force me to stay away from the others. I'm in a relationship with them, not you."

"Don't contact them!" she roared in my face before storming out of the room and straight out of the apartment.

I squeezed my eyes shut and let myself collapse on Rosalie's bed. It was all too much. Rose was wrong about her accusations towards me and the professor, but all of the others were already so mad at me she might just convince them of my guilt. Bella was my only hope left, but how long would it be until she came back?

I prepared myself for an extended absence from them, but when Bella came home two days later, I couldn't have been more pleasantly surprised and grateful.

"Hey," she said gently as she walked through the door.

And just like that, I could feel the storm clouds part enough to see the blue-sky poking through.

"Oh man, am I glad to see you," I said as I embraced her, suddenly feeling ten pounds lighter.

She held me back and kissed me on the neck before pulling away so she could look at me. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Everything. I don't even fucking know," I admitted.

"Edward, what happened? Did you and Rose get into it again? I'm assuming it was bad since I woke up at my dad's house this morning. Rose hates being there, so whatever drove her away from the comfort of her own room here must have been…"

"Yeah, she hates me. Nothing new," I said as casually as possible, except I suddenly felt like there was a lump in my throat.

"What was it this time? Pee on the toilet? Garbage not taken out promptly enough? You breathed too loud?" she asked with a smirk that seriously took my breath away.

I smiled back at her, because how could I not? But I quickly fell serious again. I didn't want any secrets between us, so I needed to tell her everything.

"No, she found out that my psyche professor was a doctor you had a run in with in the past."

Bella raised her brows. "Really?"

"Dr. Charlotte Peters," I admitted.

"Oh," she said, suddenly becoming quiet.

"Baby, I swear to you, I didn't know," I told her sincerely but with a sense of urgency out of fear she would take it the wrong way. "Rosalie accused me of being in some kind of partnership with her or something, so we could exploit you. She was furious and she refused to listen to the truth. But I swear, I had no idea…"

"Of course you didn't," Bella said gently. "That's ridiculous. Rosalie just… gets hot tempered and jumps to conclusions. She always thinks the worst of people. That's why my dad and her have so much trouble."

"There's more," I said reluctantly. "I had to admit to her that… I didn't have the best intentions when we started dating."

"You didn't?" she questioned.

"No. I mean, I just… I was a shallow jackass that thought your disorder was…"

"Entertaining?" she finished for me knowingly.

"But that was before I got to know you. I never expected to fall in love with you, or anyone for that matter. I was bored, and stupid, and…"

"Edward, it's fine," she cut me off.

"It is?"

"Well, I mean I figured as much when you kept coming around. That is the only reason why anyone has ever dated me after knowing the truth. But… you were cute and… I don't know. It felt different with you, and I know it turned into something different."

"It did," I agreed. "Fuck, I hate that I was like that, but I'm grateful too, because being with you is the best thing that's ever happened to me. But now Rose is threatening me to stay away from you again, and with all of the alters currently pissed at me, I'm a little concerned about what's going to happen next time one comes out."

"Wait, why are they all mad at you?" she asked curiously.

So I gave her a play by play of the entire storm from Bree's angry drizzle, all the way to Rosalie's irate hurricane. It had been a hell of a week in the worst possible way, so I was beyond grateful Bella was there and forgiving me for all of it.

"Wow, so everyone has been extra _sensitive_ lately," she said quietly as she let my story sink in.

"It was just a rough patch." I took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, I don't want to lay all this on you. Don't worry about it, I'm sure I can fix it all."

Bella bit her bottom lip as she mulled it all over, but when her eyes lifted to meet mine again, the sadness there struck me like a bolt of lightening.

"It's all going to be fine," I assured her again. I reached for her, but when she pulled away, my stomach dropped. "Babe?"

"We can't do this anymore," she said, no louder than a whisper.

"We can't do _what_ anymore?" I asked, suddenly hearing a strange buzzing in my ear that only got louder as she continued to speak.

"Any of this," she said. "You, me, all of them. I knew it would never work, but I was hoping maybe… But I was right; we should have never tried."

"Bella, stop," I said to her gently. "We're fine. It was just a few misunderstandings and a couple disagreements. Nothing all couples don't go through."

"Edward…" she sighed. "You didn't do anything wrong. None of that was your fault."

"Yeah, it was. I was stressed, and a little overwhelmed with work and my online course, and…"

"Trying to please five different personalities," she finished for me again.

"Yeah, but it's all going to be fine."

"No, it's not," she disagreed. "Edward, where is this going? Are we going to stay here like this for the rest of our lives?"

"No, we'll…" I let my words trail off as I realized I wasn't sure what the next step for us would be.

"Buy a house?" she asked. "Get married? Maybe you can marry Alice and Tanya too. Alice would probably want a Vegas wedding, and Tanya, a full princess dream wedding."

I nodded absently as I considered it. "Yeah. Yeah, we could do that. It would be pretty awesome actually."

"Buy Bree a dog. Her and Rosalie can each have their own rooms in the house. Decorated how each of them would want. All the privacy Rosalie doesn't get here."

I kept nodding as I pictured it all. It was actually so fucking perfect that I was beginning to actually get excited. "Yeah, we could be a family."

An unexpected tear rolled over Bella's cheek. "And you will just take care of all of us. You will always figure out how to do everything we need you to do and be everything we need you to be."

"Yeah. Of course I will. It will be amazing."

"Amazing… except when you stretch yourself too thin. And while you're so busy taking care of me and all my multiple personalities' multiple needs… who will take care of _you_?"

"What?" I asked, being abruptly ripped out of the daydream we had been conjuring.

"Edward, you just admitted how stressed and overwhelmed you've been this week. If you had a real partner – one without so much baggage that she can't even stand on her own – that partner could have helped you instead of making it so much harder."

"I had it all under control. I just…"

"Edward, we can't continue like this. I can't keep taking and taking from you without the ability to give anything in return. It's not fair, and I refuse to do it any longer."

"Bella, I love you, and…"

"I love you too," she cut me off again. "Which is why I need to stop being selfish and stop taking advantage of you like this."

I shook my head in denial, but the tear that escaped my eye was proof that deep down I knew she was already resolved.

"Bella, please don't do this," I said so quietly I could barely hear it. But Bella heard it, and she shook her head no and quickly wiped her face dry.

"I want you to know," she said with a forced smile. "You really have done so much more for us than anyone else ever could. This… small sense of normalcy, however brief… and for loving me – _all_ of me. I will be forever grateful for you, Edward."

She stepped forward and kissed me on the cheek, but quickly pulled back and looked around the apartment. "I'll – uh, have my dad come get my things."

When her tear-filled eyes met mine again, she quickly looked away.

"No matter what you do in your life, Edward, please always remember that you gave me everything I never hoped or dreamed I could have. I'll always be so incredibly grateful for you. Truly."

And with that, she turned and walked out of the apartment. There was no thought or hope of it only being a temporary split. I knew she meant it for good, and I knew there was no changing her mind.

That storm had swept through my world and left nothing but destruction in its path. It was true that I had dedicated everything I had to Bella and her alters, and now that they were gone, I was left feeling utterly empty.

What the fuck was I supposed to do with myself now? Where would I go? Who would I even be anymore if I wasn't Bella's?

The worst part of it was knowing that Bella hadn't lost faith in me, she lost faith in herself, and that absolutely killed me. It killed me because I could do nothing to help her.

I tried.

We tried.

_We fucking failed._


	24. Crumbs

*****A/N: TRIGGER WARNING! **The following chapter contains a possible trigger. If your are sensitive on certain topics that may be triggering, please PM me for details before you read. Thank you!

...

**Chapter 24 – Crumbs**

I never understood all those sappy chick flicks when the broken-hearted woman would sit in her PJs all day, crying, while eating ice cream straight from the container. _Who would fucking do that?_ But after Bella ripped my heart out and left me pathetically withering on the floor, I realized that I was one of those sappy chicks. I didn't have any ice cream, but I was sure as hell going to eat all of Rosalie's chips while lounging in my underwear and over-contemplating my empty existence.

I did get up when I was supposed to everyday; I took my shower, even managed to brush my teeth. I went to work and faked smiles as people passed, but the moment I got home I would immediately strip, let the crumbs of my chips fall where they may – _just like the crumbs of my broken heart_ – and I just wallowed. It was pathetic, but I had built my life around Bella. I had altered and bent and molded my own personality to fit each of hers so much that without her, I was left with nothing but a hollow shell. _Who was I anymore? _I honestly didn't know.

The only solace I found during those first few weeks, was Jasper. Taking care of that damn cat had become my sole purpose. I had to keep working to support him. I forced myself to periodically go to the store because he needed food and more litter, and while I was there, I figured I might as well get myself the groceries I had run out of too.

It went on like that day after miserable day. I texted Bella a few times since we had been apart, just to make sure she was okay, but she never responded. I never meant to drive past her bookstore, but I often did, and each time I had to fight an intense urge to go inside and talk to her. Somehow, I managed to refrain, but with each passing, and each unanswered text, I was getting deeper and deeper into my pathetic funk. Even I was getting sick of myself, and poor Jasper looked at me with so much disappointment, but I honestly couldn't shake my heartbreak. I just couldn't find any blue skies after that storm that blew away my entire world.

I had no idea how long it could possibly go on like that, but then one day, as I was torturing myself by watching stupid sappy romantic chick-flicks and feeling sorry for myself, the lock on my door began to jiggle.

"What the heck?" I said to Jasper. He wasn't concerned, but I got up slowly and just stood there like a dumbass, waiting for whatever would come through that door. It could have been an ax murderer… or just my apartment manager. _Was I late with rent? _I honestly couldn't come up with a single other possibility; I was either going to die or get kicked out of my home. At the moment, I wasn't quite sure which scenario was worse.

But when the door creaked open, and I saw her perfect face peek in, I had an absolute avalanche of emotions dump onto me all at once.

"Hey babe," she said casually as she came inside and dropped her purse on the counter like it was no big deal. She smiled at me and sauntered over, before throwing her arms around my neck and immediately kissing me.

After her extended absence from my life, to suddenly have her lips on mine like that honestly felt like a dream. I couldn't help but kiss her back with a desperateness I had never experienced before. It was completely surreal, but as the kiss deepened and she started going for my pants, the reality of the situation hit me like a wrecking ball.

"Hold on," I murmured as I struggled to pull back. I had to take a moment to collect my thoughts and take a good look at her before I even knew who she was. "Alice," I whispered, and then took one more painful step away from her.

"What's wrong?" she asked me, genuinely confused.

"I… we… you haven't been here," I mumbled, stumbling over my words.

"Oh, I know," she said with annoyance. "That bitch, Rosalie, has been keeping us locked up tight. Tanya and Bree have both been crying, but she refuses to let either of them out. I'm lucky I even got past her. Moment of weakness on her part. Don't worry, I've gotten stronger and I'm sure I can hold on for a bit."

"Alice, it's been almost a month," I told her softly.

"A month? Wow, I didn't even realize. Damn! I'm seriously going to kick Rose's ass next time we are in the theater together. Stupid fucking bitch!"

"Bella broke up with me," I then told her, not exactly sure how she would react.

She surprisingly rolled her eyes. "I know. She is ridiculous. I'm sure she will get over it eventually," she said unconcerned, before reaching for my pants again. "Take me to bed before I explode."

"Alice," I whispered while gently restraining her hands. "We can't do this."

"What?" she asked perplexed. "Why not?"

"Bella broke up with me," I repeated, having a legitimately hard time getting the words out.

"Yeah, but what does that have to do with us?" she questioned.

"I have to respect her decision," I nearly whimpered as the words came out of my mouth.

"What are you saying?" Alice asked; her tone somewhere between shock and anger. "You don't want to see _me_ anymore?"

"Of course I want to see you… but I can't," I told her regretfully.

"Just because Bella broke up with you, doesn't mean we have to stop seeing each other," she argued. "I saw all kinds of men that Bella didn't. She doesn't care who I fuck."

"Yes, she does care," I disagreed. "And I can't do that to her."

"You honestly think Bella would rather me go back to fucking strangers?"

"No, I don't think she would prefer that, but I also can't continue with you. It's too hard."

"Why is it too hard? Because you'll just miss Bella when you're with me? So, it's always been about her then, hasn't it? Did you ever even love me for me?" she asked angrily, but it was clear to me that her anger was just a mask for the hurt I was causing her, and causing her pain was devastating to me. I was both devastated for her, and for myself. I would have loved to give her what she wanted and hope that one day Bella would come around and we could go back to the way it was, but I just couldn't do it. I couldn't force it on her like that. If Bella ever did come back to me, it would have to be because she was ready, and it was what she wanted. I had to respect her decision.

"Alice, I'm so sorry," I told her emotionally.

I expected her to just get pissed and leave, but she absolutely flabbergasted me when her anger abruptly melted, and she began begging…

"Edward, please; please don't leave me. I'm sorry for what happened at the beach. I promise you, I'll be good from now on. I won't pressure you to have sex when you don't want to. I'll be the perfect girlfriend. You'll never have to worry about me again. I'll always be true to you, just like I have been since the day we met. I swear, I haven't even considered sleeping with anyone else. I only said that stupid shit before because I was upset, but it will never happen again. Edward please…"

I didn't realize that I was slowly shaking my head no as she spoke, but she only became more desperate.

"Edward, I love you. You're the only person I could ever truly count on. Please. Please, just keep me."

Her words cut like a dagger to my heart. I squeezed my eyes shut to brace myself from our combined pain, but she took that expression as my resolve.

"Fine," she said, wiping her tears and returning to her previous anger. "You're right. It's better this way. I should have never trusted you!"

Something abruptly caught her attention behind me, and she was immediately in motion. I couldn't help but let my eyes follow her, but it was just one more strike to my heart when I watched her scoop up the cat.

"Come on, Jazzy. Daddy doesn't love us anymore. Mommy will take care of you for now on. Don't you worry your sweet little whiskers off. I'll take you to a better home."

She wouldn't look at me again as she grabbed Jasper's favorite toy mouse from the couch, and she swiftly left the apartment.

Just like that, I was alone. Utterly alone. I didn't even have the damn cat left to worry about anymore.

It fucking sucked.

…

Somehow, time continued to pass. The miserable month without Bella turned into two, and then three. There was no word from any of them, and the pain I felt from the heartbreak was beginning to wane into a dull numbness.

I would always love Bella, but I needed to try my best to pick myself up and move on with my life.

"Chelsea," Garrett said out of the blue as he approached my desk at work.

"Bless you," I replied, thinking he just sneezed in an awkward way.

"No, _Chelsea_," he said again. "She is a nurse on the pediatric floor. Super hot, and I heard she had a crush on you. I'll set it up."

"No way," I told him without hesitation. "Man, I appreciate it, but I told you the last time you tried to rope me into a blind date – I'm not interested."

"Yeah, but this isn't a blind date. You've seen Chelsea," he pointed out. "She is pretty hot."

I huffed. "She is attractive, but I'm still not interested."

"Come on, buddy. I get that you're still heartbroken, but you need to move on."

"I _am_ moving on, but after essentially dating three women at once, I'm good in that department for another five years at least," I joked.

"Yeah, I hear you. If it's any consolation, Kate did say she's been doing pretty well. I know you still worry about her and all."

I nodded absently. "I'm glad to hear it."

I meant to leave it at that, but I couldn't help my next question. "Are they still on a steady rotation, or is her splitting back to being sporadic?"

"Oh, you know what, Kate did mention that Bella hasn't been out much lately. I guess it's mainly been Rosalie and Alice."

"Fuck," I said with a heavy breath.

I hated that it sounded like Bella was back to regressing into her mind for longer stretches of time, however it wasn't my place to worry anymore. She had her reasons to break away from me, and I couldn't change that. I had no choice but to let her go and do nothing but wish her the best and hope she was able to get a handle on it herself.

Garrett was right about one thing, I needed to fully move on; not just pretend to. I didn't necessarily think finding a new girlfriend was the answer, but I figured returning to casual dating couldn't hurt. So, I ultimately agreed to his next attempted set up. Kate's sister's best friend, Heidi, was newly single and eager to mingle. She was beautiful, and there was surprisingly none of that blind date awkwardness I was expecting. Neither of us were looking for anything serious at the moment, so there was absolutely no pressure. We laughed, and flirted, and there were definite sparks right away. We stayed out well past midnight, and when I brought her back to her home for the night, I accepted her invitation to come inside her apartment for a nightcap.

We were vibing, and it was obvious where she intended that evening to go, however when I leaned into her as she waited for that arousing kiss, I saw Bella's face, and I immediately pulled back.

"What's wrong?" she asked me concerned and slightly embarrassed.

"Nothing. Everything is great, but I… I think I'm going to head home," I told her apologetically.

Heidi was seemingly practically perfect in every way and I knew I was an idiot for turning her down, but it just didn't feel right. I may have been in denial, but deep down I knew I still wasn't completely over Bella yet. Whether I liked it or not, that was the truth, and I wasn't going to force myself to be with someone, even casually, before I was fully ready.

After that night, I decided to stop worrying about dating altogether. There was more to life than sex and finding a woman, and I figured when the time was right and the right person came along, I'd know.

Not even two days later I was hit with another unexpected blow. In fact, it was the toughest hit I had ever experienced in my life…

"Hey, Charlie. What's up?" I asked eagerly, answering my phone the moment I saw his number pop up. Even before he spoke a single word, I knew something had to be terribly wrong for him to call me out of the blue, and my heart was immediately racing.

"Hey kid," he said after a long heavy silence. "Listen, I hate to call you like this, but I think you deserve to know."

"What?" I asked when he failed to continue speaking.

He drew in a heavy breath, which reverberated out of my phone and into my ear. It echoed through my brain and down my spine, and I trembled as a response.

"Bella," he mumbled, having a hard time finding the words. "She's in the hospital."

"What? Why? What happened?" I asked in a panic.

"She found my Ambien. She downed the whole damn bottle with alcohol," he said, making my stomach drop. "She's okay," he assured me quickly. "I found her almost right after she took them and managed to get it out of her system. She's fully alert now, but she's in mandatory observation, and I'm not sure when she will be released."

"Is she talking?" I asked anxiously. "What's she saying about it?"

"Well, I haven't actually talked to _Bella_. Rosalie is out now, and she is refusing to tell me anything."

"So, you're not even sure if it was actually Bella who took the pills?" I questioned.

"Oh hell, I don't know. Bella was the one who I had dinner with last night. She hasn't been around much lately, so I was excited to have her home. She seemed in good spirits, which is why this is so troubling. I asked her if she was going to hang around awhile, and she said she was. I really thought she was getting better," he explained in an emotional rush. "After dinner we watched a movie at home, and then she told me goodnight and turned in. I stayed up to watch a little more TV, but I just had a bad feeling. I went up to check on her and I found her passed out with my pill box empty on her nightstand, and a previously full bottle of vodka half gone. I got her to vomit it all out, but she didn't wake up until a little bit ago, and now that she is Rosalie, she won't tell me anything."

"So, you don't know if it was Bella?" I questioned again, clinging to that small spark of hope.

"She had been _Bella_ all evening, so I only assume she was the one who took the pills," Charlie replied, clearly not sharing my hope. "But you know how it goes; they can change so quickly that I can't be sure who actually took them. I'm sorry to call you like this. I know you two broke up a while ago, but I just felt like it was something you'd want to know."

"I appreciate you calling. I'm going to come down there," I said, hanging up before he could have the chance to talk me out of it.

I didn't want to believe that Bella tried to hurt herself. Even the thought of it was excruciating. I was hanging on to the slim possibility that it was an accident of some kind. Perhaps Bree took them thinking they were candy. Surely there was an explanation that I couldn't even imagine at the moment. I just had to know exactly what happened. I had to believe that Bella was going to be okay, and the only way of gaining that peace of mind was confronting Rosalie, so that was exactly what I was going to do.

After I arrived at the hospital, I immediately went to the mental health floor where Bella was being kept. They didn't allow non-related visitors on that level without clearance, but lucky for me, I had such clearance just because I worked there, and I was my father's son_. _The moment the elevator doors opened, and I walked out, I could hear her yelling…

"I'm not suicidal you fucking morons. Let me go!"

I hesitantly followed the sound, and when I arrived at her room, I was met by Charlie and several orderlies on their way out.

"I don't think you should go in there," Charlie told me. "She is in her most _'Rosalie'_ of moods – if you know what I mean."

I nodded, but I couldn't just turn around and go home. I had to know what happened, so I took my chances and stepped back into the raging hurricane.

"What the hell are you doing here?" she growled at me the moment she noticed me. "Isn't there some kind of rule against non-family visitors around here?"

I showed her my hospital ID as explanation, which she just rolled her eyes at. "Typical over-privileged spoiled rotten abuse of power."

"Who did this?" I asked through gritted teeth. It was hard to look at her with Bella's face and feel that kind of anger when all I wanted to do was hold Bella and tell her everything was going to be okay. But she wasn't Bella, and I wasn't sure if anything was going to be okay with her again.

"Nobody did anything!" Rose snapped at me. "It was an accident. These idiots are holding me against my will unjustly."

"Did Bree do it?" I asked.

"No," she spat. "I would never let her get that far."

"If it wasn't Bree, then who took the pills and how was it an accident?"

She stared at me but refused to answer.

"Damn it, Rosalie! _Who did it?_" I shouted a little too loudly. A nurse came in and gave me the stink eye, so I apologized and took my tone down several notches.

"Please just tell me who did this?" I asked again the moment we were alone again.

She must have seen just how important the answer was to me, so she huffed and then asked – "Who do you think?"

"I obviously don't know!" I snapped back at her.

When she continued to stare at me with a raised brow, somehow, I just understood.

"Bella did do this," I murmured, suddenly becoming engulfed by the most severe pain I had ever felt in my entire life. "Why?" I asked, so close to tears but somehow keeping then contained to my eyelids.

"Why do you think?" she replied bitterly. "You know, I would just tell you that this was none of your business and demand you to leave, but this _is_ your business since you're the one that drove her to this. I told you in the beginning to leave her alone. You just couldn't listen, could you? You had to fuck around with her heart and break her more than she already was."

That did it. I tried to hold back my anger, but it boiled up inside of me until it exploded.

"I didn't do this, Rosalie, YOU DID!" I shouted uncontrollably. "You couldn't just let us try to make it work, could you? You just had to always make it so much fucking harder than it had to be. You drove Bella to break up with me, and you drove her to do this too! You wanted a life with Emma, and because you couldn't have it, you couldn't stand the idea of anyone else being happy either, could you? _You_ did this, Rosalie, no one else!"

I didn't notice that several orderlies and nurses had run in to try to diffuse the situation. I couldn't even see them through my rage until they were dragging me out of the room and telling me they were calling the police.

Thankfully, Charlie was there and told them he would handle me.

"I know how you feel, son, but you can't let her get to you like that; especially not here."

"I know, you're right," I said, falling to the bench there so I could take deep, settling breaths. "I shouldn't have done that. What the hell is wrong with me?"

"You're hurting and looking for someone to blame. But Edward, blame DID specifically. It's a bitch and it's hard, and it's really the only thing left to be angry at. Rosalie is just being Rosalie. She will never change."

"I know," I repeated. "I'm going to leave," I said after a few heavy moments. "Charlie, thank you for calling me, and please keep me posted."

"Of course," he agreed. I leaned in and hugged him, and despite the fact that I had never embraced that man before, it actually felt really good. We both loved Bella fiercely, and I was grateful that she wasn't able to push him out of her life the way she had me. Bella needed someone, and if I couldn't be that someone, I was grateful he would always be there for her.

We said goodbye and I left, taking all my love, and fear, and anger, and guilt with me. I didn't have a straight answer as to what happened, and I probably never would get one, but the pain of knowing Bella had tried to end her life was immeasurable. I knew her issues were about more than just me, but my presence and subsequent loss in her life certainly didn't help matters.

Bella was too fragile. She should have never risked her heart for me. Even if I wasn't the one who ended it, I still couldn't help but carry some of the blame.

_Bella tried to kill herself…_

The crumbs of my heart were now blowing away in the wind. How the hell would either of us recover this time?

...

*****A/N**: Yes, I "New Moon'd" this chapter, and for that, I apologize. It was not done intentionally. Big changes coming up next.


	25. Stages

**Chapter 25 – Stages**

When Bella broke up with me, I was down, but got better with time; I accepted her decision because I had no other choice. However, after Bella's attempted take on her own life, I reached an all new level of low. It was so much lower than I ever thought was possible for me, and I couldn't help but think it would swallow me whole.

In the days that followed my hospital altercation with Rosalie, I couldn't even get out of bed to make it into work. In fact, it took three full days of solitude, and Garrett physically dragging my ass out of my apartment, in order for me to get up and moving again. It was just too much. It honestly felt like Bella had died, and I began going through those grieving stages. I was angry and in pain, and even spent some time in denial. And I bargained. I bargained within myself on whether or not I should attempt to contact her again. It was all absolute torture.

I kept telling myself that the pain would get better with time, but it seemed time was only increasing my descent the longer I went without contact with her.

_Was she getting better? _

_Was she still locked up somewhere so she couldn't hurt herself again?_

Not knowing was tearing me apart, so I decided to send Charlie a text to see how she was doing. It wasn't my first message to him since her incident, but it was the first time I actually pressed the "send" button on one of them. I wasn't sure why I hadn't actually contacted him sooner, but as I waited for a response, my stomach twisted in painful anxious knots. Perhaps deep down I didn't want an answer. Perhaps I was terrified to know just how poorly she had been doing. Not knowing may have been tearing me apart, but surely it was better than knowing for certain that she was suffering.

As I nervously waited for Charlie to get back to me, there was an unexpected knock on my door. I was so tense from staring at my phone that I jumped at the sound of the knock, but my momentary startle quickly morphed into a groan of annoyance.

"Not now," I mumbled as I forced myself off the couch.

I was pretty sure I already knew who was there. Other than my irritatingly worried parents, Garrett was really the only person who gave a shit about me anymore; he was always checking in on me every few days and whatnot. I appreciated it, really I did, but at the moment, I just wanted to be left alone.

I had my speech to him all worked up in my mind as I went to answer the door. – _Bro, thanks for the concern, but I'm fine, and no I don't feel like going out tonight._ – It was the same speech I gave him every time he came over without warning.

However, when I opened the door this time, I was shocked, and flummoxed, and bewildered, and angry, and relieved, and grateful, and just about every emotion imaginable just from seeing Bella's beautiful face looking back at me. Of course, once again, it wasn't Bella who was behind those eyes, and this time my defenses immediately went up as high and they could possibly go…

"What are you doing here?" I asked evenly.

"Can I come in?" Rosalie asked, slightly softer than I had anticipated.

I didn't want her to come in. I didn't want to be anywhere near her because of the fact that I did blame her for what happened to Bella. But at the same time, she was a part of Bella, so I had an almost innate need to be near her in any way shape or form, or alter. In the end, that need for Bella beat out my disdain for the current personality controlling her body.

Without speaking, I simply moved aside as a silent invite into the home we once shared.

"Thanks," she said awkwardly.

It wasn't until she was already inside that I noticed the cat carrier in her hand and the overstuffed duffle bag hanging from her shoulder.

"What are you doing?" I asked confused, but before she answered she set her things down and opened the cat carrier door. "Jasper!" I said excitedly.

I suppose I knew he was there the moment I saw the crate, but it didn't really hit me until she let him out.

"Hey buddy, I missed you," I said as I scooped him up in my arms and couldn't help but smile at his immediate purr.

"I think he missed you too," Rosalie muttered. "The hairball never purrs with me. He's been in a funk lately."

"Well, I've heard cats can sense evil, so," I said nonchalantly with a shrug.

"Har har," she replied.

"Wasn't a joke," I retorted.

"Well, fuck you too! I brought the cat as a peace offering, but if you're just going to be a jackass."

"A peace offering?" I asked confused and slightly disturbed. "Why on earth would you feel the need to bring a peace offering to _me_? We are _nothing_ to each other anymore. I'm not even dating any of your alters. Hell, I'm sure Alice has found someone else by now that she will want to bring the cat to."

Rosalie chewed on her lower lip, just like the way Bella did when she was anxious about something. It was a bit disorienting. I wasn't used to seeing Rosalie with any kind of anxiety about anything, and her action just made my stomach twist in pain from missing Bella even more than I already was.

"What is it?" I questioned, knowing there had to be another reason for her unusual visit and uncharacteristic facial expressions.

"They're missing," she said unexpectedly.

"Who is missing?" I asked unsure.

"All of them," she replied quietly. "Even when I was in control before, I'd still feel them. It was like a sixth sense, or something. I couldn't exactly hear them speaking, but I always knew when one was itching to get out. Now… nothing. I've even tried retreating back into the theater to talk to them, but it's like I've forgotten how. I can't get back in, and I don't feel them anymore to let them back out. Edward… I'm scared," she said, far more emotional than I had ever seen her before.

Surprisingly, I remained calm. "How long has it been?"

"Since Bella…" She paused to get ahold of herself. "Since Bella took those pills. When I woke up in that hospital, I woke up _alone,_ and I've been alone ever since. I'm sorry to just show up here like this, but I thought… I thought maybe they would come back if you were around again. They all love you, so…"

My eyes reflexively moved to her duffel bag. "You're planning on staying here with me?"

"Hoping to," she said with a forced smile.

"You blamed me for what Bella did, and now you think I can fix it?" I asked incredulously.

"I don't know if you can fix it, but I'm desperate. Look, I was really fucking scared when I woke up in that hospital, okay? I lashed out and said some things I shouldn't have."

"That's what you do, Rosalie," I retorted, beginning to get angry. "You're always saying things you shouldn't and jumping to the wrong conclusions. I was never working with Doctor Peters, and you fucking knew it! All of this shit…."

"Is my fault!" she finished for me. "I know. Okay? I fucked up, and I failed at my one purpose in life. I failed at protecting Bella. But that's why I'm here. I'm trying to fix it. I'm trying to make it all right, but I can't do that if you don't help me."

"Bella broke up with me, so you moving back in here would just make it worse. It's her choice, Rose. We can't make it for her."

"I get that, and I will gladly leave the second I hear her voice or feel her presence again. Hell, if she really wants us away from you, maybe she will come back just to make it happen. Please Edward? I'm out of other ideas, and I really don't know how to do this without you. You know how hard that is for me to admit."

I had been so down lately that I really didn't have the strength or mental capacity to argue with her at the moment. At the very least, having Rosalie there meant I knew Bella was safe – or her body was safe that is. So, I sighed and said, "Whatever," before escaping to my bedroom for the night.

I had never actually moved any of Bella's or her alters things from the apartment, nor did Charlie ever come to collect them, but I had become accustom to whatever of theirs was left as if it was just part of the apartment décor. However, when I emerged from my room the following morning, I was shocked by the vast change in the apartment. Rosalie's stuff was everywhere; but not only hers, so was Jasper's, and Alice's, and Tanya's, and even some of Bree's toys.

"What the hell?" I mumbled to myself.

Surprisingly, Rosalie was already up and messing around in the kitchen. She must have heard my shock from all the way in there, so she peeked her head out to explain.

"Sorry about the mess. I wanted to bring some of their things over just to hopefully entice them back out. I figured maybe something would spark their interest. I can pick it all up if you want me to."

"No, it's fine," I said while stepping over one of Bree's stuffed animals. "How long do you think you'll be staying?" I questioned.

"However long it takes… or until I just bug the shit out of you so much that you throw me out. Whichever comes first."

"You're already bugging the shit out of me," I mumbled to myself, but decided it was best to try to just ignore her presence as much as possible.

Over the next few weeks or so, Rosalie co-existed with me in my apartment, but we rarely spoke. We moved around each other and would even sit besides each other, but we had very little to say. Regardless of our lack of verbal communication, she seemed to be trying to play nice and she cleaned the entire place, including doing my laundry that had been piling up for far too long. It was obvious that she was carrying a shit ton of guilt over what happened to Bella, but I was glad. She should damn well feel that guilt. Maybe it would knock some sense into her. Hopefully she would shape up and make it easier on everyone when the others finally reemerged.

But they didn't reemerge. Week after week they remained dormant, and as the time continued on, I could see Rosalie falling deeper and deeper into that dark funk that I had been consumed by for so long. We were existing together in that apartment, but we were both still alone, and eventually I realized we were making a huge mistake.

"You know, I really don't think having you here all the time like this is helping anything," I told her one late afternoon. She had just come home from the bookstore, but she was already in her sweats and letting her chips fall all around her on the couch as she stared blankly at the television.

She looked around herself. "Oh, sorry about the mess. I'll clean it," she mumbled, almost vacantly.

"I know you'll clean it. Making huge messes and then spending hours cleaning them is about all you do outside of work anymore," I grumbled.

"What else is there to do?" she retorted emotionlessly as she smashed another chip in her face. "Besides, you're one to talk. You don't do anything either."

"You're right, and it's been long enough for the both of us," I told her.

Then I grabbed the chips and held them out of her reach as she protested and tried to get them back.

"No, we're done with this shit!" I exclaimed. "No amount of emo-sulking is going to bring them back. Look at yourself; you're covered in chip grease and it's nasty. Whatever happened to you wanting to do that Keto diet anyway?"

She shrugged. "It was a fad. I'm over it. Why? Am I getting fat now?"

"No, but at least you were eating real food then. When was the last time you actually ate anything other than chips anyway?"

She tried to remember, but it was so long ago that she legitimately didn't have an answer for me.

"Come on, get up. Go get changed," I insisted. Rosalie would never be my favorite person, but she was in a body that I still loved, and if only for Bella's sake, I couldn't stand to see her waste away like that for another day.

My parents had available box seats to the Mariners, so because the timing of it was right, we took advantage. Rosalie grumbled something about me being sexist for taking the lesbian to a sporting event when I never took any of the others, but I just ignored her. She was just bitching to bitch, and I refused to let her get to me for a moment longer.

For the first half of the game, Rosalie basically kept her nose in her phone and was completely oblivious to anything happening in front of her. She could have been sitting on our couch doing the same shit, so I decided to over-step, and I grabbed her phone.

"Hey!" she protested.

"Next time I'm inviting Charlie," I told her.

"You should have invited him _this_ time. This is beyond boring."

"Look, baseball isn't my favorite thing either, but if you try to get into it, it's not so bad. Just attempt to watch the game. Or at least pretend to, because you're not getting your phone back until it's over."

"Excuse me? Who made you my father? Even if you were, I'm a grown-ass adult and you can't tell me what to do! And stop taking my shit from me all the time!"

"You may be an adult, but you're living in _my_ apartment, and you haven't contributed a dime since you've been back. So, if you want to stay, you'll do as I say," I said smugly.

"That's fucking blackmail!" she hissed.

I shrugged indifferently.

"Ugh! You're so maddening!"

"I can say the same about you," I responded. "Holy shit!" I then shouted as the crowd erupted. It was a grand slam and the stands were celebrating like it was the World Series. "That was awesome! See?"

"What do you want me to see exactly?" Rose sulked. "A bunch of grown men in ridiculously tight pants playing a children's game?"

"You're fucking incorrigible," I told her. "Is it your goal in life to be miserable and make everyone around you just as miserable? I'm not sure why I'm asking that like it's a question. Of course that's your life goal. I honestly don't know why I even bother. At least eat something so this entire thing isn't a complete waste of time."

"What do you want me to eat? Cancer in a bun?" she said repulsed while gesturing to the hot dogs in front of us. "Why the hell do you think that's any better than my usual diet?"

"At least they have protein in them," I replied. "If you don't want a hot dog, there's other stuff here. I can get you a steak sandwich. Chili cheese fries?"

She moaned as a response.

"Despite what you might _think_ you like; you actually _do_ enjoy chili cheese fries. Bella used to eat them whenever we went anywhere that had them."

"That's Bella. Not me," she disagreed.

"You share the same taste buds," I argued.

"Well, then it's true what they say that people can learn to like certain foods. It's just a lesson I never forced on myself."

"You know, you're pickier than Bree."

She rolled her eyes. "Fine, whatever. Just tell me what you want me to eat and I will."

I raised my brows as a reaction to her unexpected surrender. "You will? Why?"

"I'm just tired of fighting with you. Besides, you're right; I'm here to try to get out of my funk so I can be strong enough to look for Bella and the others."

"Yeah," I agreed.

"And I suppose you're also right that chips alone aren't enough to sustain me."

I nodded.

"So, tell me what to eat then."

I considered it. "I'll go get you a steak sandwich. It's probably the healthiest thing here."

"Great. Bring on the dead cow."

"Don't suddenly pretend to be a vegetarian," I whined.

"I'm not. It's fine. Whatever. If you don't want to get it for me, I can get it myself."

"I'll get it. If you go, you'll probably end up coming back with more chips."

I got up before she could argue anymore, and by the time I was back, I was pleasantly surprised to see Rosalie actually watching the game.

"What did I miss?" I questioned.

"One of the green guys tried to get to the next pillow, but he was spotted, so they started throwing the ball back and forth and tried to hit him with it. They missed every time, and then one of the guys in white dropped the ball, and the green guy slid on his stomach, and then everyone booed."

I nodded to myself as I tried to make some sense out of her explanation. "Well damn. At least we're still winning. Here you go. Just try to eat it," I said while handing her the sandwich.

"I'll eat this if you eat that," she said, pointing to the bag of big fluffy cotton candy sitting next to my seat.

"Um…"

"Nope. You need to eat it," she insisted. "Talk about not knowing how to have fun. Sit back and eat your damn candy."

"I'm not big on sweets," I disagreed.

"Just eat it. It's only fair."

"I'm not sure what cotton candy has to do with anything," I argued.

"Edward, are you a liar?" she asked me, seemingly out of the blue.

"No."

"Then eat the damn candy like you promised Bree you would do."

"Huh?" I asked confused.

"_I can't be the only one who remembers this,_" she mumbled under her breath. "One night, when you were watching some kid movie with Bree, a character was eating cotton candy and she didn't know what it was. You explained it to her, said it was your favorite when you were little, and promised her you guys would get some the next time you saw it. Well, there you go. Eat the damn shit and maybe she will get excited and come out."

"So, when you were in the theater, did you sit there all day and night, and just watch everything me and the others would do?" I questioned curiously.

I did, in fact, remember that conversation with Bree, but I was surprised Rose did as well. What a boring and miserable existence it must have been for them to be stuck watching someone else control them for so long.

"If you're asking me if I watched while you fucked them, the answer is _hell no! _I don't want your dick anywhere near me, and I certainly don't need to sit in the theater and watch you use it on my body like some weird psychedelic porno. It's bad enough I've woken up with your jizz on me before, I certainly have no desire for a visual."

I stared at her dumbfounded for a moment. "That is so _not_ what I was talking about," I said evenly. "Besides, like I told you before, I've _always_ used condoms, therefore any moisture you had on you while waking up after one of the others was with me, was evidence of your own bodily excitement."

She honestly looked like she was going to puke, so I couldn't help but get in one more little jab.

I draped my arm over her shoulder and smiled. "Aww, it's okay, buddy. Your body is just really, _really_, responsive to mine. I just have to sit close and…"

She threw my arm off of her and literally quivered like she had a sudden chill.

"See?" I laughed.

"No, you're right. My body definitely responds to yours – your body makes mine want to _vomit_."

"You know, there is an extremely thin line between love and hate," I said teasingly.

"You're right again," she replied with fake enthusiasm. "Alice was totally in love with you, and then you drew that thin little line and now she loathes you. Funny how that works."

I immediately became serious. "She hates me? How do you know?"

"You broke her heart, you blithering buffoon. Of course she hates you… Or, at least, she _did_ hate you… the last time she was out… which was a long time ago now," she said, getting increasingly more depressed as she spoke.

We were both silent for a few minutes as her words struck us painfully in our hearts. It was just one more reminder that it had been too long – which was why we needed to do whatever possible to entice them back out.

Since neither of us were particularly enjoying the game, we cut out early before it was over to avoid the mad rush. I expected a long silent drive home, but Rosalie surprised me by asking – "So, what's our next little harrowing adventure?"

"What do you mean?" I questioned.

"I really think the best way to entice the others back out is to do stuff they like. Alice is the strongest, after me, so let's do stuff we know she would want to come out for."

"We could crash a wedding," I joked.

"Okay, let's do that," she agreed readily.

I laughed. "Or we could go cliff diving. Sex on the rocks?"

She scowled at me in disgust.

"Hey, if you want to entice Alice out, sex is the way to do it," I said facetiously.

"You're right," she said unexpectedly, but then thankfully took it in another direction. "And since we sure as hell aren't going to do that, we should move on to Tanya. What would make her come out?"

I considered it for a moment. "Sex."

"Ugh!" she groaned. "Tanya wasn't all about sex before you, so what did she used to like?"

I attempted to take her question seriously, but the first thing that occurred to me was – "Teen Beat magazine?"

Rosalie sighed. "You're right. Tanya was always a daft moron. Maybe we should go to a pound to play with some disgusting animals for Bree."

"Now, hold on," I said, becoming defensive. "Tanya is _not_ a moron, nor has she ever been one. She is actually quite smart when it comes to the things she is interested in. You know, she used to spend her time in the bookstore reading about the universe and whatnot. You guys just never gave her a chance to be anything other than a harebrained teenager."

"Well, that was her role," Rosalie said with her tone surprisingly full of guilt. "Tanya's purpose was to fulfill Bella's lost teen years."

"And even as a teenager, I'm sure Bella was nowhere close to being as dumb as you treated Tanya," I argued. "And whatever ignorance she had, was only because you guys refused to let her experience anything for herself."

Rosalie fell quiet again as she let my words sink in, but then she sighed. "You're probably right about that too. I didn't just fail at protecting Bella, I failed Tanya as well. And I'm sure I also fucked things up for Alice and Bree along the way. I'm trying to fix it, Edward. Look, I know you hate me, and you have every right to, so if you want me to move back out of your apartment and figure all this out on my own, I will. Just tell me."

"I don't hate you, Rose," I said, surprising both of us with my sincerity. "I just… You've made things way more difficult than they had to be. I'm not blaming you for everything that happened, because I know Bella had her own issues apart from you, but you certainly never helped the situation."

"I know," she agreed. "I know you will never believe me, but I really thought I was protecting them from you before. I just couldn't fathom why a guy like you would love someone with all of Bella's issues. She's not even… I guess I should say, _we're_ not even all that attractive. And you… you look like you belong in a cologne or Abercrombie ad. I just had my guard up, and I guess I raised it so high that I was looking for issues where there weren't any, and I jumped on the one thing that made sense to me…"

"That I had ulterior motives? Yeah, I remember," I grumbled. "You know, for a protection mechanism, you sure as hell aren't very protective."

"We've already established how horrible of a protector I've been," she said evenly.

"Right, but I'm actually talking about that low self-esteem crap you just spewed. I mean, instead of worrying about your physical appearance, you should be helping the others feel more secure and confident."

"I never said I was worried about it. It's just a fact. We are the Plain Jane, girl next door type, and you look like… _that_," she said, gesturing to my face. "Even when you're a slob, you make it look like a fashion statement. I just never understood what you saw in us."

"You know, when you talk shit about how you look, it's sort of offensive to me," I told her. "You're basically saying that what I find attractive is wrong."

"I guess everyone has their type," she conceded, reiterating the point I had made all those months prior when we were watching the Miss America pageant on TV together.

"But it's not just me," I added. "You may not have noticed other guys checking you out when we go places, but I certainly have. And Alice got all kinds of attention when she used to go out partying."

"Because she was wild and easy," she disagreed. "Those outfits she always wore were like a calling card for men. They approached her because they knew she was looking to fuck."

"Wow, that is incredibly sexist and degrading of you to say."

"Well, it's the truth. Men are dogs."

"Some men are dogs," I agreed. "But the main reason why she always got so much attention was because she was beautiful and confident. She was never apologetic for anything she wore or how she looked. She could have been wearing a plastic bag with a beehive hairdo and she would still get all the attention she wanted because it's all about attitude. If you had an attitude adjustment, you would probably have another girlfriend by now."

She laughed once humorlessly. "You're assuming I want another girlfriend. Well, I don't. Like I told you before, I'm not into dating. That's not my job. Emma was a once in a lifetime thing."

"So you don't miss it?"

"It?" she said with disgust. "Are you talking about sex?"

"Yes!" I said unapologetically. "But not just sex. _Intimacy_. Feeling someone's arms around you. That warmth against your skin. Letting go of all the shit and stress in your life, even for just those precious moments, and feeling like you are right where you belong in the world. You can't tell me you don't miss it at all."

She stared out the window for a heavy beat, and then she shook her head. "That's not my purpose. Alice always took care of those needs for Bella when she couldn't do it herself."

"Well Rosalie, since we've already established that you basically suck at your purpose, maybe it's time for you to start opening yourself up to some other purposes," I suggested.

She laughed once. "Are you seriously telling me to go out and find a lover?"

"No," I said automatically, but then I reconsidered. "Well, maybe. I'm not Bella's boyfriend anymore, so it's not my place to hope you remain single forever. If being with someone in that way would help make you feel stronger, then that's what you should do."

"Wow, that's big of you," she said quietly. "And I'm not being sarcastic when I say that. I'm sure it can't be an easy thing for you to suggest, given then fact you're probably still in love with Bella."

"I _am_ still in love with Bella, but she's not here, and she left me before she disappeared inside you, so I can't just sit by and hope she'll want me back someday."

"So, why are you helping me then?" she questioned quietly.

"Because I will _always_ care about her. Regardless of whether or not we have a future together, I'd do anything to help you find her so she can get better. If I knew she was on her way to recovery, I think I'd finally be able to move on as well."

"And you really think the key to finding her is by me getting stronger?"

"Rosalie, I know all of you took a hit when Bella hurt herself, but because you've always been the strongest, it makes sense that you're the only one that was able to withstand it. You are Bella's strength; you're all the fight she has left, but even you are weak right now. I really think you need to find yourself before you can find them. At the very least, take advantage of this time you have to do something you were never able to do before when you had to share control."

"Like what?"

"I don't know. Anything. You can do anything you want; you just have to do it."

Rosalie returned her stare back to the darkened world outside her window. She was clearly lost in her thoughts, so I left her to it and tried to keep my focus on the road. Of course, slow traffic made that focus difficult, and it wasn't long before my own mind began to drift. It was almost surreal to me that I was just encouraging one of Bella's alters to take a path that could ultimately lead her to move on with someone new. But the truth was, Bella wasn't mine anymore, and it was more than likely she never would be again.

It seemed I had reached that stage of grief that is arguably the most difficult – _acceptance_. I was finally ready to let go of whatever hope I had been clinging to of a reconciliation, and just do anything I could to help Rosalie find a way back to them…


	26. Flavors

**Chapter 26 – Flavors**

"Edward, this isn't doing it for me," Rosalie grumbled; her voice was drowned out by the thunderous cheering.

"Seriously?" I asked with a mix of shock and frustration. "Rose, we are at a sports bar, watching the biggest MMA fight of the decade!"

"I know, but I'm bored. And all these drunk guys are just getting me agitated."

"They're fellow MMA super-fans. These _are_ _your_ guys. When I think of Rosalie Swan, _this_ is how I picture you… hanging with people like these."

"Maybe that's who I was before, but since losing Bella, I don't feel like that chick anymore. This honestly isn't keeping my interest at all; in fact, it just has me wondering how the hell I ever enjoyed this shit in the first place."

"So, you want to go?"

"I mean, we can stay if you want, but I'm just telling you, it's not helping anything. I feel like we need to start over from scratch. Whatever the old Rosalie liked before, doesn't matter anymore."

I sighed. "Okay, let's get out of here then."

"Do _you_ want to stay?" she asked me.

I turned and witnessed two guys in a race to see who could chug their beer the fastest, only to lose most of it down their shirts and on the floor. "No, I really don't," I told her.

"Great, let's go before I end up punching someone in the face," she urged.

After getting into the car, and heading south on the highway, I asked – "Okay, since you're no longer an MMA fan, what is your best guess as to what you would be a fan of?"

She considered it for a moment. "I honestly don't know."

So, for the next several weeks, Rosalie and I spent all of our time off of work, going out to experience anything and everything within a three-hundred-mile radius. In the beginning, I thought she was faking her sudden amnesia when I comes to her interests, but the more time we spent together, the more I was beginning to believe her.

"What do you mean; you have no idea what kind of pizza you like?" I questioned incredulously. We had spent the day hiking the Bear Mountain trail, and to reward ourselves for not fighting or getting injured along the way, we stopped for pizza afterwards for dinner.

"I know it sounds stupid, but I really don't know. It's like there are weird blanks in my mind. I don't even remember ever eating pizza before. I mean, I know what pizza is, but I can't tell you what any of it tastes like."

"Do you think it has anything to do with the others being missing?" I asked hesitantly.

"Maybe," she said with a shrug. "I was never meant to be a whole person, so I guess it would make sense that without my other pieces, I'm riddled with holes."

I sighed. "Well, the only thing we can do is try to fill the holes. Let's get personal sized pizzas in every flavor."

"Seriously?" she asked amused.

"Why not?" I confirmed before going to place our order.

"Wow, you guys are taste testing, huh?" the woman behind the counter questioned with a smile.

"Well, believe it or not, my friend over there," I pointed to Rosalie, who was sitting at our table across the room. "Has never had pizza before. I want her to taste everything to see what she likes."

"That is mighty generous of you." She began punching buttons on the computer in front of her, and after giving me the insanely expensive total, she smiled at me flirtatiously. "So, you said the woman is your _friend_? As in, the platonic type of friend?"

"Yeah, she's a lesbian," I said without thinking. The moment the woman's smile widened; I realized my mistake. "Oh, you're asking because you're interested? I'm sorry, but I'm not dating anyone right now. Kind of still recovering from a rough breakup."

Her face fell in shallow sympathy. "I'm so sorry to hear about your heartache." Then her lips spread into a sly grin. "But, uh… is your friend single?"

My brows immediately sprung up in surprise. The woman wasn't hitting on me, she was asking about Rosalie. I had told Rose I'd help her in any way I could, but my stomach dropped just from thinking about it. Still, I ignored the pain in my gut, and tried my best to put on a friendly face.

"Actually, she is. I can give her your number if you'd like?" I offered with a forced smile and the feeling of a jagged lump in my throat.

"That would be awesome! I'll try to get over there to talk to her myself, but just in case things around here get busy…" she said while writing her digits down on a napkin.

I decided to hold on to the number for a bit, just to give the woman a chance to make her own moves, but it felt like a brick in my pocket.

"What's wrong with you? Was the total to high? Did you not bring enough money? I can help pay," Rosalie offered as I came to sit across from her at the table.

"No, nothing like that. It's all cool. Pizzas should get here soon. I think we're going to need a bigger table though."

"Well, it looks like that double table over there will be cleared soon. We'll just move."

"Yeah, good thinking," I agreed.

I honestly tried to not let the cashier's interest in Rose get to me, but I found myself often looking for her as we waited for our pizzas. Luckily, it was fairly busy, and it seemed she didn't really have time to pick up on beautiful women. When the pizzas finally arrived, I relaxed a little.

"Wow. How can there be so many different kinds?" Rosalie asked as we both just stared at our spread, unsure where to begin.

"Lots of different people like lots of different things," I told her.

"What's your favorite?" she asked curiously.

"Eh. I can eat almost anything, but I think if I had to pick, my favorite would just be the classic cheese and pepperoni."

"That's it? Only one topping, and you're forcing me to try all these ridiculous piles of meats and veggies?"

"Just because I like something in particular, doesn't mean you will like the same kind," I pointed out.

"I know," she sighed. "Okay, I guess we should just start with whatever is in front of us. You're doing this little taste test with me, right? Bite for bite, you're going to match me."

"Or I could just eat the pepperoni," I joked.

"No way! In fact…" She grabbed the personal pepperoni pizza in front of me and moved it so it was closer to her and out of my reach. She picked up a slice and took a huge bite. "Hot! Hot, hot, hot, hot," she said in a panic before spitting it out.

I laughed. "Yeah, you might want to blow on it before eating."

"You could have told me that before I ate it," she grumbled.

"I'm sorry, I thought you knew it just came out of the oven. Common sense, and all."

"I don't have much common sense since I'm not common," she said bitterly.

"Yeah, but being the protector and all…" Her sour expression made me abandon my sentence. Instead, I chuckled. "Okay, let's try some more."

Bite after bite, topping after topping, we sampled all the flavors that pizzeria had to offer. Some she liked, and some made her nose crinkle in the most adorable expression of disgust I had ever seen.

"What the hell was that?" she asked after having a bite of a particular flavor. "Almost tastes fishy."

"Anchovies," I confirmed.

"Ew! Why would anyone put that on pizza?"

"My dad loves them," I said with a snicker.

"Now I don't want to keep trying them. What other kind of nasty toppings are on these pizzas?"

I shook my head. "Nothing else questionable. Mostly meats and veggies. But like, regular meats, not weird stuff."

She hesitantly tried another slice, but it wasn't long before we were both feeling the bloat of too much grease.

"Well, what's the verdict?" I asked her, leaning back in my chair to give my gut a little relief.

"Ugh. I could probably never eat another slice of pizza again and it would be too soon. But if I had to pick a favorite… I think it's this one," she said, pointing to a certain half eaten slice.

"Oh, come on!" I said, not believing her. "Out of everything you tried, you like plain pepperoni best?"

"Why is that so hard to believe? Isn't that what you said you liked best too?"

"Yeah, but what are the chances of us both liking the same kind? That like, never happens. Usually when couples order pizza, they have to order two different ones, or half and half… I mean, not that we're a couple or anything. I'm just saying…"

"Well, let's just be grateful we are lucky enough to like the same. It will make it easier when we order delivery. Now, I'm probably not going to want pizza again for a long time after all of this, but when we do, I'm paying. You've been buying enough shit for me lately. In fact, I'm paying for our next meal no matter what it is," she insisted.

I thought to argue, because my father taught me to always pay for my girlfriend when going out, but then I remembered Rosalie was not my girlfriend. As nothing more than my roommate, splitting bills only made sense.

With our stomachs stuffed to the point of pain, we headed home. It wasn't until we got there, and I was changing my clothes, that I remembered the chicks number in my pocket. I debated on whether or not I should give it to Rose, but ultimately decided it was part of moving on. However, the moment I came to that decision, I felt sick; and by sick, I meant _literally_. I rushed to the bathroom and barely made it in time before puking all over the place.

"Holy shit!" I vaguely heard Rose say from the doorway as I continued to expel all the contents of my stomach on the toilet and floor.

"Shit," I said after a minute. "I think I may have some food poisoning."

As if on cue, I watched horrified as Rosalie's face turned a very odd shade of green.

"Move!" she shouted.

I got out of the way just in time for Rose to throw up as well. It was a shitstorm of vomit, and neither of us felt strong enough to clean it at the moment.

The two of us spent the rest of the evening taking turns in the bathroom. To my shock and horror, at some point, Rose actually cleaned it all up. Given the fact that she had made it to the toilet on time, the mess she cleaned was mine, and I honestly had no idea how she managed it.

"Thanks for what you did in the bathroom there," I said awkwardly.

"Well, I'm feeling slightly better, and I figured you've taken care of me and my alters enough. It's only right that I help you out a little in return."

I nodded slowly. "I appreciate it," I mumbled, not knowing what else to say.

Rosalie not only cleaned up my vomit, but she also went out and bought some Gatorade and even made some bone broth to help us get our strength back. It was all very odd for me. I wasn't used to being taken care of like that at all, but I felt so ill that I could do nothing more than to just be grateful. Knowing she wasn't feeling her best as well, but she still went out of her way to help me feel better, was something I would have never expected, especially from Rosalie.

I ended up finally falling asleep that night on the couch, and when I woke up the next morning, I was surprised again to find a damp cloth on my forehead.

"Oh, uh… thanks for this," I said to Rose when I spotted her on the side chair reading a book.

"You got pretty sweaty last night," she replied gently. "It was kind of pitiful. I almost felt sorry for you."

"Almost," I repeated with a chuckle. "How are you feeling?"

"Dude, I was good after my first barf. With the shit Alice always put in our system, our stomach is pretty strong. I guess it's safe to say we won't be going back to that pizza place again."

"Definitely not," I agreed. "Oh hey, that reminds me; the woman who was working at the counter there gave me her number…"

"Well, of course she did," she cut me off full of annoyance.

"For you," I added, rendering her momentarily speechless. "She was pretty hot. You might want to think about calling her sometime."

She looked away from me and pretended to focus on the cat. "Jasper will need to be groomed soon. He bit the hell out of my hand the last time I attempted it. Maybe we should take him in somewhere."

"I can take him next week," I offered. "So, you think you might be up for a date?" I asked, getting my weak ass body off the couch intent on going to look for the napkin with the girl's number on it.

"No," Rose replied, making me stop and sit back down.

"Why not?" I wondered.

"I told you before, I'm not interested in dating. Emma was a one-time experience."

"Okay, but we also talked about how you needed to extend yourself and try new things. Going on a casual date might really help you finally get over her."

"Did going on that one blind date Garrett set you up on help you get over Bella? Because from what I've seen, you still aren't ready to move on."

"I am moving on. Just not in the dating aspect of life."

"Well, that makes two of us," she told me steadfastly.

"Alright; it's your decision. So, what's our next activity?"

"Whatever it is will have to wait until next Sunday," she pointed out.

"Aww shit! Today is Monday isn't it? I'm late for work."

"I called in for you already," she informed me.

"You did? How?"

"I just called your parents and had them contact your department," she said casually. "Even if you're feeling better, you're still too weak to be productive in work today. You have enough sick leave; no sense in wasting it."

"Rose, I appreciate it, but I wish you didn't contact my parents. The way they treated Bella before…"

"I know; I wanted to chew your mother out, but I've realized that life is just too short to hold grudges, especially against the woman that gave you life. I mean, what she did really sucked, but it doesn't come remotely close to the heinous bitch that Bella's mother is, and it was unfair for her to hold that comparison."

"Wait, Bella was comparing my mother to hers?" I asked, suddenly feeling sick again. I still didn't know what her mother did to her, but I knew it had to be horrible to cause her to split in the first place. Knowing Bella was comparing my mother to hers only made me feel that much more anger about that incident.

"Stop!" Rose said sternly, knocking me out of my growing anger towards my mom. "I know what you're thinking, and you need to just stop. What your mom did has nothing to do with Bella's issues. Bella was just linking the two mothers in her mind unjustly, and she knew she was, which is why she was struggling so much right after that luncheon. She didn't want to be making that connection, so she was trying to stop, but it was just too difficult of a task for her. Hell, she doesn't even know what her mother did to her, only that it was really bad, so she was way off base in her mental comparison to your mom. She really needed therapy."

I nodded. "Speaking of therapy, how have you gotten out of going? I thought it was mandatory after a suicide attempt," I said, forcing the words out, despite the pain they caused me to say them.

"I _have_ been going to therapy," she said unexpectedly. "My appointments are usually during my lunch hour. I've been going twice a week since it happened."

"I didn't know that. That's great though. Good for you, Rosalie."

"It's not doing anything," she disagreed. "I only go because it's mandated."

"How do you know it's not helping? It's not going to make a huge difference overnight."

"Because I'm no closer to finding Bella. In fact, the stupid bitch suggested…"

"What?" I pressed when she let her words trail off.

She sighed. "She suggested that I stop looking for them. She said it's possible they will never come back and I should just live my life."

Her words gave me a painful twist to my gut, but I couldn't let her see that. "Maybe she's right," I said quietly. "I don't believe they're gone forever, but on the chance that they are, you shouldn't waste your life by wishing for a different outcome. Honor them by living to your fullest; that way, if or when they finally do return, they will be proud of everything you've done."

Rosalie really seemed to take my words to heart, and she doubled down on her attempt to experience everything our immediately surrounding world had to offer.

From rock climbing to scuba diving. Surfing and zip-lining. Bowling and shooting pool. Learning Backjack at the reservation, and diving into the buffet to really try all the different foods she could. Mini golf and go-karts. We did absolutely everything I could think of, and we actually had a blast doing it all.

Somewhere along the way, we rekindled our previous brief friendship, and it even started to grow into something beyond that – something I didn't quite understand. We spent every free moment we had together. When we weren't on an adventure or trying new things, we used our downtime to watch movies or even just talk about anything and nothing into the wee hours of the night.

Rosalie became my constant, and I soon found myself counting on her like the partner Bella wished she could be. Where I lacked, Rosalie would pick up the slack, and vise versa. We were two independent individuals who were learning to depend on each other, and it actually felt really good to have someone like that, even if it wasn't romantic.

Though we still occasionally bickered and argued about stupid little things, I never worried anymore that Rosalie might take off on me or we wouldn't make up. I had lost Bella and the others, and I would always miss them, but miraculously, I was beginning to take Rosalie for granted, in the best possible way. I still thought about the others daily, however without even realizing it, Rosalie and I had far surpassed being just friends; in all her maddening traits and annoying bursts of attitude, Rose had become my family….


	27. Chasing the Storm

*****A/N: **Thank you so much for helping this story get to 1000 reviews! As a special _Thank You,_ here is another update.

*Please note that this is the second posting of the day, so make sure you read Chapter 26 before this. Thanks again to everyone for reading and reviewing. You truly make writing this story worth every minute that goes into it!

…

**Chapter 27 – Chasing The Storm**

Just when I began to feel like I couldn't possibly be any closer platonically to another human being, Rosalie and I would overcome something, or achieve something together, and just like that, our bond somehow deepened.

We didn't have a romance, but we sure as hell had a strong connection. However, the closer we got, the more a strange tension between us seemed to grow.

It came out of nowhere. We were laughing and joking around one evening, and then suddenly it hit us. Tension. The laughter stopped suddenly, and we said goodnight far sooner than either of us would have preferred.

I wasn't sure what it was or why it was there, but I certainly didn't like it. I tried dismissing the feeling and we both pretended it wasn't there, but it always seemed to hit us the hardest at night, when we were usually winding down for bed.

As silly as it sounded, I sincerely didn't know what that feeling was until it almost exploded in my face. Rosalie was showing me some of her old MMA moves, and we were pressed so closely together that I found myself aching to somehow be even closer.

It was more than emotions or feelings of camaraderie; it was physical, and it was intense. That was when I realized that the tension I had been feeling was of the sexual variety, and I became immediately appalled with myself. I knew Rosalie didn't want me like that, and the truth was, I didn't want her like that either. I chalked it up to being due to the extended time of celibacy I had been living in, and nothing more.

But those physical desires for the body I would always love, on the personality I had become close to, only increased. I would watch her fingers run through her hair and wish they were my fingers instead. When she would emerge from the bathroom after taking a shower, I would stare at the remaining water droplets on her skin as they fell onto her neck and shoulders, and I would quiver.

I fucking wanted her so fucking bad that it was driving me crazy. I didn't want to want her, but I didn't know how to stop either. Was my lust because I missed Bella, or did I really want Rosalie for Rosalie? It was a question I didn't know how to answer, nor did I even want to consider. Every time I caught myself ogling her in any way, I forced my mind to think of anything but. I had to get control of myself, because I sure as hell wasn't willing to lose everything we had gained in those past few months together.

Not thinking of Rosalie in a sexual way had quickly become a full-time job. It was driving me insane, so I unconsciously began picking little fights with her. I was becoming irritated and angry more often, and poor Rose just took it without ever rising for the occasion or throwing it back to me.

Unintentionally, our roles had reversed. I had become the one that was often bitter, and Rose remained calm and collected through it all. I loathed myself for it, so I knew I had to do something drastic to fix my emotions once and for all…

One evening, after dinner, there was a knock on the door.

"Who the hell is that?" Rose questioned with a mix of surprise and annoyance.

I shrugged. "Why don't you answer it and find out."

She narrowed her eyes at me. "Edward Cullen, what are you up to?"

"Just go answer the damn door!" I snapped at her.

She rolled her eyes at my outburst, but got up to open the door anyway. The moment she saw who was there, she froze.

"Hi," I heard the visitor say. Her face was out of my view, but it didn't matter; I knew exactly who was there since I was the one who had arranged her visit.

"What are you doing here?" Rosalie asked evenly.

"Can I come in?" the voice asked softly.

"No." Rosalie held the door firm in her grasp and refused to let the woman pass. "What are you doing here, Emma?"

"Um… I thought…" She cleared her throat nervously. "Rosie, baby…"

"Don't _baby_ me!" Rose hissed at her. "Just tell me why you're here."

"I just… I've really missed you," she finally said. "Can I please come in so we can talk?"

Rosalie glanced back at me, and when I nodded to her encouragingly, she returned her eyes to her ex lover. "No, but I'll come out and we can go somewhere."

She shut the door, leaving Emma waiting outside, and then she ran to her room to change quickly. I figured she would head out with just a quick goodbye to me, or a nervous smirk, but before she reached the door, she looked at me full of anger and even some hurt.

"I don't know what you did here, but this is seriously fucked up of you!"

She didn't give me a chance to respond before she stormed out of the apartment; slamming the door on her way out.

The entire time she was gone I struggled with an internal debate on whether or not I did the right thing. I wanted her to be happy and fulfilled; that was a given. How I went about it, though, was questionable. Despite her previously telling me that she wasn't ready to date anyone new, I honestly thought she was still in love with _that_ woman, and would be happy to reunite with her... But was it my place to intervene? Or was the entire setup just a pathetic and selfish way to prove to myself that I didn't have romantic feelings for her?

_I was such a fucking idiot._

The truth was, Rosalie and I would have never worked anyway. Besides the little fact that she was a lesbian, we bickered so freaking much, and I was still helplessly in love with Bella and always would be. She was truly the love of my life. A love like that doesn't just go away, even if the relationship doesn't work out, or in our case, one of us disappears. My soul would always be hers… but I did come to terms with the fact that my heart had not disappeared with Bella. I could love again, and it was something I wanted eventually. I wanted to belong to someone again. I wanted to share my life with someone and for us to plan a future together. For that reason, perhaps Rosalie rekindling an old flame was best for everyone. Neither of us could exist in that state of limbo forever. We needed to find lives apart from each other.

I had a strong urge to wait up for Rosalie to get home that night, but I ignored it and went to bed. When I woke up the next morning, I was both saddened and slightly hopeful to find Rosalie's room empty. It was just the first painful step in letting each other fully move on with our lives once and for all.

I got dressed for the day and went to work as if nothing was different. On the off chance that something bad had happened to Rose while she was out, I text her to make sure she was okay. She quickly responded with two little words – '_I'm fine'_, and that was it.

I wasn't sure if I should expect to see her after work that day, or if she would spend the night with Emma again. Eventually, she would have to come by the apartment for some of her things, so I chose not to worry about it. But that was the longest we had been apart since she moved back in with me, and I sincerely missed her like hell. As much as I loved Bella, I never had the chance to take her for granted the way I had Rosalie; so in a way, this separation was almost more difficult.

I didn't want to torture myself by waiting for her inevitable return, so I fed Jasper his dinner and then called Garrett to see if he wanted to meet up. As we were trying to decide what we were going to do that evening, Rosalie surprised me by walking through the door.

"Hang up the phone; I need to talk to you, now!" she practically growled at me.

"Garrett, I'll call you later," I said before complying with Rose's anger-filled demand. "What's wrong?" I asked her.

"What's wrong? _What's wrong?_ I'll tell you what's wrong. I went back to Charlie's house for the second night in a row, and it's bullshit! I thought we were past this now?"

"Past what?" I asked confused.

"Past me getting pissed at you and storming out! Past you thinking you know what's best for me and forcing me to do whatever the hell you want because you think I can't possibly make those decisions for myself! Maybe I needed you to help me with some things before, but I certainly don't need you sticking your nose into my love life like that. _Why did you do that? _Emma said you called her and said I missed her? What the fuck, Edward? Even if that was true, _which it's not_, why would you do that? I'm not a child, and that was not your place!"

As she shouted at me, I honestly felt her words deep in my core. She was right. It wasn't my place and I knew I fucked up again.

"I'm sorry," I told her with the utmost of sincerity.

"Why?" she demanded. "Why couldn't you just let us be? If you were tired of having me here, you could have just told me so, you fucking coward!"

"I wasn't tired of having you here. It's the opposite actually. I love having you here, but…"

"But what?" she roared.

"But… I don't know. I love having you here, Rose, but it's fucking hard too. You might be fine with how things are, but no matter how much I try, I can't stop… _wishing we were more,_" I admitted, getting quieter as I spoke.

She stared at me blankly for a moment, and then suddenly the world shifted, and everything was in motion.

When her lips crashed into mine, everything else blurred. I had no thoughts or plans as to what would come next. I couldn't think of a single reason why we should stop or all the reasons it was wrong. It was nothing but raw emotions and giving in to an intense physical craving. There was no consideration for anything in the universe outside of the two of us, because in those moments, nothing else existed.

I didn't notice our clothes peeling away, but the urgency I felt to push into her was beyond anything I had ever experienced before. Not a want or even a need, but an utter necessity for survival. It truly felt that important, and the moment I was inside of her, that feeling only grew.

Everything that had been building inside of me, erupted into Rosalie. My newfound love for her, but also for Bella, and Alice, and Tanya. All the pent-up anger I ever had towards her. All the hate and blame and guilt, and everything else we had felt towards each other over the course of our tumultuous relationship. Enemies to friends, to enemies and friends again. The joy and pain we found in each other. The sorrow we were both still afflicted with from losing the others. From family to lovers; it was all there as she begged me to go harder. And when I reached that inevitable peak, I couldn't even fathom the feeling of coming back down… so I didn't.

Somehow, we made it to the bedroom where that intense yearning for each other only continued and intensified. Her hands were all over me, and I couldn't touch her enough. We each took turns giving and taking; pushing and pulling. Hating and loving – that thin little line that separated the two completely disintegrated. There was no more distinction between our opposing emotions. It was all just one intense desire that could only be sated by the other.

It was only when our bodies eventually failed us that we were able to relax enough to reflect on exactly what had happened.

"This was…" I tried to find the words that my body was straining to say, but I was at a loss.

"Not in the plans," Rosalie finished for me.

"Not in the least," I agreed. And then something occurred to me. "Are you okay?" I murmured, suddenly realizing my need for concern.

"Why wouldn't I be okay?" she questioned confused.

"Because I… we… I know being with a man like this is…. _disturbing_ for you," I mumbled, still having a hard time making my thoughts turn into coherent verbal sentences.

"Oh, well I don't think I'll ever like men," she said bluntly. "They're disgusting, and rude, and crass, and the thought of them in general makes my skin crawl."

"Right… so, I'm sorry. I don't know…."

"Edward, stop," she said, surprisingly gentle. "I don't like men," she reiterated, "_but_ I never wanted anyone or anything more than I wanted you tonight. It's not something I ever planned or even consciously considered, but I think this desire I have for you has been there for a long time. It's just been growing and strengthening below the surface. I don't like men," she repeated once more. "But I like _you_."

When her hand gently caressed my stomach, but began traveling downward, I placed my hand over hers to stop it. "You don't have to do that," I said, no louder than a whisper. "I don't want you to do anything that makes you uncomfortable."

She looked up at me. "I honestly don't think there is anything about you that could possible make me uncomfortable anymore. I want you, Edward. I've seen you so many times through the eyes of the others, but I want to feel you for myself. I want to feel _every_ part of you."

I let go of her hand so she could freely explore the planes of my body. I half expected her to grimace when she reached the part of me that she had so often issued complaints of repulsion, but her expression only conveyed repeated yearning.

I didn't disgust her in any way, and that fact only made my desire for her grow tenfold.

I honestly couldn't bury myself inside of her deep enough. I had known fire before, but never any that burned that intensely. Out of all of Bella's personalities, it was shocking to me that Rosalie was the one I couldn't get enough of. Perhaps it was because we had technically been together the longest with the most amount of built up sexual tension. Or maybe it was because I was mixing in all my love and longing for the others. Whatever the reason, it was certainly a long night that seemed to end far too soon.

"Good morning," I said softly when her eyes fluttered awake in the light of morning.

"Mmm, it is a good morning," she agreed while leaning in so I would kiss her. "Oh, but your breath is rank. You're going to have to brush your teeth before you kiss me again."

"Oh, I'm sorry," I feigned regret. "I was under the impression you wanted every part of me. Wouldn't that include nasty morning breath?"

She snarled her lip, but then surprised me by saying – "You're right." Without any other hesitation, her lips reattached to mine, and her tongue dove deep into my mouth.

I did feel bad about my smelly breath, but as she kissed me and moaned hungrily, I quickly forgot about it, and let my body make the amends.

It was hard to get out of bed that morning, but Rosalie was always the responsible one when it came to work and their bookstore. She whined as she pulled away from me, but we had one monumental benefit that none of her alters ever had – _confidence_ in knowing that she would be the one returning that evening.

After showering together, she kissed me goodbye and hurried along her way. But by the time I finally made it out the door myself, she was already texting me with complaints.

**R** \- _Dude, why the hell does my body hurt like this? _

I smiled at my phone.

**E** \- _Don't be bitter. That's just my hard loving. I told you your body was super reactive to mine._

I waited for a response, but she took a little too long and I worried I upset her. Then I realized she was probably busy with opening the bookstore and I should stop being so paranoid.

**R** -_ I never felt anything like it. I'm not even exaggerating. Every fucking muscle in my body aches._

**R**_ \- It didn't even hurt this bad after intense MMA rounds._

I chuckled.

**E** \- _Want me to bring you some Advil?_

**R** \- _No. With muscle pain like this, it's best to just push through it and even double down on the next workout._

**E** \- _Double down, you say? Done!_

**R** \- _Don't make promises you can't keep._

**E** \- _I never would_.

In the days and weeks that followed, Rose and I reached an all new level of closeness. In fact, I knew, without a doubt, that I had never felt that close to anyone in my life. We still bickered occasionally; and oh, how I loved to piss her off – furious sex, and the inevitable subsequent makeup sex, made anger my new favorite emotion.

Being with Rose was so different than any of the others. It was never easy and calm and rarely ever tender; but it also wasn't kinky or adventurous the way Alice always was either. Rose really was like a raging storm that was just as fierce as it was tranquil, and I was quickly becoming a professional storm-chaser. She was like a drug to me, and unlike with Alice, I honestly couldn't get enough of her. She had so many pent-up emotions that sometimes I felt more like her punching bag during an intense kickboxing session. She took out everything she had on me, but I found myself eagerly anticipating each and every blow. No matter how many times we fucked, my body always begged for more.

But sex wasn't all that we did. Like a real couple, we went out, and we continued to explore the world to the best of our ability. Despite Rose still refusing to claim Charlie as her own father, we also spent some quality time with him. We took him to dinner at least once a week, as well as a few baseball games. I made them both try sushi for the first time, and they each wore matching expressions of disgust. It was fucking hilarious!

In addition to hanging with Charlie, we also double dated with Kate and Garrett, except now we were the ones who wouldn't stop making out at every chance we got.

Rose and Kate were the best of friends, and I never had a truer buddy than Garrett. But whenever they had their daughter with them, things between Rose and I always got slightly off. Irina was such a sweet girl, but like bereaved parents, she was a painful reminder to us of losing Bree. And of course, in thinking about Bree, we would be overcome with sorrow about all of them. In those days of grief, Rose and I hardly spoke, and we certainly didn't have sex; we lived like two strangers with a gigantic wall between us. She didn't even come to my bed at night. But like with all other forms of grief, we would go through the cycle, _except at an accelerated pace_, and we would soon come back to the acceptance stage.

None of them were coming back, so there was nothing left to do but live the best we could without them…


	28. Ghosts

**Chapter 28 – Ghosts**

It wasn't long until Rose and I molded ourselves into what looked like a normal couple. Except for our family and close friends, no one would ever suspect there was anything off about us at all. We were even going through longer spans of time where neither of us mentioned or even thought about the truth of our history. Rose wasn't the angry lesbian alter hell bent on destroying me anymore, and it was hard to even remember her that way. She gave me her full trust, and in return, I gave her my full devotion. We were in love, and we couldn't imagine that ever changing.

"I think we should move," Rose said one afternoon. "This place is feeling… cluttered."

I looked around at our big, sparsely decorated, spotless apartment, and I knew exactly what she meant. There were too many ghosts there. It was time for us to take our next step; whatever or wherever that may be.

"I can call a realtor," I offered.

She nodded absently. "Yeah, that would be good. There was something else I wanted to run by you too," she said hesitantly.

"Okay. What is it?"

She bit her lower lip anxiously, which sent my head spinning into a graphic dejavu. But I just shook it away and forced myself to focus.

"I want to sell the bookstore," she said unexpectedly, taking me aback.

"Why?" I asked, feeling oddly numb on the topic.

She shrugged. "I don't know. It's never really been my thing, and I feel like it's time to pay Charlie back for his contribution on the initial purchase. He's up for retirement soon; he could really use that money."

"So… if you don't want to be a bookstore owner, what do you want to do?"

"I don't know yet. I mean, I won't sell it until I've figured everything out, so we won't take a hit financially. But… I think I've reached the point where I'm ready to do what makes _me_ happy… whatever that may be."

I inhaled deeply. "Okay."

"Okay?" she asked, sounding surprised.

"Yeah, okay. It's your bookstore. It's completely up to you."

"It's _Bella's_ bookstore," she corrected me quietly.

Just the mention of her name gave me a painful stabbing sensation in my chest. I had gone so long trying to not think about her, or even feel her loss, but the pain was still there, just like I knew it always would be.

"It's your bookstore," I disagreed just as quietly. "Bella's gone. She's not coming back. It's _your_ bookstore. Your decision."

I didn't want Rose to see the pain on my face, so I excused myself to the bathroom.

Thankfully, it only took a minute to re-bury those emotions. I had become somewhat of an expert on keeping my feelings for Bella locked up tight, so putting them back in that vault wasn't too difficult.

When I came back from the bathroom, Rose apologized for the suggestion, but I insisted it was fine and she had every right to do it. With nothing decided for certain, we put it on the back burner and decided to leave it for another day.

We went back out with Garrett and Kate that evening, and I should have realized beforehand that it was a bad idea. The rollercoaster of life wasn't quite finished with us just yet, and that night marked the beginning of another loop…

"Rosalie?" a soft voice murmured from behind.

The four of us were shooting pool together at our favorite dive, when we were interrupted by an all too familiar face.

"Emma," Rose responded, surprisingly calm.

"Wow. I'm sorry, I wasn't expecting to see you here?" Emma said awkwardly.

"Nor was I expecting to see you. You don't come in to Forks often," Rose pointed out, seemingly mildly miffed.

"My girlfriend lives close by, so…" Emma explained uncomfortably. I looked to Rose's face for a reaction to that news, but she didn't flinch in the slightest. "So, how have you been? You wouldn't really talk to me the last time I saw you."

"Yeah, well I wasn't in the best place when you showed up at my door out of the blue," Rose told her evenly. "It was pretty hurtful at the time, but I am sorry I lashed out at you like that."

"If I had known coming there would be painful for you, I wouldn't have come," Emma said apologetically. She stepped closer to her to try to make their conversation a little more private, but I couldn't help but keep listening. "I thought… I thought we could maybe work it out. I'm with someone now, but… I think I will always be waiting for you deep down. I just had to see if there was another chance for us."

"Oh Emma," Rose said with a sigh. "Look, what we had was special… and I'll never forget the love you gave me, but I wasn't hurt because you were at my home, I was hurt because Edward had called you. And I wasn't angry at you when I lashed out that night, I was angry at him."

"Why?" she asked surprised. "He thought… I guess we both thought you still loved me."

"I will always care about you, because before you, I honestly didn't think I could ever be loved for me, but… I realize now that it was never right. I know how loving someone is supposed to feel now, and I'm sorry, but I never felt that for you. I'm glad you found someone new. You truly deserve all the happiness in the world."

With tears in her eyes, and a forced smile on her lips, Emma nodded, and then said goodbye.

When Rose turned to look at me, I meant to hug her and tell her how much I loved her, but her angry expression, and pointed finger in my face, forced me to freeze.

"Don't you dare make fun of me for this, Cullen! I don't want to hear a single word on how your magic dick made me straight."

I tried to take her threat seriously, really I did, but I couldn't help but break down in laughter. I was vaguely aware that Garrett was laughing with me, but it wasn't until I noticed Kate laughing too, and watched Rose's stern grimace melt into her own giggles, that I lost control of my mouth.

"Well, my dick _is_ pretty magical. I'm like a fucking unicorn," I choked out through my hysterics.

"Ugh!" Rose growled, unable to hold herself together. "Well, you're lucky you have that magic dick then, otherwise I'd leave your ass here and your balls would turn a beautiful shade of blue."

Her words made us laugh harder.

My fit of laughter only ceased when Rose shoved her tongue in my mouth and forced me to shut the hell up. Of course, that move only gave me a hard-on, and because we knew it would end up being one of those marathon type of nights, we said goodbye to our friends and headed home.

Knowing Rosalie had fully chosen me over any other, including her first love, I was beginning to think nothing would ever come between us again. We tentatively started looking for new living arrangements, and Rosalie embarked on a little solo soul searching as she tried to discover where her passion for work would lie.

All and all, things only seemed to be looking up for us. Of course, like with any rollercoaster – what goes up, must also come down…

"What's wrong?" I asked Rose on the third day of her most recent sour attitude. "If I'm doing something that's upsetting you, just tell me."

"No, it's not you. I'm just frustrated. I've been looking for a new career for over a month, but nothing I've come across seems even remotely fulfilling. And then I start to feel bad because I know you hate your job but never complain about it. I should just be grateful I have a life at all, but I can't shake this empty feeling I have deep inside my gut."

"Well, we just have to keep searching for ways to fill that hole," I told her determinedly.

"Edward, I don't want you to think that this feeling inside of me has anything to do with you, because it certainly doesn't. I've honestly never been this happy or content with my home and my own personal life, and that's because of you, but I just… It's like I have this nagging feeling inside of me that something is missing."

"We both know why you feel like that," I said gently.

"Yeah, but I keep hoping that one day that feeling would go away. I mean, they're gone, and I can't get them back, so how long do I have to suffer like this? I mean, someday I'll feel whole again on my own, won't I?"

"I hope so," I said sincerely.

Her spirits seemed to lift after that conversation, and I was so grateful she confided in me. Rosalie had never been the most open emotionally, so her increasing transparency was incredibly special to me. However, her drastic mood swings suddenly became more frequent, and for an entire week straight, I couldn't utter a word without pissing her off. It wasn't even the fun angry Rose when she would take out her aggressions in the bedroom, this was a distant and depressed Rose that reminded me all too well of the version of her she was when she first lost the others.

We continued to have our ups and downs, but through it all, I never lost an ounce of faith in us. Never did I fear she'd walk out on me or I'd come home to an empty apartment. Despite the world seeming to spin around her, the one constant I knew with all of my being, was that she loved me. There was no possibility of a future apart; we could _and would_ get through anything together. Or, at least, that was the one thing I _thought_ was certain…

Rosalie had been particularly affectionate one evening – tender almost, which was uncharacteristic for her, and such a stark change from her most recent attitude. Even on her best day, Rosalie rarely ever did anything softly, but that night was different. In between her sweet kisses to my shoulder and neck as we watched TV together, I'd catch her staring off into space vacantly, which was more than a little worrisome.

"Babe, please tell me what's wrong?" I practically begged. Her eyes looked so sad, but she seemed to fight it off to the best of her ability.

She snuggled herself closer to my chest. "Nothing. I just really love you."

"I love you too," I replied wholeheartedly.

"Edward," she said, without looking up at me.

"Yeah?" I asked before giving her an affection kiss to the top of her head.

"Promise me something."

I kissed her again. "Anything."

"Promise that we will always be a family –that you'll never stop fighting for us… no matter what."

"Babe, you're scaring me."

"Just promise," she insisted.

"I promise; as long as you promise me the same in return."

As a response, her lips found mine for the most tender kiss I had ever received from her. She brought me back to our room, and probably for the first time, we made love with a gentle but somehow still intense passion. It was sensual and warm, and everything Rosalie usually wasn't. I didn't even realize how much I missed making love like that until she was falling asleep peacefully in my arms. I kissed her eyes, and then followed her into unconsciousness without a care in the world.

I should have known then that my security would be short-lived. I should have realized immediately that her gentleness was actually her way of telling me goodbye…

The next morning I woke up alone. It wasn't the first time Rosalie had gotten up before me, but it was definitely the first time I had a gut feeling that something was terribly wrong.

"Rose?" I called to her as I pulled on my sweatpants and set out to search the apartment for her. "Babe?"

I told myself that I was just being paranoid and that she was there somewhere, just like any other day, but as I looked in the living room, and the kitchen, and the bathroom, only to find them all empty, deep down I knew. I didn't know why or how, but I somehow knew everything had changed since those short precious hours I had held her in my arms the night before.

"Rosalie?" I said one more time with a desperate last twinge of hope. But that hope quickly faded.

She was gone, and for whatever reason, I knew she wasn't coming back.

Just then, a sound behind me made me jump. I was momentarily startled, but not enough to turn around. Instead, I just stood there and listened carefully to the sound of the spare bedroom door creaking open. In the back of my mind, I figured it could be the cat, but every other part of me knew that it wasn't.

I felt as though I had somehow turned to stone, and those brief few moments seemed frozen in time. It wasn't until I heard her meek voice whisper – "Edward," that I finally came back to life enough to turn…

There, before me, was the face of my love, but behind her eyes was the very reflection of my soul.

"Bella?" I murmured, suddenly overcome by emotions.

I wanted to run to her and wrap her in my arms and never let go. I wanted to fall at her feet and thank the lord and all things holy that she came back to me, but I was also drowning in the sudden grief of knowing the life I had created with Rosalie was gone.

_Rosalie was gone_, and I had no idea when or if she would ever return.

The possibility of losing Rose was excruciating, but at that very moment, all I could focus on was the traumatized and very confused shadow of a woman in front of me. She looked more like a ghost than a real living, breathing person, and I knew she needed some major help.

"Bella," I said again gently while reaching my hand out towards her. "It's okay, baby; everything is going to be okay."

Her eyes were clouded with tears, and her entire body was visibly trembling. This was the very first time she had been conscious since she attempted to take her own life; a fact that just about made me break down with her. My own vision became flooded as I considered all that she was suffering through, but I refused to let the tears escape. I had to be strong for her. I needed to make sure she got the help she so desperately needed.

"It's okay," I told her one more time, hoping with all hope that she would find even a fractional amount of comfort in my voice.

Her tortured eyes left me to dart around the room.

"What am I doing here?" she asked, with her voice breaking as a vocal representation of her shattered soul. "The last thing I remember…"

"I know," I cooed, taking a step towards her, but she only took a step back.

"We broke up," she said, letting her confusion morph into suspicion. "Why am I here?"

I swallowed roughly. "I… we… Rosalie has been living here with me. She…"

"Rosalie?" she asked, her confusion increasing tenfold. "She hates you."

"She did," I agreed. "But she doesn't anymore. We worked through all of our issues, and we… we've been together."

"Together? I don't understand. What do you mean by _together_?"

Something caught her attention on the end table by the couch, and I knew exactly what it was – pictures. Framed pictures of Rose and me doing various activities. Kate and Garrett were even in some of them. But the one picture I knew stood out was the one of us kissing at the billiards.

"Wait," she said slowly as the truth began to occur to her. "You and Rosalie are together? Like, together, _together_?"

I would never feel ashamed for loving someone, but the look of betrayal in Bella's eyes made me question everything.

"It happened slowly," I tried explaining. "Neither of us even realized what it was until we were in the middle of it. Bella…"

I reached for her again, but she scowled at me and moved towards the door.

"Rosalie?" she questioned again; except this time she was angry. "Really? I probably would have understood it if you said you were still with Alice or even Tanya after we broke up. But _Rosalie_? I can't even begin to fathom how you could do that after all the shit she put us through?"

"Baby, listen," I murmured, but that just made her angrier.

"Don't call me _baby_!" she shouted at me. "If anyone hated Rosalie more than I did, it was_ you!_"

"I know. And I did. But it was just the two of us for a long time, and we grew to rely on each other, and understand each other, and…"

"It was just the two of you for a long time? How long? How long has it been since I… since I…?"

"Took those pills?" I finished for her. The words were excruciating as they fell off my tongue, but they needed to be said. We all had to face what she did and what the repercussions were.

"How long?" she repeated, not wanting to say the words out loud.

"It was almost a year ago now," I admitted regretfully. "I'm sorry, Bella. We were beginning to think… we thought you weren't going to come back. You and all of the alters have been missing since that night; all except Rosalie."

She looked shocked by my words, but that shock only made her defensive and even angrier. "So, you just figured the best thing to do was fuck Rosalie? How the hell did either of you let that happen? Why would you even want to? She's the worst of the worst, and a lesbian, none the less. And she hates you; she did everything she could to break us up. Why, Edward? Why would you do that?"

There wasn't a single explanation I could give her that would make it hurt less, so I settled with the simple truth.

"I fell in love with her," I admitted quietly.

Tears rolled over her cheeks, and she looked at me like I just stabbed her in the heart. It fucking killed me.

I wanted to take it all back. I wanted to tell her that none of it was true and I would do anything to earn her forgiveness, but I wouldn't lie to her. Not now, not ever. I owed her the truth, even if it caused us both nothing but pain.

"Bella, I'm sorry," I tried, but the words could hardly escape my mouth before she ran past me and straight out of the apartment.

"Fuck," I said, no louder than a breath.

Before she could get too far, I text Charlie, begging him to go look for her. I screwed everything up, and I feared I would only make it worse if I went after her. She obviously needed to get away from me, so I had no choice but to let her.

And just like that, I was back to grieving her loss. However, nothing could prepare me for what I found on my phone…

"What the hell?" I mumbled to myself as I noticed the blinking missed message. It was sent from Rosalie's phone, but it was sent at three in the morning. Not only that, but it was a video message; one that I quickly played despite not being in the proper state of mind to withstand the harsh impact that the video would sure to bring.

"_Hey babe," Rosalie said as her image came on to my far too small screen. "By the time you get this message, I'll be gone. I wish I could say that there was a chance I could find a way to stay, but the truth is, this is a choice that I had to make."_

_She paused to wipe the tears from her eyes, and then she seemed to steel her features. _

"_I swear to you, I honestly thought they were all gone forever, but then something happened. I got the most amazing and terrifying news of my life… During my last physical, they ran some tests, and turns out I was pregnant."_

My breath caught as she said the words, but her broken expression made it impossible for me to take my eyes off of the video to consider what her words actually meant.

"_I must have accidentally skipped a pill, or we were just part of the one percent where it failed. Either way, I didn't take the news very well," she continued. "In fact, I freaked out, and I didn't tell you, because I wanted to clear my head and come to terms with it myself before I could even utter those words."_

_She paused again momentarily. She looked so tired, and so sad, but still glorious in all her unyielding strength._

"_I was never supposed to be a mother," she continued emotionally. "That's not what I was created for. But then someone brought their infant in to the bookstore, and he was so adorable, and it made me wish… it made me wish that I could find the power within myself to become something I was never meant for… to become a mother. I wanted that baby, Edward. I wanted it, for me and you, but that's when I realized that I really wanted it for Bella. She could only ever dream of having a baby, and I never understood her desire for it, but I could feel her pain in knowing it wasn't something we could do, or should do, with our condition."_

_She paused once more, but only briefly._

"_And then, I lost it," she said unexpectedly. "I started bleeding, and I knew it was gone. But… I think maybe because I was experiencing that vast emotional shift, somehow, I found her. It was like I could feel Bella began to stir, or something. I don't really know how else to explain it. I could feel her just a strongly as I could feel you if you were standing behind me. Our Bella. The one entity that I was created to protect – my _only_ reason for existence... I wish I would have told you about the baby before it was gone, but I just wasn't ready, and I know now I never will be. We both know I'm not a whole person, Edward, and as much as I love you and never wanted to leave, I can't stay. Not when Bella is finally ready to come home."_

I had to pause the video to get ahold of my own emotions. It was too much, and yet, this time I didn't have a doubt I could handle it. There would be no more retreating into the depths of my black hole of grief. I loved Rosalie, truly I did, but she was right – her purpose was to protect Bella, and that was exactly what she was doing by giving her another chance at life. I could do nothing but support her decision and be incredibly proud of her sacrifice.

It was difficult, but I pulled myself together and finished the video…

"_Edward, I know you still love Bella, just like I know you'll always love me… and Alice, and Tanya, and even Bree. I don't know what our future holds or how it will look once Bella is finally on the road to recovery, but I do know that we belong together. I fought it for so long, but it was inevitable. I never believed in all that sappy 'made for each other' crap before, but I do now. You made me a believer. And no matter which of us is in control of this one life we share – we belong to you, and you belong to us. All of us… and all of you. I love you, Edward, and don't forget to keep your promise to me. Never stop fighting for us, and we will always come back to you. I know we will."_

When the video ended, I allowed myself to cry. I cried harder than I ever had before, but before I knew it, I had run out of tears. Once that happened, I pieced myself back together, and prepared to do whatever necessary to see that she finally got better once and for all. It was time for Bella to face the ghosts of her past, so she could truly begin to live…


	29. Smiling Through Tears

**Chapter 29 – Smiling Through Tears**

Bella was gone.

Rosalie was gone.

They were all gone… but life moved on; _again_.

I wasn't going to wallow in my grief like I had before. I needed to keep my strength, because I had to keep fighting. Rosalie made me promise her, and I fully intended to keep that promise. Somehow, someday, Bella and I would be together again.

In the meantime, I went to work like any other day, and I was gifted with a surprise promotion that I obtained on my own merit; unassisted by my father in any way. I hated my job, but the raise in pay made it a little more bearable and gave me an extra boost of confidence. Even if I didn't love it, I _earned_ it, and that was something I never really experienced before in anything I ever did professionally or academically, and it felt damn good.

I continued with my life, day after day, week after week, but even without a partner or a fulfilling career, I refused to live vacantly. Rosalie and I had developed a busy way of life – always doing something or going somewhere, so I wanted to honor her by continuing that, even if I did those things alone.

My weekdays were busy with work, but every evening afterwards I went somewhere. I shot pool; sometimes with Kate and Garrett, but often alone when they were busy with family life. I tried more restaurants in the surrounding cities, and I spent many long days on the weekends going to the beach, or on hikes, or anywhere else I felt like.

Doing all of these little adventures solo was lonely in the beginning, but it wasn't long before I learned to talk to people, and strangers began to feel far less strange. I was making friends everywhere I went and learning more about myself along the way.

I still met up with Charlie every few weeks. We usually went to a ballgame or I joined in on his newfound love of bowling. We never spoke of Bella, except for him reassuring me she was doing well. I didn't want any details, and I think he understood why. Up until I met Bella, I was the person my parents wanted me to be. However, when I decided to pull away from them, I went straight into molding myself into whoever Bella and her alters needed. The truth was, without my parents hovering, or Bella's multiple needs, I wasn't sure who exactly I was. Bella's current focus was to heal herself, and mine had to be to get to know myself. We each needed time to discover ourselves on a deeper level apart from each other, and I was appreciative of that time. When we were ready, we would find our way back to each other.

When I felt like I wanted to broaden my horizons even more, I took some vacation time from work and went on a road-trip down to California. I had never been that far south before, and the long coastal highway had been on my bucket list for as long as I could remember.

It was magnificent.

Hours of winding cliffs with no company except the radio. I sang at the top of my lungs, and let the melodies awaken my long dormant love for music.

Some of the songs were slow and longing and made me think of Bella. The loud fun songs made me laugh at memories of Alice. And then Alanis Morissette came on and I couldn't help but bang my head to the beat and imagine Rosalie was there with me.

There were even a few songs that made me think of the baby we had lost – the little life that ended before it even had a chance to begin – and I couldn't help but wonder what could have been. But then Celine Dion would come on and belt out a power ballad and I was right back to feeling like Bella and I were capable of overcoming anything.

It made me smile to think that the playlist of my life with them was so vast in variety. We truly did live several lives in our short time together.

Once in southern California, I took a surfing lesson. The air was stale tasting compared to Washington; almost like it had gone bad in a way, but the sky was clear and warm, and those were two things that Washington beaches rarely were.

After I wiped-out more than I'd care to admit, I was randomly invited to play in a game of beach volleyball with some local college kids. Never had I ever felt that old in my life. They were all fitter, and tanner, and more muscular than me, but none of them could match my speed. When I helped my team into victory, both sides were fighting over who got to have me on their team next. I could only laugh and politely decline. One extremely aggressive game of shirtless volleyball in the scorching sand was enough for me.

Next, I walked along the downtown area and played bongos with a street performer. I sampled clam chowder, tasted several different unique ice cream flavors, and rented a bike to tour a few miles of the coastal path there. Everything I did and saw reminded me of Bella, but funny enough, the more I missed her, the more it was solidified in my own mind that everything was going to be okay.

Feeling fairly tired and covered in a thin layer of crusty salt and sweat, I returned my rented bike and went back to my car to consider where to go next. I had planned to be down there for another three days, but suddenly I was homesick. There was still so much I wanted to do, but what I really wanted, was to do it all with Bella, so I figured it was time to go back.

I began my drive home the same way I had driven there – listening to music. However, instead of various songs reminding me of Bella and her alters, I started to rearrange the melodies in my mind to fit the saga of our relationship more completely.

Back when I was in medical school, the pressure of success from my parents, and the pressure I had put onto myself, had completely sucked the life out of me. But now that I was hearing the balled of Bella through my mind, and feeling it deep in my core, my first love was reawakening. My love for composing.

I could hear the cords so clearly in my mind as if they were writing themselves. It was so strong that I didn't even bother pulling over to write it down. This was a lullaby I could never forget. It had a life of it's own, and that life was the soundtrack of our love story. I didn't know what I would do with it, or if I'd ever do anything at all, but I couldn't wait to get to a piano and play it regardless.

The urge to get the song out of my mind and fluttering through the world was too strong, so when it was time for me to stop for the night, I was lucky to find a little cocktail lounge with a vacant piano.

I didn't even ask the owner for permission before I took my seat at the baby grand, and then I let it all flow out of me in a flood of emotions in the form of a melody. I hadn't played in years, but my rusty fingers danced over the keys like they had never stopped. The sound that resulted was my entire soul. It was soft and sweet like Tanya, and there was innocence in it for Bree, but there was also playfulness for Alice, and a whole lot of pain for Rosalie. It was joyful and heartbreaking, and everything in between. It was all _Bella_.

I didn't even realize anyone was paying attention to my playing, but when it was over, the stunned silent room actually cheered for me. Many of the patrons even had real tears in their eyes. It was shocking, but it felt amazing at the same time.

I raised my hand as a thank you for the applause, and then turned in for the night. Getting that song out of my system was utterly cathartic. I slept like a fucking baby that night, and when it was time to get back on the road, I felt more refreshed than I had in a long time.

When I finally walked back into my apartment, I didn't feel sad the way I was expecting either. Those walls held some painful memories, but they also held some beautiful ones too, and I was finally in a place where I could smile through the tears.

Garrett brought Jasper home the following day; his family had been kind enough to cat sit for me, however he also brought his tearful daughter.

"What's wrong, Irina?" I asked her concerned.

"Nothing. I'm just going to miss Jazzy Bear so much," she cried.

"Oh," I said while looking at Garrett.

"Yeah, she got a little attached while you were gone," Garrett confirmed, before crouching down to his daughter's level. "Now, we talked about this. You said you wanted to come say goodbye but that you knew he belonged here with Edward."

"I know, but who will sleep with me on my bed now?" she asked through her tears.

"No one slept on your bed before Jasper stayed with us. It's going to be fine." Garrett stood again to talk to me. "I'm sorry about this. I wouldn't have brought her if I knew she was going to make a scene."

"Nah, it's not a big deal," I assured him.

I returned my stare to the pitiful looking pair on the couch. Jasper had climbed up onto Irina's shoulder and was purring loudly in her ear, and I knew what had to be done.

"Do you care?" I asked Garrett.

"Do I care about what?" he replied confused.

I gestured to his daughter and Alice's cat.

"Oh Edward, you don't have to do that. I know you love that cat."

"I do," I confirmed. "I love him enough to know I don't give him nearly the amount of attention he deserves. Look at them. I think even Alice would agree that they belong together."

Garrett sighed. "Are you sure?"

"Totally. But you better clear it with Kate before we tell her," I advised.

"Oh, Kate loves that fur ball almost as much as Irina does. You should have seen the blubbering mess she was this morning. But it's just because our old cat died a few months ago. I was thinking about getting them a new kitten already, so if you're not a hundred percent sure about this, I can just take Irina by the pound as soon as we leave here."

"Why take her to the pound when she already has her new best friend right there? Trust me, this is for the best. If Irina and Kate are happy, I'm happy."

Garrett considered it for a moment, looked back at his daughter, and then nodded. "Thank you, Edward. You've just made one little girl very happy."

I smiled at him as a response, and then went to give Irina the news.

"I can tell you two really bonded this week," I said to the little girl as I scooped Jasper up in my arms. He meowed at me and rubbed his head against my neck.

Irina sniffled. "He's the best friend I've had since Bree disappeared."

I nodded. "Yeah, he's been my best friend since she's been gone too. But," I sighed theatrically. "I think he doesn't have very much fun here with me. He misses Alice and Bree too much. Do you think he would be happy if he went to live with you permanently?"

Irina quickly wiped her face and looked at me with sudden hope. "Really? Like, for reals for real?"

I chuckled. "For reals for real."

"Oh, Jazzy Bear, did you hear that? You get to come back home with me!" She cheered and took the cat back from me before spinning him around. Jasper looked a little put off by the action, but he quickly forgave her and was purring in her lap again.

I gathered up all his cat things, and then kissed his head goodbye, but I wasn't sad. I'd visit him often in his new home, and I knew Alice would agree that it was the right decision.

But living alone again was definitely lonely. I tried not to let that shadow of a funk get to me again, and for the most part, I was able to keep it at bay. It was only during those occasional sleepless nights, when I missed my girls the most, that I felt their loss the greatest. I could feel my longing heart beginning to be stretched a little too thin, but I didn't know how to fix it.

Somehow, from the very beginning, I always seemed to know when Bella needed me. I knew her alters better than I knew myself, and I was able to figure out how to give them all the things they didn't even know they required. I took pride in that ability, but it wasn't until I was in a particular lonely spot, that I realized Bella had that same ability for me…

"Hey," I said, overwhelmed with surprise to see her standing at my door. It was shocking, and my entire body went physically numb as a means of self-protection from the onslaught of emotions her presence was sure to bring.

"Hi…" She bit her lower lip anxiously. "Can I?" She gestured inside the apartment, so I quickly moved aside so she could come in.

"How are you?" I asked her, eager to know anything and everything she was willing to tell me.

"Still me," she said with forced enthusiasm. "I'm sorry if you thought I was Rosalie for a minute."

"No, not at all," I assured her. "I'm really glad to see you. How have you been? _Where_ have you been?"

"Um…" Her discomfort seemed to pour out of her in waves, which almost made me wish she would just leave so she could find some relief. The last thing I wanted was to make her feel like that.

"Bella, you don't have to…"

"Yes, I do," she cut me off. "I'm sorry, this is just so much harder than in anticipated. I mean, I knew it would be hard, but just not _this_ hard."

"Whatever it is…"

"Edward, please just let me say what I came here to say!" she snapped at me, making her sound a whole hell of a lot more like Rosalie than her normal self.

"Sorry," I mumbled.

"No," she said quickly, looking horrified by her outburst. "Gosh, that was a little more intense of a tone than I meant to use. I'm sorry for that. I'm still learning how to deal with all these new… feelings."

"You're _learning_?" I questioned.

She nodded, and then led me to the couch where we both sat at opposite ends.

"When I left here last time, I realized I couldn't get better without help, so I checked myself into a mental hospital," she explained. "A nice one, with extended inpatient care, not those scary ones with big orderlies that hold patients down to give them shots and whatnot."

"You've been in a hospital?" I asked, far more relieved than I realized.

"Yeah, well I did down a bottle of Ambien with alcohol, so I figured I was probably not doing such a good job on my own anymore… Of course, that was over a year ago now. It just doesn't seem that long ago for me."

"Bella… why did you do that?" I asked carefully. I didn't want to upset her, but it was a question that had plagued me for so long that I couldn't help but voice it before it exploded out of me in some other way.

She stared at me for a moment, but then looked down at her twiddling fingers in her lap. "It just got too hard. I was tired of everything to do with my life. The lack of control… I couldn't see a future for myself – at least not one that I wanted to live. I was in a bad place," she said before raising her eyes to meet mine again. "I do regret it now. But at the same time, I feel like that was my rock bottom, and I can finally begin to climb my way back up."

I nodded supportively. "I know you can."

She smiled, which even in its meekness, took my breath away. It had been so long since I had seen Bella smile in any way –_Bella_, and not one of her alters – that I couldn't help but drink it in and hope I could see her do it again before she left.

"So, if I'm a current patient of a mental hospital, I'm sure you're wondering what I'm doing here," she said lightly.

"Uh," I laughed once nervously. "Actually, that thought hadn't occurred to me."

"I'm out on a day pass," she explained. "My dad brought me here, at my request, of course. He's waiting out in the parking lot. I'd say he's reading the book he brought, but I'm sure he's probably napping."

I chuckled. "Probably."

"Thank you, by the way, for hanging out with him every so often. He's never really had many friends. I've pretty much always taken up all his time off of work."

"You'd be surprised how many friends he's made at the bowling alley lately," I told her. "There's even a lovely lady that seems to have her eye on him."

Bella raised her brows in pleasant surprise. "Really? He did not mention that to me."

"Nah, I think he's a little embarrassed about it. They're cute though. She is always giggling at his jokes, and we both know Charlie's jokes aren't particularly funny."

"Definitely not," Bella agreed with a laugh – the sound, of which, made my heart flutter. "Wow, well I'm actually really glad to hear that," she continued. "Makes me feel a tad less guilty when I think about how much time he devotes to me."

"With you being an inpatient, how often is he able to visit?" I asked curiously.

"He comes every few days, but he usually tries to take me out somewhere at least once a week so I can have a break from all the mental work I've been doing. We usually just go to dinner, but sometimes a movie too. But I can honestly say, I do like the hospital. Well, maybe _hospital_ isn't the right word. It's more like a wellness center, or a mental health facility. I guess you could call it a rehab for the mind. I even have my own little apartment there with a private kitchenette and sitting room. There's also a koi pond outside, and the grounds are just beautiful."

"That sounds great."

"It is. Everyone is really nice. It's going to be strange when I finally leave there and attempt to live fully on my own for the first time… Anyway, part of my therapy is coming to terms with the things I've done that has caused other people pain… and other than my dad, the only person I know I've hurt is _you_."

I scrunched my brows in confusion. "No, you…"

"I have," she insisted, refusing to allow me to let her off the hook. "Whether it was intentional or not, I've caused you pain, and I wanted you to know just how sorry I am. I knew better. I knew it wasn't fair to date anyone when I was so out of control in my own life. It was wrong… but that's something I don't think I'll ever be sorry for because you truly gave me the best days of my life, and selfishly, I wish I was still here with you," she said, getting emotional at the end.

I reached for her hand, but she pulled it away.

"I really need to get through this," she said apologetically. "I'm not sorry for trying to be with you; what I'm sorry for is the pain I caused you after. The pain I know you felt every time I left. The pain I caused you when I took all of us from you. The pain I caused when I lashed out at you about Rosalie. I didn't understand it then, but…"

"You had every right to be upset about that," I tried, but she didn't want to hear it.

"Edward, please don't justify your pain. That's not why I'm here. I don't want you to try to comfort me and make me feel better. You've done that enough. I need to apologize for the hurt I know I caused you, and the hurt I'm not even aware of. That's why I came… and I wanted you to know something."

She got up off the couch and began pacing the floor in front of me.

"I haven't lost control since I've been back," she said bluntly. "Not once. And I have this intense feeling like it won't ever happen again. Now, I'm not saying I'm cured by any means, because they're not gone. I still feel them inside there, but instead of fighting for dominance, I feel like we are finally thinking and acting together as a cohesive unit."

"So... they speak to you?" I asked, trying to understand better.

"No, not exactly; it's more like a _feeling_. Like, when I don't know how to do something, I search within my mind and come up with a solution that I may not have come up with myself completely. It's like their thoughts and my thoughts are beginning to merge. You know how everyone has an internal voice? Sometimes my voice seems just a little foreign to me, and that's how I know that particular thought isn't quite my own… But at the same time, all of my thoughts are my own, because they're all just pieces of me… pieces of me that I've glued together. Still broken, but together at the same time. Does that make sense?"

I considered it. "Yeah, I think it does."

She laughed at a thought. "The other day, I told my dad that it sometimes feels like I'm drunk. Like, my thoughts and actions are my own, but they're under the influence of something else – in my case, my alters. I never lose consciousness anymore, and I don't do anything out of my control that I honestly don't want to do, but they're not always actions or thoughts I'd necessarily have myself normally. I'm still learning to recognize them and differentiate between all of them."

"That's amazing," I said sincerely. "Truly, Bella, it is."

"But in addition to the merging thoughts, I've started remembering certain things that happened to them as well," she said hesitantly. "They're peeks mainly; forgotten dreams that I can dig out when I really try. Like, I remember bits and pieces… but all of those pieces involve you in some way."

"They do?"

She nodded. "Everything I'm starting to remember… or maybe they're memories my alters are showing me… all circle around _you_. I don't know, I figured maybe it's their way of getting me to come talk to you."

"What do you remember?" I asked, feeling that all too familiar sharp lump in my throat. I wanted Bella to know everything, however I was nervous for her reaction. Would she be upset about some of the things we did? I really didn't know, but thankfully, she was about to tell me…

"Cliff jumping?"

I laughed. "Yeah. Alice forced us," I said, playfully defensive.

She smiled knowing. "Well, I'm glad it was her and not me. I don't think I could have gone through with it. I'm far too much of a coward."

"Don't say that," I disagreed wholeheartedly. "You're so much braver than you give yourself credit for."

She smiled again, but shook her head in disagreement.

"What else do you remember?" I pressed, still nervous about her answer, but also desperate to know everything going on in that beautiful mind of hers.

"There are a lot of little things actually," she replied as her thoughts seemed to skim over those recollections. "Sleepovers, movie nights, pancakes."

I nodded absently, so she continued.

"Some kind of fancy ball?"

"Yeah, that was for Tanya," I confirmed. "Second Chance Prom."

"Oh, that was the night she finally got lucky," she said with far more humor than I would have anticipated.

"I just wanted it to be special for her," I said quietly.

"It was," she said just as quietly. "And I also remember being pregnant."

I sighed. "I didn't know…"

"Until after Rosalie was gone. I know," Bella said with a mix of sympathy and compassion. "Edward, I truly am sorry. Not only for the baby, but for the things I said to you when I woke up here that day. I didn't realize how much the two of you had been through together. I couldn't understand the depths of her love for you until… until recently, when I began sharing their memories and emotions. But not just Rosalie, all of them. They all loved you so much and feeling their feelings all at the same time has been so… _overwhelming_. And here I thought they couldn't possibly understand how I was feeling, but they did, and together it's just been so magnified and intense."

"Bella," I murmured, wanting so badly to take her in my arms, but again, she stopped me.

"Please don't touch me," she practically begged. "Edward, I love you. I have loved you from the beginning, and somehow you got all of my broken pieces to love you too, and that is an extraordinary miracle… but I jumped into this world with you that I wasn't ready for, and we both almost drowned because of it. There's still so much I need to fix in myself. Every day I'm learning something new. I'm only beginning to scratch the surface of the epicenter of my disorder. Rosalie is slowly letting the walls of my memory crumble down, and the small glimpses I've seen so far of my childhood, are terrifying. I need to work through that. I need to come to terms with what caused my DID, and only then will I be in a place where I can truly give you all of me."

"I just want to help you," I said honestly.

"You already have," she said emotionally. "So much more than you can possibly fathom. But I need to do this next part on my own, because this love I have for you… all of it from _all_ of me, is so big that I won't have the capacity to focus on what I need to focus on for _me_. I don't even want you to touch me right now because I don't think I could handle walking out of here if you did."

She headed for the door, but then paused and turned back to me.

"I've been so selfish when it comes to you; really I have," she said with tears in her eyes. "Please don't try to deny it or ease my guilt. This is part of the process. Taking responsibility for my actions… So, I'm admitting my selfishness now, and I'm just about to double it," she said confusingly.

"I don't understand what you mean," I told her.

"I'm going to do something even more selfish… I'm going to ask you to _wait_."

"Wait?"

"Yes. Wait for me. I know that's one of the most unfair requests anyone could ever make, especially because I have no idea how long this will take or when I'll be well enough to give you what you deserve, but I'm asking you to wait anyway. There has to be a reason you were able to get all of me to love you this intensely, and I know you love me just as much; I can feel you do. All I can think of, is that it's just because we belong together. So please, just _wait_… Unless, of course, you've already moved on, and if that's the case then it's fine, and I don't want you to ever feel bad about that, I just…"

"Oh, baby," I interrupted her. "There's no one else in this world for me. I'd wait forever for you."

Her tears spilled over her cheeks, but these were happy tears. She didn't want me to touch her, but she also couldn't leave without touching me. She raced to me and planted her lips onto mine, with her hands cradling each side of my face. The feeling of her so close after so long had to be the most incredible thing I had ever experienced. However, as much as I wanted to cement her to me and live in that moment forever, I knew I had to let her go.

She pulled away just as quickly as she had kissed me, and she raced back to the door. But before she left, she once again paused to turn back to me. "Next time I come back here; I'm not leaving without you."

"Don't make promises you can't keep," I challenged her with a smile.

But then she fell serious again. "Edward, I promise you, I'm going to get better. I have to fully embrace my pieces, and accept the demons of my past, and then I'm going to race right back here to spend my future with you. If you still want me, I'm going to be here."

"I'll _always_ want you," I assured her with the utmost of certainty.

Bella watched me longingly, and I could see just how badly she wanted to stay, but we both knew she couldn't. It wasn't our time yet, and maybe it wasn't even soon, but it was definitely on it's way. Eventually, we would be together again, and we would live happily ever after.

When Bella forced herself to leave that afternoon, surprisingly, I wasn't sad. In fact, I was quite the opposite – for the first time in a long time, I had hope. Everything was going to work itself out; I didn't have a doubt…


	30. Therapy

**Chapter 30 – Therapy**

Knowing I was Bella's endgame, just as she was always mine, was an incredible feeling. It just reassured what I already knew; eventually we would find our way back to each other.

In the meantime, however, I was suddenly having a really tough time without her. Not in an emotional sense, like before, but in a _physical_ sense. Her unexpected visit and departing kiss had re-awoken that side of me, and now I was swimming through my intimate thoughts. Everywhere I looked, my mind went there. Like a horny teenager, I managed to turn the most basic mundane things into sexual thoughts. It was fucking ridiculous, but for the life of me, I couldn't make it stop.

But it wasn't even random sexual thoughts either; they were all very specific. I'd lie in bed at night and imagine holding her naked body against mine. I'd take a shower and I imagined her washing my skin. I'd get in my car, and I'd picture her hand going for my crotch. Hell, even in the bathroom at work, I couldn't help but daydream about fucking her in a stall. It was driving me insane, and my hand alone seemed to only make those desires more frequent.

I tried to get my mind off of it by somehow finding even more time to socialize. If I wasn't alone, those thoughts were usually kept at bay. But on work nights, I didn't really want to leave town, so my choices were limited. The problem was, those limited choices had become far too common and lackluster for me, and I found myself slipping back into my old mindset of being perpetually bored. Boredom only added to my unwanted incessant thoughts, so I needed to find something else to fill my time.

On one particularly desperate evening, I knew I was liable to go insane if I was alone. Unfortunately for me, Garrett was busy with his family, and all of my other recent acquaintances were also unavailable for various reasons, so I drove around aimlessly trying to find anything at all to spark my interest.

And then I saw it...

The fucking shit excuse for a podunk nightclub.

"Ah, fuck it," I said before pulling into the packed parking lot.

I hadn't been back there since the first time I met Alice, and I never really planned on returning again. It wasn't my scene anymore. Sweaty bodies grinding against each other in some ridiculous form of desperate sexual contact. That was the place to find one-night stands and casual hookups. It was probably the last place I should go since I definitely wasn't looking for a fling, but the music was always loud, and the drinks were always strong – two requirements I needed to drown out my thoughts and get me through that evening.

Once inside, I couldn't help but groan. The loud music was almost too loud, and the lights were flashing and giving me an immediate headache. It smelled like BO and cheap perfume, and the people on the dance floor looked like they were dry-humping as if their lives depended on it.

I wanted to leave immediately, but for whatever reason, I made my way to the bar and ordered a drink.

"I'll have what he's having," the woman standing next to me told the bartender.

I glanced at her and nodded in acknowledgment of her presence, because she clearly wanted me to see her, and then I returned my attention to the swaying mass as I waited for my drink.

Of course, I should have known she wouldn't be satisfied with just a nod.

"Hey there," she said while moving closer. "I haven't seen you in a while."

I looked back at her. "Do we know each other?" I asked confused.

She smiled, flashing her dimples that made her look just like an adult Shirley Temple.

"No, not necessarily," she replied. "But I remember you from when you used to frequent this place a while ago. What's it been, like a year? Maybe two?"

"I don't know. I guess not long enough," I told her evenly. I turned back to the crowd in an attempt to show her I wasn't interested in conversing, but she wasn't getting the hint.

"You know, me and my girlfriends always used to fight over who got to approach you. You actually fucked two of them… at different times, of course. Unfortunately, you stopped coming in here before I got my turn," she said brazenly.

Her lack of subtlety made me reflexively look at her again, and that's when I realized she had moved even closer and her cleavage was out in all its glory, almost touching my arm.

There was a time when I would have definitely been interested. Her face was cute, and her body would make Jessica Rabbit envious. But one look from me was all she was going to get, because I was no longer that guy. Despite my desperate desires as of late, I honestly couldn't take that girl home even if I wanted to. It wasn't a matter of some honorable intention of being faithful to Bella; it was just due to the sheer fact that my fantasies could only be fulfilled by one of four girls – four girls that all shared the same body. I had become completely hardwired for Bella in every way, and intoxicated or not, I couldn't even imagine that changing.

"I'm sorry you missed your chance," I told the chick carelessly. The bartender finally gave me my drink, so I took it and walked away from her. Of course, I didn't go far. My drink ran dry way too soon, so I was quickly back at the bar ordering another one.

After three more chicks gave me their best attempts, I had enough. It didn't matter how good the alcohol was in that place, it certainly wasn't worth all that bullshit.

In a last-ditch effort to get properly inebriated as quickly as possible before leaving, I ordered two shots, and then I made my way to the exit. I planned to call an Uber and return the next day for my car, but no sooner than I pulled up the ap, I was approached one more time.

With a tap on my shoulder, she said –"Leaving so soon? I was hoping for a dance."

I briefly considered ignoring the woman and continuing on my way, but _that_ voice –although difficult to hear under the sound of the loud music – was impossible to ignore.

My head snapped up in her direction, and I immediately smiled.

"Well, I'm not the best dancer, I only came for the drinks," I told her honestly.

"I'm not the best dancer either, but who the hell cares? I came to shake my ass and that's exactly what I'm going to do," she told me enthusiastically. "I bet you're just being modest about your dancing skills. Want to give it a go?"

I smiled at her again, _because how could I not? _And I took her hand and followed her out to the dance floor, _because how could I say no to a face like that?_

We didn't talk much, and the words we did exchange were mostly drowned out by the music. We made it through two songs when the alcohol must have completely taken over and I lost all my inhibitions. Like many others around us, we crashed together and made out like we were trying to swallow each other whole.

The entire thing was a bit surreal, and I wasn't sober enough to even know if it was really happening or not. I didn't know how or why she was there, and at that moment, I didn't even care.

Somehow, she ended up pulling me somewhere. We could have been in a storage closet or a back alley for all I knew. I wasn't paying attention whatsoever to our surroundings; all I knew was that we were somewhat alone, and she was going for my pants.

Without the ability to think rationally or consider the consequences, I lifted her up and went for it. There was no desperation greater and no desire more intense. I couldn't stop it even if I tried, and her eagerness only made those feelings escalate tenfold.

As I pounded into her, neither of us could keep quiet. If I had been of sound mind, I probably would have cared that our loud grunts and moans were likely drawing unwanted attention… _probably_. There was even a point when I vaguely heard giggles somewhere in the vicinity, but none of it mattered. It had been far too long, and this time-bomb had run out of ticks. It was exploding out of me in every way, and I could do nothing but hold on tight and wait for it to finish.

"Holy fuck!" I practically cried when my orgasm hit. It was so strong that I nearly dropped her and fell over.

"You have no idea how much I needed that," she said as she struggled to catch her breath.

"Holy fuck," I repeated, except this time much softer as my wits slowly returned to me.

I didn't want to pull out of her, I didn't want to separate from her at all, but we certainly couldn't stay like that forever, so I achingly forced myself back and whimpered a little in doing so.

"Okay, we are going to have to do that again real soon," she mumbled against my neck as we leaned on each other for support and attempted to redress our lower halves. "Then again, it wouldn't be sex with a stranger anymore if we did it a second time," she said, confusing the hell out of me.

I looked at her perplexed, so she giggled.

"I'm trying to appease my inner Alice. It's actually part of my therapy."

I laughed once. "I'm not trying to sound jealous, but…."

"I did not come here for _that_," she clarified quickly. "I just came here to dance."

"Oh," I said, still not fully understanding her.

"Come on, let's go somewhere," she said before grabbing my hand and pulling me out of what I realized was definitely a bathroom stall.

We walked through the crowd on the loud dancefloor, and stopped at a table of women where she said something in one of their ears, and then we continued out to the exit.

"Bella, where are we going?" I asked as she pulled me around the corner of the building.

"Right here," she said, gesturing to a bench. "It was just too loud in there. I want to talk to you."

"What are you doing here?" I asked before she even had the chance to explain.

She looked at me slightly irritated, so I just sat next to her and let her talk.

"My therapist and two of my inpatient peers are here with me. Like I said inside, this is part of my therapy."

"Wow, fun therapy," I said, only half joking.

"Actually, it is. See, I'm in the process of accepting that my alters are just parts of my own self, so I'm working on embracing all of them. I've spent the day at the mall, for Tanya. I played with rescue animals for Bree. Tonight, it's Alice's turn. I just came here to dance like I know she's been itching to do, but then I saw you and figured, what way to better understand Alice than to have sex with a stranger? I mean, that was her thing for a long time."

"I'm not a stranger," I argued lightly.

"Aren't you though? I mean, I know you've changed since we were together last, and I'm certainly trying to change. In a way, strangers is exactly what we are."

I sighed. "I suppose… except it doesn't really matter who we become, because we still belong together."

She smiled the kind of smile that lights up her entire face, and my heart fluttered as a response.

"Well, that's a given," she agreed with my statement, but then she fell serious again. "Um, I'm actually glad I ran into you tonight… apart from the sex, which was really great by the way. You have no idea how much I needed that. But um… I sort of have been meaning to call you, but it didn't feel right to say this over the phone."

"Whatever it is, just tell me," I said, feeling anxious about her hesitation.

"It's just a lot to ask of someone, and I don't want you to feel pressured or anything."

"Bella, just say what you need," I insisted.

"I need… _you_," she said unexpectedly. "I've come to the part in my therapy where I'm digging deeper in my past, and if I'm going to be able to accept it and fully move on, I feel like I need to stop being so ashamed of it. It's not something that I chose, or I did to myself, so I need to stop feeling like I need to hide it. I want to tell you everything that I know. I want you to know my darkest moments, and maybe… if you still want me after you know everything, maybe then we can finally move forward again. Like, I'll still be living at the facility for a bit longer, but I'm getting more and more time out on my own, and I want to see you. Maybe go on some real dates?"

I smiled but tried to fight it off. "I don't know. I don't usually do follow ups on my casual flings with strangers."

She giggled. "You know, I'm remembering a lot more from my alters' time in control, and correct me if I'm wrong, but one of your past casual flings with a stranger turned into an extended relationship that you're still not quite over."

"Yeah well, that chick turned out to be crazy," I teased her. "Which is exactly why I don't do it anymore."

She stared at me for a moment, and pretended to be offended, but she couldn't help but laugh.

"Very true. I can see your point. Dating is terrifying these days. You just never know when a lover will turn into an insane psychopath that sprouts multiple personalities."

"But that can be kind of fun too," I told her.

"Fun for a while, but then it can get to be too much. That's not the kind of chick you want to bring home to meet the parents."

"Oh no, I did that too. I was slightly disappointed though. I was kind of hoping she would jump on the table and scare the shit out of my parents' guests. Oh well. Maybe next time."

"There will never be a next time," she countered. "I have my parts under control now…"

"What is it?" I asked gently when she seemed to get lost in a thought.

"Edward, will you still want me when I'm not crazy anymore?" she asked quietly. "I mean, I'll always be a little crazy, but… without the suspense of not knowing when my alters will take over, and the variety they bring, I may just be… boring."

"Baby, you could _never_ be boring," I told her with the utmost of sincerity. "And it was never the suspense of your alters that appealed to me. That part was rather difficult actually. As far as variety goes, Bella, all of those different personalities were all still _you_. Everyone has moods and character shifts. Everyone gets angry and sad sometimes; or silly, or feels like a child at times. The only difference between you and most other people is that you would lose consciousness and memory in between. Fixing that could only be a good thing."

"I hope you still feel that way after we start spending time together again," she said, almost incoherently.

I responded by lifting her chin up so I could have access to her lips. I kissed her hard yet tenderly and made sure she felt all of my love in that kiss. She had enough shit to deal with, she sure as hell didn't need to have any insecurities about my love for her added on to everything. My love for her was strong and irrevocable. If she was sure of nothing else, I needed her to be sure of that.

"I'm going to marry you someday, Bella, and I'll spend the rest of my life making sure you know just how much I love you for you. I love all your pieces individually, but mostly, I love them as a whole. I love _you_, Bella, and I'll make sure that's the one thing you won't ever have to question again."

She smiled and stroked my face, before leaning in and kissing me again. "I love you too. More than you could ever know," she said emotionally. "Will you come?"

"Come?"

"To the facility next week. I want to talk to you there about my childhood, so that my therapists are close by if I need extra help."

"Of course I'll come. Anytime. Just tell me."

She kissed me again, and then pulled away and stood up. "I will text you. Okay?"

I followed her lead and stood up too, but before I could grab her hand again, she turned and practically ran away from me and straight back into the building. I could only assume she was returning to her companions, so I let her go, but it took everything I had in me to not go after her and beg her to come home with me. The only way I was able to leave her there at all was knowing she was with people who were helping her, and that we were going to see each other again soon….


	31. Grateful

**TRIGGER WARNING! ****\- **Please PM me for details if necessary.

…

**Chapter 31 – Grateful**

The following week couldn't come fast enough. By the time Wednesday rolled around, I worried she was putting off our reunion, but then finally on Thursday I got the text. It was simple and straight forward. Nothing but the date, time, and an address, and I couldn't have been more excited. We weren't meeting until Saturday, but that was okay. It was coming and I was thrilled.

I had been eagerly anticipating that meeting since I knew it was in the works, however as I drove to the facility, I was surprisingly nervous.

What would it be like to see Bella in that setting?

How would I handle the information she planned on giving me?

Would I have the strength she needed me to have while she divulged her most painful memories?

Those, and many more questions, ran through my mind; none of which I had any answers for, and wouldn't have them until I got there to experience it.

The facility was about twenty minutes away, and every minute that I drove felt like an hour. By the time I got there, my brain was tired with worry, so I ended up sitting in my car in the parking lot for a good five minutes, just trying to clear my mind and get ahold of my emotions.

I took a deep breath. "Okay," I told myself before finally getting out and heading inside.

I was so anxious that I didn't really have the ability to take in the grounds, but as far as I could tell, it all looked clean and welcoming; almost like a hotel, in a way. There was a lobby, and a receptionist desk, and that's where I went to for further instructions.

"My name is Edward Cullen. I'm here to see Bella Swan," I told the woman.

She typed in her computer and was able to find my name right away.

"Ah yes, your name is on the verified list of visitors for Miss Swan, but I will need to see an ID."

After showing her my license, I was directed down a hall and through some double doors, which opened to a large terrace. There was a padded porch swing, and a babbling water fountain that gave off the most peaceful white noise that I had heard in a long time. The flowers that surrounded the area were all in bloom, which completed the serenity of the location and definitely gave me a sense of calm. Bella was there. Everything was going to be okay.

I waited for her for about ten minutes, and when she finally came out, she wasn't alone.

"Edward," she said, her voice was steady, but somehow nervous at the same time.

I turned to look at her and stood as the two women approached.

"Hi," she said with a grin. She stood in front of me awkwardly, and then reached in to give me a hug.

I wrapped my arms around her and breathed her in as deeply as possible. "I've missed you," I said, only loud enough for her to hear.

She pulled back and kept her unsure smile.

"Um Edward, this is Doctor Charlotte Peters," she introduced the woman.

I raised my brows in utter shock. "Professor Peters?"

The woman held her hand out towards me. "Mr. Cullen, I'm so happy to finally meet you. I've missed our email exchanges."

"Uh… yeah. What are you doing here?" I asked, not exactly sure what to think about her presence with Bella.

"She's been an affiliate of here for a few years now," Bella explained. "I was pretty upset when I first ran into her, but we've talked and worked through some things, and now we are writing a book together."

"You're doing what now?" I asked shocked. My communication with that woman had been the catalyst of Rosalie blowing up at me, thus Bella breaking up with me, and her ultimately attempting to take her own life. I didn't blame her, but I was sure as hell never expecting Bella to work with her in any way either.

"We are writing a book on DID," Bella repeated. "I know I've always shied away from the idea of capitalizing on my disorder, but if telling my story could help someone who is struggling out there feel less alone or be inspired in some way, I want to do it. I just… I've always looked at my condition as something to be ashamed of, but the more I talk about it, and the more I'm working on it, I've started to see it for what it really is – a means of survival. I don't think I could have made it through my life even half as well as I have without the protection my alters have given me and are still giving me. Anyway, I just wanted to tell you about the book, and for you to finally meet Doctor Peters."

"Well, if you're happy, I'm happy," I told her supportively.

She nodded. "Books are sort of my thing, so I guess writing a book myself is the next step. And what better topic to start out on than one I've been dealing with firsthand for most of my life?"

"I'm glad to meet you in person, Edward. I'm sure we will talk more soon," Dr. Peters said, before reaching for my hand to shake again, and then excusing herself to leave.

"Speaking of books," I said, breaking the awkward silence we found ourselves in the moment we were alone. "Who's been handling the bookstore since you've been in here? I mean, I know Kate still works there part-time, but she never mentioned who was running it otherwise."

"My dad hired three other employees for me, and the four of them work on rotation. It's been so hard for me to relinquish that kind of control, but I didn't really have any other choice. We also cut down on the hours we're open for, which has worked out well."

"Wow, I'm really proud of you for that. Well, I'm proud of you for everything you've been doing actually."

"I appreciate you saying that. It means a lot."

She wandered over to the swing and sat down, patting the cushion next to her so I would sit too. "So…" she said uncomfortably. "I guess there is no more putting it off. I need to tell you how I got like this."

"If you're not ready…"

"I am," she insisted. "As ready as I'll ever be; it's just not easy. I mean, I know you're still going to love me… but there is just this illogical dread that comes along with it. Like, as if you won't be able to help thinking about me as damaged goods or something. I mean, damaged more than just mentally, but physically too."

"I could never think of you that way," I tried assuring her.

"I know. It's illogical and silly, but I can't help feeling it anyway, so I guess I'm just going to get to it before I chicken out. Like ripping a bandaid off, right? Better to just get it out there?"

"Whatever you think is best," I said supportively.

She nodded. "This is best. Best that you know so I feel like you understand, and we can move forward without any secrets or gory skeletons hanging in my closet. Okay…"

She took a deep breath.

"I don't know everything, and I've come to realize that not remembering certain things is a gift instead of a curse. If I remembered all the little details, like what it felt like, or what they all looked like, I would probably curl into a ball and never function again. I honestly don't know how Rosalie handled it all with those memories, and she remembered everything, so…"

She let her words trail off as she considered what exactly she wanted to say.

"I now can remember just enough to know what happened to me, and I hope that's all I ever remember because that's more than enough," she reiterated.

One more deep breath.

"I guess I should start with a little background. My mom and dad were high school sweethearts. They both came from broken homes; both dabbled in drugs to deal with it."

It was probably clear from my expression that I was shocked Officer Swan was ever into drugs.

"Yeah," she answered my unspoken thoughts. "He said it was a dark time. Anyway, when my mom became pregnant with me, my dad decided to clean up his life, and my mom… well, she tried for a while. I was born addicted to heroin, and after child protective services took me away for a while, my dad was later proven fit, but my mom never was. He was given full custody, and he took care of me with his grandmother's help. Through the years, my mom would show up every so often, and just disrupt everything. I didn't understand any of the issues she created back then, because she was my mom, and I loved her and wanted to spend time with her."

She paused, so I took her hands in mine just to remind her that I was there, and my love was unconditional. Thankfully, she didn't pull away. Instead, she wove her fingers into mine and held on as if I was her life support.

"And then one day, when I was about eight years old, she showed up at my school," she continued. "We had never done anything particularly fun when she was around, but I was excited, and I went with her. I remember driving in her busted up old truck for days. We slept in it, and anytime I said I was hungry she would stop at a gas station and get me donuts or chips. After a about a week, I asked to go home, but she told me my dad didn't want me anymore… I believed her."

"It wasn't true," I stated the obvious.

"Of course not, but when I was eight, I wanted so bad to believe in my mother. Why would she lie to me? Now I know the answer for that… she planned on using me."

"Using you for what?"

"To make money for her drugs. Child… child predators pay a lot more," she said quietly, but with so much strength that I was both heartbroken and disgusted, as well as extremely astonished by her strength.

She looked down at her hands in her lap, but then she raised her eyes and showed me the full intensity of her preserving spirit.

"She sold me… every night. Sometimes multiple times a night. She sold me to perverted pedophiles who paid by the hour. She let them do whatever they wanted to me. She got more money in an evening by using me than she could have possibly made in a month of prostituting herself. I funded her drugs, but also paid for our food and hotels and gas for the truck. It was our only means of monetary income. Somewhere along the way, I reverted into my mind and created Rosalie to bare the burden of all of that. It was the only way I was able to survive it. Whenever my mother would lock me in a cockroach ridden motel room with one of those men, Rosalie would… she would endure it for me. Even now, when I remember enough to know what happened, she is still protecting me from the feelings and the images… and I know she will always keep those buried, and I appreciate that so much…"

She had to stop to wipe the tears from her face, but she remained strong, whereas I felt like I was going to be consumed by my grief and rage. Who could do that to a child? It was sickening, and I wanted nothing more than to hunt down her mother and every last disgusting monster that hurt her. It was the epitome of anguish, and yet, Bella refused to break again.

"You see, I've been fighting Rosalie for so long, and blaming her for all my problems, when in reality, she is the only reason I was able to have any form of a life at all. She was my savior all along."

"She loved you," I said, no louder than a whisper. "You were her purpose."

"I know," she replied, just as quietly. She sighed, and then continued her unbearably painful story. "My mother was busted by an undercover officer when I was about thirteen. That's when I was finally sent home to my dad. Being back with him was a rough transition. He didn't know what was wrong with me because I never spoke about it. I hardly spoke at all at the time, but even if I could talk about it, I didn't even really know most of it because Rosalie had protected me so fiercely."

"I'm sure that was hard on Charlie too," I murmured.

"It was. I can only imagine how helpless he felt back then. His long-lost daughter came back completely broken. I was quiet, withdrawn, and untrusting. My mother had told me so many lies about my dad that I was honestly scared of him. Then Rosalie would come out and she was so combative and violent. He sent me to doctor after doctor, hoping to figure out what was wrong and how it could be fixed. It wasn't until my mom made a plea bargain that involved her giving up the list of her pedophile clients in exchange for a lesser sentence, that my dad even realized how badly I was damaged. It was still a few years later, after I was abused again by one of my many doctors, and split into a few more personalities, that a different psychiatrist was finally able to diagnose me with DID. Having that diagnosis was a blessing and a curse. At least we knew what we were dealing with, but it also put a stigma on me, and my dad and I agreed to not tell strangers about it."

"And eventually you stopped therapy," I remembered.

"We trusted the doctor that molested me. He was the only one that seemed to get through to me at all. He started out so nurturing and warm, but he was the exact opposite. He turned out to be the very evil that he was pretending to help me through. Rosalie blamed my dad, of course. He promised he would never let anyone hurt me again, but he wasn't able to protect me. And because of that situation, I created Alice and Tanya. The psychiatrist that diagnosed me with DID just wanted to drug me into a stupor. I would have such bad panic attacks, and I was terrified of all doctors moving forward. Then one day my dad had enough, and swore he'd never make me go to another one again."

"I don't blame him. Do you remember the name of the doctor who hurt you?" I asked, feeling like my blood was literally boiling. I hoped to god that the doctor was locked up so he couldn't hurt anyone else, but selfishly I would have loved if he were free someplace so I could kill him with my bare hands – _slowly_. Doctors are always taught to first do no harm; a man like that was no doctor, and neither was I. I truly felt like I could murder the man if given the chance, but Bella refused.

"It was a long time ago now, and as far as I know, he is still in prison for it," she told me softly, clearly trying to calm me down. Her softness was soothing and made me realize that she was the one comforting me instead of the other way around. I needed to get ahold of myself for her sake.

"Edward, I'm not telling you any of this so that you can get angry and run off to try avenge me. I don't need a hero; I just need you to love me."

I took a calming breath and nodded. Somehow I even smiled at her. "You don't need a hero because you already have one. You are your own hero, Bella. The fact that you can even sit here and tell me any of this is the most incredible thing I have ever witnessed. I'm in utter and complete awe of you. Truly, I am."

"It's taken me a long time to get here. But even though I don't need you to save me from anything, your love is the catalyst that pushed me to want to get better. I wanted to be with you so bad that I was willing to attempt to trust doctors again. And the fact that you're not running for the hills proves how amazing you are."

"Why would I run from this?"

She shrugged. "Why wouldn't you? It's a lot of really fucked up shit. You don't have to deal with any of it, but you just keep coming back, and you're still waiting. That means so much to me. I honestly never thought anyone could really love me."

"Bella," I told her as I gently stroked her face. "I don't know how anyone could not love you. What happened to you was… beyond words. I wish I could remove all the memories and pain from you; I'd take it all on myself if I could. I want so badly to go out and find every last person who has ever hurt you and make them suffer a fate worse than death… But I know the best thing we can do now is try to move forward."

"That's all I want," she said sincerely. "They stole my childhood, but I'm done with letting them destroy my adult life too. I want to live. Like _really_ live. I don't want to be afraid to have a family or to be worried it's all going to be taken from me. I've always had a hard time trusting people, but I trust you… but I'm also scared."

"It's okay to be scared. After everything you've been through…"

"But that's just it," she cut me off. "I'm not scared of being with you, I'm just scared of you being afraid to be with me."

"I don't understand what you mean," I said honestly. "Why would I be afraid to be with you?"

"Because of everything that was done to me. Because of how my body was used by other men."

"Oh baby, that would never make me love you any less."

"I didn't say I was worried about you loving me less. I said I was worried that you would be afraid… Afraid to touch me," she explained, getting emotional again. "I don't want you to hesitate, or ever worry that something you're doing to me intimately might have a negative affect on me. I just need you to know that there is nothing you can do to me that would scare me or give me any kind of traumatic flashback to my abuse. I know of a patient in this facility that is terrified to be touched at all sexually because of what she endured, and I don't want you to think that's how I am."

"You don't have any issues with sex after remembering all of this?" I asked carefully, trying to get a better understanding of what she was trying to say.

"No. At least not with you. I really don't remember any of the details. I don't remember how any if it felt or anything I saw or was done to me. Nothing specific whatsoever. And I'm so grateful for that, because I don't want to be afraid to have sex. I want to make love to you in every way… I even want you to fuck me in a bathroom stall again at some point," she said surprisingly light, given the heaviness of the topic.

"That was pretty amazing," I agreed, matching her tone.

"It was incredible," she reiterated. "Especially after going so long without it. But that's the thing, it was incredible because I trust you so much and I can let my guard down with you and know I'm safe. Alice… something I learned recently about Alice is that she actually hated casual sex."

I laughed once humorously. "What?"

"People deal with pain in all different ways. Alice was the one who remembered the doctor molesting us. That was the reason she was created. She endured it. It only happened once, but that was enough to screw her up. Sex with strangers was like a self-punishment to her. She acted wild and crazy because it numbed it. The more she did it, the more she was able to convince herself that it didn't matter. That our body was unimportant and what happened was no big deal. It was how she coped… until she met you. Falling in love with you changed her entire outlook. She actually enjoyed sex for the first time, and she was eager to try anything and everything with you. She didn't always handle her emotions very well, but at the core of all her little tantrums and seemingly insatiable need for intimacy, was just her fear of losing you."

"I had no idea about that," I said stunned and full of regret for every twinge of irritation I ever had towards Alice's behavior. "I wish I had known when she was here."

"She _is_ here," Bella assured me. "They all are. I don't hear or see them, but I _feel_ them, and we are going through this life as a cohesive unit for now on. It's the closest thing to a cure that I'm ever going to get, and honestly, I wouldn't want it any other way. I don't want them to disappear entirely anymore. I just want a chance to live, and that's what we are going to do… _together_."

"There's nothing more I could hope for you… for us," I told her.

"Things aren't going to be easy," she warned me. "Just because me and my alters are working together now, that doesn't mean I won't have issues."

"I know, and I will be there to help you through it all in any way I can."

"I know you will be, but what's even more important to me is that I finally have enough faith in myself that I can do the same for you in return. Everyone has lows. Life is hard, and all I want is for you to feel like you can come to me with your problems too. I want balance. I know it will still take time, but someday… we will get there."

"We will," I agreed wholeheartedly.

She looked like the weight of the world just came off her shoulders, and she was clearly exhausted because of it. She let her head fall into my chest, and I could do nothing but hold her. It didn't matter where we were or what we were doing – she was in my arms, and we were right where we both belonged.

We must have sat together on that swing for hours. We were both silent for a long time, just enjoying each other's presence and letting everything sink in. I was angry and disgusted and devastated by it all, but mostly I was just grateful. Grateful for the police who finally got her away from her monster of a mother. Grateful for Charlie for doing everything he could to make his daughter better. And thankful to DID itself for keeping Bella safe. Bella's alters had saved her so many times, but at the end of it all, each and every one of them were just pieces of her. Bella was her own savior, and I was so incredibly grateful that she was.

We still had a long road ahead of us. Many more trials and tribulations. We would have our ups and downs, and we would share many more tears – both in happiness and despair. Most of all, we would live our lives together, because together we could get through anything….


	32. Imperfectly Perfect

**Chapter 32 – Imperfectly Perfect**

"Edward, this doesn't feel right anymore," Bella said unexpectedly as I was walking her to her apartment for the night.

Her words made me stop dead in my tracks. "What do you mean?"

"This. Me staying here and you going back to your apartment. We've both been so busy lately, we just don't have enough time together. I'm tired of saying goodbye to you so much. At least if we lived together again, we could have our nights back."

"But you said…"

"I know what I said."

…

***Six months prior***

…

"I just signed a one-year lease at a studio apartment close to the bookstore," Bella announced the moment I walked up to her at the mental wellness facility to pick her up for a date. Her hastened declaration showed just how anxious she was about her next big move, and only made me uneasy.

"Wow. That's… awesome," I said, unsure how I felt about it exactly. She was moving out of the hospital, which of course, was an awesome thing; but on the other hand, a year lease of a small studio meant we were at least that far from living together again. I certainly didn't want to rush into anything, but a year just seemed so far away, especially when we had already been apart for so long.

"I know what you're thinking," she said quickly. "But this will force us to take our time. I need to know I can take care of myself, and I want to find a way to develop that balance between us. I need to know I have something to offer you; that it won't be just you always taking care of me. I don't want to live like that again."

I sighed. "If this is important to you, then it's important to me too."

"It will all be good. You'll see," she said, seemingly trying to convince herself even more than me.

The following week, Charlie and I helped Bella move into her new studio apartment. It was fucking horrible. Every piece of furniture I helped carry inside, every dish and knickknack I unpacked, was just one more reminder that Bella wasn't coming home with me.

"Don't be upset," she cooed, burying herself into my chest while I sulked. "This year will be over quickly, and then we can reevaluate our situation."

"Yeah, it will be great," I said with as much enthusiasm as I could muster.

Leaving her all alone in that tiny apartment for the first time was torture. I worried about her all night and must have texted her a dozen times. It wasn't until Bella actually called me on the phone and demanded that I give her a little space that I finally stopped. That was the moment that I truly understood why she was so set on living on her own. Not only was it important for her to gain some independence, but I needed to learn to trust her again. To trust she was going to be okay. Treating her like a child was never going to work and would only end up driving a wedge between us.

It took a little while, but we did manage to settle into a new steady flow of life. After work, on days Bella didn't have therapy, we would usually go out together. Sometimes it was with Kate and Garrett or some other friends, but mostly it was just the two of us. We would go to dinner, or a movie, or just to a local bar to shoot pool and listen to music. It didn't really matter what we did or where we went, I was always just happy to be with her.

On the weekends we usually embarked on an adventure of some sort. It was just like it used to be, except everything was different. Before, Bella was always on edge and worried about her alters pushing through and creating chaos; whereas now, she was becoming more and more confident with each passing day. Every once in a while, however, she would do or say something that reminded me so much of one of her alters that I knew they must have been working through her. Whether it be a sporadic desire for sex, or an adrenaline rush. An unplanned stop to play with random dogs, or a desperate need to go shopping. And when the usually level-headed Bella would erupt into bouts of fierce anger, it only made me smile. They were all there, and they were all living harmoniously together.

We saw each other just about every day, but most of our nights were spent apart. She had her apartment, and I had mine. When we wanted to be intimate, we would usually go to her place, but I would rarely sleep there. Despite me having the bigger apartment, she would never come to mine; not even for a quick visit.

"Why won't you come in?" I asked one day when she had driven us somewhere and was dropping me off.

"Because the last time I was there, I promised I wouldn't be back until I could stay. I'm not going to break that promise."

I could say nothing to change her mind, so I just nodded and then kissed her goodbye.

As much as I understood her need for independence, I didn't have to like it. I didn't have to like being away from her at all; I just had to accept it and be grateful for the time we did have together.

But then everything abruptly shifted once again...

"Hey, this is an unexpected surprise," Bella said as I approached her at the bookstore one morning. "What's wrong?" she added when she could clearly see the grief on my face.

"My mom just called me. My dad got into an accident on his way to work this morning. It was instantaneous. There was nothing to be done. He's gone."

Her face fell into shock, but then immediately morphed into sympathy. She went right into support mode and wrapped me in her arms, which was exactly where I needed to be in that moment.

Bella had been so worried that our relationship wouldn't be balanced, but in the weeks that followed my father's untimely death, she proved time and time again that she could be my rock, just as I had been hers. The fact that I had such a strenuous relationship with my father for the last couple of years of his life hit me hard, and Bella just loved me through it all. I was really and truly grateful for her.

And then, like an idiot, I decided to add even more stress to our lives…

"I'm thinking about going back to medical school," I told her one afternoon.

It was probably the last thing she was expecting, but she didn't even bat an eye.

"That's quite a commitment. Are you sure it's something you want to do?" she questioned.

"I don't know," I said with a huff. "I know I'm tired of doing office shit."

"But you hated medical school too," she pointed out.

"I think I just hated the pressure. But now that my dad is gone… I don't know, I feel like I would be doing it more to honor him, in a way."

"I think that's a beautiful gesture, but if you're going to go back to school, you should do it for yourself."

"I think I would be. I know this seems so rash and out of the blue, but I've been really thinking about it a lot lately. You spent so long hating doctors, and with good reason. So many of them abuse their power and are only in it for the money and the prestige. You know, I think that's why my dad and I butted heads so much. If I had stayed true to my original course, that's exactly the kind of doctor I would have become. The narcissistic kind of jackass that throws his weight around every chance he gets."

"You would have _never_ hurt anyone," Bella argued.

"Not hurt anyone, no, but not really cared either. Those were the types of jerks I befriended in college as well. This fucking world doesn't need anymore doctors like that, and my dad tried so hard to push me to be better. He gave me all the help I could need, and yes, even bought my way sometimes. But now I realize that it was all because he truly had hope I could be better… even when I didn't."

"You would really make an exceptional doctor," she agreed. "I think if you were a doctor when I needed one, I wouldn't have thought twice about going to see you."

I laughed, but quickly became serious. "I didn't have a hope of being a good doctor before you, because I wasn't a good man. You taught me about love and compassion, and the value of the human spirit. You gave me the strength to want to be better, and I just want to thank you for that."

She shook her head in disagreement, and then wove her arms through mine. "You have always been a good man; you just might have lost yourself along the way somewhere. Dating a crazy person would force anyone to either abandon ship or tighten their hold on the wheel. I'm just grateful you're the type to hold on."

"I'll always hold on to you, baby," I said before leaning down to kiss her lips.

…

Because things weren't hectic already, adding medical school to everything else was definitely a strain on our lives, but Bella never faltered.

Thanks to the rather large inheritance from my father that my mother gifted me early, I was able to quit my current job and focus on school. Stubbornly, I wanted to refuse the money and do it all on my own, but I knew it was what my father would have wanted, and thanks to that little boost of help, I was even more certain that I could make everything work.

Between Bella's bookstore and her therapy sessions, and my new full schedule of schooling, our relationship was tested, but it only strengthened with every hardship. Bella's support was unyielding, but through our shared stress, she also gained confidence in us and herself. It was exactly what she needed to feel secure in her own self that she could contribute emotionally to our relationship, just as much as I did. We were equals, in every way possible.

But along with the added stresses came entire days when we didn't see each other, and we were both beginning to feel like that wasn't acceptable…

…

***Present***

…

"So, what you're saying is, us living apart is a total and utter waste of time and a step in the wrong direction," I clarified teasingly.

"I thought I needed to experience living on my own, but I just realized how dumb this is. So, I go to bed alone every night, and wake up alone, and eat breakfast alone, and get ready for my day alone, and then do it all again the next day. Day after day. How is any of that important? It's just… lonely. And, you're right, after everything that happened recently, it just doesn't feel right to waste any more time being apart. Life could end in an instant. I don't want to risk missing this opportunity to be together."

"Your lease isn't up for six more months," I pointed out, having a hard time keeping the grin off my face.

"I know, but I can probably get out of it, or I can sublease to someone. Do you know any med-students or interns that are in need of some cheap housing?"

"I can certainly ask around… if you're sure that's what you want to do."

"I'm sure… but only if it's something you want to do too," she said, clearly suddenly worried that I wasn't on the same page.

"Babe," I said softly as I pulled her into my arms. "I never wanted to live away from you in the first place. If you're ready to come home, then please, come home."

She smiled widely, and then she celebrated by jumping up, so I had to hold her, and planting her lips to mine.

"But here's the catch," she said as I put her back down on her feet.

I groaned. "Why does there always have to be a catch?"

"Because that's life," she replied playfully. "So, I will move back in with you at your apartment, but only temporarily. We aren't going to be living there long."

"We're not?" I asked surprised. "Will we be moving into a new apartment?"

"I was thinking more like a house..."

I raised my brows. "A house, huh? Like the detached kind with a lawn and a mortgage?"

"Exactly. The kind a kid can grow up in… with a puppy. I mean, obviously those two things will come later, but it wouldn't hurt to be super prepared first."

"But a house is a big step," I said, feigning seriousness as I considered it. "We haven't even discussed any timeline goals for our future yet."

"Our only goal for the future is to be happy," she argued lightly. "And now to buy a house so we can be open to a lot more possibilities, whatever they may be."

"Yeah, but who would do the mowing? I grew up in an over-privileged family. I don't even know how to turn on one of those things."

"Lucky for you, I do. Mowing is easy, or we could also get a gardener."

"A gardener? Now who is acting all privileged?" I joked.

"I _am_ privileged," she said unashamedly. "I get to fuck you whenever I want. That's pretty damn privileged if you ask me."

"Yes, yes, it is," I agreed. "And just think, once we're living together again, you will be even more privileged… and I won't have to run over here in the middle of the night when you're feeling extra horny anymore."

She laughed. "That happened one time!"

"Uh, are you having lapses in your memory again?"

"Okay, maybe it happened a few more than just once. But it's not like it happened often."

"Hey, I'm not complaining. I'd wake up from a wonderful deep sleep and drive all the way across town every night just to fuck you if you'd let me. Who needs sleep anyway?"

"Or we can just live together again," she reiterated.

"Yeah, that's probably a good idea," I agreed. "But that doesn't necessarily mean we are ready to buy a house."

A look of disappointment came over her, but she tried to hide it. "Why not?"

I shrugged. "I don't know, just seems so permanent. Like, if we buy a house together, it makes everything more real. Like, I'd almost feel _obligated_ to fuck you every night. I'm just not sure if I'm ready for that level of commitment."

"You certainly don't have to fuck me _every_ night," she disagreed. "I could just watch a Miss America contest and get the job done myself."

I stared at her in shock. "Did you just _Rosalie_ me? You did, didn't you? Except for the whole threat part. That was a little Alice-y. How dare you throw your alters at me like that."

"You know, Edward, I ask for so little," she giggled, before finally unlocking her apartment door so we could go inside.

"Even if I was willing to move back into your apartment long-term, I don't think it would work," she continued the conversation. "Just look at all the shit I've accumulated in a very short amount of time. None of this would fit in there with all of your stuff. We _have_ to buy a house. We have no choice in the matter," she said as she moved swiftly through the room, gathering things and putting them in a duffel bag.

"Okay, maybe I see your point about the house, but I just think we're moving out of order here. We should at least get engaged first."

"Engaged before buying a house? That's not necessary. It's not like we aren't sure we will get around to it eventually."

"But if we are taking that step, why not get engaged first?" I questioned.

"Fine, let's get engaged," she said with a laugh, clearly thinking I was only being facetious. "Do you need me to pitch in to buy the ring? I mean, you are currently unemployed."

"Nah, my dad left me more than enough to pay for medical school, and support me while I go, and buy a house, and anything else I could need in the immediate future."

"Why did he leave you so much anyway? Shouldn't that money go to your mom?" she questioned confused.

"My mom still has a shit ton of money. She came from a rich family herself and has her own inheritance from her parents; plus a ton from my dad."

"Oh, lucky her," she said absently.

"Yeah, she is so lucky her parents and her husband died," I deadpanned.

"No!" Her face reddened. "Oh, god, that's not what I meant. I'm so sorry."

I laughed. "Babe, it's fine. I know what you mean. We _are_ lucky to be privileged in that way. I always saw our wealth as an annoyance or even a curse at times, but it really is a blessing. If I had to work while going to school, I would never see you and it would take twice as long. I'm truly grateful for the help now; I know most others don't get this same opportunity."

"That's for sure."

"But, things like rings for engagements shouldn't be bought with my dad's money. I mean, a house is one thing, and I'm sure my dad would agree, but a ring..."

"No, I would never expect you to buy a ring right now. I was only joking before. Like I said, we don't need to get engaged right away."

"But it would be nice before we buy a house... I guess it's a good thing I bought the ring months ago with the money I was making at my job."

"No you didn't," she said in disbelief.

"I did. I actually have it in my pocket," I said casually.

She laughed again. "Sure you do."

"I do. I carry it wherever I go; just waiting for the right moment to pop the question."

"You're such a liar," she giggled in disbelief.

"Nope, not about this," I maintained.

"Show it to me then," she challenged me.

"Oh, you don't believe me?"

She smiled. "Not at all."

"Well, I can't just let you go on thinking I'm a liar, now can I?" I said while digging in my pocket. The little velvet pouch I had it in was slimmer and easier to keep than a box, but it still wasn't hard to find. So I got it out and slid the ring on my pinky to show her. "See?"

She gasped at the sight of the very real diamond sparkler, but then I quickly pulled it away.

"What? No, what are you doing with it? I didn't even get a good look," she squealed as she watched it get shoved back into my pocket.

"Oh, you didn't think this was my actual proposal, did you? No way. I just told you; I'm waiting until the right moment, and this certainly isn't it. Now get your shit and let's go to my place."

She pouted theatrically, but at the same time, she couldn't keep the grin off her face.

Over the next few weeks, we got back into the swing of living together fulltime. She still had a lot of her things at her apartment, but she slept at my place every night, and just like that, it finally felt like a real home again. We tentatively began looking for a house in the area, while we returned to living life together as we were always meant to be.

And life, was busy.

In between the hectic hours and daily stresses, Bella and I found ways to grow even more together than ever before. I felt like I knew her completely, but there was definitely an element of fun seeing just how seamlessly her alters had merged together as one. From her occasional grumpy moods, to her playfulness and zest for life. Bella was all of them, and everything in between, and I honestly fell deeper and deeper in love with her every day.

But I did also enjoy messing with her…

Since I had given her a brief glimpse of the ring, every time we went to a nice dinner, or any other outing deemed romantic, she was eagerly waiting for me to make the ultimate request. I even psyched her out a few times by telling her how much I loved her, and then getting down on one knee, only to tie my shoe. It was fucking hysterical.

After so many times of being humorously disappointed, Bella eventually stopped expecting it, which was exactly what I wanted.

With a perfect sunset over the ocean, and a subsequent bright moon illuminating a darkened sky full of bright stars, I finally felt like it was the right moment. Not only had all of her alters shown up through her behavior at various times that evening, but I felt like it was the perfect setting. Bella, as well as all of her pieces, loved that beach. It was their place that had become _our_ place. The crashing waves with the clear crisp night air; what better way could there have been to finally make it official?

"Isabella Marie Swan, would you do me the extraordinary honor of becoming my wife?" I asked as I fell to one knee.

Perhaps all my joking false alarms had numbed her a little too much. She just stared at me for a moment, looking mildly miffed. When I held my ground, she started to look confused, and that's when I remembered what an actual idiot I was.

"Oh shit," I mumbled before pulling out the ring. No wonder she thought I was joking again. _Ugh!_

With the ring in hand, I repeated the words.

"Is this real this time?" she questioned, still unsure.

"Yes!" I said enthusiastically. "I love you, and I'm sorry for turning it into a joke. I want nothing more in this world than to be your husband."

Tears filled her eyes as she collapsed into my arms affectionately… thus making me drop the ring into the sand.

"Oh my gosh!" she cried.

It took a little anxious digging, but we were able to recover the ring, and she marveled over its perfection. And it was a perfect ring. A two-carat circle diamond in the middle, with two other smaller diamonds on each side. The five stones total represented Bella, of course, and her alters. I wanted them all represented, and thankfully, the meaning wasn't lost on her.

"Oh Edward… It's so much more than I ever would have hoped for," she said with tears running down her face.

The proposal definitely didn't go smoothly, or as planned, but the imperfection of it actually couldn't have been more perfect. Our relationship had never gone smoothly; everything about us was a rollercoaster from the very beginning, but I wouldn't have had it any other way. Our love was imperfectly perfect, and I couldn't wait to see what the future would bring…


	33. Epi

**Epilogue**

***Ten Years Later***

…

"I'm so sorry I'm late," a regretful Irina said the moment I opened the door.

"Not a problem, come on in," I assured her. "Bree is so excited to be spending the evening with you."

"I'm fairly sure I'm far more excited than she is. I would have been here fifteen minutes ago if there wasn't so much traffic on the highway."

"Irina, you drove straight here from Seattle. I didn't expect you to be here right on the dot. We just really appreciate you taking time away from your busy college life to come watch Bree for the night."

"Are you kidding? I miss her so much. I told my boyfriend, Lawrence, that I fully plan to move back to Forks after graduation, just so I can see my little buddy more. If we're still together by then, he better be prepared to move with me. I don't do long distance relationships."

"Well, I'm sure your parents would be thrilled to have you back, but a lot can happen between now and then. You may decide to stay in Seattle," I told her.

"Don't bet on it. I hate the city," she disagreed.

"Well, cool then. I know Bree would love having you close again," I said just as I heard the pounding of feet racing down the stairs.

"Irina!" Bree yelled excitedly as she barreled towards us, followed closely by her dog, Leah. "I've missed you so much!"

My beautiful wife also followed our five-year-old down, but at a much slower pace.

"Irina," Bella said fondly when she finally reached her. "Leah, down!" she snapped, forced to pull the dog back from jumping on Irina before she had a chance to greet her properly. "We've all missed you so much. Thank you for coming all the way out here on such a short notice."

"I wouldn't miss it," Irina assured her.

"Are you ready?" I asked Bella.

She groaned. "I don't think there is such a thing as being fully ready for this."

"Hey, at least we get to schedule it out instead of having to wait for you to go into labor naturally," I said, choosing to focus on the positive.

"I suppose that is a good thing," she conceded.

"Good luck," Irina wished us. "And call me the moment he's here."

"Will do," I promised as we hugged Bree goodbye.

Bella was quiet on our drive to the hospital. Despite me working at that very same location, Bella still had issues with it. She didn't mind visiting me there; in fact, she got along with the entire staff of doctors quite well, but being a patient was another story.

"Everything will be great," I tried assuring her.

"Great for you. You don't have to push an extremely large body out of your vagina," she grumbled.

"I don't have a vagina, but if I did, I would probably still make you do the birthing. I'm not big on pain," I said like a smartass.

She glared at me but laughed despite herself.

"Doctor Cullen, we were wondering when you would get here," Maggie, the lobby receptionist, greeted us once we got inside. "Good evening, Mrs. Cullen. How are you feeling?"

"Wonderful," Bella said sarcastically.

Maggie smiled warmly. "I'll just send in the anesthesiologist right away. You're going to need it with this induction. I hear that is one big baby you're cooking in there."

"For sure," Bella agreed. "I'm not even attempting this one naturally after what happened with Bree. She wasn't even close to being this big."

Bree's birth was traumatic. She was over a week late and ended up getting stuck in the birth canal. Neither of us were really shocked by the complications; our life was never smooth. Bree's very existence was a surprise to us. Bella had been on birth control when we conceived her, but we couldn't have been more excited. However, her rocky birth had scared Bella into not wanting any more kids. We were both more than happy doting on our one and only child… until our next surprise pregnancy. And, of course, we couldn't have been happier to be expecting our second baby.

The pregnancy itself had gone without any issues, however we were currently at the hospital starting the induction process because, once again, the baby was late. Measuring at over nine pounds, Bella's OB thought it was best to get him out as soon as possible. Bella was understandably nervous about the birth…

"I think I'm going to let Rose take this one," she said, jokingly serious.

"You can't," I replied unconcerned. "She would kick the doctor in the face, and I have to work with that man."

Bella laughed. "She would too. In fact, I can feel her wanting to even before he gets in here. She kind of wants to punch you too."

"Me?" I feigned offense.

"Yeah. Your mom said you were a big baby at birth. This is _your_ fault."

"Speaking of mom," I mumbled with slight irritation as my mother breezed into the room.

"Time to get that little guy out!" she cheered before coming over to kiss Bella, and then me.

Since my father's death, and all the support Bella had given both my mother and me, Bella and she had gotten along far better than I would have ever expected. It was important to Bella to have a relationship with her, despite the shit she put us through early on.

"_I want our kids to have extended family and grandparents," Bella had told me. "She may not be the best mother in the world, but compared to mine, she is a saint."_

"_Compared to your mother, Charles Manson is a saint," I retorted._

Bella's ability to forgive my mother, and support her the way that she had, was just one more example of her immeasurable strength and capacity to love.

It was Bella's request to have my mother in the delivery room that night, just as she had been when Bree was born.

"I'm going to get you some ice chips," my mom announced as Bella grimaced through a contraction.

"Oh, that one was really bad," Bella whimpered when the pain began to temporarily recede.

"Babe, just think; if this delivery goes bad, you will have more subject matter to write about, just like you did with Bree," I told her straight-faced.

Over the past several years, my career wasn't the only thing that had drastically changed. Unfortunately, Bella's bookstore couldn't survive the growing virtual culture, and she was forced to close the doors permanently. On the bright side, the book she co-wrote with Dr. Peters about DID, was a flying success. The popularity of it landed them a guest spot on the Doctor Oz show, as well a three-part documentary on Discovery. All of which lead to several other book deals. Bella was a bona fide writer, and she used her platform to become a mental health activist. She truly handled it all with so much grace and dignity, that I could do nothing but continue to be in awe of her every single day.

Her physical strength while enduring labor shimmered just as brightly as her emotional strength. After just a brief glare of irritation towards my not so funny attempts to crack jokes, she was back to holding my hand and laughing despite herself.

Kate and Garrett arrived at the hospital sometime later. They had swung by our place and checked on Irina and Bree, but they were far more worried about them than we were. Irina had proven herself to be a responsible fine young lady; we trusted her completely with our daughter.

With the room full of our loved ones, our baby boy, Anthony Carlisle Cullen, was born.

"Time to start writing a new lullaby?" Bella murmured as I held our son for the first time.

"I already have it playing in my mind," I assured her, instantly in love with that new little soul.

I had surprised Bella on our wedding day by playing the ballad I had written for her. I was fairly certain she fell in love with me even more than she already was because of it. When I held our daughter for the first time, she also inspired me to write her a soft and sweet little lullaby, and now with my son's arrival, I could hear his own song playing in my mind just as clearly.

I had actually composed several other songs between then and now, and even sold a few to some of the music industries heavyweights. It was a thrill the first time I heard one of my melodies on the radio, but the truth was, none of them topped my songs for my girls. My passion was my family, and I wanted to keep their songs just for them. My music was just a creative outlet and my own personal form of therapy. My career of choice had become a career of passion.

Discovering a newfound love for medicine was almost surreal given how much I loathed it before, but Bella had given me a new outlook on everything, and at the end of the day, I just wanted to help people. Knowing how scared and hurt she had been by a doctor, made me want to make sure that no one else ever experienced that again – at least not under my watch. To make a difference in people's lives and create a safe and compassionate atmosphere for everyone needing a doctor, had become my top professional priority. My father's hospital, and his legacy, were in good hands.

Bella often attributed her mental recovery to my presence in her life, but what she never fully comprehended was just how much she had saved me in return. Everything good inside of me – _everything that I was proud of_ – was because of her. She made me want to be a better man, and I would be forever grateful for her… for _all_ of her. All her broken pieces that molded together into one beautiful masterpiece.

Bree's innocence, Tanya's sense of wonder, Alice's zest for life, and Rosalie's fierceness, all combined to make the strongest, most amazing human I had ever known. Loving them had been my life's greatest adventure and blessing. Bella made my world so much more colorful than I ever imagined possible, and regardless of all the ups and downs along the way, I wouldn't have changed a single moment of it.

We will never be a perfect couple, but we will always love each other perfectly…

…

**THE END**


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